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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by frida on March 11, 2007, at 1:33:01
Hi!
I just thought I'd ask for some feedback.
I've been seeing my T for around 7 years now and it took me that long to trust and to share more freely, even now I have trouble talking. In the past I couldn't say a word...now I can, but I do from a distance..I have trouble sharing emotions and then I fall apart when I leave. I write to her and she knows, and she's been really wonderful to me, she reassures me I'm safe, she is there for me always.
I am working through abuse issues..and I still can't share feelings about it..only when I am at home and it all comes to me and I feel desperate I call crying..and while I'm there, I am moved lots of times by what she says about it.
Well, what I wanted to ask those of you who've been through it...is the following:Lately I've been experiencing flashbacks at home and it is so painful to go through them alone. My T has said that she would like me to be able to share the hard stuff with her so I am not alone.
Sometimes I've experienced flashbacks and the bad stuff when I'm with her...or when I am about to enter. But I don't tell her and I hold back and I don't say a word.
then I leave and it makes me cry.What do you do if you experience a flashback or sth similar when you are with your T? Do you tell?
What is your T's reaction?I don't even know how I'd say it. She asks me a lot of times how I'm feeling but I take a deep breath and say ok and I can't find the way to stop and tell her. Sometimes she's talking about something and I'm experiencing this and I can't tell her.
Would you mind sharing if you have told your T and what happened?
I just don't know why i can't say it and maybe it's not important to say but it is painful to me to leave without telling.
Thanks,
Frida
Posted by madeline on March 11, 2007, at 10:21:16
In reply to flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by frida on March 11, 2007, at 1:33:01
I think revealing flashback and the like in therapy can be watershed moments in your recovery.
I had a terrible flashback/body memory once during a gyno exam. I was triggered beyond measure and called my T that day.
He saw me and was so soothing - so understanding, that it really helped me to realize that it was just a memory.
The bond between us only deepened as a result of my revelation and I knew that I could trust and rely on him when the bad stuff seemed overwhelming.
I know it is very hard to put yourself out there and reach out even further when all you want to do is hold on to yourself even tighter, but in the right situation having someone reach back is amazing.
Hope this helps.Maddie
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 11, 2007, at 11:07:34
In reply to flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by frida on March 11, 2007, at 1:33:01
> Hi!
> I just thought I'd ask for some feedback.
> I've been seeing my T for around 7 years now and it took me that long to trust and to share more freely, even now I have trouble talking. In the past I couldn't say a word...now I can, but I do from a distance..I have trouble sharing emotions and then I fall apart when I leave. I write to her and she knows, and she's been really wonderful to me, she reassures me I'm safe, she is there for me always.**:-) She sounds like my T.
> I am working through abuse issues..and I still can't share feelings about it..only when I am at home and it all comes to me and I feel desperate I call crying..and while I'm there, I am moved lots of times by what she says about it.
> Well, what I wanted to ask those of you who've been through it...is the following:
>
> Lately I've been experiencing flashbacks at home and it is so painful to go through them alone. My T has said that she would like me to be able to share the hard stuff with her so I am not alone.
> Sometimes I've experienced flashbacks and the bad stuff when I'm with her...or when I am about to enter. But I don't tell her and I hold back and I don't say a word.
> then I leave and it makes me cry.
>
> What do you do if you experience a flashback or sth similar when you are with your T? Do you tell?
> What is your T's reaction?**Sorry, I just get triggers and dissociate.
I wonder if you dissociate?
>
> I don't even know how I'd say it. She asks me a lot of times how I'm feeling but I take a deep breath and say ok and I can't find the way to stop and tell her. Sometimes she's talking about something and I'm experiencing this and I can't tell her.*yeah, my T asks, and I awlays say fine. Sometimes she'll try and push it a bit, but I just sort of shrivell up into myself, literally and figuratively.
>
> Would you mind sharing if you have told your T and what happened?
>
> I just don't know why i can't say it and maybe it's not important to say but it is painful to me to leave without telling.*My thot was mebbe you could have a simple hand signal that you have both agreed upon in advance. Then you don't have to SAY, you just have to flap your hand. Then mebbe your T can try and see if she can help you to say.
Just my thots. I'm sorry you were hurt.
>
> Thanks,
> Frida
Posted by Daisym on March 12, 2007, at 1:35:29
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger* » frida, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 11, 2007, at 11:07:34
Sometimes we have to force ourselves to reach for the help we need in therapy. And I mean FORCE. I can think of two specific times I've slid into a flashback while in a session. I told him about one while it was happening and he really helped me see it as a memory and not as an event that was happening again. It was hard because I was so caught in it I had no word retrieval skills. But he asked me to just throw out words and he would follow up with simple questions and also said over and over again, "I'm here, you are safe. Try to come back if you can."
The other time he was pushing me to talk about my anger. I was sliding into it, I could feel it, but I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to talk about my anger. I left the session so out of it, I didn't even remember how to drive! So the next time I saw him I was really upset with him. We agreed that it was important to tell him, even if I couldn't tell him the story, he would at least know what was happening.
After 7 years, you know your therapist pretty well. Maybe you can honor your bond by giving her the gift of your stories, and allowing her to help you with the hardest stuff of all. You won't get into trouble by telling her and she certainly isn't going to think badly of you. I worry all the time that I'm contaminating my therapist but he tells me he knows how to take care of himself.
The only way out is through it. You need a guide and a witness as you go through it. I hope you let her help you even more than she already has.
Posted by widget on March 12, 2007, at 8:22:08
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by Daisym on March 12, 2007, at 1:35:29
You are right!
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 12, 2007, at 13:57:19
In reply to flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by frida on March 11, 2007, at 1:33:01
Yeah Frida, mebbe you like me and don't look at T much, so they don't realize we've left.
One time she did notice, and she was very sweet, she talked in her calming voice, don't remember the words, but I mostly came back. Sometimes it takes me awhile.
But it was fine, she was fine.
I think it was nice to not be alone in my goneness. She couldn't actually be 'there', but I knew she was 'nearby'. Yeah, I think that was good.
But I like you. I usu just go away and leave w/o telling. I go and sit and rock somewhere out of the way, and tell myself, "its OK" over and over, until I am more back.
But at the time its hard to tell, cuz if you not there, well, then how do you tell?
And it occurs to me as well, and I haven't figgered how to bypass this, but if you have a flashback, and then security kicks in, and you dissociating, then HOW to bypass security, which WON'T let you tell?
Dang, this is all very confusing to me.
Good thread.
Take care.
I am interested to know how it goes, and how you did it.
Thanks
Posted by frida on March 12, 2007, at 17:52:03
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by madeline on March 11, 2007, at 10:21:16
Thank you so much for your post.
I'll try to make myself say the words when it happens. It's as though I can't say it and then she talks about things and I am so far away and it's hard...
How relieving that you could share this with your T.Thank you for your post,it helps..
Frida
Posted by frida on March 12, 2007, at 17:55:18
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger* » frida, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 11, 2007, at 11:07:34
dear Iwillsurvive,
thank you so much for your posts..it helps so much..thank you for sharing what it is like for you...Sometimes I do dissociate..it's as though I went far, far away and my T is talking and I am lost inside...and I just want to say something and I can't...and I even smile as if nothing happened...The moment I'm out of there I burst into tears.
Sometimes she notices something, sometimes I hide it too well :-(I really have trouble talking, expressing how I feel. She is very reassuring and tells me over and over that I am safe and I don't need permission to tell or talk or even be alive..
Thank you, I'll re-read your other post and add something there :-)
safety to you,
Frida
Posted by frida on March 12, 2007, at 17:59:43
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by Daisym on March 12, 2007, at 1:35:29
Dear Daisy,
Your post was very moving to me. Thank you...
What you shared about being upset with him, sometimes it happens to me, not that I feel so upset, but as if I had lost her and she had left me in the middle of it...It makes me want to tell her, how can you not see what's going on??
The problem is that I already have trouble talking and I sit there , and i've experienced a flashback (lately it happens) and I can't say anything, she is talking about something and I feel soooo far away from it all and I just wish she could see it, but then I even smile and I am able to talk about work or things like that when I am struggling so much. I've learnt to hide so well that now it's difficult...
But you are so right in saying that i'd be honoring the bond we share if I could tell her the hardest stuff and share with her. She tells me that's what she wants most. She really wants me to trust her and open my heart and stop carrying secrets.Thank you for your post..
be safe,
Frida
Posted by frida on March 12, 2007, at 18:05:06
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger*, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 12, 2007, at 13:57:19
Thank you Iwillsurvive for sharing with me.
It means a lot, it really does, and helps me to try to gather the courage to tell.
I sometimes look at her but I tend to smile or try to stay in control and when it is happening, sometimes she doesn't realize :-( She thinks I'm following what she's saying, sometimes she asks me something or tells me why I'm looking at her so scared, or asks me a question and I just can't say much..It's as though I were so far away or so lost I can't come out.One time she noticed too and it does help to hear her and know she knows...but lately I've experienced flashbacks there and they paralyze me and I just wish she could realize and say something.
You are so right that it's so hard to tell. I keep telling myself, "come on, say a phrase, at least one word, at least say stop...or please.." or something to give her a sign of what's happening but I can't make myself say anything..though I will try next time it happens.
Thank you for your understanding,
be safe,
Frida
Posted by antigua on March 12, 2007, at 18:35:32
In reply to Re: flashbacks,how to share in T? *might trigger* » Iwillsurvive, posted by frida on March 12, 2007, at 18:05:06
Maybe you could develop a hand signal between the two of you that lets her know something is going on and she'll probe from there.
This may sound silly to you, but I think it's great that you actually have flashbacks when you are with her. Your inner self really wants to tell her. My flashbacks always come when I'm all alone, which is ugly, ugly.
Take care,
antigua
Posted by frida on March 13, 2007, at 1:04:40
In reply to idea, posted by antigua on March 12, 2007, at 18:35:32
Thank you...
I am sorry your flashbacks come when you're all alone. Just now I've been having some when I'm there with my T. It is relieving in some way. I hate it when I feel that alone, at home..at night :-(
It's hard to get through them and feel alone.I will try to tell her, I wish I could somehow.
Thanks for your suggestion. I'll try to bring it up...I find it a little hard to even mention that sometimes I feel that there.Thank you so much,
Frida
Posted by Dinah on March 14, 2007, at 12:43:50
In reply to idea, posted by antigua on March 12, 2007, at 18:35:32
My therapist and I worked out that system for when I want to talk but don't seem to be able to. I'm to raise some part of my hand that I wouldn't ordinarily do in normal conversation.
But also now that he understands, he asks. If I go completely quiet he'll ask if I am being quiet because I want to or because I can't speak.
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