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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 48. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
Well, I went and all totaled we spent 2.5 hours talking. I think I am finally talked out. He was very nice. I was nervous, I blurted it out. He said that is why you are here right. I laughed. He asked alot of questions in a concise sequential manner but seemed nice about it. I opened up to him in ways I hadnt' with my other therapist. He made points and connections I had not and a really big connection.
He said you have been protecting your mother. Not physically but the image of mother. The image of the need a child has for a mother. (the real one was too scary and unpredictable ) To tell anyone would shatter that. That is a big secret and you have made everyone keep their distance. But you can fake people to think you let them in close but really you don't.
He Got IT. Only one other person in my whole like knew this. This was huge for me. I just knew my mother had a hold over me even dead and I didn't know why but he did. It was the mother I invented for myself since my own wasn't the one I needed.
He said isn't it amazing the lengths a child will go to protect themselves. He said you have amazing skills to protect yourself. You are very bright, no wonder your children are. (We talked about them some) But the trauma you went through was EXTREME. He validated that for me. And this is huge. Because all you all know. When you live it for so long and hide it from all you undermine it to protect yourself.
We talked abou the dissociation, the lack of connection to my body, the losses of time, all of that. And we finally got to parts. And he asked me about a movie I don't recall the name of it but I had never heard of it. And if I related to it but since I had not heard of it I couldnt. He explain DID and I told him about one experience where I am not leaving when one peep comes out, where I partially stay and what i know or rather hear. And this was at the end of 2.5 hours so we talked enough that I stopped saying I was crazy and calmed down enough and he asked me if I wanted to work with him. I never had a doc ask me that. He said cause at this stage I dont take on new patients but I would be honored to take you as a patient as it would be time well spent. He is an older doc. And I said yes. I would like that. I felt a connection but more is I felt in this introduction I made progress. He thinks more like I think I need. Or at least in my limited experience what I think I need now. He says I do need to explore my memories which may or may not come back with dissociation it is not always clear if they come back. That is what I want to do. The other therapist doesnt believe in that. I feel better. He asks alot more questions but in a way I was comfortable with. He wrote nothing down but remembered everything because we had to break after the first hour and resume after an hour. He remembered my sisters names, my children and my husband. I was impressed. His memory is better than mine. So sorry to go on.... Anyway, this is all for now, thanks for reading this long dissertation..
I feel better. Meds will wait for next time. He knows what I am on and will discuss it later. :)
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2007, at 20:35:20
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
Wow rk you found a good one. One who does theraphy too. I had one in Connecticut when lived there. He was wonderful. Always said I didn't know a good thing when I had it as had remarried an older man who cared deeply for me and treated my children as his own. After seeing him awhile I was med free and alchohol free a first for me. He used to say if something was going good that I'd try and ruin it as that was the enviornment I was used to. So was able to forgive the past and moved forward to nursing and traveling. The reason I say all this is I think maybe the same thing will happen with you. Give it time. It will work I sence it. I wish all the time that I still saw this man as my life would be so different as he was a teacher of life to me. I am sure yours will be too. Congrats what a wonderful gift you received. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 22:54:07
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
I'm really glad it went so well. :)
Posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 23:19:54
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 22:54:07
Thanks guys. rsk
Posted by muffled on December 21, 2007, at 23:55:29
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 23:19:54
Posted by I need a hug on December 22, 2007, at 0:10:18
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 22:54:07
RSK,
I couln't sleep last night. I've been thinking about you all day. I've been glued to my computer waiting for you to post something all day. And 5 minutes after I walk away and fall asleep tor 2 hours, you post something!!!! But you know what? I DON"T CARE!!! Knowing that things went well for you, my friend, makes me so happy. I don't open up to ANYONE very easily and I was afraid that might happen to you. I'm glad you felt comfortable with him right away. That is so important. My Pdoc that I see now is the first one I saw almost 10 years ago. I clicked with her immediately. She left and I didn't know where she was for two years(a long story). I saw 7 Pdocs in between and I hated all of them. I was one of her first patients. I joke with her and tell her if she moves out of state I'll have to make arrangements to fly to see her every 2-3 months. She laughs but I might be crazy enough to do it. That's how important it is to me to have a Pdoc I am comfortable with and I can trust. From what you've written, it seems like this guy is really good. He asks questions like my Pdoc would ask. He takes time to explain things like she does. He is very experienced. I'm 47 and she probably isn't quite 40 yet, but she has a brilliant mind. I trust her like I trust no one else in my life. I sincerely hope you will have a wonderful relationship with your Pdoc like I have with mine. You deserve it. I hope this is just the beginning of a very HAPPY NEW YEAR for you! HUGS
Posted by muffled on December 22, 2007, at 0:12:21
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
Y'know, its sorta weird, but I was thinking as how your T said as how she'd treated lots like you Rsk...or mebbe it wasn't you?
But intense DD's like yours are not all that common I don't think. Not when there is complete switching and clear communication.
I think p-doc proly wants to take you on, partly proly cuz he cares, cuz you a nice person, and partly cuz he's just interested in your 'case'.
But I reckon these are good things.
When is your next appt with him?
How often will you be able to see him?
Does your medical insurance cover it?
I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This sounds very promising!
:-)
:-)
There was another part of your post, but I can't say it right now.
But DANG! I am really so pleased!
How does this feel for you?
What is the general feelings inside?
Anybody feel particularly strongly one way or another?
I am exited!
So keep just keeping on.
Try and relax.
Just be.
Hope you feeling OK.
With parts....sometimes things go in the strangest ways.
Kids, go figger.
Take care,
M
Posted by lovelorn on December 22, 2007, at 8:04:37
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
Great news, Rsk. I am glad it went so well. Now you know by your own judgement that your T was not right in discouraging you to see a pdoc. I wonder what you will tell her, if anything.
Keep on doing what is good for you.
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 12:39:19
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by I need a hug on December 22, 2007, at 0:10:18
Thanks Hugs, I am 48 so we have age in common too! It makes me feel so cared for to know that you were so worried. I was there for so long. He told me so you have had many that tried to care for you. but you know I never really saw it that way. So he made connections already I hadnt seen. And the payment thing. he told me how much his sessions are but he said I don't like to be written a check each time. He said to me that implies I don't trust you so he says you can write me a check every other or I will just bill you at the end of the month and give you a statement for your insurance and you can pay me then or when they pay you however it works best for you because I trust you. And you must trust me for this to work. I was astonished although hide it. I told him stuff already I haven't told anyone not even the other t but I felt he got me. I really got me. The other T I told stuff cause I need to tell someone and she was a professional my friend recommended her so I opened up to her. But I didn't connect to her the person I opened to her the professional. Thank you for caring about me and being afraid for me. But it was one of those things when I looked into his face it was ok. YOu know. I am not always the best judge of character sometimes I trust the wrong one but I think he is ok. And the way he said I was protecting my image of who I wanted my mother to be that was so important to me and the other t didn't get that. I knew my mother had a huge hold of me I didn't know why. He did. I think I know why no meds yet because they will slow down the switching and he may want to see what we are doing with first and the need to get deeper too. JMHO. THe best is that my voices are quieter today. Finally. I think they realize this might be someone that can help. Thurs. I was a mess. All over the place. Yesterday I was a mess until I got there. It was an ordeal getting there because I thought I knew where I was going and everyone had input in the driving to his office and we were 40 minutes late and I thought he wouldn't see me he called me on the way there, told me its ok, gave me more directions, said no you are still ok, I will be here. I calmed down and finally got my ducks in a row and we got there. Everyone finally shut up. Now I have some peace too, mostly everyone is quiet. My kids and I had a nice dinner later and a movie.
I am beginning to understand how you would fly to see a p-doc. You know before with the other t, I kept thinking I don't care if I saw her one way or the other. But now I have a glimmer of what everyone means. Because when you connected you have a reason to care. Like with you guys. I care bout you guys and would try to do whatever. Like when sunnydays and maxie posted they were sad and stuff my littleone got so upset for them. I tried to use words to help them and others here that are in a bad way, but my peeps they have the emotions and that is what comes out for them. So when you guys hurt I will use my words to comfort you but my peeps dont got words always so they cry for you and sometimes that will spill out here if I let them. Which in the past I closed the window and did it in private but lately I thought no let them get it out and maybe it will help me and them and Babblers somehow. I don't know. This stuff is hard, weird, and confusing and seems crazy. I will ask him because I know from my reading that for DID and others that group therapy is helpful and this is my group therapy. That is how I see it.
I am glad you trust your t and I am glad you have a wonderful relationship with yours. I hope that is the road I am on too. I think it is . Now I have to figure out what to do with the other one and how to end it. I am not so good with that. I usually just bail. Well like Scarlett in Gone With the the Wind I will just think about that another day.
I do remember your long story bout your t. dont want to remind you of the bad time though.
Again thanks hugs, your the best.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 12:48:01
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 12:39:19
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 13:01:55
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!! » rskontos, posted by muffled on December 22, 2007, at 0:12:21
Muffled, yeah she did say she had but I am wondering that too since she had made many mistakes. And she is ALWAYS late. And I mean late. Like 30 to 40 minutes. Almost every time. She works 2 jobs. I sometimes get the impression she is bored. And I know we us Babblers I mean talked about how sensitive we can be but don't you think that sometimes we might be right. I am not sure that dealing with issues of say my nature which I am beginning to understand is complex especially after a 2 and 1.2 hours session needs a therapist that isnt doing this as a 2nd job. I believe that I need someone who doesn't have other distractions. He asked things in a logical orderly fashion. She only recentlly asked me about how I got married etc.
I am not sure how often. Yes my insurance should cover it. At least 80%. More if he is in there group thing. I have a PPO still. He will bill me monthly. And I can pay monthly or however I want he said. he trusts me.
And you know I don't care if he is interested because I am an interesting case I probably am. I mean if the I wasnt me I would probably be interested too. I am weird to me too. But shucks I am nice, thanks for that. I am just glad he think he can help. I just want to be together more and not so so I cant think of the word but you know what I mean.
My next appt. is the day after christmas.
Just say what you need to when you can. I can wait.
I know we can trigger each other. I did have a dinner later with my kids and went to a movie. My voices are quieter today than ever. so maybe they like him or maybe scared. time will tell.
take muffled. we are in the boat today and hopefully we will move forward together.
today I am stronger if you need a shoulder.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 13:02:56
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by lovelorn on December 22, 2007, at 8:04:37
Yes and I know now to listen to my inner voices too. I felt it too that something more was needed.....
thanks for the encouragement.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 13:04:17
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2007, at 20:35:20
Thanks Phillipa, I am glad too. he was really good. Lots of good insight and great manner. A keeper definitely. Sometimes you don't know a good one when you have them sorry for your loss.
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 13:04:41
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 22:54:07
Posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 14:00:41
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
This is so wonderful!!! How did you find this pdoc? Was it just chance, or was he recommended as someone who was good with dissociative disorders? I just love it that you went for medication, and instead found someone you can really connect with- and medication has become far less important than the relationship you are building with him. It sounds as though it was an instant "good fit"! Are you going to be seeing him frequently? (I hope)
I'm SO happy for you! This is a priceless Chnristmas present just for you.
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 14:13:49
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » rskontos, posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 14:00:41
Hi Twinleaf, Actually Realme helped me find him. I was so bad off and emailed her, she says to tell everyone she might be back in the new year but for now she has to stay away. Anyway, I did go in looking for new meds and left that message. And I keep remembering things he has said and it is wow. YOu know I looked in his face and it felt ok. He is a fatherly type. Now my father is not. He validated for me that the trauma I went through was extreme (his word). And I need to be reminded of that cause I thought it just was. And he was amazed I never told anyone. But as you know we must hide stuff at all costs.
I am not sure how often. But my next visit is day after christmas. This is the best Christmas present. He was a instant fit.
I liked how he asked me if I wanted to work with him as he thought working with me would be a good use of his time and a honor. No one ever told me I would be a honor to them. That was nice to hear....
Thanks for being happy for me. My voices in my head are quieter today. And I had a nice dinner and a movie with my kids last night. Hubby is out of town.thanks so much. rsk
Posted by star008 on December 22, 2007, at 14:50:18
In reply to P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 20:18:11
I am so happy for you rsk.. I know you have been looking and you lucked out and found a great one. It sounds as though this will be so good for you. I am happy that someone listened and actually understood waht you were saying..That seems so rare..Sometimes I just don't want to try talking anymore with new people.. Keep us updated!!
Posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 16:44:36
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry » twinleaf, posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 14:13:49
It's so amazing! Just what you needed, but you weren't even looking for a new therapist- or maybe you were. This one is definitely a better fit- he seems to know much more than your other therapist about what you need him to know. But the most important thing is that he is just right for you! And you knew it right away! I guess he did, too. He knew that you came in for medication, and then therapy, and real help for you just started HAPPENING! Well, just amazing!
When we find good fits, we know it right away, and feel better right away, too. He, having a lot of experience, must have known you were a good fit for HIM. Even though he isn't taking new patients, he took you. It seemed like he almost asked to take you- and how wonderful that he said it would be an honour.
Not in any way to throw a wet blanket on things- but is he so old that he's going to retire in a few years? It would still be worth it to see him as often as you can, but it would be good to know so that as you are working with him, you are preparing for that. That's if it's going to happen. It was his not taking new patients that alerted me slightly. I know these therapists vary a lot- some retire at 65, and some still have full practices at 80.
I have a therapist who is a wonderful fit, also, and it is the most priceless thing that can ever happen to us. I really think that a lot of the healing that I feel going on in me is below the level of consciousness- it's because I'm sitting opposite HIM, and looking at his eyes and his face. When you find a person like that, you have just got to hang on as tightly as possible!
How great that Realme found him for you. I look forward to her returning- miss her.
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 18:15:18
In reply to The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'!, posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 16:44:36
Twinleaf, I am so glad you posted. First thanks so much for the reply. yes it is good. He is a good fit. I have been going over the session, and since it was so long )2.5 hrs) there is alot to go over, I keep finding more great things to digest. It is amazing. It is amazing he did get me. Not too many have.
It is ok he is old. Probably what I need. It is ok you are being a wet blanket. I will just take it as it comes. After all I survived this long with this disorder, I can take more it I have too I just hope I am far enough along when it happens and I think that when it comes time he will provide for that. But the other I know is I had lost hope of finding anyone, he came along and my neurologist called with a name of one and she aplogized saying she needed to do research before she passed along a name. So I do have a backup name if I need it. I really trust her, she is my daughter's doctor before mine.
Yeah I still like that honour thing too. To think someone ask if you want to work with them. Amazing.
Yes it is a wonderful thing to have a therapist that is a good fit, priceless is a good way to describe it. It really points out that my hesitation with the first one was valid.
She read your post too. and appreciated it. I hope she comes back. She will when she can. I miss her posts and her words of wisdom. She is a real gem too. Just like you thanks for your posts.
I know you told me that you don't post except when you are doing well so I have been a little worried so I am thrilled you posted. I hope you are doing well too. From the sound of how well you like your therapy it sounds like you are in good hands so I take that it means things are going pretty good.
Again, thanks
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 18:22:13
In reply to Re: P-doc Update--good one!!!!!Long sorry, posted by star008 on December 22, 2007, at 14:50:18
Star, thanks I had some help finding this guy. But he does seem to be a good fit and a good listening. Seems like he can hear between the words too.
I am sorry you don't want to talk to anyone new. I didn't either and I didn't know how much to reveal. Turns out I was 40 minutes late as various voices in the head thought they too knew where his office was, nasty girl yelled at all the other drivers, I am surprised I didn't have an accident or get pulled by the cops, I didnt take his phone number so no way to call him to get more directions or say sorry . He called me and gave me more directions said don't worry come on. And when I got there he was not upset in the least. I was surprised. I mean 40 minutes late!! I thought wow. This guy has lots of patience. I was surprised he said come on meaning he could still see me.
So I think new people can surprise you so don't give up. You never know. Sorry if sound so pollyanna.
But you need to feel better physically first too. Thanks for you support even when you feel not so good. Glad you are back.
rsk
Posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 20:01:27
In reply to Re: The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'! » twinleaf, posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 18:15:18
Thanks for your reply, rk. For the last two months or so, I have been feeling really happy, comfortable and pleased with things. This is REALLY different from how things used to be. My wonderful T and I have done lots of work about the traumas; he is so attentive, caring, intelligent, and I feel so understood- and I can begin to know now that there is indeed a good life after having all those awful things happen. We are just going on doing that. I almost have the opposite problem now- that things are good, so there's not so much reason to post! Also, while I do want people to know that things can really get better, I don't want to inadvertently appear insensitive to people who are still going through really hard things- as I did myself for many years
I hope this is a Christmas when lots of people can feel hopeful and encouraged about the future. A year ago, I was so depressed I wasn't able to do anything (not one thing) for Christmas, but this year, we are going to celebrate with our son and his wife. They are expecting our first grandchild- a boy- in February. A year ago, I would have been too depressed to feel joy or excitement over even something as wonderful as that, but, thankfully, this year I can. My T left for a two-week vacation yesterday, and it was a very happy temporary good-bye: we were both laughing and happy. over... I'm not sure what. I guess we both knew that we had done really good things together this past year...
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 20:27:56
In reply to Re: The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'! » rskontos, posted by twinleaf on December 22, 2007, at 20:01:27
Twinleaf, that is wonderful for you. I am so happy for you. A baby wow.....that is great. I am happy happy for you.....Your first grandchild....wow........
Now I am hopeful for myself in hearing this. thank you for a wonderful gift. In hearing this I am given hope too.
Thank you for your reply. And to see that you were laughing at the separation from you T for a short while. I needed to hear that especially embarking on a new journey with a new t. This means alot to me.
Have a wonderful holiday and tell your son and his wife congrats. Heres to a easy and wonderful quick delivery and a healthy baby!!! May 2008 be better for all us on Babble!
Thank you Twinleaf!!!
rsk
Posted by nfc on December 22, 2007, at 20:36:08
In reply to Re: The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'! » twinleaf, posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 20:27:56
hey rk,
so glad you had a wonderful session w/ the new pdoc. I'm writing u babblemail right now.
nfc
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 20:50:08
In reply to Re: The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'!, posted by nfc on December 22, 2007, at 20:36:08
Hey, twinleaf my new p-doc is Menniger's trained and was at there a while, was yours. Realme thought so. Anyway, glad your like yours so much. I hope mine is half as good as yours. he did make me laugh.......that is good in my book.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 22, 2007, at 20:50:50
In reply to Re: The best Christmas present- a 'good fit'!, posted by nfc on December 22, 2007, at 20:36:08
thanks nfc, looking forward to the babblemail. rsk
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