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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
My T has acted jealous when I talk about other men in a romantic/sexual way. He has admitted that he is attracted to me in the past, but said we couldn't act on it.
Now I'm very sensitive to his reactions when I talk about other men. Honestly, I sometimes find satisfaction watching him with a hurt look on his face. I guess it makes me feel like he has deep feelings for me.
He has told me that he cares about me, but "just can't get involved because it would be so damaging." Do any of you think it's somewhat normal for T's to have jealous/posessive feelings at times? I know they're not suppose to show these feelings, but they're human too.
I'm a little confused about this...is this common?
Posted by Looney Tunes on July 22, 2008, at 0:29:52
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
Well, personally I find it a problem that your T has admitted that he is attracted to you. T's are human but they are supposed to control their contertransferance reactions to their clients.
Why? because look at what is happening...You are sensitive to telling him things, but you are also enjoying hurting him. You have some power there that is not positive.
If he said he was attracted to you, this is not normal and could head down that slippery slope..
Posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:52:25
In reply to Re: Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by Looney Tunes on July 22, 2008, at 0:29:52
Thanks for replying Looney Tunes.
The reason why I find satisfaction in seeing him get hurt is because I find myself in so much pain from transference or "real feelings" at times.
I do feel "love" for him, but this situation is soooo difficult. I probably would have left him already if it weren't for the fact that he is able to bring up so much from my past.
He has helped me like no other therapist has, but it comes with a lot of frustration. I'm slowly realizing that we will never be able to be together.
I'm just trying to sort out how much of his counter-transference is unusual when there is attraction involved.
Do you think that T's disclosure of attraction/jealousy is a definite sign that it will go down the slippery slope? Maybe I'm naive, but I think my T and I will just stay in this "non-physical" relationship. I'm just trying to sort this out...so confusing.
Thanks.
> Well, personally I find it a problem that your T has admitted that he is attracted to you. T's are human but they are supposed to control their contertransferance reactions to their clients.
>
> Why? because look at what is happening...You are sensitive to telling him things, but you are also enjoying hurting him. You have some power there that is not positive.
>
> If he said he was attracted to you, this is not normal and could head down that slippery slope..
Posted by caraher on July 22, 2008, at 2:22:27
In reply to Re: Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:52:25
"Do you think that T's disclosure of attraction/jealousy is a definite sign that it will go down the slippery slope?"
It may or may not become physical, but ethically he's already skiing full speed down the black diamond slope. Therapy is about you, not his feelings, and if he can't handle his feelings you deserve to find a therapist who can. Sooner, rather than later.
Posted by AbbieNormal on July 22, 2008, at 6:08:08
In reply to Re: Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by caraher on July 22, 2008, at 2:22:27
"if he can't handle his feelings you deserve to find a therapist who can. Sooner, rather than later. "
Ditto. You deserve professional treatment. That is not what you are receiving.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 22, 2008, at 10:19:51
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
Of Course it is common. My t acts so disgusted when I mention the men on the dating site who contact me....once he said "So, that is what is out there!" I was surprised since he had been urging me to find someone.
Unfortunately, I have been in love with him for almost 5 years; if I had met him anywhere else, I would have had the same feelings.
Unfortunately, he has led me on big time; a few of his comments: "If i were not married I would probably go for it."
You are in my heart and in my head. If I gave you the green light, would you go for it? He has given me so many green lights, I should be blind by now.
He has wrestled with me, ending up on the couch, and one time (ready?) was on TOP of me.
The irony is that now (paranoia?) he doesn't want to give me hugs anymore.
Sassy....weird and crazy-making behavior
Posted by backseatdriver on July 22, 2008, at 11:59:18
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
My T is definitely jealous. And I feel inhibited by his jealousy. We'll get to talking about it eventually, I'm sure.
I don't feel like it warrants stopping therapy since I get so much out of therapy in other ways.
If your T's jealousy makes you feel loved, that might be worth discussing. I'd be prepared for him to squirm, though.
Posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2008, at 12:31:17
In reply to Re: Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by backseatdriver on July 22, 2008, at 11:59:18
I agree that you should find another therpist maybe a female as I feel it's not healthy . But that's me. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on July 22, 2008, at 12:34:51
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
My therapist doesn't even seem jealous when I talk about other *therapists*. He might be, but I can't feel it.
It doesn't seem very therapeutic. If I knew that something I said bothered my therapist in any way, I'd be reluctant to talk about that. Or as you say, I might feel provoked into telling him something that I know will get a reaction. Well, actually, I'd feel reluctant until the next session, then I'd tell him that I am perceiving him to have a reaction when I talk about xxx, and I need for him to deal with whatever he's feeling so that I can be totally honest with him.
My therapist is really really good about acknowledging those things and trying to fix them.
So like anything, it's best to be honest? Especially in an area where it's really important for a therapist to stay a therapist, and not slip into other roles.
Posted by Lemonaide on July 22, 2008, at 14:55:08
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
My formal T did. When I mentioned my allergy doc smacking my butt after a concert, he seems jealous. He was also watching who was I was talking about at the gym, who is that? blah
yup, jelous
Get another T, please. I don't want to see you get hurt like I did with my T.
Posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 15:26:53
In reply to Has your T acted jealous about other men?, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 0:13:44
Yeah, sounds like another therapist would be more helpful for you. I'm sorry :( It's hard to leave someone you care so much for.
My therapist is a woman, and there's about a .000001% chance she's attracted to me :) She does get kind of irked when I don't tell her about who I'm dating. She says there's a lot she doesn't know about what's happening in my life.
We usually have a semi-humorous exchange about it. She says, "see! another person I haven't heard about!" I say "yes, I am also a member of an international spy ring," or "oh, did you want to know what I had for breakfast?"
This is the end of the thread.
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