Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 8, 2007, at 7:45:51
In reply to Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Iwillsurvive, posted by Happyflower on March 7, 2007, at 21:03:54
Hi Happyf,
I'm so sorry that your termination is hitting you hard. It's not fair huh?I'm a little worried about saying this, but please know that I don't intend to hurt you. I really do care a great deal for you, and I consider us to be friends.
llurpsie takes a deep breath...
Maybe practicing termination with your therapist will be good practice for terminating with your husband?
It strikes me that you'll never be truly happy if you consider yourself a prisoner of your marriage.
You have choices. You actually do have real choices. I want to empower you. You have the power to exercise choice over who you want in your life. You do not need to choose between having a husband and having children. You will always have your children. They love you very much, and you love them very much. You seem to be an incredibly devoted mother.You are very lucky to be living in a world that allows a woman to be a wife, a mother, both, or neither. You have expectations of how a wife should be treated, and I think it's fair to demand that your husband be faithful and honest. In return, you have the responsibility to love and be loved. If you and your husband cannot fulfill your mutual responsibilities, then you are not necessarily doing the right thing for your children.
You and I both know that children watch and learn. They are like little sponges. Delicate yet resilient.
When I was a kid, I watched how mom and dad treated each other. I generalized this to how men and women act towards one another. Sometimes I identify with being the woman in a dysfunctional and abusive relationship. That leads to all kinds of misery in my life.
And a story about a relative. She was married to an unfaithful and dishonest man for over a decade. They had 3 children together. They tried for 3 years to work things out. Once the seed of dishonesty has been sown, it can be very difficult to eradicate all the roots, even though they may be underground. The roots are poisonous though, and led her to feel deeply unhappy about her life, her person, and her ability to be a good mother.
She was very lucky in that her sister had a strong voice and showed her that it doesn't have to be this way. She was terrified, but she made one gutsy move after another. First she moved out. Took the kids with her. Then she found a job. She learned that she had human rights, and even legal rights.
And what happened to her children? They pulled together. They were no longer in an environment where their mother was deeply unsatisfied. They no longer felt responsible for their mother's fate in life. They no longer imitated the aggressions and manipulations of husbands and wives who don't trust or love each other.
The mother learned to show and feel love again, and her children are thriving.
Yes. financially it is difficult, but not impossible. You have dreams and goals, and I understand if you are still working on the long-term big picture of where you want your life to be in a year or 5 or 10.
I just wanted to give you some hope that things CAN get better. That termination is not the END of things, but also a beginning. An opportunity. You have a lot of strength, and wit and survival instincts, Happyflower. That's why I wish the best for you. That's why I think you're a good person, and a good friend.
yours,
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:738547
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/739150.html