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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on March 24, 2008, at 17:01:06
T used analogy today: alien virus has taken over part of llurpsiemind and she has to force the invaders out (this was the moral of a long-winded summary of a Stephen King story I decline to read or rent...
We both agreed that I KNOW what I need to do, but just that we need to figure out why I can't do it. (grumpy sigh)
And onward. pdoc says there's nothing he can do. at least I snagged a nifty geodon pen from the receptionist.
And onward. Marriage T called to check in and confirm appt. She wanted to know if I was feeling better. I responded... perhaps 25% better.
The suicidal thoughts are SO potent. I just have to fight the alien invaders.
llaliennoodle
Posted by sunnydays on March 24, 2008, at 17:53:03
In reply to 25% or more defective, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 24, 2008, at 17:01:06
Sounds like something my T said recently... "This is just some outside thing that has come in and attached itself to you and taken over part of your brain and we just have to keep fighting against it and pushing it out of there."
I'll keep trying if you will Llurpsie. Can we battle the alien invaders together?
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on March 24, 2008, at 21:37:51
In reply to Re: 25% or more defective » llurpsienoodle, posted by sunnydays on March 24, 2008, at 17:53:03
Geez I may be old but can I join too? The aliens have attached themselves to my brain and nightmares and sweats and horrible things. Glad not alone. Hope both of you arent either. Love Phillipa
Posted by Daisym on March 24, 2008, at 23:32:13
In reply to Re: 25% or more defective » sunnydays, posted by Phillipa on March 24, 2008, at 21:37:51
Suicide is a seductive force - I think because it can represent a way out - or a great big "F-you" to those who hurt us -- or both. Mostly I think when I'm tired I just want to rest. And suicide definitely represents rest. I find that once these thoughts flare up they are hard to calm down. I tell myself lots of things, mostly that I want to be a good mom and this is not what I want to model for my kids. I also think about my career...when I'm feeling well, I'm good at what I do. I'd hate for these thoughts and feelings to derail the work I do.
I would encourage you to not think of it as a defect but rather a defense mechanism. This is the screaming that you can't know what you must know and that you don't know how to integrate your experience in a way that makes sense yet. It takes a long time to even begin to come to terms with the information. And during the flooding, you feel like you are going to drown in it - and sometimes it would be easier than swimming to the other side.
Last week I was really upset and hurting - "I'm tired of feeling this way!" I wailed at my therapist. He wondered if maybe we shouldn't be working differently - he said he hated to see me tortured like this. The next day he said he'd thought a lot about it and had decided that we were on a long, slow, painful journey but we needed to stay the course. There simply are no short cuts.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on March 25, 2008, at 7:54:44
In reply to Re: 25% or more defective » llurpsienoodle, posted by sunnydays on March 24, 2008, at 16:53:03
sure, we can be alien busters together. It's a scary movie, that's for sure.
I hope this day finds you well.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on March 25, 2008, at 8:15:20
In reply to Re: 25% or more defective - trigger, posted by Daisym on March 24, 2008, at 22:32:13
> Suicide is a seductive force - I think because it can represent a way out - or a great big "F-you" to those who hurt us -- or both. Mostly I think when I'm tired I just want to rest. And suicide definitely represents rest. I find that once these thoughts flare up they are hard to calm down. I tell myself lots of things, mostly that I want to be a good mom and this is not what I want to model for my kids. I also think about my career...when I'm feeling well, I'm good at what I do. I'd hate for these thoughts and feelings to derail the work I do.
they are flaring :( but last night was somewhat better. I had therapy and pdoc yesterday, so that probably helped a lot.> I would encourage you to not think of it as a defect but rather a defense mechanism. This is the screaming that you can't know what you must know and that you don't know how to integrate your experience in a way that makes sense yet. It takes a long time to even begin to come to terms with the information. And during the flooding, you feel like you are going to drown in it - and sometimes it would be easier than swimming to the other side.
>I think you are right. I am definitely using this as a coping mechanism. To get away from H when he is not listening to me. To get away from my life when it is pursuing me. To get away from my bad dreams when they become real.
T and I have been talking a lot about integration. Maybe I'll post about it. I have a chunk of time this am, because I got my to-do list done (hooray!!) Integration is scary. identity-crisis scary.
> Last week I was really upset and hurting - "I'm tired of feeling this way!" I wailed at my therapist. He wondered if maybe we shouldn't be working differently - he said he hated to see me tortured like this. The next day he said he'd thought a lot about it and had decided that we were on a long, slow, painful journey but we needed to stay the course. There simply are no short cuts.
>I asked T and pdoc the same question "is there a short-cut" pdoc shook his head no and said I'll see you in 4 weeks. T said "no shortcuts, but we'll keep talking. Usually people get better when they keep talking".
> Hang in there, this too shall pass.
((((daisy)))) I'll hang from the wall like the noodle that's cooked.
This is the end of the thread.
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