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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on April 24, 2006, at 22:12:01
Sometimes there just feels like there is SO much tension in the room between us. I am attracted to him, and he knows that (said he felt flattered by it, and that it felt great knowing that a 'really cute girl like me, 'liked' him...yea whatever) but I feel disatisfied by our conversation about it. He kept trying to change subjects and it was so frustrating. I wish I didn't feel that way about him, but it's like I try to ignore the feeling and it gets worse, more intense. Would trying to bring it up and talk about it again help? Or do I just try to ignore it and focus on other things?
Then him. He stares at me so much that I feel almost paranoid. I know they look at you to listen, but he'll just keep looking at me so hard even after I'm done talking. Other times he acts so nervous and looks down, can't make eye contact with me, plays with a pen or his ring, and keeps shifting around in his chair. Why would he be so nervous sometimes? Maybe I am paying too much attention to how he acts. But it is distracting me so badly.
Should I ask him if I make him uncomfortable? I don't know what the heck is going on. And I hate writing about it on here because I would be mortified if he read this. Do Ts know about psychobabble, do any of you all's Ts visit here?
Sorry so many questions = )
-Katrina-
Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2006, at 22:19:34
In reply to T is confusing me, posted by Karolina on April 24, 2006, at 22:12:01
I'd bring it up again if you aren't satisfied as to the resolution. Most of them aren't properly trained in how to handle it professionally, but that's no reason they shouldn't have to learn.
I also think it's fair to bring up his behavior in the here and now, and how it's affecting you. So if his fidgeting is distracting you, I think it's fair to say "You are fidgeting and I'm having a hard time concentrating. Am I making you uncomfortable?"
My therapist knows about Babble but has promised not to read. Actually he's a bit snotty about it. He says he has better things to do with his time.
Posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 7:48:29
In reply to T is confusing me, posted by Karolina on April 24, 2006, at 22:12:01
Hi Karolina!
I swear you and I go to the same T! LOL My T does the same thing, with the staring, looking down, he even turn red depending what we are talking about. My T knows I am attracted to him, but he is also attracted to me and yes, you can feel that sexual tension in the room.
To be perfectly honest I don't know if talking to him will help because they aren't suppose to tell you they are attracted to you, so you will never get that answer directly from him. But I think you know the answer to the question anyways. I think it is very hard for people to hide their feelings, even T's.I think the comment, I am flattered, must be something they learn in T school. Because my T said I take it as a compliment, etc. Blah , Blah, Blah.
They are men after all and if you think he is attracted to you , he probably is. Now what to do about it, I don't know, I am still trying to figure that one out. But it is their responsibility to keep it out of the room, but I don't think they can hide it anyways, especially if the client feels the same way. But I know the stuggle very well, babble mail me anytime!
Good luck. Let us know what you deceide to do.
By the way Welcome to Babble if you are new!
Posted by Veracity on April 25, 2006, at 10:13:06
In reply to T is confusing me, posted by Karolina on April 24, 2006, at 22:12:01
Your post started me thinking about whether my therapist might read here, and if she does, she could probably pick me out based on what I've said here. Which is disconcerting. But then again, I haven't said anything she doesn't already know first-hand. But still...
I do, however, really like the idea of therapists in general reading/lurking here because what better way for them to get a more objective view of how clients feel about therapists and therapy in general. I find it fascinating that so many of us share feelings and experiences about our therapists. I ALSO think it's interesting that there is so much variety too - for example, some of us would love to be with our therapists outside the office while others of us dread that sort of encounter.
Posted by Racer on April 25, 2006, at 18:49:54
In reply to Re: T is confusing me, posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 7:48:29
LoL! My last pdoc was a good-looking guy, but I swear I could feel his "I know you're attracted to me" vibes from down the hallway! And, as it happened, I wasn't. I can certainly see that he was a good looking guy, but felt NOTHING about it. Couldn't even do my usual, "A thing of beauty is a joy forever" about him. Just "He's good looking. Eh."
That was part of why I changed pdocs, and now see a woman.
As for sexual tension with a therapist, I think that's why I could never see a man. We've discussed this before on this board, so I won't say more. It is funny, though, isn't it?
Good luck. And I agree about bringing it up again, because the frsutration of having it brushed aside as well as the distracting nature of his fidgets are both issues for therapy...
Posted by Karolina on April 25, 2006, at 22:51:11
In reply to T is confusing me, posted by Karolina on April 24, 2006, at 22:12:01
Thanks everyone so much for your responses. You all are really great and provide such great insight.
Here's the bad thing about this: He's a lot older than me AND married...So I think, no way could he be attracted to me. Happyflower, our Ts DO sound the same lol. How were you able to talk openly about how you felt about each other? That's kind of where I am right now. I want to figure out the best way to bring all this up without scaring him off. And I just wish I KNEW what he thinks, it's driving me crazy.
He's told me things like he thinks I'm attractive, beautiful, etc (though I strongly disagree) and he once gave me a hug and I think it lasted longer than we intended because we just stood there hugging silently for minutes. I wish so much something like that would happen again, that he would touch me like that again and possibly even more, but then I ask myself am I really that touch-starved?
Then I tell myself that he's just being nice and it doesn't mean anything such as him being attracted to me. It's so confusing. I alternate between questioning if he's attracted to me and that he finds me annoying and pathetic. Right now it feels like he finds me annoying and is really tired of me...Sorry I don't mean to go on and on about this, I am just frustrated, it feels like such an unnecessary mess...
-Karolina-
Posted by Karolina on April 25, 2006, at 23:05:08
In reply to Therapists reading PsychoBabble, posted by Veracity on April 25, 2006, at 10:13:06
Thanks Veracity. I've always thought of it negatively, like if my T could figure out from what I write on here that it was me writing all about him and that he'd think I was truly psycho, but that's a good positive way to look at it.
This is the end of the thread.
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