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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
I ran into my T (and her husband and 2 kids) at barnes and noble today! Okay, lets be honest.. I saw her driving and followed her into the store when I saw her going there so I could see what her kids looked like (is this stalker-ish? I hope not.) Anyway.. I'd been wondering if she was married, and now I obviously know. I was so freaked out, I was literally shaking. When she saw me, she said hi and asked how I was and kept walking. Then a few minutes later she came over to where I was sitting and asked what I was reading (a book on EMDR) and we discussed it for a minute. I'm afraid I sounded like a complete idiot because I was so shaken up by seeing her there.. I'm sure I didnt say anything intelligent at all. Oh well. I asked how her easter was and she actually told me what she'd done with her family that day.. great to see the real human side of her for once! I saw her interacting with her kids though, sitting on the floor with them reading comic books (2 boys, ages 6 and 8 or so).. so engaged and obviously loving towards both of them. I KNEW she was a good mother.. and this really confirms it for me. I'm so happy to have seen that. (I know one interacion doesnt mean anything really, but I'll let myself believe it anyway). I'm sure we'll be talking about it on Tues when I see her again.
I know there is some drawback from seeing the "real" side of your therapist in public.. but I really think this was good for me. I had gotten so caught up wondering about the details that it was getting crazy. Seeing her helped convince me that who she is in therapy really is somewhat who she is in reality. It's not all one huge act. I can already feel some of my obsessive-ness about who she is fading. It may be back eventually, but for now, I'm feeling good.
As we were finishing our conversation, I said that I felt really shaken up seeing her there.. and she said that she remembered we'd just talked about this happening (running into each other) recently and sure enough, it did happen. I'd asked her a month or so ago about how she handles those situations.. but the exciting part was.. she remembered! It was only a 5-10 minute conversation at the end of the session several weeks ago.. and she remembered! That feels really good. And she even made the effort to stop and talk to me for a moment. :)
Not really looking for any responses here, just had to share it with someone who will hopefully understand. :)
Posted by Tamar on April 16, 2006, at 20:31:35
In reply to ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
> I ran into my T (and her husband and 2 kids) at barnes and noble today! Okay, lets be honest.. I saw her driving and followed her into the store when I saw her going there so I could see what her kids looked like (is this stalker-ish? I hope not.)Wow! It’s quite an experience, eh? I remember seeing my T once (no time to speak) and feeling incredibly shaky afterwards! And no, I don't think it's stalkerish.
> Anyway.. I'd been wondering if she was married, and now I obviously know. I was so freaked out, I was literally shaking. When she saw me, she said hi and asked how I was and kept walking. Then a few minutes later she came over to where I was sitting and asked what I was reading (a book on EMDR) and we discussed it for a minute. I'm afraid I sounded like a complete idiot because I was so shaken up by seeing her there.. I'm sure I didnt say anything intelligent at all.
I bet what you said was just fine. When I run into people in stores I’m not usually expecting them to be at their most witty and articulate! Being polite and pleasant is the important thing. I’m sure you therapist thinks just as highly of you as before.
> Oh well. I asked how her easter was and she actually told me what she'd done with her family that day.. great to see the real human side of her for once! I saw her interacting with her kids though, sitting on the floor with them reading comic books (2 boys, ages 6 and 8 or so).. so engaged and obviously loving towards both of them. I KNEW she was a good mother.. and this really confirms it for me. I'm so happy to have seen that. (I know one interacion doesnt mean anything really, but I'll let myself believe it anyway). I'm sure we'll be talking about it on Tues when I see her again.
Actually, I think one interaction is enough to tell, if it’s a good interaction you see. A bad one might be less useful as evidence. But when you see one instance of a good relationship, then you can probably be sure the relationship is pretty good in general. It’s hard to fake being an engaged parent. I expect your therapist makes as many mistakes as any other parent, but you have had the privilege of seeing for yourself how good she can be as a mother. That must have been very special.
> I know there is some drawback from seeing the "real" side of your therapist in public.. but I really think this was good for me. I had gotten so caught up wondering about the details that it was getting crazy. Seeing her helped convince me that who she is in therapy really is somewhat who she is in reality. It's not all one huge act. I can already feel some of my obsessive-ness about who she is fading. It may be back eventually, but for now, I'm feeling good.
Yeah, I’ve also had the experience of feeling much calmer after I found out things about my therapist. I didn’t want to know much… I just wanted to know he was real, or something like that.
> As we were finishing our conversation, I said that I felt really shaken up seeing her there.. and she said that she remembered we'd just talked about this happening (running into each other) recently and sure enough, it did happen. I'd asked her a month or so ago about how she handles those situations.. but the exciting part was.. she remembered! It was only a 5-10 minute conversation at the end of the session several weeks ago.. and she remembered! That feels really good. And she even made the effort to stop and talk to me for a moment. :)
Yeah, that’s really nice. I’m glad she remembered, and I’m glad she took the time to speak to you. She sounds really nice.
> Not really looking for any responses here, just had to share it with someone who will hopefully understand. :)
Yeah :) It’s exciting, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing it!
Tamar
Posted by LadyBug on April 16, 2006, at 23:05:41
In reply to ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
I would have been shaken too. I did see my T driving down the freeway one time. Taking her elderly mother home on a Sunday evening. Her youngest daughter was in the back seat. I about died when I saw her. I started to shake and hoped that she wouldn't see me, but I wanted to get close enough to see her daughter and get a glimpse of her mother.
I think it's neat that your T. didn't avoid you and I really like that she talked to you for a min. I often wonder what mine would do if we saw each other in real life. I imagine it happening all the time. But we live about 20 min. apart from each other so the chances of us meeting are all but none.
Over the years I've come to know more about my T. She has always been very protective of her real life, but as she has told me different things I gain a respect for her, especially when I know that she knows what it's like to be the patient and her have a therapist. This didn't come up for many years though. I like seeing the real parts of her. I imagine her life as being perfect and she tries to convince me it isn't but I can't believe her.
Nice to hang on to the realness of your T. and learn from the experience. It happens and I'm glad for you that it turned out the way it did.
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on April 17, 2006, at 1:32:16
In reply to ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
I'm so impressed. You did well. :)
The two times I saw my therapist unexpectedly, I ran like a startled doe. I'm just lucky it wasn't more often because until recently he lived about ten blocks from me and shopped at the same stores.
I think Tamar is probably right about impressions. I'm glad she appeared to be a great mom and a gracious therapist too.
Posted by happyflower on April 17, 2006, at 15:35:30
In reply to ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
Your T sounds wonderful, wishingstar! It was cool of her to talk to you in public, most won't talk unless you start the conversation.
I will never forget when I ran into my T for the first time last July. I didn't know he worked out at the the club I used to workout several years ago. Well anyways, I was doing a timed walking fitness test around the indoor track, minding my own business, and all of a sudden my T jogs right past me and turns around and looks at me. I almost tripped over my own feet! Then I said Oh, my GOd! . What was really uncomfortable was that I still had another lap to go, so he had to pass me twice. I just wanted to die. All I could think of was that he was looking at my big butt. But now I am kinda of used to seeing him there. But it did freak me out, and I told him I thought it was creepy of him to turn around and look at me. Then from that momement on I can't stand it when he walkes behind me. LOL
I am sure your T will talk about seeing you. I think it is kinda neat to see them out and about. So was she dressed differently than she was in the office? I get to see my T in shorts and a T shirt all sweaty! Oh Baby!
Are you thinking of doing EMDR? I did once and it changed my life so much. It was the catalist that got me to change my life. When is your next appointment?
Posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:06:58
In reply to Re: ran into T today! » wishingstar, posted by Tamar on April 16, 2006, at 20:31:35
> Wow! It’s quite an experience, eh? I remember seeing my T once (no time to speak) and feeling incredibly shaky afterwards! And no, I don't think it's stalkerish.
>**Yes, very odd! I still cant explain to myself why I was so shaken up. She's a real person, she's allowed to be out in the real world.
> I bet what you said was just fine. When I run into people in stores I’m not usually expecting them to be at their most witty and articulate! Being polite and pleasant is the important thing. I’m sure you therapist thinks just as highly of you as before.
>**I think she could probably tell I was a little "off" trying to talk to her. I think she was probably a little thrown too, just by the fact that basically told me more about herself in those 2 minutes than she ever has in a year of therapy.. maybe being out of context caught her a little off gaurd. I dont know. I'm going to ask tomorrow. But I just dont want her to think "oh, so THIS is what shes like outside therapy.. a doufus!" :)
> Actually, I think one interaction is enough to tell, if it’s a good interaction you see. A bad one might be less useful as evidence. But when you see one instance of a good relationship, then you can probably be sure the relationship is pretty good in general. It’s hard to fake being an engaged parent. I expect your therapist makes as many mistakes as any other parent, but you have had the privilege of seeing for yourself how good she can be as a mother. That must have been very special.
>**Yes.. you're right. Thank you for saying that. I could tell how much she cared about her kids just by the way she interacted with them, even though I couldnt hear her. That is hard to fake.
> Yeah, that’s really nice. I’m glad she remembered, and I’m glad she took the time to speak to you. She sounds really nice.
>**Me too. Thanks. :)
Posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:07:28
In reply to Re: ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:06:58
Posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:11:37
In reply to Re: ran into T today! » wishingstar, posted by LadyBug on April 16, 2006, at 23:05:41
> I would have been shaken too. I did see my T driving down the freeway one time. Taking her elderly mother home on a Sunday evening. Her youngest daughter was in the back seat. I about died when I saw her. I started to shake and hoped that she wouldn't see me, but I wanted to get close enough to see her daughter and get a glimpse of her mother.
Yes, thats EXACTLY how I felt! Part of me wanted to die and run away, but the bigger part just HAD to see her and figure it all out (whatever "it" is).
> I think it's neat that your T. didn't avoid you and I really like that she talked to you for a min. I often wonder what mine would do if we saw each other in real life. I imagine it happening all the time. But we live about 20 min. apart from each other so the chances of us meeting are all but none.
** Yes.. I was surprised, but definitely in a good way. Shes usually very strict with boundaries. I'm not sure where my T lives, but I live in a fairly small town, so it was bound to happen eventually. I asked once if she ever runs into clients, and she said yes, it happens freqently. I guess shes used to it.
> Over the years I've come to know more about my T. She has always been very protective of her real life, but as she has told me different things I gain a respect for her, especially when I know that she knows what it's like to be the patient and her have a therapist. This didn't come up for many years though. I like seeing the real parts of her. I imagine her life as being perfect and she tries to convince me it isn't but I can't believe her.
**Yes.. I know what you mean. I still picture my T as having PERFECT children, PERFECT husband.. perfect everything. Unfortunately (hah) seeing her interact with them only helped confirm that for me! It definitely does help to see them as real people though.
> Nice to hang on to the realness of your T. and learn from the experience. It happens and I'm glad for you that it turned out the way it did.
> LadyBug
Thanks! :) I'll be interested to see what she has to say tomorrow when I see her again..
Posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:14:52
In reply to Re: ran into T today! » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on April 17, 2006, at 1:32:16
Thanks Dinah :) There was definitely a (small) part of me that wanted to dart out of there, but a much bigger part that just had to see her in the "real world", had to see what her kids looked like, etc. I'm glad I did.
I wonder if she thought of me later that day. :) Wow, does that sound obsessive or what? Hah oh well.
Posted by wishingstar on April 17, 2006, at 20:17:52
In reply to Re: ran into T today!, posted by happyflower on April 17, 2006, at 15:35:30
Yes, she is wonderful! I've been feeling so good today whenever I think of seeing her yesterday. I feel like she really does care. We talked a few weeks ago about what would happen if we saw each other somewhere, and I told her it was okay with me if she said hello and everything.. just not to correct me if I lied about who she was to whoever I was with. :) Luckily, I was alone. When I first saw her walking by, I said hello and she looked confused for a second but then said hello. I was a little uphappy that she'd looked so confused when i first said hi, but after she came up to me later, I figure seeing me out of context much have just startled her a little too.
The only other time I've ever seen her outside the office was 2 months ago or so. She was driving right behind me the entire way to her office right before my appointment. I was shaking the entire way, so afraid she'd know it was me and think i was a bad driver or something! Haha.
Suprisingly, she wasnt really dressed any differently than she usually is. Just khakis and a nice sweater or shirt usually. Her husband and kids were all in tshirts and "normal" clothes, so I guess its just how she likes to dress. But it was easter, so who knows. I did take the moment to give her the good look over I've always wanted to do though, when I was far away and she couldnt see me! :) (Nothing inappropriate!)
I dont have any plans to do EMDR anytime soon. I'm a psych grad student and was just browsing.. its something I've heard a lot about so I was interested. Also, I had to be doing SOMETHING when I knew she was right there near me! lol But my T said she doesnt know much about it anyway, so I guess it's not an option right now. I'm glad you had so much luck with it though.. it sounds great.
My next appointment is tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm really excited, but a little afraid it's going to lead to an inevitable letdown. I know she'll have her therapist hat on again tomorrow. I just hope this feeling cared about thing lasts. :)
Posted by LittleGirlLost on April 18, 2006, at 14:51:16
In reply to ran into T today!, posted by wishingstar on April 16, 2006, at 19:55:43
Hi Wishing,
Thank you for sharing your experience with running into your T. It sounded very positive and I really like the way she handled it. Actually this was good for me to read since running into my T in public is one of my biggest fears. Yes, we have talked about it, and agreed that I would want her to say hello to me, but still! Like you, I too, would be shaken up. But I agree (because I can also relate) that seeing her outside confirmed who she is, made her seem more "normal" rather than getting caught up in the craziness of wondering! And as much as that makes sense to me (and seems like a good thing), it still freaks me out! I absolutely DON'T want to run into her in public and I'm not sure why I feel so strongly. Sometimes I wonder if I really DO want to see her. I think I'm afraid of the feelings either way.
~LGL
Posted by wishingstar on April 18, 2006, at 21:39:18
In reply to Re: ran into T today! » wishingstar, posted by LittleGirlLost on April 18, 2006, at 14:51:16
I can really relate.. even though I was excited to see her and really had been hoping I would one day, part of me was terrified of the whole thing. Even though I know shes a real person (and I'm glad she is), I think a part of me has to keep believing that shes some sub-human, all-accepting and caring person.. and seeing her at the bookstore violates that. But its probably good, for me anyway.
My appt today unfortunately was a disappointment though. I knew it would be.. I'd been so excited and felt so cared about, I knew going back to regular therapy wouldnt feel as good. Oh well. I'll survive. :)
Posted by LittleGirlLost on April 21, 2006, at 12:03:28
In reply to Re: ran into T today! » LittleGirlLost, posted by wishingstar on April 18, 2006, at 21:39:18
>> Even though I know shes a real person (and I'm glad she is), I think a part of me has to keep believing that shes some sub-human, all-accepting and caring person.. and seeing her at the bookstore violates that. But its probably good, for me anyway.
Yep, I totally get what you are saying. I think for me, I don't want to acknowledge that she is a real person and does "real people" things (like going to bookstores!). But I also think it was good for you to see that "real" side of her and see that she is really a genuine person.
>> My appt today unfortunately was a disappointment though. I knew it would be.. I'd been so excited and felt so cared about, I knew going back to regular therapy wouldnt feel as good. Oh well. I'll survive. :)
I'm sorry you felt disappointed; I think I would be too in that situation.
Thinking gentle thoughts for you!
~lgl
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