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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
I am losing my T of 2.5 yrs in 4 weeks. I have seen her twice a week, with a lot of contact (text) in between sessions and it has been very intense. I am losing her because a) her family have health problems and b) she is leaving the area. As far as I am concerned this is the end of the world. I have had ample warning (6 months of definite warning and 12 of my own nagging worries). Nothing about it is getting any easier.
Does anyone have any clue as to how to make this process any easier? I don't mean about finding an other T - I mean about managing the monster grief and loss, and how to manage a) the end session and b) the immediate aftermath.
Anything would be greatly appreciated
x
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 7, 2008, at 7:43:50
In reply to How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
Gosh, sweetie...I wish I knew. Can you stay in touch with her via e-mail or phone contact? I know that isn't much, but at least that way she wouldn't disappear from your life totally.
Love n Hugs, Sassy
Posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 7:47:18
In reply to Re: How to survive termination?, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 7, 2008, at 7:43:50
No :(( *weeps*. And i'm used to about 8 texts from her a day :((
Posted by nfc on July 7, 2008, at 9:04:12
In reply to Re: How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 7:47:18
sorry to hear of your situation,
but well, gotta move on to a new T. I've been through 4 I believe and my current one is the best so far. But w/ you I guess the thing to talk about w/ your new T is how to deal w/ losing your old one. I hope I don't offend you by saying that. I meant that in a helpful way. but take care and wish you the best in finding a new T,
nfc
Posted by backseatdriver on July 7, 2008, at 11:07:39
In reply to Re: How to survive termination? » myrtledog, posted by nfc on July 7, 2008, at 9:04:12
You know, it might help you to start seeing another T, or at least interviewing them, sooner rather than later. Can she give you a referral or two?
Grief is awful, I'm right with you there. Taking a step in a new, heathful direction might make you feel like you are at least able to transform the experience into something healing for you, even as it hurts.
Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2008, at 12:23:00
In reply to How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
I wish I knew. My therapist recently considered leaving town for personal reasons. I saw no way to survive that.
But sadly I guess the answer is that you just do. Like when you're carrying a heavy weight, and you see the door right down the hall but you think you can't carry it one more step? Then you do.
I think you just put one foot in front of the other and survive, until the day comes when it doesn't hurt as much. And that day will come. I never like the fact that even the worst pain and grief subside. It doesn't seem right, and I want to hold onto it because it's all I have left. But one day you'll laugh at a Fawlty Towers episode, or be happy to hear from an old friend. And you'll know that like it or not, you did survive.
If you think that therapy would be helpful, either for getting over this therapy loss or for the original presenting problem, then it might be a good idea to start transitioning now. My therapist doesn't have any plans to leave right now, but he's going to give me a list of foster therapists that I can go to if I need to if he terminates me, and when I'll be too angry to listen to names at that point. If you aren't too angry, she will probably know you well enough to give you a decent referral and explain (with your permission) enough about you that they can be helpful faster.
And if the day ever comes for me, I guarantee you that I will entirely forget everything I just wrote.
Posted by Phillipa on July 7, 2008, at 12:56:02
In reply to Re: How to survive termination? » myrtledog, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2008, at 12:23:00
Yes I think the idea of starting the transition now would seriously help. And maybe with someone your T works with or recommends would it be possible to have a three way meeting. Seeing that your current T has good feelings about the new one might help you a lot. Love and best wishes. Phillipa
Posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 12:56:10
In reply to Re: How to survive termination? » myrtledog, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2008, at 12:23:00
"And if the day ever comes for me, I guarantee you that I will entirely forget everything I just wrote"
That made me smile, in a rueful way
I've been interviewing the 'foster Ts' for a while now - just seem to highlight that i am losing the right T, she's the best T for me
Thanks tho, everyone
Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 18:42:38
In reply to How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
I am really sorry you will be losing your t. I am going through the same thing, but I initiated the process due to his availability. Either way, it hurts like h*ll! Maybe you should talk about about other t's. It is really hard when you get close and they leave or back away.... Either way, I would talk to your t, so you have time to make this change with another t.
Healing
Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 18:47:31
In reply to How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
Sorry, I just reread your post. I am clueless about what to do. I am making my transition tomorrow. My final session with my old t. I am going to a t i had several years ago, so it makes it somewhat easier. But I have developed a deep bond for the t i am leaving, so it really hurts. I am sorry I don't have any answsers. I am on here because I am hurting and don't know what to do.... Sorry if i am making this worse...
Healing
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 7, 2008, at 19:37:33
In reply to How to survive termination?, posted by myrtledog on July 7, 2008, at 6:13:02
Oh, myrtledog, I feel so bad for you! A termination like that must be an incredible loss. I try not to even think about such a thing happening to my T and me although it certainly could. My T would say, first you grieve and grieve and then you move on. But I think sometimes we need help doing that under circumstances like these. I suggested in an earlier post (was it to meme?) that she look at a book I'd read excerpts of, about ambiguous loss. If I knew how to put links in to this darned thng I would do that but if you search amazon with those terms it should come up. Briefly, ambiguous loss is what happens when the one we are mourning isn't dead, just lost to us. This sounds like your situation because as a patient or client, you can't even really mourn her (except here, or maybe with another T), no one else really understands a loss like this although it is so profound for you.
I am so sorry.
(((((myrtledog)))))p.s. Dinah's post is beautiful and put into words a lot of things I couldn't express. And I agree with everyone else that startng to look for another T might be healing and provide some support.
Lucie
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