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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
I will preface this by saying that I am in week 2 of start up on Buspar. It all could be related to the med.
I've been going to therapy every other week (sometimes less) now for about a year. It's been fine, I haven't missed it. In fact, it felt really good to be out handling things myself.
But lately, for some reason, I've missed my therapist a lot. In fact, there has been this ache to go in - like the ache I had years ago in therapy.
Perhaps it was this session:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813003.htmlI made an appointment for wednesday. I don't know what I'm going to talk about. Really, I just want to go sit in his office and listen to him talk. Actually, I think I just want to go sit in his office with him.
Maybe the hug reawakened feelings I thought long resolved. Maybe I'm just lonely, and he's there.
I don't know. Maybe there is something that I really need to talk about, but for the life of me I don't know what that could be.
Can transference come back? and Why? How? We've been through this before. Should I cancel the appointment?
Help!
seldom
Posted by raisinb on March 1, 2008, at 19:03:01
In reply to Something odd is going on with me., posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
Well, I am no expert on resolved transference :) but I notice that mine cycles in and out. It'll go away, I'll think it's resolved, then something will happen to call it up again.
It sounds like you had a rough time for awhile, then a very intense session in which your therapist gave you some wonderful comfort and acceptance. I think that sequence would call up transference feelings again for anyone. Maybe it is just that "resolved" doesn't mean "totally gone," but "understood fully" and "used as a basis for insight and change," if that makes sense.
Posted by annierose on March 2, 2008, at 6:37:09
In reply to Something odd is going on with me., posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
Definitely do not cancel the appointment. You need to go and talk about those feelings that keep popping up.
I don't like the word transference. To me it implies the feelings are not real or authentic. These feelings for your therapist are genuine. You do care about him. And there is nothing wrong wanting comfort and caring sitting in his office. He gives that to you.
Think about it in terms of an old school friend. You haven't heard or seen them in a few years. Then suddenly you have a dream about them, and a few days later run into them at the grocery store. Then you meet for coffee and the next week lunch. Just beause a person isn't in your everyday life, your feelings about them are still there.
Posted by seldomseen on March 2, 2008, at 8:56:23
In reply to Something odd is going on with me., posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
I think you are both correct, these feelings ebb and flow. I guess I was just hoping they had flowed out, but maybe that hope just reflects my old pathology of "i don't need anyone". I don't know.
The thing I am most worried about is the hurt and the set up for constant rejection (perceived or otherwise) that comes along with feeling this for my therapist. I feel as though I am backsliding into that pit and yet am powerless to stop this ache.
I've gone back and forth with calling these feeling transference vs something else. In one way, the feelings I experience are very real. But I think it has been very important for me to realize that what i experience in therapy is very different from what my therapist experiences. The flow of intimacy in my therapy flows only one way - from me to him. I think, in situations where there is real love, ideally intimacy flows in both directions.
I've experienced both "transference" and "real love" and they are quite different.
Maybe right now I just need for that flow to go one way.
In any case, I've decided not to cancel the appointment, but to talk about it with him. That may be a mistake. I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for your replies.
Seldom
Posted by rskontos on March 2, 2008, at 9:28:24
In reply to To annierose + raisinb, posted by seldomseen on March 2, 2008, at 8:56:23
Seldomseen, I just wanted to wish you luck. it sounds like you are in a tough spot. The need to move on, yet the person you need to move on from, is the very one that needs to help you do it. It that something like it. I wasn't sure so I did not post before. I really just want to add my support in a tough situation. I hope the session goes well.
((((((((seldom))))
rsk
Posted by annierose on March 2, 2008, at 12:23:52
In reply to To annierose + raisinb, posted by seldomseen on March 2, 2008, at 8:56:23
I understand what you are saying. I did want to add one more thought. I do think the feelings flow both ways. It's just our relationship to our therapist holds more space in our brain than they hold for us. It's not that they don't think about us or care about us, their importance to our lives weighs more. It has to be that way in order for the therapy to work. Otherwise their feelings for us would hinder the process rather than help us get through tough spots.
It sounds like you are hard on yourself. It's okay to have these feelings. It shows that you are open to experiencing intimacy with another person. That is all good and healthly.
For me, I find accepting my loving feelings for my therapist easier, I think, because she is a woman. I love her but not "in love" with her. If I saw an attractive therapist in my age range, I think it would be hard for me too.
I am glad you are going to your appointment. It's always better to keep the dialogue open.
Posted by seldomseen on March 3, 2008, at 12:07:39
In reply to Re: To annierose + raisinb » seldomseen, posted by annierose on March 2, 2008, at 12:23:52
I know my therapist cares for me. I don't think that's my issue here. I'm not sure exactly what my issue is.
I don't know how to describe this ache that now simultaneously exists with ambivalence about giving in to it.
My gut is telling me not to, but my brain is telling me that we need to talk about it.
I did all the things that I knew to do this weekend to lose that feeling - I reattached to a community that I love and they welcomed me back with open arms. I re-united with my riding and took some long over due attempts to regain my love of it.
But still there is this ache to see him. I even did something I haven't done in years - went out and bought new clothes to wear to therapy. Again, it's like I see what is happening - I'm really having a "been there done that moment". And yet here I am.
It's very confusing. For the moment I am writing it off as side effect of the Buspar.
I'll keep you posted.
Seldom.
Posted by raisinb on March 4, 2008, at 16:07:55
In reply to Re: To annierose + raisinb » annierose, posted by seldomseen on March 3, 2008, at 12:07:39
I don't know if this resonates, but there is nothing I hate more than that sudden conviction that "I've made no progress! I'm right back to where I was! I suck!" I am working on silencing my inner perfectionist and telling myself it's okay to have those needs and feelings (I might succeed before h*ll freezes over, but I kinda doubt it).
Posted by seldomseen on March 6, 2008, at 3:54:13
In reply to Something odd is going on with me., posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
It was not at my usual time - in fact, it was dark out. His new office is very peaceful at night. Because I was his last appointment of the day I got extra time and it was very quiet.
I told him everything - the re-emerging feelings I had for him, my fear of backsliding into that pain of transference. The feelings that the hug ignited - everything. I just laid it all out for him.He reassured me that he didn't think I was backsliding, and was glad I came in to talk about it.
We talked about a lot of things actually and I could tell he was trying to understand what was going on and searching for some way to help me.
He'll find it, but nothing got resolved last night.
Meanwhile, I will continue to do the things that helped me resolve these feelings in the past.
I'll keep you posted.
Posted by annierose on March 6, 2008, at 5:59:59
In reply to Well, I went in., posted by seldomseen on March 6, 2008, at 3:54:13
I'm so glad you went and shared what was on your mind and felt in your heart. That's a difficult thing to do.
I didn't know that he moved offices. That could bring up a lot of feelings too.
Like most issues, it didn't get resolved in one session. But you sound more optimistic and hopeful. Is that true?
Thank you for updating us.
Annie
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