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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on January 4, 2007, at 21:26:11
I talked to my T today, but I still miss him. I want to see him. And to be able to know all the time that it's ok, that he's not mad at me. I want to be his daughter, because then I know he would love me. And that's not right, but I just am too greedy. I just want all this comfort, and I just can't help it. I miss him so so much.
sunnydays
Posted by ClearSkies on January 4, 2007, at 23:01:16
In reply to being attached is hard, posted by sunnydays on January 4, 2007, at 21:26:11
I often wish that my therapist could take me along as a second cousin or something to her family functions. She says they are as whacked as anybody else's! Wouldn't it be nice to enjoy the strangeness with a familiar person?
CS
Posted by canadagirl on January 4, 2007, at 23:18:26
In reply to being attached is hard, posted by sunnydays on January 4, 2007, at 21:26:11
We all need love and it's love that heals. That is not greedy, that's a human need. A smart therapist will understand that. Love is transforming. You need that "limited reparenting" that therapy can give.
And that's OK to need it. Hopefully you have a good therapist who is trained to work that way.
Posted by muffled on January 5, 2007, at 0:06:09
In reply to being attached is hard, posted by sunnydays on January 4, 2007, at 21:26:11
> I talked to my T today, but I still miss him. I want to see him. And to be able to know all the time that it's ok, that he's not mad at me. I want to be his daughter, because then I know he would love me. And that's not right, but I just am too greedy. I just want all this comfort, and I just can't help it. I miss him so so much.
>
> sunnydays**Agreed. Being attached completely sucks and I STILL trying to figger it all out.....
REASSURANCE. Thats HUGE for me. I constantly need reassurance from my T. CONSTANTLY.
When I feel more secure in her, then when she away its not as bad.
When I not, well, it just sucks.
I listen to her phone messages an embarrassing amount of times :( EMBARASSING.
I am a grown woman w/kids, and I sit there clinging to the damn phone listening to a T message I already heard so many times.
Confusing as hell, no doubt.
Anyhow, I know it gets better, cuz there's been times when its been better.
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2007, at 10:08:38
In reply to being attached is hard, posted by sunnydays on January 4, 2007, at 21:26:11
It *is* hard. But it is also healing in a way. It helps open us up to being attached to others who might be able to return our attachment in equal measure.
It also does get better. Like love, attachment hurts the most in the earlier headier stages, and settles down to calm attachment as you feel more and more safe and secure in the attachment.
Oh, I just remembered something. It doesn't get completely better, because my therapist was angry at me just the other day because of my incessant need for reassurance. But he was in a rotten mood that day, and yelling at me about everything, and he's been rather repentant and reassuring since then. He's even, without prompting, brought up his caring for me a few times.
Gosh, I'd forgotten that he had gotten angry with me about that. I was wondering why he kept bringing up his caring for me.
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:37:58
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » sunnydays, posted by ClearSkies on January 4, 2007, at 23:01:16
Yeah - and someone I know is safer than my family and most likely wouldn't hurt me or insult me? It would be nice...
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:39:12
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » sunnydays, posted by canadagirl on January 4, 2007, at 23:18:26
Yeah, I do have a really good therapist. He tries to explain things like that to me, but it takes me a while to grasp them. The negative thoughts are so deeply embedded, it's hard to get rid of them. But he is so so caring, and I like it so much.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:40:56
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » sunnydays, posted by muffled on January 5, 2007, at 0:06:09
I would listen to my T's messages over and over if I had them and they were really good, too. Unfortunately both my cell phone and school phone voicemails delete the messages after two weeks or a month or something. But I sure do listen to them a lot in the meantime! I'm sorry you understand how hard it is so well.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:43:38
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2007, at 10:08:38
> It *is* hard. But it is also healing in a way. It helps open us up to being attached to others who might be able to return our attachment in equal measure.
**** Yeah, I'm hoping I'll find someone like that sometime.
>
> It also does get better. Like love, attachment hurts the most in the earlier headier stages, and settles down to calm attachment as you feel more and more safe and secure in the attachment.**** Yeah. It seems to come and go in waves for me. At times it's really intense and painful, and at other times it is really nice and calm. It just depends what I'm worrying about, for the most part.
>
> Oh, I just remembered something. It doesn't get completely better, because my therapist was angry at me just the other day because of my incessant need for reassurance. But he was in a rotten mood that day, and yelling at me about everything, and he's been rather repentant and reassuring since then. He's even, without prompting, brought up his caring for me a few times.
>
> Gosh, I'd forgotten that he had gotten angry with me about that. I was wondering why he kept bringing up his caring for me.
**** Maybe because he cares about you? It might not all be that he wanted to make up for being mad. Although, my therapist also tends to remember things he did that hurt me and try to make up for them much longer than they bother me or I remember them.sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2007, at 16:19:57
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » muffled, posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:40:56
If your cellphone has a place to stick in a headset, you can transfer the recordings to your iPod or to a tape recorder. You just get a double male line with minijack adaptors if you need them, then attach one end to the cell phone headset place, and the other to the recorder or iPod microphone input. And voila.
I generally have to boost the sound a bit with a computer program, but it works pretty well.
Posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 21:30:45
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2007, at 16:19:57
Thanks Dinah!! I'll have to look into that. And dig out my tape recorder since I am so behind the times that I'm one of the few college students without an iPod. Well, one of my guy friends still prefers CDs too, but most people I know have iPods. I'll have to try recording my therapist's messages.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on January 7, 2007, at 22:07:01
In reply to Re: being attached is hard » muffled, posted by sunnydays on January 5, 2007, at 14:40:56
> I would listen to my T's messages over and over if I had them and they were really good, too. Unfortunately both my cell phone and school phone voicemails delete the messages after two weeks or a month or something. But I sure do listen to them a lot in the meantime! I'm sorry you understand how hard it is so well.
**LOL my cell only keeps them 3 days!!! I have to keep resaving on the last day or they gone!
I have been know to record them off the phone onto my mp3 player, but that doesn't work as well, for some bizzarre reason my messages need to be FRESH! to be very good.
I have asked my T to specifically leave a type of message a time or 2, but mostly I too embarrassed to ask. But fortunately for me she's one of those people that leaves long messages! Or mebbe she does it on purpose???Dunno, and I too chicken to ask!
Take care SD.
Muffled
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