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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zazenduckie on April 13, 2007, at 11:43:55
I got nobooooooooody
To caaaaalll my own.........Psychology Today therapist survey
Therapy: The Loneliest Profession
No matter how rewarding, the life of a therapist can be socially isolating.By:Hara Estroff Marano
Therapy represents a great interpersonal irony. Therapists deal intimately with others, but no matter how rewarding, their work can be socially isolating. Members of Psychology Today's Therapy Directory opened a window onto their isolation.
Unequal Benefits
"I see people all day but they are not relationships of equality and give-and-take."
Not a Drop to Drink
"It's like starving in a sea of other lonely people that you can't reach out to."
Dating Woes
"Local bars and hangouts are filled with clients or potential ones and the Internet isn't really a good choice either because of the self disclosure and the need for a picture. What a lonely mess."
A Big Drain
"Many days can be emotionally exhausting, leaving little energy available for the kind of connection that mutually shared intimacy requires."
Big Talk, Small Talk
"It is the oddest thing to spend the entire day in a closed room listening to the deepest thoughts of others, and know the community outside my door is engaged in regular small talk which passes me by entirely."
Ways to Heal the Healers
Various people find solace in personal therapy, lunch dates, sharing an office suite, support groups, dinner parties, and volunteering in the community. "It takes an ongoing effort but I have a wonderful, full life."
Posted by 10derHeart on April 13, 2007, at 13:50:19
In reply to Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely, posted by zazenduckie on April 13, 2007, at 11:43:55
Hey, thanks for posting that, zduckie, that's something to think about.
A side so easy to completely forget, or never even imagine. Because the very idea and process of therapy makes it so, as it's designed to be 'all about me' and so it must be.
(((all lonely, drained T.s)))
p.s. - and though I can feel empathy, well, that's how I pretty much feel after most t. sessions and many times for days in between directly *because* I choose to have this T. relationship....so t's....welcome to my world!
Posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 15:24:38
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely » zazenduckie, posted by 10derHeart on April 13, 2007, at 13:50:19
One of my classmates did their special project on vicarious traumatization. Do you have any idea how hard it was to listen to her talk about clients who traumatize their therapists with their stories? And then she used a bunch of research to talk about how lonely and isolating a job it is for therapists - after all, they are forbidden to talk about their work to others.
The hardest part for me was when she talked about strategies of self-preservation. One was to symbolically lock your files and your notes in your filing cabinet for the weekend and mentally put your clients and their problems there too. While I understand it, I didn't like it.
I left my therapist a voice mail that said, "please don't leave me locked in the filing cabinet all weekend!" I'm sure he is wondering, "what was she smoking?!" :(
Posted by sunnydays on April 16, 2007, at 18:56:13
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely, posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 15:24:38
Yeah, it freaked me out today when my therapist was talking about the trauma group I'm in and the therapists that run the group, and he said, "I couldn't run a group like that, it would be too hard for me. I could run it for a little while, but it would get too hard."
A little while later I asked him, "But it's not too hard for you working with me?" He said, "No." Just really firmly, so I really believed him. Then he went on to say that the time we spend together is some of his most cherished time each week. That felt good, but it is so hard to trust. So I totally understand the don't leave me locked in a filing cabinet message. Trusting that his caring is real and won't go away and won't overwhelm him has been a big issue lately, and it is freaking me out that I will be too much of a burden to him.
sunnydays
Posted by pegasus on April 17, 2007, at 9:03:11
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely, posted by Daisym on April 16, 2007, at 15:24:38
Oh, wow, Daisy. That was exactly what you didn't need to hear. I'm sure your T doesn't lock you in his file cabinet during the weekend. It definitely doesn't seem that he does.
I had an argument about this type of thing with a prof once. This was in a counseling class. She said that if you think of your clients outside of sessions, then you're exercising poor boundaries. I was outraged. I told her that having real, not time-limited, connections with my clients was why I was going into this field in the first place. I had no intention of putting all thoughts of them aside when they left the office. She responded by challenging me to explain why I would need to think about them outside of sessions. Her point was that that was a symptom of some pathology (mainly insecurity) on my part. I told her that I found people interesting and challenging, and that I think one of the most important things we can do in life is learn to open our hearts more and more to other people. Fortunately, that kind of shut her up, but she still had a smug "I know better" grin. It's infuriating, isn't it? There are Ts out there who just don't get it. Fortunately, you have one of the ones who does. :)
Peg
Posted by gardenergirl on April 17, 2007, at 10:36:51
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely, posted by pegasus on April 17, 2007, at 9:03:11
I've heard the same thing about "poor boundaries". I also disagreed. It's not like you are working on the weekend if you happen to have a thought about a client. Heck, some of my best thinking happens in the car, in the shower, while I'm cooking, whatever. Some of that best thinking might be about a client--something they said, something I'm still confused about, a new or deeper way of thinking about whatever's going on. Are we supposed to actively suppress that?
Bah.
Plus, if you care about folks, I think actively suppressing that caring because it's not the right day or time is also bizarre.
Although in my case, it IS part pathology, since I have monkey brain. :) Oh look, a puppy!
namasté
gg
Posted by Daisym on April 17, 2007, at 12:05:46
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely » pegasus, posted by gardenergirl on April 17, 2007, at 10:36:51
I feel a little bit like I hi-jacked this thread - sorry zaza...
I had the opportunity to talk with one of my teachers, who happens to be THE leading researcher in infant/parent mutual regulation about this, as well as my own therapist yesterday. My therapist said, "you know better, but I thought the message was cute. I just couldn't tell if you were upset and needed me to remind you that I hold you in my mind, or if you knew that and were just touching base to confirm it." -- Interpret this as, "be clear about what you need from me..."
My instructor said that deep therapy is therapy both ways. So if we put clients away, we are refusing to learn from them, and to allow the mutual regulation that is needed in any relationship to happen. That means disconnecting, reconnecting, setting up cues, reading cues, etc. We had this great lunch-time conversation about therapy frequency, etc. He is older but said he would love to have the opportunity to do a 5-day a week analysis again, because he thought the experience was so amazing, even as it was painful around the attachment issues.
I was very glad to hear him say that and it made me think of the time my therapist said he saw a big yellow hummer with the license plate "Daisy" on the back. He said he thought of me. Now there's a cue!!
We are supposed to talk about loneliness and happiness today - he said "there is this deep ache in the bottom of your soul that keeps coming up in here. We probably should talk about it." :( I'd rather debate theory.
Posted by zazenduckie on April 17, 2007, at 12:32:12
In reply to Re: Looooooonely....... I'm Dr Looooooonely, posted by Daisym on April 17, 2007, at 12:05:46
> I feel a little bit like I hi-jacked this thread - sorry zaza...
>No indeed. Thanks everyone for answering. I'm not very good at "hosting" threads but the replies were very thoughtful and helpful.
This is the end of the thread.
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