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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 68. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Not in mind, body, or spirit.
I feel... done. I've gone as far as I can, and don't really wish to struggle forward.
I'm thinking it's best if I don't post much until I feel better. But if I do venture, please remember that I'm just not well. I'm depleted of good things, and full of ugly things.
Posted by annierose on September 27, 2007, at 5:48:56
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Your post was so sad Dinah. Please take care of yourself. So if that means taking a babble break, go ahead, but we will miss you.
Maybe your sugar levels are off.
Are you sleeping at night?
Take care, get some rest. Even though your little one is growing up and pushing slightly away, he still loves and needs you.
Posted by ClearSkies on September 27, 2007, at 7:35:16
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah, this doesn't sound good. You had a difficult time recently, and it left you feeling ill. I hope that you're able to take care of your physical needs and get some TLC so that you can recuperate. Do what you need to do to mend yourself. I find that if my body is well tended that my mood improves too.
take care,
ClearSkies
Posted by Justherself54 on September 27, 2007, at 10:27:49
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on September 27, 2007, at 7:35:16
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well..you're in my thoughts..
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 10:47:43
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Thanks for the warning.
Please feel free to post.
We are duly warned.
So its OK.
I hope you feel better evena bit, soon.
I know things seem so hard :-(
But just hang in there.
You help others so much, wished there was somehow more I could help you.
{{{{{Dinah}}}}}
M
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 27, 2007, at 12:50:03
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Posted by twinleaf on September 27, 2007, at 15:22:19
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so down, Dinah, and do hope it doesn't last long. I don't think you should feel you have to push forward when you are feeling so emotionally depleted. It seems like it would be better to allow others (and your own self) to just take loving care of you right now. Your T has shown that he is very able and willing to provide wonderful support when you need it.
I agree with AnnieRose-uncontrolled diabetes can make you feel just awful. Have you got a team (doctor, nurse practitioner, nutritionist) to get that aspect of things under really good control? I know you know this, but when I see you mention taking Risperdal, I get very uneasy, as all those AP's make diabetes harder to control- not to mention the fact that they can cause it in the first place. Have you discussed alternatives with your pdoc?
I hope you keep posting. I think most of us here have experienced really tough periods. I know I did- when my former T threw me out last March. The support I received from babble- including from you- really helped me tremendously during that time.
PS I was amazed to learn that that T is leading a panel of psychoanalysts here in November. The topic: "Termination: avoiding feeling of abandonment in the patient" ! I wonder if I should go and hear what he has to say.
Posted by MidnightBlue on September 27, 2007, at 15:31:45
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah,
Sounds like you need a vacation! What can you do to be nice to YOU?
MB
Posted by LadyBug on September 27, 2007, at 15:36:34
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on September 27, 2007, at 7:35:16
(((((((Dinah)))))))
I'm sorry you are struggling. I wish I could find a way to lift you up. I know how if feels to be spent and not know how you can take one more step. I hope something changes for you soon that makes you feel better.
Sometimes we give, sometimes we take, so don't worry about giving right now. It's time for you to take. You've given much to all of us here. Best to you always.
LadyBug
Posted by annierose on September 27, 2007, at 16:38:25
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on September 27, 2007, at 15:22:19
I don't want to change the topic of this thread away from Dinah - but - I couldn't help but pop open my eyes when I read the topic your therapist is presenting a seminar on. Yes, wouldn't we all love to hear what it feels like from their point of view. AND ... I feel better knowing that on some level it is difficult for them. My therapist has said, "It's bittersweet."
When I abruptly terminated with my therapist (gulp) 19 years ago, I didn't speak with her again until I started working with her 4 years ago. Currently when we talked about my feelings regarding leaving and I questioned hers, she said, "Of course I questioned what happened, what I said, what you were thinking, feeling. But after calling you that one time, asking if you could come in to talk more about what was going on, I had to ultimately accept your decision." Her reflection on that period of time did ring true for me. What I took as indifference, was her acceptance. At the end of the day, I'm so happy she is back in my life.
Back to Dinah - yes, I am worried for her physical health and I hope she is feeling better and getting good medical attention soon.
Posted by Raindancer on September 27, 2007, at 19:17:54
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah, so sorry you're not well. Do take as much time as you need to rest and replenish. You've become very special to me over the years and I will never forget your kindness and help when I have been down. Will be thinking of you and praying you feel better soon.
((((Dinah))))
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 21:12:10
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » Dinah, posted by Raindancer on September 27, 2007, at 19:17:54
Posted by RealMe on September 27, 2007, at 21:53:03
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah
That is exactly how I am feeling right now; I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. T tomorrow, and I don't want to go. Take care of yourself. I am sorry you feel like crap too.
RealMe
Posted by RealMe on September 27, 2007, at 22:01:25
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » Dinah, posted by twinleaf on September 27, 2007, at 15:22:19
Twinleaf
That is so funny as when I first started seeing my T, he was presenting at a workshop I had planned to attend some time back. I didn't know what to do; plus a psychiatrist from U of C who I knew was also presenting. So, I told my T who is an analyst that I was supposed to go to the workshop, but if he would prefer me not be there, I would just not go. His response was that he thought it would be great for me to be there to cheer him on. So, I went even though I had only seen him maybe twice up to that point. What I noted was that he was nervous. The other psychiatrist I know seemed a bit nervous too, but then we are all human. I would die, though, if my therapist showed up on the 18th at the conference where I am presenting. I have not told him yet that I am presenting at a conference. And, I doubt he will come as I am presenting on how risk of harm is assessed with competency evaluations and mental health evaluations that are ordered by the court. Actually a pretty easy topic for me. So, before I was worried, and now not.
I am exhausted all the time, though, and I am going to the doctor on Saturday to be tested for diabetes as the neurologist I saw awile back said I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet. They do feel like they are frozen and pain all the time, but I feel them, and they are not cold. Weird. HOpe no diabetes as I don't need to add something else to all that is physically wrong.
RealMe
Posted by seldomseen on September 28, 2007, at 6:02:48
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
I'm sad that things aren't going well down in NO. I'll be thinking about you.
Stay safe if you can't stay strong. This will pass.
Take care
Seldom.
Posted by antigua3 on September 28, 2007, at 6:53:02
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah,
you are so important to all of us here, and have been a beacon of reason, insight and support, that we all hope you feel better. Do what you have to do for YOU at this time; it will only help you, your son and husband.
pls take care,
antigua
Posted by Daisym on September 28, 2007, at 7:56:42
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
I'm closer than you think...and you know this is a pretty good place to recharge. It is raining ever so slightly and I hear the birds. I can see the boats on the bay and there is a deck to just sit and watch them. Even from this desk, I can see across the sandy neck - it is so beautiful. I wish you were coming...you can still change your mind. But if you can't be here in body, maybe send your spirit to sit with us and feel how much we love you.
Let's meet up and chat soon. You aren't alone.
Daisy
Posted by JoniS on September 28, 2007, at 10:05:17
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Dinah,
I hope today is going better for you and that you are able to determine what physically and otherwise is going on.
Please take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy. Maybe even go see Daisy - that souunds like a nice retreat!
I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer.
Joni
Posted by Poet on September 28, 2007, at 11:05:42
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
Hi Dinah,
I wish I could come up with something to trick your mind to stop believing you are full of ugly things. Where is a magic mirror when we need one?
Trying to send a magic mirror through cyber space.
Poet
Posted by LadyBug on September 28, 2007, at 15:13:11
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » ClearSkies, posted by LadyBug on September 27, 2007, at 15:36:34
Posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:12:32
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling well » twinleaf, posted by RealMe on September 27, 2007, at 22:01:25
I think it's great that you can go to these conferences, and, as you mentioned a while ago, actually CHAT with your own therapist! Of course, you are a colleague also, and that probably comes to the fore at those times.
Although I have had a year of residency training in psychiatry, along with four in neurology, I'm not really a colleague. so I can't quite imagine chatting. I'm very interested in the conferences, though- both because of myself, and because I see a lot of patients with major problems long-term, and whatever psychiatric knowledge I have is very helpful in helping them deal with the enormous problems and losses they face.
As far as my former analyst talking about termination is concerned: he threw me out of his office very suddenly, almost yelling at me to "get out!". I was so hurt and traumatized by this, as I was very attached to him, had been with him for four years (five days a week), and had no inkling that this was going to happen. And now he is the keynote speaker on termination, and the importance of doing it so that the patient does not feel abandonned! In some ways, I feel that I'd like to hear what he has to say; in other ways, I feel that it will hurt me again- and also, that it might disturb him to see me in the audience. Well, it's not until November 11, so I have time to think about it.
Posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 21:21:02
In reply to Hearing Ts give presentations » RealMe, posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:12:32
What do you mean you are not a colleague??? Of course you are. You have more education and training than most psychatrists. Most do a three year residency unless they also want to work with kids, and then do extra. So what the heck. Don't diminish what you have accomplished, okay, please??
I can't believe your analyst did that to you. Do you have any inkling of what was going on with him that he would do such a thing???? GEES; I will go with you to the conference, and we can sit in the front row and just stare at him, rather glare at him. What kind of crap is that what he did, and then HE is going to present on termination. Wow; my last therapist right before the one I have now got really hostile with me because I got angry with him and told me I should find someone else. I convinced him to continue wiht me, and I should have left then. The last straw was after I did ECT and felt totally traumatized by it as well as damaged, that he started to get pissy again, and so I found my current therapist who is an analyst and has lots of experience working with persons with with csa issues. I really lucked out. I hope you like who you have now. Are you still doing more residency training???
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 22:13:32
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
I am thinking about you even if you don't post, and I want you to know I care. Sometimes we all need a rest from this struggle. It is sure better than giving up which many of us feel like doing too from time to time. If it wasn't for people like you, I would just want to throw in the towel. There are many good people here who care about you.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: Hearing Ts give presentations » twinleaf, posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 21:21:02
What he did was so amazing and horrible that, not only was I traumatized to the point where I was barely making it through my work, but I was having a terrible time eating and sleeping. My husband would make easy-to-eat food, like oatmeal and fruit, and I would throw it right up. For months I alternated between long bouts of crying, equally long bouts of rage, blaming myself for being a terrible patient, blaming him for being a terrible analyst, longing for the good analyst he had been previously- just on and on. I have a very good new analyst, like you, and am starting to feel a lot better now.
The new analyst was completely horrified, as well. He knows this man, and I think he also still has trouble believing it- he keeps saying "tragic", "very sad" and things like that- although I have felt from the beginning that he has believed everything I've told him. We've just come to the conclusion that some kind of powerful negative counter-transference was going on with him, and that he didn't take the proper steps of consultation, or, if necessary, a supportive transfer of me to someone else. He is a senior training analyst- probably too arrogant to do that. Instead, he really acted crazy. It sounds like your previous one, while not as bad as mine, was pretty bad, also- and harmful. Thank goodness we both have such good new ones.
I've finished my training- the last year being a teaching fellowship in academic medicine given by the Harvard School of Public Health; I see patients, teach medical students and run our residency training program in a medical center associated with a medical school. I didn't mean that I feel I'm less well-trained; it's just that very few neurologists go to these psychoanalytic conferences, so at times I feel a bit different from the others. I do think all sorts of doctors could benefit from going to some of them. The best of them are really wonderful.
If I do go to that conference, I'm afraid that if I sat in the front row and stared at him, which I sometimes feel like doing, he might break down and start yelling AGAIN! I think I'll have to slip in the back.
.
Posted by obsidian on September 28, 2007, at 22:36:54
In reply to I'm not feeling well, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2007, at 2:30:14
hi dinah
I hope things are going better for you
((((dinah))))
-obsid
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