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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I never do. Not even when I am talking about the weather. I hate it, but I find myself getting so nervous if I look at T.
Anyone else?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 24, 2008, at 13:50:45
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I look him right in the eyes!
Posted by llurpsienoodle on July 24, 2008, at 14:03:24
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking?, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 24, 2008, at 13:50:45
It depends on the topic. When I'm ashamed, I look away. When I really need to concentrate on something I look him in the eyes.
-Ll
Posted by caraher on July 24, 2008, at 14:37:17
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking?, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 24, 2008, at 14:03:24
That was actually a big part of therapy - working on eye contact. Though the first T who brought it up did so in a very snarky way ("what's so interesting about your shoes - you're always looking at them"). Which is part of why I stopped seeing him.
Posted by Sigismund on July 24, 2008, at 15:25:25
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking?, posted by caraher on July 24, 2008, at 14:37:17
>("what's so interesting about your shoes - you're always looking at them"
I would have been out of there real quick too.
Posted by Phillipa on July 24, 2008, at 17:27:24
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking? » caraher, posted by Sigismund on July 24, 2008, at 15:25:25
I feel eye contact is important so you can read what another is saying not just a T. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on July 24, 2008, at 19:01:05
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
Hi Looney Tunes,
I used to stare at my shoes through most of the session, now I look at her most of the time. Though sometimes I don't look directly at her I look to the side because I don't want to see her face.
Poet
Posted by raisinb on July 24, 2008, at 19:02:07
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I never looked at her once for years. I still can't do it very often. I feel too exposed if I look at her in the eyes. Or, it is both fear of seeing her and fear of her seeing me. Classic fear of intimacy I guess :)
Posted by lucie lu on July 24, 2008, at 19:03:12
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I often need to look away when I am looking within myself, otherwise I get distracted. Seems I can't think and look at him at the same tme.
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 20:11:34
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I used to look at his shoes, at his office, etc. I could tell you every crease on every shoe. Every pill on his rug. Every detail on every bit of decoration. He said I used to look in the corners of the room as if I were looking at fairies only I could see. :)
Then I felt closer to him and kept my eyes closed. Because with my eyes closed I could see him better, and get to know his every reaction.
Now I know him so well, and feel so comfortable with him, that I look at him nearly all the time. I can see him just as well with my eyes open as with my eyes closed. I can also manage to send communications with my eyes, more than receive them I think.
That's funny. I hadn't realized that before but it's true. Eye contact isn't really all that important to me. But it appears to be important to him, and it helps to communicate with him if I actually look at him.
For the first time ever last session, instead of closing my eyes to tell him something, I asked him to close his eyes. Which actually makes more sense, if I think about it.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 24, 2008, at 20:43:44
In reply to Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 24, 2008, at 13:41:10
I try to have at least brief moments of eye contact, but nothing steady. It just seems too intimate! Yet at the same time, sometimes I feel like I need to look at her so that I can remember I was there. But alas, there are times when I know that I was looking at her, but by the time I get to my car, I can't even remember what she was wearing - not even the color! :( So then I try to look at her more next time; though it also depends on what I'm talking about.
lgl
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 21:00:02
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking?, posted by LittleGirlLost on July 24, 2008, at 20:43:44
I can't remember a single thing about my therapist's appearance, even though I keep my eyes open, look at him, and make eye contact. I remember gestures and every fleeting expression. But somehow I remembered those when my eyes were closed too.
It would be interesting to see if you can remember her appearance more with your eyes open.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 24, 2008, at 21:54:18
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking? » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 21:00:02
> I can't remember a single thing about my therapist's appearance, even though I keep my eyes open, look at him, and make eye contact. I remember gestures and every fleeting expression. But somehow I remembered those when my eyes were closed too.
>>>> Whew! Glad to hear it's not just me! Sometimes I practically beat myself up wondering how I cannot remember what she looks like when I know I was looking right at her! It's upsetting though because when I leave, sometimes I really want to hold onto that vision.
I lucked out this time though! She is on vacation this week and somehow I have managed to remember exactly what she looked like (and what she was wearing) at our last session! She looked really good and was wearing a very flattering color. Actually looked very relaxed and happy (like you would after a vacation, lol).
> It would be interesting to see if you can remember her appearance more with your eyes open.
>>>>But that's just it, I do leave my eyes open. :)
lgl
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 24, 2008, at 22:07:17
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking? » LittleGirlLost, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2008, at 21:00:02
When I am talking about something intense, I close my eyes. Some sessions they are closed the whole time!!
Best,
EE
Posted by no_rose_garden on July 24, 2008, at 22:23:05
In reply to Re: Do you look at T when talking?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 24, 2008, at 22:07:17
I stare at his shoes usually...Maybe if I look at him it will be too emotional...I didn't think about not looking at him as being a fear of intimacy...but it makes sense now....
I don't think I could close my eyes in session!!!
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