Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 738547

Shown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Termination sucks big time

Posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

okay I am going to try not to get blocked again. I am feeling so much stuff I don't know what to really think. My emotions are running high, I am afraid to post again on here because of that, but someone babblemail me please if I am getting too emotional.

First I feel tricked by my T. Yes I agreed that it is time to terminate, but then I changed my mind, but he keeps going forward with it even with my reluctence. Last session 3 weeks ago, he says after we have been seeing each other every other week, and trying to get me to go every 3 weeks previous sessions, he says how about a month? Then of course I say NO! and then he goes how about 3 weeks then, and I said yes not thinking. I think he tricked me. He got me didn't he? I am not mad, but he is clever isn't he?

Well I see him tomorrow. I am reluctant to go now. It was so hard to go 3 weeks, and I don't know if I want to go through with that feeling again, so why go again? Anger, sadness, and anger again. I miss him so much. Am I done with therapy, yes I think so , but I am not done with him.

It comes down to this. I am doing okay with my life except my marriage. I know I am doing the right thing financially, emotionally for my kids. But I miss being loved and loving. So I am living this way until things are better. So what can my T do? So I guess I am done with therapy for now because everything else is going well. But I feel like I still need him, maybe not to change my way of thinking (cognitive)but for support or as a mentor as I go through my life. But why should I pay him for being with me because I am just too adorable for me to pay him. He should pay me. How can he let little happyflower go? Won't his life be worse off if I leave? Please don't answer, I know the answers, I just don't want to face it. I am so sad. Losing him feels worse than the reasons were to bring me to therapy.

I don't know what to say tomorrow. I just want to crawl up in a ball and shut everyone out of my life. Will he rescue me if I play dead? Will he still want to play with me? I know that is no way to be, I see my defective cognitive thoughts here, I don't need him to tell me that. But what about how I feel? How can you I feel any different? Or is it I am just sad because I am losing him? Is that a misthought? Or is it just what it is? Sadness? My heart hurts. :-( Do you think he knows that?

 

Re: Termination sucks big time

Posted by annierose on March 5, 2007, at 17:37:35

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

I think leaving someone important to us is hard and there is no easy answer. I thought about a meeting I had with my daughter's therapist last week. She feels it's time for my daughter to terminate and I found her approach interesting. She told me that she doesn't believe in gradually reducing sessions - that when the work is complete, it's time. Having said that, she understands that from time to time we all need extra support and my daughter can call her to schedule another appointment or two if necessary. But for now, they will work towards a date and then it's over.

Maybe seeing him so seldom is actually harder than just letting go all at once --- as cute as he is.

It's good to see you back. I missed your posts. I am sorry that you are feeling so sad right now.

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower

Posted by LadyBug on March 5, 2007, at 23:26:15

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

I'm glad to see you back, I've missed you Happyflower.
I'm sorry your heart hurts, I think most of us know how that feels all too well. I don't think I could do a tapering session every 3 weeks like you are. I agree with you, it will stir up your feelings when you see him tomorrow. I got an excellent book about a month ago. The title is "Good Goodbyes" It's the best book I've ever read on termination. It goes through every stage of therapy and how you should feel at the end and if you've done the work that needed to be done. I've learned a lot from it.
In therapy we are strengthening our "emotional muscle". It's just like going to the gym to strengthen our quad muscles or something. My "emotional muscle" needed a lot of strengthening cause it's taking me 10 years and I still feel weak at times. Therapy is draining sometimes.
I wish you the very best. You deserve it.
By the way, I'm looking for a place to move to. I've had it with the marriage I'm in. He's having both hips replaced this week, and I'm out of here as soon as possible!!!!!! It's a disaster!
Take care and write when you feel up to it. Stick to this board and I think you'll stay out of trouble. That's what I do?
Hugs
LadyBug

 

Re: Termination sucks big time - (Oh Happyflower)) » Happyflower

Posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 8:06:44

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

((((Oh... happyflower)))))

I just read ur post, and im sitting here crying my eyes and heart out with you...I don't know if you're interested, but i'm going through the same process of termiation..( God i hate the word as it sounds like an abortion!!!...sorry to anyone reading this if that's upsetting way for me to feel about just a word)))) anyway Oh dear happyflower.. I'm sorry I can't say much to you right now..as I'm sobbing here as I type this... I just want to say I know what you mean about the pain of doing without them and then stirring it all up again..!! >>>>>> As I too am tapering off gradually.. I went from weekly over Xmas... then jumped to fornithly for just 2 sessions... then I had a huge jump of 5 weeks untill my next appt on 27th Feb... It was awful as we argued the whole time, and she said not only the bad things I mentioned here... she did say one or two nice things as well... But waht she said about the hurt I'm feeling is that "she is not the one hurting me, that I'm hurting myself"... and that the situation is also hurting me but that it's nothing to do with her...and waht she's doing to me by cutting off ALL contact inbetween such long gaps in the final appointments,, and barred me from calling her main office ever again, so im the laughing stock of her office staff at the hospital where i was born many yrs ago..! It's just that before x,as my therpaist called me often and was verry communicative nad responsive to me and she was helping me heal so much... Now she has changed and I'm suffering distress like i never knew possible... It's not just cos the therapy is ending it's cos she refuses to even let me know in between if she got an email i sent to her... which is a main reason why my 4th last precious appointment with her was a disaster, as we were not on the same page so to speak...!! anyway, sorry that you are feeling all this pain... I know sorry doesnt help, and that you've asked lots of questions in your post which I think you already know the answers to...at least you have still got a good relationship with him.. and i guess you still see him at the gym... and at least you know maybe it's time the therapy was brought to an end, but you just feel you want to keep him as your mentor... All I can say is I know exactly how you feel... I want to keep mine too... But she's doing such a good job of pushing me away, that it hurts so much Im not sure what will happen... I mean how the end will pan out... My next appointment isn't until April... another 5 weeks wait in between.. PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR TALKAING ABOUT MYSELF... I NEVER MEANT TO... I WAS TRYING TO SAY I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!!!

as to whether HE kows how you feel, ( mean to answer your last question, about the pain in your heart and if he knows that your hearrt is aching...I dont know the answer to that, i think you have to go on your own instincts... therapy !! who would have it ?? I know we all have loved them in our lives... but the pain of ending is something I wasn't prepared for... and I guess neither were you... It's nice to see you back on babble.
Much kind thoughts sent your way.. hang in there!
Sg

 

Book link » LadyBug

Posted by 10derHeart on March 6, 2007, at 10:06:13

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 5, 2007, at 23:26:15

"Good Goodbyes"

Hope this is the right one.

Sounds excellent, but I'm so pathetically fragile even imagining this subject, I know I couldn't bear to read it. It would send me to bad, bad place.

Not now.
Maybe some day.

 

Re: Book link » 10derHeart

Posted by LadyBug on March 6, 2007, at 12:39:12

In reply to Book link » LadyBug, posted by 10derHeart on March 6, 2007, at 10:06:13

Thanks Tenderheart, for adding the link to the book. I brought my book with me to work today. I'm trying to work through some of my issues and this book helps me to think about things, not just termination.
LadyBug

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower

Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 14:05:32

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

It does.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I wish there was a world where all terminations were mutually agreed upon, unpressured, and a natural conclusion to the relationship.

As it is, there generally seems to be a flavor of relationship breakup.

 

Re: Book link.. I've ordered that book from amazon

Posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 16:43:04

In reply to Re: Book link » 10derHeart, posted by LadyBug on March 6, 2007, at 12:39:12

HI LadyBug...

We've never really talked much on the boards but I hope you dont mind...ive taken the advise on the 'good goodbyes' book, and have just now ordered a copy from Amazon UK... Tis not a cheap book... but I feel right now that anything thAT HELPS deal with the deep aching pain of therapy ending is worth every penny..!! I just wanted to say thanks for the link to the book in the first place>>> I have a few other books on this subject, and I can honestly say that they have helped me to cope ...GOD KNOWS WHAT I'D BE LIKE WITHOUT THEM...( the books as rthey bring a huge amount of understanding and light to the difficult to discuss matter in the therapy session with my therapist!
I BEGUN READING ON THE SUBJECT OVERR A YEAR AGO...but it was mostly from the standpoint of an observer of my own pain, as at the time I couldn't face it full on, so at first I distance my self from believing it weould happen to me one day... (Crying NOW) as it really is bout THE MOST pain i ever felt in my entire life... Therapy has opened me up ...>> brought my inner child back to life...>>> NOw I'm more vulnerable in a good way...as I don't have all those coping machanism inplace (walls around me ) to keep people away from getting close to me....
My therAPIST AND i WORKED VERY HARD AT BREAKING DOWN THOSE WALLS.. It's becasue they are now all but down, the PAIN IS EXCRUCIATING to leave her... PLease anyone dont think too badly of my therapist, she is human... and we all can make mistakes... can't we..??
Many thanks again to you happyflower for bringing this subject onto the boards, and for the sharing everyone does here... You're very special bunch of peoples.. God Bless you... Scentedgarden

 

Re: Book link.. I've ordered that book from amazon » scentedgarden

Posted by LadyBug on March 6, 2007, at 17:17:08

In reply to Re: Book link.. I've ordered that book from amazon, posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 16:43:04

I've loved reading the book and I hope you gain something from it when it comes and you read it.
About the pain of termination, my T always tells me it will be bitter sweet. OK, I can't even stand to go there, worse than a death to me, at least you know someone is gone, with a termination, you know they are still working etc. I think it's a great topic. I know someday I must face this, after 10 years with my T you'd think I could do it. It triggers abandonment issues with me, big time. And I love my T!
Hugs
LadyBug

 

I guess some people never go thru termination ever » LadyBug

Posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 18:29:15

In reply to Re: Book link.. I've ordered that book from amazon » scentedgarden, posted by LadyBug on March 6, 2007, at 17:17:08

> I've loved reading the book and I hope you gain something from it when it comes and you read it.

** thanks for your support.. I'm hoping this, as well especially as it cost about 40 dollars equivalent >>> lol...should be here by next monday..
> About the pain of termination, my T always tells me it will be bitter sweet.

** do you discuss termination even now? and if you don't mind my assking WHY do you discuss it if you don't have to terminate..?

OK, I can't even stand to go there,

***I totally understand this feeling...

worse than a death to me, at least you know someone is gone,

**YEP I agree with this feeling too...

with a termination, you know they are still working etc.

** I wonder which is the bitter and which is the sweet..!!???

I think it's a great topic.

*** OH Yeah... It's a great topic allright... just that no one else in the world knows what it feels like unless they have been in your shoes... I'm British and most people on this small island have never in their entire lives and never will have therapy like we have had...

I know someday I must face this, after 10 years with my T you'd think I could do it.

*** TEN YRS>>> is a long time Ladybug... It must be nearly impossible to leave then...>> I have been trweated on the government service, so we are not like the private sector... and im very very lucky to have had so long >> its a miracle i have been given so much help and work from this service, I just wish I hadn't wasted so much of it by talkaing baout rubbish and avoiding the real issues, and by not facing that the fact was and is that it just had to end one day soon... Its not like I could keep paying her...as it's the national health service, a system I don't think you have in the states... yes you have insurance but its a little different in a way over here... SO IM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE HAD HER AT ALL>>> I mean she says to me that if we were to talk about everyhting I want to talk about that we would we there till 'Kingdom come'...

It triggers abandonment issues with me, big time.

** It is doing it with me as well, and she says she is not rejecting me, the therpay is ending there's a difference...but try telling that to your inner baby child who came alive again in her loving professional care...Oh heck it hurts, and I know you all must be fed up hearing those words...'IT hurts' I'm fed up feeling hurt and going through it and I want to run away from it and stop talkaing about it and reading about it... but i can't... I just simply can't... (tears)

And I love my T!

** I love mine too...!

> Hugs

***Thanks for writing the words hugs..it means more to me than ((()))) lol as i nver really did dig those bracketc for hugs...haha.. se i can be crying one minute and then laughing the next... thats the childlikeness of me.. so precious so fragile ... so pure... trusting and hurting and crying out for her therapist like a baby for her mummy...Thats embarrassing to admit to you and everyone on here...but it's a fair description when i cry of how i feel...

> LadyBug
Hugs to you too
***Scentedgarden
p.s. I guess some people never ever have to go through termination... as they can just keep on paying for the therapist from now until kingdom come...and even for yourself after ten yrs... I don't know how you can say goodbye either..as it's a killer just now for me and i'm no where near ten yrs...But I think it's a credit to you that you're beginning to face up to it and that you're reading about it... thats what i did... I bought a book called...'when to say goodbye to your therapist' among others if anyone's interested let me know and i will get the exact name and author from my book shelves... God bless u

 

Re: I guess some people never go thru termination » scentedgarden

Posted by LadyBug on March 6, 2007, at 22:09:47

In reply to I guess some people never go thru termination ever » LadyBug, posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 18:29:15

Thanks Scentedgarden! You are so sweet! I think I have heard of that other book so I might look it up and check it out.
I wouldn't want to even calculate the money that I've paid my T! She lives a good life; travels a lot, buys nice clothes, it seems all perfect to me. I do get envious as my life seems always in turmoil and I seem to always be sad.
I'm sorry you have to go through the termination phase. I think we talk about it and have at times when I've wondered if I was ready for it or just too broke to go to therapy any longer. "Rent A Friend", that's what I call it.
I appreciate your words and I really hope you get through this time. I can't even imagine and I do know that eventually I will be going through it.
You have us, we aren't going anywhere that I know of!
Hugs again, and God bless you too~~~
LadyBug

 

HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower

Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 6, 2007, at 22:30:13

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

Good to see you back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry bout T :(
Let us know how it goes, hope it goes OK.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HF))))))))))))))))))))

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » annierose

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 20:30:33

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time, posted by annierose on March 5, 2007, at 17:37:35

Hi Annierose,

Thanks for the welcome back, I appreciate that. :-) We could have terminated like your daughters T does, it was my choice. But it does seem harder to see less and less of him, my next appointment is now in a month.
But yet he says I will see you at the gym, so at least I have that. But the gym stuff is different than talking one on one with him. It is so hard, I miss him already. Thanks for your support. ;-)

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » LadyBug

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 20:45:46

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 5, 2007, at 23:26:15

Hi Ladybug,

I believe you when you tell me you know how it feels. 10 years is a long time, compaired to my 2 years, I wouldn't know how to end that. He knows that I am missing him because I told him right out, I said, Boy am I going to miss you. Of course in was in response to his witty conversation. Then after I said that, he was like, where are you going? I laughed, but I can tell he isn't ready to hear about my missing him yet. I guess he is right, he isn't gone yet. But at least I got it out. I think the feeling is mutual, I even have a feeling we might have some sort of relationship after therapy. (can't go into details about that)I even mentioned
when we were making our next appointment that missing him is so hard and that it pisses me off. I said it sort of fast but I know he heard me. I never saw him jump out of his chair so fast. LOL
I will have to check out the book you recomended, it sounds like a good one, maybe I can even use when I am ready to end my marriage.
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Both hips, how long is he going to be out of commision? Is he expecting you to take care of him during this? Someday I am going to be so happy to let go of my marriage, it is really making me sad especially when I see happy couples. Well thank you so much for everything. Talk to you later........
Happyflower

 

Re: Termination sucks big time - (Oh Happyflower)) » scentedgarden

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 20:56:31

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time - (Oh Happyflower)) » Happyflower, posted by scentedgarden on March 6, 2007, at 8:06:44

Hi Scentedgarden,

I am sorry I made you cry, but it sounds like it is bringing up your issues too with termination. I also HATE that word. So is he the terminator? I would say so because it is killing my heart. He will always be in my heart, but I would like him in my life also. A lot of people don't know their therapists personally. I do , he even says so himself, and I have seen some of his bad sides too, so I have a realistic view of him. My next appointment is in 4 weeks, we tried this a long time ago, and it didn't work. I remember calling him half way through just to touch base and he was incrediblly kind to me. I think seeing him at the gym will help, he acknowleges me each time he sees me looking into my eyes and smiling, so that feels good. I know he cares about me and likes me so I have a feeling after talking to other therapist I know, that it is hard for them too, especially with a client that they have had in therapy for so long.
I am so sorry you are hurting, I know how much your T meant to you. I hope my T doesn't do what your T is doing, that is so hurtful and scary to think about. Well I hope we can get through this together. Even though we have lost touch, I still enjoy talking to you. You are a gem! ;-)

 

Re: Termination sucks big time

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:00:09

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2007, at 14:05:32

Hi Dinah,

You are so right! But I wonder if there is such an ending as that. I know he is doing the right thing, I am ready, it was partically up to me starting it, even though reluctantly, but it is still so hard. My next appointment is in a month, and it seems like such a long time. I miss him already even if I see him at the gym. Thank you Dinah for you support as always.

 

above post for Dinah*********************** (nm)

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:01:24

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:00:09

 

Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Iwillsurvive

Posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:03:54

In reply to HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 6, 2007, at 22:30:13

Thanks ( I really want to use your old name)LOL

I think you are wonderful! ;-) Thanks for all your support you little earmuff you! ;-)

 

Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower

Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 8, 2007, at 7:45:51

In reply to Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Iwillsurvive, posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:03:54

Hi Happyf,
I'm so sorry that your termination is hitting you hard. It's not fair huh?

I'm a little worried about saying this, but please know that I don't intend to hurt you. I really do care a great deal for you, and I consider us to be friends.

llurpsie takes a deep breath...

Maybe practicing termination with your therapist will be good practice for terminating with your husband?

It strikes me that you'll never be truly happy if you consider yourself a prisoner of your marriage.
You have choices. You actually do have real choices. I want to empower you. You have the power to exercise choice over who you want in your life. You do not need to choose between having a husband and having children. You will always have your children. They love you very much, and you love them very much. You seem to be an incredibly devoted mother.

You are very lucky to be living in a world that allows a woman to be a wife, a mother, both, or neither. You have expectations of how a wife should be treated, and I think it's fair to demand that your husband be faithful and honest. In return, you have the responsibility to love and be loved. If you and your husband cannot fulfill your mutual responsibilities, then you are not necessarily doing the right thing for your children.

You and I both know that children watch and learn. They are like little sponges. Delicate yet resilient.

When I was a kid, I watched how mom and dad treated each other. I generalized this to how men and women act towards one another. Sometimes I identify with being the woman in a dysfunctional and abusive relationship. That leads to all kinds of misery in my life.

And a story about a relative. She was married to an unfaithful and dishonest man for over a decade. They had 3 children together. They tried for 3 years to work things out. Once the seed of dishonesty has been sown, it can be very difficult to eradicate all the roots, even though they may be underground. The roots are poisonous though, and led her to feel deeply unhappy about her life, her person, and her ability to be a good mother.

She was very lucky in that her sister had a strong voice and showed her that it doesn't have to be this way. She was terrified, but she made one gutsy move after another. First she moved out. Took the kids with her. Then she found a job. She learned that she had human rights, and even legal rights.

And what happened to her children? They pulled together. They were no longer in an environment where their mother was deeply unsatisfied. They no longer felt responsible for their mother's fate in life. They no longer imitated the aggressions and manipulations of husbands and wives who don't trust or love each other.

The mother learned to show and feel love again, and her children are thriving.

Yes. financially it is difficult, but not impossible. You have dreams and goals, and I understand if you are still working on the long-term big picture of where you want your life to be in a year or 5 or 10.

I just wanted to give you some hope that things CAN get better. That termination is not the END of things, but also a beginning. An opportunity. You have a lot of strength, and wit and survival instincts, Happyflower. That's why I wish the best for you. That's why I think you're a good person, and a good friend.

yours,
-Ll

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower

Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2007, at 17:17:41

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:00:09

Actually, I think my own therapy may end with a whimper rather than a bang. With the tension disappearing with familiarity, and settling into ruts rather than forging new paths, I think it will just wither into dust from a lack of interest and blow away in a breeze of boredom.

At least I hope so. I hate loss.

 

Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Llurpsie_Noodle

Posted by Happyflower on March 8, 2007, at 18:15:32

In reply to Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 8, 2007, at 7:45:51

Hi Lurpsie,

Nothing you said in your post hurts me, a lot of this stuff was discussed in
therapy many times. I really appreciate that you would go out of you way to reply to me because I know that you are going through some tough times yourself.

This is what my plan is, (while I do have a choice). I know what you are saying about setting an example for my kids. One good thing is that most of the hostility isn't in front ot the kids, we are both making an effort on that. But even when we were happily married my kids would hear us argue once in a while. My kids don't know the circumstances of our marriage and I don't plan on burdening them with. In my circumstance it is mostly just a dead marriage, he isn't abusing me or anything and we aren't fighting even, it is just dead. Now I know they aren't seeing an example of a "happy marriage" right now, but they have seen it before. Usually durning a divorse things do tend to get worse and it does take a long time before they will see a good example of a remarried happy couple either with me or my husbands future partner. So right now I have time on my side, and my T agree's that as long as things don't get worse between my DH and I , that I am doing the best thing for a lot of reasons.

One would be financial, I have been a SAHM for since my children have been born, so my job oppertunities are not very good right now. That is why I am going to college to improve myself in that respect. Also there is an unexpected large inheritence that my husband is getting in the next two years. As his wife I am entitled to half of his share. Please don't anyone bash me on this because my DH is the one who deceided to screw up our marriage, so I don't feel guilty about it. I have put over 13 years with him and I do need the money to help raise my kids. That is what I would do with the money, buy a house and continue to go to college to obtain my degree so I can get a good job.

The decision to have me stay at home was made by the both of us for the sake of the kids. I was
working professionally making almost as much money as him when I got pregnant. If he stayed home, I would probably be making as much money or more than he is now, so I feel I have paid my dues.
It is still hard to do this I know emotionally. I miss the good and even the bad parts of being married. My heart is sort of dead in a way because he was everything to me, but when he deceided my love wasn't good enough and went with another, my love slowly disapeared. I still like him, he is a good father, but I no longer love him. It has taken me over 2 years to get to that point.
Then the other part is that my kids adore their father. In most cases, fathers only get visitation. I don't care how often it is, it isn't the same as having your dad with you everydday. I could never do that to my kids or even deprive my husband of the kids. Right now we are their world and I am just not willing to break their hearts. I believe it will probably be a little easier when they make more connections to friends and break away from us like most kids do when they get older. By then I will have my financial affairs taken care of, and have a more stable home and life plan to offer them.
I know I could end things tonight, but right now I have some choices, and I am willing to put part of my life on hold for the benefit of my kids. If things get worse, I may have to reassess the conditions. So as you can see (and I haven't spoke about everything) I have worked a lot of this stuff out with my T . It really sucks but I feel for now it is my best option.

As far as my T is concerned, I will be leaving therapy, but I have a feeling I will have some sort of relationship with my T . It isn't 100%, so I need to prepare like the end is the end, but I do believe it probably won't be the end.
I know a lot of people disagree with me on this issue, but it is what I am plan to do in the meantime, but I do plan to divorse him in the next 3 years 100%.

 

Re: Termination sucks big time » Dinah

Posted by Happyflower on March 8, 2007, at 18:18:32

In reply to Re: Termination sucks big time » Happyflower, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2007, at 17:17:41

I hope that is how it will happen for you. You have been with him so long, I don't know how I would separate . It is longer than most marriages now days. I know it isn't a marriage, but it is a very intimate emotional relationship. I thought I would be feeling different about it too, but it is tough to say goodbye to someone who you like so much.

 

Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower

Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 8, 2007, at 20:58:44

In reply to Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by Happyflower on March 8, 2007, at 18:15:32

Sounds like a plan to me Happy. You HAVE thought about this, which is impressive. I hate planning myself. I'm kinda down to one day at a time. one task at a time. My brain is full to the brim and there are little scatter-brained lists all over the place. I keep stepping on them. crunch!

I'm glad that you recognize things for what they are and you can see your way out and come out shining on the other side. You'll be (even more?) loveable in 3 years, and in the meanwhile, you can think about what your next fling will be like (haha. I know you already do!)

best to you,
-Ll

 

Re: Termination sucks big time---yeah it does! » Happyflower

Posted by gardenergirl on March 8, 2007, at 22:23:09

In reply to Termination sucks big time, posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12

I'm sorry it's rough for you right now. It's certainly no picnic.

namaste

gg


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