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Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*

Posted by sunnydays on January 3, 2007, at 12:55:21

In reply to Re: what to do? so angry, and it scares me **trigger?*, posted by Daisym on January 2, 2007, at 23:22:26

> He would tell you that sometimes being angry is the appropriate response and that keeping your own anger, not giving it away to the other person, is a healthy thing to do. When we are scared of our own anger, we are usually reacting to what we think the anger will make us do. And that usually comes from an old place, where anger remains scary because there was yelling, or hitting or other awful acting out directed to us, or we witnessed.

**** Definitely. I have such intense impulses to hit other people when I'm angry, and it scares me. It's because that's what I've seen modeled as what people do with anger. I try really hard not to do it, but sometimes I slip up, and it's not good. Then I have even more of a reason to think I'm a horrible person and that being angry is bad.

>
> And there are many people who say that anger is just a mask for hidden grief. Many times this is true. But my therapist gets sort of righteous about this too (he is cute and protective when he does this) and he tells me sometimes anger is just anger. And that is a good thing - anger can make you strong! It tells you that someone is stepping on your limits - personal or otherwise. And in your anger, you can say, "Hey, back off man. You're standing on my limit." (Maybe you have to be there.)

*** I could kind of see my therapist saying that. :)

Even with your parents, you can use your anger in a respectful way to set limits. Often the best way to handle some one's criticism is to ask them why they feel the need to comment on how you are ripping up paper. And it is OK to say you are angry. "Mom, I felt criticised just now and I'm also feeling angry. I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that." And boy, I know it is so much harder to do than to write here. I'm the queen of "it's OK. I'm fine with it." I think I have an enlarged "be nice" gene.

**** Yeah, or I just lose it and just scream at people, which isn't good either. But I also hardly ever get angry, so when I do, I get really angry.

I almost NEVER react in anger and it takes me awhile to label that emotion. Or if I do get angry, it is all mixed in with tears and shaking, etc. I think I posted here that my therapist wants me to work at finding my inner B*tch - *gasp*! He says that when I think I'm being a total b*tch, I'm probably reacting as I should be. Go figure.

**** It is so hard for me to label my anger as anger. I have such a hard time even recognizing that I am angry.

> It is hard to miss so much therapy and it does make you more tense and touchy. But it sounds like you have good reason to be feeling this way. Hang in there. Another week is almost gone. And don't forget Antigua's suggestion -- beat on a fence with a plastic bat!

**** Thanks Daisy. It'll be okay, I hope.

sunnydays


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poster:sunnydays thread:718732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/718910.html