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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
I called and said I wanted to talk to him to clear the air and I wanted to either talk to him on the phone and if he didn't want that then I would be willing to make an appointment.
Well he "ignored" me all day it seems, so I called back and said I waiting for a response, and not to ignore me on his voice mail because I am going to keep calling.
Well he called me back like 5 min. later. I told him thank you for calling me back, and he laughed almost sounding relieved. He said he thought we should have a session to tie things up. I told him my current T didn't think that was a good idea to have a last session, but I am going with my gut feeling and going to go. He asked me who my T was, I said that he knows you, but I am not telling you who. He said he didn't care, all us T's know each other. I said I know you don't care. He said it would be just once, he didn't think it should go on for longer, and I said I agree, once is enough.
So it is on Friday, the day after my other appointment with my current T. So I am not sure what to feel, what I should say, I feel my emotions welling up though. Any advice? I want things to end up on a good note. I said everything I wanted to say in the voice mails. So I guess maybe I can just listen? I don't know how to end therapy. I do plan on telling my current T about this though.
I notice at the gym he was checking his heart rate again. ;-( I don't want to make him die from my stress I am causing him.
Posted by raisinb on August 21, 2007, at 17:27:53
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
Wow--good luck! Did your new T say why he thought a last session wasn't a good idea? Seems as though most Ts do recommend at least one "closure" session. Every time I threaten to terminate with mine, she does everything she can to get me in for a last appointment.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2007, at 17:34:38
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
I really don't know. It sounds like something to talk over with your new therapist.
I think I'd try to keep it light and "closing". There's no point in opening up new cans of worms at this point, or asking him why he did this or that. Nothing that would lead to new questions or new regrets.
Hopefully he'll do his part and give you his blessing, so to speak, on the next phase of your journey.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:41:37
In reply to Re: My old T called, posted by raisinb on August 21, 2007, at 17:27:53
My new T thought my old T would be defensive, and I wouldn't feel better about the situation, only worse, he told me to write a letter on how I felt. He does know my T pretty well, so he might be right. But I think my T might feel bad because he hasn't been able to look me in the eye at the gym. Or he was mad, I am not sure. But after my 2 1/2 years working with him, and generally feel grateful for the help he has given me, I think I am going to do what most Babblers told me I should, see him for a last session. But I feel scared.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:43:56
In reply to Re: My old T called » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by Dinah on August 21, 2007, at 17:34:38
I hope you are right Dinah, I hope I will feel better after the last session. I feel so sad again. But I know I made the right decision to terminate with him, that I do feel good about. But it would be nice to clear the air.
Posted by muffled on August 21, 2007, at 19:13:15
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
Oh MAN HF, you SO got guts.
I could SO NOT do this.
Yeah.....I hope your prepared for possible negativity...
I mean if your new T knows old T, and you yourself have noticed defensiveness on his part...
Oh sh*t HF I REALLY hope it goes well, but I really hope your prepared in case it don't.
You seem to be doing it all for HIM. I hope he appreciates that.
Yeah, mebbe you can discuss possible outcomes and stuff w/new T, and also find out clearly what newT's availability for crisis calls is. Just in case.
I hope I just being a fussy mother hen and worrying bout nothing.
I goto admire your chutzpah HF I REALLY do.
Best wishes to you, and I got no suggestions, the whole thing freaks me, but if anyone could pull it off OK, it would MOST definately be HF!
Go girl! Be safe.
Muffled
Posted by JoniS on August 21, 2007, at 20:47:59
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
HF
So glad you are not SD anymore!
You are quite courageous - going to see your old T. I cant wait to hear how that goes! You MUST come right home and post on Babble, every detail.
I'm sure your new T will help you know what you want to say to your old T. If I were brave enough to see mine after I'd fired him I guess I would talk about the things he did that helped me and hopefully have sort of like a reminicing session. I guess that would probably require some warm fuzzy from him too. That will be tough if he doesn't warm up, but surely he will. I would probably write down some brief notes of what I wanted to say so that if I got flustered I could refer to it.
IMO, you did the right thing too - in getting a new T.
I really admire your courage and willing to face things "head on".
Best of luck!
Joni
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 21:20:04
In reply to Re: My old T called, posted by muffled on August 21, 2007, at 19:13:15
Oh, Muffy , thank you so much, your words are a huge encouragement for me because I am scared. But I think part of this will be good for me too. As much as he has hurt me, I still adore him really. He can be defensive, but I think he will more likely take some fault too. He has admitted to me when he has messed up if he feels that way. I took his words so personally, I felt like a piece of sh*t.
I don't think he will hurt me again, I think he will in a sense still be in my corner, we both know I have a new T, so we both know it is our last session, and he knows I want to clear the air with him. He really is a good T, but I think his feelings scared him, really, they try to be so "uneffected" that when they are, especially if they have been a T for a long time, it scares them. He always said you can't help what you feel. I still feel a deep connection to him that I haven't ever been able to talk about with him, because of his resisitance. I don't plan on bringing this up with him again, I plan to work on it with my new T.
I think this will be my hardest session yet, I am scared, but I am going to do it for me.I believe me and my old T has done a lot of good for myself in a lot of ways, he still has to feel good about that, I know I do. My new T said he (my old T ) did a lot of the work, but my new T said he will finish off the job. That felt good that he thinks I am "finishable".
Thanks Muffy, I hope you will be around for the next week or so, I will really need some support and encouragement. I think this session will be so hard and gut wretching, I know I will cry, but hopefully I will feel better for doing the right thing. I miss him already, I really do, but at least we can end our relationship on a positive note, and that means a lot to me for the chance to do that.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 21:27:09
In reply to Re: My old T called » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by JoniS on August 21, 2007, at 20:47:59
Hi Joni,
Glad you like my new old name. Did we know each other then, have you changed your name, or have you always been Joni. There has been so many name changes lately I haven't been able to keep up with everyone.
I think my old T will be nice about this, I think it will be hard for him too. I don't know if he has had clients as long as me, so this is probably harder because of that. He really is a good guy, but I guess even the good guys can hurt us too.
I know you think what I am doing takes courage, but I don't feel so strong about it right now. I guess this is the right thing to do, so maybe that is why I am gaining strength. Your and all of babblers who have helped me, means so much to me. I guess for the first time I feel "held" on Babble. That feels so nice too. Thanks Joni.
Posted by JoniS on August 21, 2007, at 22:49:06
In reply to Re: My old T called » JoniS, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 21:27:09
I think I've been around about a year or so, but I'm still not in with the "tight" gang. But that's OK. Anyway my name hasn't changed. Yes I did know you as HF before SD but I didn't know that SD was HF til I read this thread, your old T called.
So thanks for your post - you help me to have courage! keep us "posted"!
Posted by RealMe on August 21, 2007, at 23:59:30
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
Posted by RealMe on August 22, 2007, at 0:02:38
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
Darn; I hit the wrong button. I wanted to say that I don't think your old therapist will die from anything you do or say now or later. Also, I wish you could see your new therapist right after seeing him.
The other thing I was wondering was why you did not want to tell him who is your new therapist. I told my old therapist who I was seeing at our last session, and he commented that my new therapist was well respected. Perhaps yours would not be so generous.
RealMe (OzLand)
Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2007, at 10:19:53
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
HF
You are brave. I'm thinking you are so strong to go to one more session with him after he hurt you so badly. I'm sorry it has to end like this but maybe it's for the best? It will have a way of working itself out.
I don't think I'd have what it takes to return knowing you won't be doing thereapy with him anymore. But I do know I'd want to sum up the work and say "goodbye" face to face.
You go girl!
By the way, I'm moving on Friday! It's going to be hard in some ways but what a stress relief to be away from my husband. I don't have to see him on a day to day basis and I won't have to stress out over what he does with his life. I'm filled with a lot of mixed feelings but mostly looking forward to having my own place with my girls. We are going to have lots of fun together. That's all I wanted.
I'll be thinking about you and your appointment with your former T. I hope it goes well for you and that you don't leave feeling hurt but you leave feeling like you did good work together and that it helped you become a better person. I know you have a lot of strength and will continue to grow.
Take care and let me know how it goes, I'm here for ya!
LadyBug
Posted by Poet on August 22, 2007, at 10:33:37
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
Hi Happyflower,
Speaking only for myself I am too much of a coward to have a closure session with my T (if I ever really do quit seeing her for good.) You get major bonus points for bravery.
As for your former T checking his heart rate maybe he just wants to make sure he's getting a good cardiovascular workout. I don't think you've caused him any physical heart problems, just emotional ones ;)
Let us know how it goes.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2007, at 10:58:00
In reply to Re: My old T called » Happyflower 1 :-), posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2007, at 10:19:53
That's great, Ladybug.
Posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2007, at 14:16:34
In reply to Re: My old T called » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2007, at 10:58:00
Thanks Dinah, I'm sure I will face different challenges, but I can deal with pretty much anything. I'm just looking forward to knowing my utilities are paid, and that I won't be threatened with things being shut off.
My T has been good with me and I can thank her for helping me find the strength to get out!! I've been married for 23 years so I can hardly believe I'm doing this. I'm excited though.
LadyBug
Posted by Wittgenstein on August 22, 2007, at 18:45:57
In reply to Re: My old T called » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on August 22, 2007, at 14:16:34
Hello HF,
It was nice to see your 'Happyflower' name back again - I missed it. I think you are extremely courageous to have set up a final meeting with your former T. I hope your new T can help prepare you for this and that the meeting on Friday brings you some closure after the last meeting.
I really hope Friday brings you a sense of peace.
Take care,
Witti
Posted by antigua3 on August 23, 2007, at 5:40:17
In reply to My old T called, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 21, 2007, at 17:05:43
I just wanted to add, please be careful and protect yourself too when you see him. Sometimes the old Ts can be very defensive, at least mine was, and it can be hard. Try to know what it is that you want from this last visit and go for it!
best,
antigua
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