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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
I really don't do well during this post-holiday period. Can't shake this negative frame of mind, no matter how I try - and the harder I try, the worse I actually feel. Anxiety still cranked way up to "11" on that score from 1 to 10. T counsels me to try to notice how I'm feeling and not to try to active change anything; well it helps that I'm feeling pretty powerless to change anything at all.
And this hobby-business of mine is coming up to a debut of sorts at a live local show, with hundreds of dealers. My mind is somewhat at ease with that because we've just spent hours with the previous owners going over every single item in the inventory, assigning values to each thing. Most everything was unmarked, and I was truly feeling overwhelmed at the thought of having to research and find realistic prices on things that, sometimes, I didn't even knew what on earth they were. It did give me relief to give names to each thing, to give a value to each thing - at least now I have a baseline. And I am looking forward to being able to clear out some of the stuff that I really don't care for (there's an awful lot of that) and so being able to bring in more items that reflect our personal interests and tastes, going forward.
But that relief is just so short lived, that's how I know I'm in a bad place right now. It's not the problems that are the problem; it's me that's the problem. I think I'm reliving all the bad days I had at my last job after my ill-timed return from a doctor-ordered break. It was about this time three years ago that things became so bad - crying incessantly every day and having panic attacks in the car trying just to get to work - and I think that I'm reliving them by this business pursuit. Maybe it's too much for me, and I hate the thought that this is beyond my already feeble capabilities.
The other clue that I'm not doing so well right now is that it's a struggle right now for me to put together a main meal. The cupboard becomes bare, and I can't bring myself to shop for groceries. And once I've been able to do that, I can't do anything with them. I'm trying to make it easier but it all feels like a giant cop-out to someone who hasn't worked for all this time. Yes, another sign that I'm a failure.
Husband can tell I'm all out of sorts, and he's sympathetic but as helpless as I am to find a way through.
This is a big old whine. I had to get it out, though. Too many things are feeling wrong right now. This poison has to go somewhere, so babble is the place.
Posted by Daisym on January 13, 2008, at 18:48:10
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
I'm sorry things are so tough. You have some good insights - but I know "knowing" what might be the trigger doesn't extinguish all those bad feelings. Perhaps you can break things down into small, doable pieces.
I've been feeling like you - but up and down. So when I'm "up" I do things like make a menu for the week so I don't have to make decisions when I'm overwhelmed. Last Tuesday I think I ironed the whole week's worth of outfits just so I'd know that I'd at least look put together. Order groceries online - it is worth the delivery fee.
Have an escape pod ready. Pick a light book - even something you've read before and love. Or movies or TV of predictable shows. Even benign worry right (like over a favorite character) can stimulate your stress levels. Try to get enough sleep and drink plenty of water. Walking helps too, especially if you can go with an animal or friend.
I hope writing it all out helped. Good luck with the show.
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 19:19:39
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
I have gotten the impression over time that like me you tend to get overstimulated? I could be wrong about that. I've been known to get wrong impressions.
I've gradually come to the realization that this is no different than diabetes. I can't will myself out of it, or behave better. I need to plan around it.
If you've got lots going on in one area of your life, maybe you need to compensate elsewhere? Build in down time, do those things that help you feel more grounded. And yes, order in groceries if you can.
There's nothing wrong with being a highly sensitive person (isn't that elaine aron?). It just needs some tweaking in our life planning.
Posted by muffled on January 13, 2008, at 21:49:21
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 19:19:39
Some good replies above CS.
I am thinking of you and sending good thots/prayers your way.
(((( CS )))
M
Posted by annierose on January 13, 2008, at 22:19:25
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
Starting a business is stressful, especially taking over someone else's business. It's harder. You didn't get a clean slate. Be kind and gentle. The work you put into your business to get it up and running is HARD HARD WORK.
I think what your therapist is trying to tell you is to acknowledge the pain --- be with it to try to understand where the feelings are coming from. Sometimes we push the feelings aside or below or bury them. Personally, I like to wallow in them, throwing myself a good old-fashion pitty party.
Meditation can be helpful too.
I'm sorry you feel so anxious. It's not fun at all.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:49:52
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Daisym on January 13, 2008, at 18:48:10
>
>
> I hope writing it all out helped. Good luck with the show.It did calm my mind enough to let me sleep. I just don't it like that my troubles follow me like devoted sheep!
Planning ahead when I've got the reserves to do so has helped me in the past - those are good ideas. Thanks.
CS
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:56:11
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 19:19:39
> I have gotten the impression over time that like me you tend to get overstimulated? I could be wrong about that. I've been known to get wrong impressions.
No, I think you've hit the nail on the head. And the overstimulation just kind of carries over from the holidays, when what I should probably do is lay low for a bit until I've recovered. But I rushed through the holidays, got sick, and have been pushing myself with the business, boom boom boom, so there's been no space for recuperation. It makes sense that I'm feeling overwhelmed, because I *am*.
>
> I've gradually come to the realization that this is no different than diabetes. I can't will myself out of it, or behave better. I need to plan around it.
>
> If you've got lots going on in one area of your life, maybe you need to compensate elsewhere? Build in down time, do those things that help you feel more grounded. And yes, order in groceries if you can.
>I wish. That's something that just has to wait for one of those "good" days. In the meantime, we'll be working through the pantry... or ordering pizza.
> There's nothing wrong with being a highly sensitive person (isn't that elaine aron?). It just needs some tweaking in our life planning.
I think I keep wanting to be able to handle it all with equanimity, and it's never arrived. And I've never accepted that I'm a twitchy worry-wort who needs to be reassured and to self sooth in order to keep my head on straight. I'll make all sort of accommodations for others, but none for myself.
CS
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:56:43
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » Dinah, posted by muffled on January 13, 2008, at 21:49:21
> Some good replies above CS.
> I am thinking of you and sending good thots/prayers your way.
> (((( CS )))
> MThanks, I will treasure those thots!
CS
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 7:02:08
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by annierose on January 13, 2008, at 22:19:25
> Starting a business is stressful, especially taking over someone else's business. It's harder. You didn't get a clean slate. Be kind and gentle. The work you put into your business to get it up and running is HARD HARD WORK.
The lady who came over yesterday kept telling me not to worry, not to worry - but she'd been doing it for 40 years before she sold us her business. She could tell one type of glass from another with a single glance, where I'm having to scramble to find a reference book.
>
> I think what your therapist is trying to tell you is to acknowledge the pain --- be with it to try to understand where the feelings are coming from. Sometimes we push the feelings aside or below or bury them. Personally, I like to wallow in them, throwing myself a good old-fashion pitty party.I keep thinking that I'm being silly to feel like crying, but maybe that's exactly what I need. Some tears have been leaking out here and there, triggered by things that perhaps wouldn't otherwise. I need to let those tears fall unchecked and not try to hold them back.
>
> Meditation can be helpful too.
>
> I'm sorry you feel so anxious. It's not fun at all.Thanks, Annierose.
CS
Posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:00:11
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
Hi ClearSkies
I hope you are able to get some time enjoying your new venture. I can relate to the stress this time of year, the anxiety, and sort of coming "back" to some work-related pressures. Those kinds of things are weighing on me heavily right now too. Maybe take some time to feel the excitement you get from this hobby-business and think of the things you love about it. One thing I'm sure of, it's the unknown that adds a lot of stress, anticipation of how this will work out, the show and all. Once you get some successes under your belt, you will feel a lot more secure and reassured.
I hope your show goes well and that you are able to enjoy it more than stress over it.
Take good care of yourself.
Joni
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:56:11
> And I've never accepted that I'm a twitchy worry-wort who needs to be reassured and to self sooth in order to keep my head on straight.
I think I prefer the term "highly sensitive person". :) It incorporates the entire experience, both positive and negative.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 8:22:14
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:00:11
> Hi ClearSkies
>
> I hope you are able to get some time enjoying your new venture. I can relate to the stress this time of year, the anxiety, and sort of coming "back" to some work-related pressures. Those kinds of things are weighing on me heavily right now too. Maybe take some time to feel the excitement you get from this hobby-business and think of the things you love about it. One thing I'm sure of, it's the unknown that adds a lot of stress, anticipation of how this will work out, the show and all. Once you get some successes under your belt, you will feel a lot more secure and reassured.
>
> I hope your show goes well and that you are able to enjoy it more than stress over it.
>
> Take good care of yourself.
>
> Joni
>
>
Thanks, Joni. I went through a little writing exercise this morning - about being my own boss and realizing that I'm not really my own boss at all! because I've always got to play by somebody's else's rules in one aspect or another. It helped me to write it out and see my delusion for what it was.It doesn't seem to be a very gentle start to the day, but it is what it is.
CS
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 8:30:50
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49
> > And I've never accepted that I'm a twitchy worry-wort who needs to be reassured and to self sooth in order to keep my head on straight.
>
> I think I prefer the term "highly sensitive person". :) It incorporates the entire experience, both positive and negative.
>
> "The Highly Sensitive Person"
>
><SNORT> I've seen you refer to this book several times, Dinah - I went ahead and ordered it. I'm also reminded of someone I knew in England whose husband was a bit of a reckless driver. He referred to her behavior in the passenger seat as a "scrabbly rabbit" as she would jump nervously as each close call.
Thanks for the reminder about the title - I think it will help me feel a bit better about myself and my reactions in general. I've always treasured my alone time - silence and a lack of stimuli in general bring me a lot of joy, and I've always thought myself odd for wanting to shut myself off like that.
CS
Posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:53:07
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49
Hey Dinah
I have that book. I started into it but never stuck with it. I guess I wondered if it would really help me or not. I htink I am an HSP but I never heard the term before as described in psychological terms. Can you mention a little more about how the book helped you?
thanks,
Joni
(please don't redirect my post)
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:09:01
In reply to the book » Dinah, posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:53:07
I think that's a term she invented. :) What my therapist says is that in the world, some people are thoroughbreds. I always tend to think that makes it sound too good, or special, so I like the other terminology better.
I don't think she pathologizes it either. She doesn't think it needs to be a negative thing. More like having blue eyes or brown eyes.
What I got out of it is acceptance. That it's ok to need a lot of alone time. That it's ok to structure my life to not be overstimulated. That it's not weird or even all that unusual to have a finely tuned nervous system. That you're born with it, and live with it, but that you can have a good life with it.
There were also tips on how to do that. I have to admit that the tips weren't as hepful to me as the acceptance and new way of thinking.
My therapist also helped a lot with that, but in this area he was more reinforcement than direct help. He's not a highly sensitive person. He has experience with highly sensitive persons, but he's not one.
Actually, I suppose the term might sound a bit overly positive itself. But if you suffer migraines, IBS, and other various and sundry neurological offshoots of intolerance of overstimulation, it loses its luster a bit.
If you are out and about in even the most positive circumstances, do you come home and lie down and twitch, with flashing behind your eyes, as if your brain is discharging all that extra input? That used to really upset me, but now I accept it, and can lie back and view the light show without feeling like I'm *really* defective. Usually.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 9:38:47
In reply to Re: the book » JoniS, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:09:01
>
> If you are out and about in even the most positive circumstances, do you come home and lie down and twitch, with flashing behind your eyes, as if your brain is discharging all that extra input? That used to really upset me, but now I accept it, and can lie back and view the light show without feeling like I'm *really* defective. Usually.I have always enjoyed that "light show" as my own special fireworks, and have done since I was a little girl. I get a little disappointed if I'm too exhausted for those lights to appear and I go straight through to sleep.
CS
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:15:10
In reply to Re: the book » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 9:38:47
I don't get them quite as often I think. But then I try to arrange a quiet life. Going into the office more often is going to mess with that for sure.
Do you get the auditory discharges too? When I'm really overstimulated I get the hearing equivilant. A low murmur or medium roar of rising and falling voices, with no words distinguishable. But the cadences of conversation. Like the background in a noisy restaurant. And only when I start to fall asleep.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 11:45:23
In reply to Re: the book » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:15:10
> I don't get them quite as often I think. But then I try to arrange a quiet life. Going into the office more often is going to mess with that for sure.
>
> Do you get the auditory discharges too? When I'm really overstimulated I get the hearing equivilant. A low murmur or medium roar of rising and falling voices, with no words distinguishable. But the cadences of conversation. Like the background in a noisy restaurant. And only when I start to fall asleep.My disturbances are mostly visual - I also get distortions, like an Alice In Wonderland effect, that I'm overly large (by hundreds of times) than the things in my surroundings, or the reverse. Like I'm a microscopic size in comparison with what's around me, and obviously distorted, but not in a scary way. I'm always rapt when this happens but don't try to disengage it, because it's never threatening to me. If anything, I find it soothing and distracting. (This all happens with my eyes closed with no actual visual input, btw.) Noises are usually associated with migraine auras - when I can't filter out noises and so can't relax, or concentrate.
I do find it fascinating, the tricks our brains try to play on us to keep us going in a loop that's supposed to have ended, like the auditory or visual overstimulation on any given day. Like it can't bring itself to break the circuit.
And then, the other day I was really surprised when, trying to calm myself down from feeling really panicked, I lay down for a little bit and found myself sound asleep for several hours. Where did that need for a nap come from? I did feel quite restored because of it, but I'd only intended to be quiet for a bit, and zzzz.....
CS
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:51:32
In reply to Re: the book » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 11:45:23
My brain loves to use naps to smooth out those excess firings. :)
My psychiatrist was not particularly helpful today except to urge me to look up my old migraine doctor who moved to the northern part of the state and see if she'd see me for a consult. I think it might be a good idea. I suppose I really ought to look for a new psychiatrist. He didn't at all want to discuss hormone changes and mood changes or anything along those lines.
Posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2008, at 12:47:29
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
Clear Skies just wanted to say I relate as this one of mine is depressing and so is the weather. I have no answer. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 13:39:19
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2008, at 12:47:29
> Clear Skies just wanted to say I relate as this one of mine is depressing and so is the weather. I have no answer. Love Phillipa
I think the answer is that we have to get through this, Phillipa, and sometimes it sucks to be us! Gotta laugh or else we'll cry (again).
CS
Posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:17:59
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
Hi Clearskies,
I think that until the show is over arm yourself with take out menus. When the stress of planning/attending/packing up what doesn't sell (of course if all will sell, so skip that part) then you can go back to planning and cooking.
I agree that babble is a safe (still hate that word) place for "poison" to go. I think its better to have those poisonous thoughts get out of your head then to keep them going round and round. Hmm, I should take my own advice sometime.
Poet
Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 18:12:22
In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now, posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:17:59
> Hi Clearskies,
>
> I think that until the show is over arm yourself with take out menus. When the stress of planning/attending/packing up what doesn't sell (of course if all will sell, so skip that part) then you can go back to planning and cooking.Oh, I could kiss you for that optimism! and I like that idea, to just not even try to keep up with the planning/cooking end until after this flurry is over. I feel like you just gave me permission :-)
>
> I agree that babble is a safe (still hate that word) place for "poison" to go. I think its better to have those poisonous thoughts get out of your head then to keep them going round and round. Hmm, I should take my own advice sometime.
>
> Poet
>
>Definitely - speak up!
Posted by antigua3 on January 14, 2008, at 18:40:06
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
I haven't read all the follow-ups but I had to write and tell you how much I can relate.
The post-holidays are always hard. I almost actually had a drink the other day but I figured out what was wrong before I did. I can't tell you how happy I was to have dodged that bullet.
the trigger was similar in a way to what you're describing. I'm entering a new business and we are at the point where we're talking money. I don't like to talk money, and what I realized is that I REALLY don't like it because it tends to take me to that core place where I can feel worthless about myself. I feel like I have to prove I'm worth a certain amount and I work myself into a tizzy thinking "Who do I think I am, saying I'm worth X amount of dollars?"
The truth is I AM worth the dollars, but anytime I come to a situation where I have to rationalize it, I become the scared little girl who thinks she's worth nothing. I don't really know why the link is there, but it's an important one for me to explore.
Also, going into a new venture, like you are, can be very scary. Heavens, ClearSkies, you might succeed, and then what will you do? Teasing of course, but fear of success has held me back for years because it reflects back to my own feelings of worthiness. I've even been known to sabotage myself. But now I know this, and I'm going to push through this and be successful!
best of luck to you. You deserve the good things that are happening, please try to remember that.
antigua
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 14, 2008, at 21:02:51
In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56
Hi CS,
I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch. I hope your debut goes well. I KNOW it will, because you are so thoughtful in everything you do.I apologize that I ddon't have energy to read all the posts to this thread. I just wanted to say hi. I hope you have a bit of fresh air tomorrow and get a bit of sunshine in your neck of the woods.
(((((((((((((CS))))))))))))))
I feel anniversary depression too. 2 years since my big clinical depression set in.
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