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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
Okay, so ... here's a question for you all: Is there a psychotherapeutic reason why a T won't say a client's name?
Cuz my T won't. I have asked him about this, and he changed the subject.
I think he must think of me as "that person" or "whoever you are."
On some days, I wonder if he does not want to particularize me, because it would be too gratifying to my narcissism.
On other days, I wonder if he feels like I am so self-effacing, "I" am not really in the room yet, and he is waiting for a breakthrough of some kind -- which he'll signal by actually calling me by name.
On the worst days, I think it is because he is likely to call me someone else.
Yours,
BSD (who really does have name, just doesn't like to use it on the internet)
Posted by antigua3 on July 24, 2008, at 17:13:52
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
My pdoc only addresses me as Mrs. XXX. This is usually on the phone as he doesn't have occasion to speak my name in session.
I hate it that he refuses to budge on this. I think it's wrong to be so formal when I've spilled my guts to him.
antigua
Posted by Phillipa on July 24, 2008, at 17:31:58
In reply to Re: T won't say my name, posted by antigua3 on July 24, 2008, at 17:13:52
You know not seeing a T at the moment and never thought of it before but she never called me any name?? Phillipa
Posted by Poet on July 24, 2008, at 18:57:44
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
Hi BSD,
If my T calls me she always says "hi Poet." In therapy sessions she only uses my name when she wants to get my attention. It works, I hear my name and she's got me listening.
Poet
Posted by raisinb on July 24, 2008, at 18:58:42
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
That would drive me nuts, if my therapist never said it and I noticed.
She doesn't say it all the time, but she says it when she wants to really emphasize something. Like, "Raisin, you can be sad, angry, whatever! You do not have to control your emotions" (when I was doing absolutely everything possible not to cry).
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 20:04:05
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
Wow. I'm the one who won't say his name. Maybe I'm a bit better now, but he used to say that if I ever said his name, he knew to really listen.
I'm not sure I'd notice. My husband never says my name. I think maybe no one I know uses names that often. No, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't notice.
I do notice when he does use my name. He uses it routinely when he calls me back, so I don't notice it then. But in session if he uses it, I often feel like he's really extending himself to reach me.
Maybe some therapists are afraid to use names for fear they'll use the wrong one? Which admittedly would be very very bad. Then they cover it up by giving it a lot of psychological significance.
Posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 20:27:43
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
Hmm...I don't know, but all my T's have called me by my chosen name. And they have asked what I like to be called.
Do you think your T uses it as a barrier? Like afraid of getting too close if you become "you"?
Dunno....
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 24, 2008, at 20:38:42
In reply to T won't say my name, posted by backseatdriver on July 24, 2008, at 16:09:19
I'm not sure, but it's a little odd that he changes the subject when you ask him about it.
My therapist doesn't say my name a lot, but she does when I feel like she's trying to get my attention, or for emphasis, or to make sure I'm paying attention (if I'm dissociating or something; hearing my name can be very grounding). But in session, I've never said her name!
On the phone of course, I'll say, "Hi X, this is X" and she says the same when she calls me, but I guess phone calls would be different.
Or maybe it's just your therapists style.... I have a friend who *always says the persons name she is talking to (over and over); it actually gets to be too much. I, on the other hand, don't say people's names at all when I'm speaking to them.
lgl
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 24, 2008, at 21:58:37
In reply to Re: T won't say my name » backseatdriver, posted by LittleGirlLost on July 24, 2008, at 20:38:42
My previous T's both always greeted me in the waiting room, "Hi, EE."
I'm pretty sure there is research out there of the benefits of using a child's name when you speak to him/her. It builds self-esteem. Not sure if it also applies to adults, but I don't know why it wouldn't. SO, basically there is a therapeutic reason TO use a person's name.
I'd bring it up w/ your T again.
Best,
EE
Posted by obsidian on July 24, 2008, at 22:11:28
In reply to Re: T won't say my name » backseatdriver, posted by Poet on July 24, 2008, at 18:57:44
mine does that too...
"obsidian...what are you doing?"
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 25, 2008, at 7:28:10
In reply to Re: T won't say my name » Poet, posted by obsidian on July 24, 2008, at 22:11:28
My t and I use each other's first names.....sometimes he calls me "Francesca"--that is my "evil" twin....it is a joke between us.
I think it is DISrespectful to not say a person's name.
It is like you are invisible?!
I would keep asking him (I am very persistent when I want to know something).....until he answered me.
Is he even aware that he is doing that?
I would say: "When you don't/won't say my name, it makes me feel............."
Sassy
That way, he can't pretend he doesn't know how you feel.
Psych. the psych., LOL!
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