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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:16:40
My therapist has been coaching me to learn how to say no for many many years. I've never been particularly good at it. My guilt buttons are easy to press.
But since Wednesdays' meltdown, I've been saying no all over the place at work. I'm polite and even warm but firm and implacable. My coworker literally cheered me today. :) How often do you get a cheer at work?
I don't know how long it will last, but I guess I figured at this point, it really makes no difference. If I don't say no to some stuff, I'm going to very soon say no to everything. If I'm thisclose to quitting what difference does it make if I refuse to take on more than I am already overwhelmed doing.
Posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:18:20
In reply to Therapy does work, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:16:40
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 9, 2007, at 18:34:57
In reply to Therapy does work, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:16:40
Three cheers for you, Dinah! I know how hard this is to learn and I applaud you (and to a lesser extent your T).
Posted by scratchpad on April 9, 2007, at 19:48:49
In reply to Therapy does work, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:16:40
Good for you, Dinah. I've always had a hard time saying no as well. (Unless we're talking about denial, which was my specialty for many years :))
sp
Posted by Honore on April 9, 2007, at 20:14:05
In reply to Re: Therapy does work » Dinah, posted by scratchpad on April 9, 2007, at 19:48:49
Saying "no" in a firm, warm, but no-nonsense, no disputing-it voice, has got to be the all-time most difficult thing in the world to do. Once you do that-- everything else is a piece of cake. More or less.
Of course, you do have to keep doing it. But I've heard it gets easier. And I've even heard people don't mind. They may even like it, because they suddenly know what your limits are, and can work with them.
Dinah. I"m so impressed that you've begun to do it. I'm not at that point yet--although I do phantasize about it. Maybe I'll even start someday.
Meanwhile: Congratulations! seriously.
Honore
Posted by pegasus on April 9, 2007, at 20:54:37
In reply to Therapy does work, posted by Dinah on April 9, 2007, at 18:16:40
I'm so glad to hear this, Dinah. It's soooo hard to say no at work, and I know it's been especially challenging for you. But you need to do it. Your logic seems sound to me. I'm glad your coworker cheered. That's a nice support.
I am also challenged in terms of saying no. Especially at work. I hope you give yourself a break about falling apart afterwards. It's tough stuff, and just saying it in the first place is a great step. Maybe eventually you'll be able to do it gracefully *and* take it in stride afterwards. You and all of us . . .
peg
Posted by Happyflower on April 10, 2007, at 9:01:14
In reply to Re: Therapy does work, posted by pegasus on April 9, 2007, at 20:54:37
Posted by Dinah on April 10, 2007, at 9:03:07
In reply to Re: Therapy does work, posted by pegasus on April 9, 2007, at 20:54:37
I do wish it for all of us. It is so nice to be able to set limits without bursting into tears. Being all wound up and anxious afterwards is bearable, and maybe if I get used to it, I won't feel that way.
I'm hoping my therapist will be proud of me today, but also that he won't try to build on his success by helping some more. Today I need support, not more ways to improve myself.
I hope it's not just driven by desperation and that I can keep hold of the ability after I catch up at work (if I ever do).
This is the end of the thread.
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