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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Voce on April 25, 2006, at 0:57:07
I have been absent the last month and I feel bad because I miss all of you. I'm sorry I just haven't had much to say.
I am getting married in 46 days and I am very excited and I love my fiance more than I can say. But I think this may be the hardest part of the engagement--when emotions run high. My future mother-in-law is kind of a witch and I'm struggling with that as well as my own stress. And when you get married you have to close the door on some family stuff and face up to the fact that you could have done better and you can't change the past. So that hurts.
I sent my ex T an e-mail telling her I was sorry for blowing up at her and that I wasn't thinking rationally. It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. I hope she's not blowing off my apology. Screw it, I'm tired of being hurt by therapists.
I love you guys.
Voce
Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2006, at 8:53:34
In reply to Popping in, posted by Voce on April 25, 2006, at 0:57:07
Nice to see you, Voce.
> I am getting married in 46 days and I am very excited and I love my fiance more than I can say.
I'm so happy for you. You're right though, this is a stressful time. Even good stuff can cause stress, so I hope you are finding time to take care of you.
I'm sorry your future MIL is difficult. I'm blessed with a wonderful MIL. She just has sons, so it's fun to do girly things with her. I hope that in time your future MIL relaxes and becomes easier to deal with.
>And when you get married you have to close the door on some family stuff and face up to the fact that you could have done better and you can't change the past. So that hurts.
Yes, that truth is a hard one. It takes acceptance and grieving to get to that point, but it's an important emotional place to reach. Good for you, but I'm sorry it hurts. On the other hand, my T says that marriage is sort of the "ultimate" chance to "re-do" and/or "fix" what went wrong as a child. He's not saying that you should use your spouse in a way to try to make up for the past. But the intimacy of the relationship is the closest thing to a parent/child bond, so it provides opportunities to "get it right". I'm not sure I fully get what he means, but this tends to come up when I am having relationship problems.
>
> I sent my ex T an e-mail telling her I was sorry for blowing up at her and that I wasn't thinking rationally. It's been 3 weeks and I've heard nothing. I hope she's not blowing off my apology. Screw it, I'm tired of being hurt by therapists.It sounds like you are moving forward and doing well. If you have the time, (ha ha!), I'd love to hear something about your wedding planning process, maybe on Social?
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2006, at 14:19:49
In reply to Popping in, posted by Voce on April 25, 2006, at 0:57:07
It sounds like you're using this time productively. Closing the door on my family of origin is something that I didn't do until years after my marriage, with help from my therapist.
MIL's don't change much after marriage. Perhaps my experience might be helpful. My mother in law was great, but my family was at best difficult. So we instituted a "You deal with your family" rule. It kept the dynamic from changing into wonderful child, evil husband. And it kept my husband from going nuts. Even on those few instances where it was his family we had to deal with, it still worked that way.
Posted by happyflower on April 25, 2006, at 17:05:41
In reply to Popping in, posted by Voce on April 25, 2006, at 0:57:07
Good luck on your marriage! :-) If you want ever want to talk about awful motherin laws, talk to me , mine is the worst of the worst. LOL By the way, they NEVER change, they only get worse.
This is the end of the thread.
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