![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2007, at 22:28:35
I'm so angry lately at everything about my family. The problem is, I still have about two weeks until I see my T, and I'm still at home having to deal with the actual people. What do I do with it? I was tearing paper up today, and my mother started criticizing me - it's hard for me to know what to do. Anger is such such such an unfamiliar feeling for me, and it scares me. I just don't know how to deal with it at all. I just want to hit myself over and over and over again. And then I feel like such a bad person for being so angry.
This emotion stuff is so hard.
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on January 2, 2007, at 23:22:26
In reply to what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2007, at 22:28:35
Let me try to chanel my therapist:
He would tell you that sometimes being angry is the appropriate response and that keeping your own anger, not giving it away to the other person, is a healthy thing to do. When we are scared of our own anger, we are usually reacting to what we think the anger will make us do. And that usually comes from an old place, where anger remains scary because there was yelling, or hitting or other awful acting out directed to us, or we witnessed.
And there are many people who say that anger is just a mask for hidden grief. Many times this is true. But my therapist gets sort of righteous about this too (he is cute and protective when he does this) and he tells me sometimes anger is just anger. And that is a good thing - anger can make you strong! It tells you that someone is stepping on your limits - personal or otherwise. And in your anger, you can say, "Hey, back off man. You're standing on my limit." (Maybe you have to be there.) Even with your parents, you can use your anger in a respectful way to set limits. Often the best way to handle some one's criticism is to ask them why they feel the need to comment on how you are ripping up paper. And it is OK to say you are angry. "Mom, I felt criticised just now and I'm also feeling angry. I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that." And boy, I know it is so much harder to do than to write here. I'm the queen of "it's OK. I'm fine with it." I think I have an enlarged "be nice" gene. I almost NEVER react in anger and it takes me awhile to label that emotion. Or if I do get angry, it is all mixed in with tears and shaking, etc. I think I posted here that my therapist wants me to work at finding my inner B*tch - *gasp*! He says that when I think I'm being a total b*tch, I'm probably reacting as I should be. Go figure.
It is hard to miss so much therapy and it does make you more tense and touchy. But it sounds like you have good reason to be feeling this way. Hang in there. Another week is almost gone. And don't forget Antigua's suggestion -- beat on a fence with a plastic bat!
Posted by muffled on January 2, 2007, at 23:25:02
In reply to what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2007, at 22:28:35
> I'm so angry lately at everything about my family. The problem is, I still have about two weeks until I see my T, and I'm still at home having to deal with the actual people. What do I do with it? I was tearing paper up today, and my mother started criticizing me - it's hard for me to know what to do. Anger is such such such an unfamiliar feeling for me, and it scares me. I just don't know how to deal with it at all. I just want to hit myself over and over and over again. And then I feel like such a bad person for being so angry.
>
> This emotion stuff is so hard.**Emotion stuff is NUTS.
But I FINALLY sorta staring to beleive what my T has been teling me, in that the intense emots DO pass. They may come back all right, but that moment of intensity when you thinking to your self I gonna lose it...well, the intensity peaks, and then it goes down for a while...and you can breath again for a bit.
I think everybodys got their own thing that seems to work for them. I like visualization. going to my quiet cave inside, and there's just a shell left outside to do the basic functioning...
Mebbe a mantra of some sort that helps you....that you can reapeat to yourself over and over and over...
Just keeping away from the family as much as you can? Long walks etc?
Mebbe can you cut the visit a littl eshort?
If you having a real bad time, goto bed and say you got a real bad headache, and just daydream good things in bed or sleep.
Please don't hit yourself. I hurt myself too rather than hurt others....not the best solution really...
And I guess basic relaxation breathing stuff is good.
Family is hard.
Yeah, I see T on 9th.
Your T time will come. Closer all the time.
Take it easy as best you can,
Thinking of you,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2007, at 9:51:39
In reply to what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2007, at 22:28:35
Please don't hit yourself, hit a pillow that you're pretending is your mother, father, or whatever you're angry with. That makes it clear where the anger is directed.
It's ok to be angry with your family. I think many people are, once they get away from them.
You aren't spending all this time with your family, though, are you? Aren't you leaving soon to spend time with a friend?
Posted by rubenstein on January 3, 2007, at 11:53:22
In reply to what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by sunnydays on January 2, 2007, at 22:28:35
Anger is a really hard message for me to deal with too. I don't knwo what to do with it, I feel like I ahve to take some action on it instead of expressing it. I wish I had some advice for you, mainly I just can emphathize (sp). Take care of yourself. ITs hard not seeing your T too. THis three week thing for me has been really difficult. Hope that time passes quickly for you.
Take care
Rubenstein
Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 12:55:21
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by Daisym on January 2, 2007, at 23:22:26
> He would tell you that sometimes being angry is the appropriate response and that keeping your own anger, not giving it away to the other person, is a healthy thing to do. When we are scared of our own anger, we are usually reacting to what we think the anger will make us do. And that usually comes from an old place, where anger remains scary because there was yelling, or hitting or other awful acting out directed to us, or we witnessed.
**** Definitely. I have such intense impulses to hit other people when I'm angry, and it scares me. It's because that's what I've seen modeled as what people do with anger. I try really hard not to do it, but sometimes I slip up, and it's not good. Then I have even more of a reason to think I'm a horrible person and that being angry is bad.
>
> And there are many people who say that anger is just a mask for hidden grief. Many times this is true. But my therapist gets sort of righteous about this too (he is cute and protective when he does this) and he tells me sometimes anger is just anger. And that is a good thing - anger can make you strong! It tells you that someone is stepping on your limits - personal or otherwise. And in your anger, you can say, "Hey, back off man. You're standing on my limit." (Maybe you have to be there.)*** I could kind of see my therapist saying that. :)
Even with your parents, you can use your anger in a respectful way to set limits. Often the best way to handle some one's criticism is to ask them why they feel the need to comment on how you are ripping up paper. And it is OK to say you are angry. "Mom, I felt criticised just now and I'm also feeling angry. I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that." And boy, I know it is so much harder to do than to write here. I'm the queen of "it's OK. I'm fine with it." I think I have an enlarged "be nice" gene.
**** Yeah, or I just lose it and just scream at people, which isn't good either. But I also hardly ever get angry, so when I do, I get really angry.
I almost NEVER react in anger and it takes me awhile to label that emotion. Or if I do get angry, it is all mixed in with tears and shaking, etc. I think I posted here that my therapist wants me to work at finding my inner B*tch - *gasp*! He says that when I think I'm being a total b*tch, I'm probably reacting as I should be. Go figure.
**** It is so hard for me to label my anger as anger. I have such a hard time even recognizing that I am angry.
> It is hard to miss so much therapy and it does make you more tense and touchy. But it sounds like you have good reason to be feeling this way. Hang in there. Another week is almost gone. And don't forget Antigua's suggestion -- beat on a fence with a plastic bat!**** Thanks Daisy. It'll be okay, I hope.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 12:57:52
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?* » sunnydays, posted by muffled on January 2, 2007, at 23:25:02
> **Emotion stuff is NUTS.
> But I FINALLY sorta staring to beleive what my T has been teling me, in that the intense emots DO pass. They may come back all right, but that moment of intensity when you thinking to your self I gonna lose it...well, the intensity peaks, and then it goes down for a while...and you can breath again for a bit.**** Yeah, the problem is holding it together in the intense moment so I don't lose it.
> I think everybodys got their own thing that seems to work for them. I like visualization. going to my quiet cave inside, and there's just a shell left outside to do the basic functioning...
> Mebbe a mantra of some sort that helps you....that you can reapeat to yourself over and over and over...
> Just keeping away from the family as much as you can? Long walks etc?
> Mebbe can you cut the visit a littl eshort?
> If you having a real bad time, goto bed and say you got a real bad headache, and just daydream good things in bed or sleep.**** Thanks for the ideas. I can't cut the visit short, but it's less than a week with my family, and then I get to see a friend. I get so lonely and dead feeling at home, though. Keeping away from the family is hard because my mom will come wherever I am without asking because she has no boundaries.
> Please don't hit yourself. I hurt myself too rather than hurt others....not the best solution really...
> And I guess basic relaxation breathing stuff is good.**** Yeah, I don't hit myself much. I try not to.
> Family is hard.
> Yeah, I see T on 9th.
> Your T time will come. Closer all the time.
> Take it easy as best you can,
> Thinking of you,
> Muffled*** Thanks muffled.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 12:58:57
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigg » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2007, at 9:51:39
> Please don't hit yourself, hit a pillow that you're pretending is your mother, father, or whatever you're angry with. That makes it clear where the anger is directed.
**** Yeah, I should do that. It's so hard to remember where the anger is directed, though.
>
> It's ok to be angry with your family. I think many people are, once they get away from them.
>
> You aren't spending all this time with your family, though, are you? Aren't you leaving soon to spend time with a friend?
*** Yeah, I get to leave soon. Thanks Dinah.sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 13:00:04
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by rubenstein on January 3, 2007, at 11:53:22
> Anger is a really hard message for me to deal with too. I don't knwo what to do with it, I feel like I ahve to take some action on it instead of expressing it.
**** Yeah, I feel like I have to *do* something, not just feel it and have it pass. It's hard when it's really intense.
I wish I had some advice for you, mainly I just can emphathize (sp). Take care of yourself. ITs hard not seeing your T too. THis three week thing for me has been really difficult. Hope that time passes quickly for you.
> Take care
> Rubenstein
*** Thanks rubenstein.sunnydays
Posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 13:06:56
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 13:00:04
Hey SD, mebbe when you real angry, just think of us babblers standing with you, saying its OK. And knowing that we UNDERSTAND, and you NOT alone in this.
Your babblefriends are with you in spirit, just think of that mebbe.
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 14:16:47
In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?* » sunnydays, posted by muffled on January 3, 2007, at 13:06:56
Thank you so much muffled. It's so hard. That was such a wonderful thing to say. Thank you.
sunnydays
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.