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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 15:55:02
T told me that he's a "fairly moody person" but that he tries to surf through the moods, rather than resist them.
This sounds so totally theoretical to me. Cannot imagine ever having the wherewithal to actually do this myself.
On a related note, he told me that he likes neurotic people. :) good. then we should get along just fine.
sounds like an interesting guy.
******************************unrelated to my T's moodiness is MY moodiness. I've been in this stinky dump all day long, and I think it's related to spending 24/7 with my husband for 5 out of the last 7 days. I miss my freedom. I miss the freedom to just be in a f*cking sh*tty mood and not be bothered about it. This sucks. Now I have to pretend to be happy at HOME? I wish he would just go to work, instead of working from home, leave me to my own miserable devices. What do I have to do? Kick him out. He's not paying attention when I tell him I need my space. I don't think he understands that one door closed in between us does not constitute "space" especially when I can hear everything he says to himself and every single bit of whatever he chooses to do with his ample leisure time.
also trigger for sh*tty mood is the feeling that finding a job for the next few years is going to be tough. I'm about 6 mos too late to apply for post-docs starting in September, and too timid to send out e-mails to interesting professors asking to work with them. Fear that I don't have what it takes. Fear that post-doc won't make me happy anyways. Fear that nothing will make me happy.
So here I am, with little to do but mope and bitch. This place is too small for both of us. I hope our new place will be better. I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket. As soon as one door opens another slams shut in my face. Pond views... Not sure if this is the key to all my ills. Becoming frustrated at husband as he once again asserts that "all will be well" once I move out here permanently. WTF?
okay. enough bitching. well not really, but what's the point?
-Ll
Posted by jammerlich on June 20, 2007, at 16:38:06
In reply to surfing through the rough spots, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 15:55:02
That when you let a little bit out, it eases the pressure so that adding a little more won't cause you to explode (or implode, depending on your tendency). Of course, I've been wrong once or twice before, so maybe I'm wrong now. I guess that's just how it seems to work for me. So, as long as you have something that needs to get out, come here and LET IT OUT!!! Or email me or any of your many other babble friends who, I know, want to support you.
I hear you on the 24/7 husband thing. That was most of my marriage with my ex and it's a real bitch!! I completely believe the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." And I don't know what to tell you. I tried getting out as much as possible; but, it really wasn't a perfect solution. It's not the same as being HOME all alone. That is what seems to be the most peaceful for me. I know it's hard, but could you tell him you need him to be out of the house for X number of hours per week?
As for sending emails to interesting professors, I'd bet the farm you have WAY more than what it takes. The fear part is hard to overcome, though, isn't it? It can just be so very big sometimes. I guess I just figure if what's going on now isn't making you happy, then what's the harm in trying something else? Could things really end up any worse? (And yes, you could probably pick just about any thread of mine and tell me the exact same thing. In fact, please do. This is definitely a "do as I say and not as I do" sort of suggestion.)
I'm thinking about you Llurpsie. I hope things start getting better soon.
Jammer
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 18:26:02
In reply to I think the point might be... » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by jammerlich on June 20, 2007, at 16:38:06
> That when you let a little bit out, it eases the pressure so that adding a little more won't cause you to explode (or implode, depending on your tendency). Of course, I've been wrong once or twice before, so maybe I'm wrong now.
nah!>I guess that's just how it seems to work for me. So, as long as you have something that needs to get out, come here and LET IT OUT!!! Or email me or any of your many other babble friends who, I know, want to support you.
(((((((((((((jammerlich)))))))))))))))
thank you. you're so sweet :)
>
> I hear you on the 24/7 husband thing. That was most of my marriage with my ex and it's a real bitch!! I completely believe the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." And I don't know what to tell you. I tried getting out as much as possible; but, it really wasn't a perfect solution. It's not the same as being HOME all alone. That is what seems to be the most peaceful for me. I know it's hard, but could you tell him you need him to be out of the house for X number of hours per week?
>
Hmm, well my opinion is that he should be doing his homework in his office, rather than coming home midday and napping/surfing the internet/asking me why I'm so grumpy. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way. And the guilt of NOT wanting to be with him, I mean, we ARE married, aren't we?> I guess I just figure if what's going on now isn't making you happy, then what's the harm in trying something else? Could things really end up any worse?
>
Food for thought, Jammer. I bought some self-help books today to help me figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are, and to help me figure out how to nourish my artistic and not just my analytical side. Science is a very creative thing, actually. So many dissertation days I had to pretend like editing a paragraph was a craft project.Now I'm in denial mode. Working on manuscripts related to my dissertation is *okay* but not very satisfying. (to make sure this doesn't get booted to another page- I should add that both of my Ts right now (2nd order digression- am I the only one posting with 2 T's? Maybe I should start a thread on that!) agree that it takes a lot of time and perspective before I will be able to go back and do serious work on my dissertation document or subject. Yet, I feel a lot of pressure from my former advisor to publish about 4 papers from my dissertation (it was a big project). PRessure. And Threats: remember, Llurpsie, WE'RE the ones who will be writing your letters of recommendation. Don't you want to have as many accomplishments as possible before you (write a book, apply for a position... etc)?
> I'm thinking about you Llurpsie. I hope things start getting better soon.Thanks jammer. I got out of the house to buy the books at borders, and I feel almost "neutral", not quite so bitchy and grumpy-depressed.
>
> Jammer-Ll
Posted by sunnydays on June 20, 2007, at 18:30:27
In reply to surfing through the rough spots, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 15:55:02
Can you send your hubby to the grocery store? Or some other store? Or ask him to go down the street and look at something for you? Something to get him out for a while but not act like you're kicking him out?
sunnydays
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 18:40:10
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by sunnydays on June 20, 2007, at 18:30:27
Like this?
Honey, here's a list of books I need from the library. Can you go get them for me (doe eyes). I'll make sure that they're all ancient books that are out of print or something.
:)
-Ll
Posted by sunnydays on June 20, 2007, at 19:37:14
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots » sunnydays, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 18:40:10
Posted by OzLand on June 20, 2007, at 20:46:28
In reply to surfing through the rough spots, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 15:55:02
I sort of know what you mean. My husband works at home and then can work for three hours and nap, etc., and I am away at work all day for 9 or 10 hours, and I come home, and there is husband at home 24/7. I get the house to myself once per month for two hours when he goes to a meeting for the church. I want to scream sometimes. I think I am going to have to tell him I want some time when I have the house all to myself--at least once per week for cying out loud. Is that too much to ask? I think not. I guess I would be tempted to answer if my husband asked why I an grumpy? I would say, Because you never let me be home alone. Think. I used to be by myself a lot, and now I need transition time. Please don't come home to work at home. That would be me, maybe. You have given me the courage, though, to say, "please get the hell out of here once in awhile."
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2007, at 23:53:34
In reply to surfing through the rough spots, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 20, 2007, at 15:55:02
LL,
Don't underestimate the pond. There are moments the view from my window of my gigantic fern and mona lavender make my day. Look for some volunteer work to get yourself out of the house. Even a couple of hours a week is a good start. And write ONE letter for post-doc work.
MB
Posted by Phillipa on June 21, 2007, at 22:13:53
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2007, at 23:53:34
I like the pond and the rocking chairs. Just do your own thing in the house while he's there. Love Phillipa
Posted by OzLand on June 21, 2007, at 22:20:24
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by MidnightBlue on June 20, 2007, at 23:53:34
I agree with MidnightBlue; either find a volunteer job, or take a job doing something that might be of interest. I remember when I decided to take a job working in the Sec of State's office rather than a job in my field as there wasn't one at the moment. I felt like I might never find a job in my field, but I did. And, as MidnightBlue says, write one leter per week. You will feel much better yourself getting out of the house each day or several days per week. Staying in the house too long, at least for me, would lead to my feeling worse about myself and to increased depression and uncertainty about my capabilities. That's me, and so I don't know if it would be you or not. Nevertheless, I agree with MidnightBlue.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 8:24:08
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots, posted by Phillipa on June 21, 2007, at 22:13:53
> I like the pond and the rocking chairs. Just do your own thing in the house while he's there. Love Phillipa
I find myself fantasizing about having a humonguous house where I can truly escape to some private llurpsiesuite and get spa treatments for my bruised soul. I guess the sun room with pond view will have to do. it's a nice pond too. not too scummy. just a faint whiff of pond smell, nothing like rotting pond scum to make one feel overwhelmed, buried alive.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 8:35:06
In reply to Re: surfing through the rough spots » MidnightBlue, posted by OzLand on June 21, 2007, at 22:20:24
> I agree with MidnightBlue; either find a volunteer job, or take a job doing something that might be of interest. I remember when I decided to take a job working in the Sec of State's office rather than a job in my field as there wasn't one at the moment. I felt like I might never find a job in my field, but I did. And, as MidnightBlue says, write one leter per week. You will feel much better yourself getting out of the house each day or several days per week. Staying in the house too long, at least for me, would lead to my feeling worse about myself and to increased depression and uncertainty about my capabilities. That's me, and so I don't know if it would be you or not. Nevertheless, I agree with MidnightBlue.
One letter per week. That sounds manageable. In order to make my letters seem important, I will spend an hour of so each day reading about the different projects that these profs are interested in/ have published in. Then I will write a letter on friday and mail it sunday night, so that it will be at the top of the inbox monday am.
I've already proofread my resume. It looks good, except I wish I had more publications. Oh, I just remembered, I should include my dissertation title somewhere. Publication? Maybe under my degree. I will put my masters thesis and my phd thesis on the page next to the letters ma and phd.
Maybe I'd like to work with kids. They can be pretty exhausting, but their sweet curiousity can be heart-warming as well.
2 things that create a mental block right now:
1) I don't like driving. therefore I want something close to home that I can walk or bike to (I live just a mile from the center of town) or someplace near where my husband works, so that he can drop me off and pick me up.
2) I feel like July is not a good time to start a volunteer job. most of the college kids are already well-established in their positions and won't be taking off until mid-august. or maybe they only do internships? I don't know.
3) I've never had a job outside of my area before. not once (except when I was a librarian) and that's kind of daunting. I don't know how to market myself so that they'll accept me for a volunteer position, and I don't want to be stuck in a room licking envelopes all day long either. unless the envelopes taste like chocolate. swiss chocolate.I'll post more about my dream volunteer jobs on self-esteem. feel free to answer my personal ad there too!
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 10:39:56
In reply to jobs and volunteer- MB and Oz » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 8:35:06
I just spent a couple hours doing some web research. I sent out a couple emails (3), and have already been contacted by 2 organizations to set up an interview or training session.
I suppose I'm not that unemployable.
Do I get a gold star for being proactive?
One of them is with a homeless shelter to check people in and dish out meals and such. I think I would enjoy this one the most, since I'm no longer dismissive of mental illness. (yeah that's right- I used to think all mentally ill people were a bunch of weak slaves to their unconscious, unable to make a go of life because of their inability to be a fortress against life's eternal suffering).
No longer. thanks to my own battles, and providing support to you kind souls.
[muffled- a special note to you- you work at a drop-in center. Is this similar to a shelter? I'd be interested to hear about your experiences. bmail me or post below.]
I'd like to thank coffee, and your support for helping me realize these opportunities.
aloha,
Ll
Posted by sunnydays on June 22, 2007, at 11:02:00
In reply to Amazing what coffee will do- muffly? » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 10:39:56
Llurpsie - may I remind you that you have a doctorate? What would make you think you are unemployable? I'm sure there are tons of places that would hire you!
sunnydays
Posted by OzLand on June 24, 2007, at 22:44:15
In reply to jobs and volunteer- MB and Oz » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 22, 2007, at 8:35:06
For example, if you were to get some volunteer work with a daycare for kids, I would just let them know you were interested in doing this while you finish up with putting together some things to publish from your dissertation.
This is the end of the thread.
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