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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on February 1, 2006, at 20:35:10
I saw my pdoc today, and I was fine until he asked me how I was feeling and how I was sleeping. I got overwhelmingly anxious and embarrassed, and blushed so badly I felt like my face was on fire. He asked me if I always blushed like that, and I told him when I was stressed or anxious. He said it's whenever we talk about how I feel. He was really nice about it, and tried to make me feel better, but I didn't stop feeling incredibly anxious till I took some xanax, and then for 1 1/2 hours I still felt anxious about it.
Before I calmed down, I had an overwhelming feeling that there's just no way I can undo all the years of crap I've put myself through - all the negative self talk and all the verbal beatings. I didn't even realize I was doing most of it until now. And how did I get so anxious? I never felt this anxious before. And I'm not sleeping - I haven't slept in 3 nights. I just want out of this!
The other day my T and I were talking about the negative self talk, and why I have it, and what's it's going to take to undo it. So, what's the first thing I did when I left the building? I told myself, "You're so stupid!" Now it's like a constant battle in my head.
I feel incredibly anxious just thinking about my appt. today. I don't understand, there was no threat, he's always really nice. I really like him. I wouldn't want any other pdoc. I know he wants to help me. Just writing this makes me so anxious my heart rate is up, my hands are freezing, and my skin is all prickly. I don't know how I got to this point, and I know I just can't live like this. I'm terrified.
My pdoc is gone on vacation now, and my T is gone for a week, so I'm all alone with this, and I can't stand it.
fw
Posted by muffled on February 1, 2006, at 21:58:11
In reply to I want out of this!, posted by fairywings on February 1, 2006, at 20:35:10
Awww FW you not stupid, I got ya beat on that one!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if you extra upset now cuz both docs not avail this week and that kinda got you going. Would do it for me. I found the xanax didn't work so good for me after awhile and now I take klonopin and it seems to work better for me. You may be getting a tolerance to xanax and so need to take a larger dose. Some ssri's are good for anxiety, I dunno what you take?
But it'll be ok. Proly a tough week, but you'll be ok. Its those damned emotions that get us all het up. But they just emotions, they are signals to us that something is going on, thats all. Let them slide.
I got a good sheet on anxiety attacks I can type out for you(might take awhile I type w/2 fingers!) if you want.
I found it useful.
And the negative self talk stuff is hard, but doable. I would write down all the nasty stuff I'd say to myself and after alot of practice I learned to talk back to myself. Sure feels good. Worth the fight to get there.
Take care fairywings, you special to me.
Muffled
Posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 3:30:22
In reply to Re: I want out of this!, posted by muffled on February 1, 2006, at 21:58:11
hi muffy thx. no it's not bec. both T and doc aren't avail. i think a lot of it must be the meds. will have to try to mix them up a bit or something. i can't do that every day all day long, it's just too much. thx for the offer on the anxiety sheet, but i've been doing cbt and relaxation stuff to try to help. i think i need hypntism or something. even millys post about the dentist sent my heart rate way up. gotta stop this.
fw
Posted by muffled on February 2, 2006, at 9:22:31
In reply to Re: I want out of this! » muffled, posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 3:30:22
> hi muffy thx. no it's not bec. both T and doc aren't avail. i think a lot of it must be the meds. will have to try to mix them up a bit or something. i can't do that every day all day long, it's just too much. thx for the offer on the anxiety sheet, but i've been doing cbt and relaxation stuff to try to help. i think i need hypntism or something. even millys post about the dentist sent my heart rate way up. gotta stop this.
> fw***Is there noone for you to consult this week?
You better be careful mixing up your drugs. That can REALLY backfire on you. Can you mebbe only up your xanax a bit? Do you have access to a p-doc? If you feeling this bad it sounds like you need to talk to a professional.
Take special care of yourself.
Muffled
Posted by happyflower on February 2, 2006, at 9:31:31
In reply to Re: I want out of this!, posted by muffled on February 2, 2006, at 9:22:31
(((((((Fairy Wings)))))))))))) I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I care about you and I am so worried about you. I will write ya later, I just wanted to let you know you are not being forgotten. :)
Posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 9:37:57
In reply to Re: I want out of this!, posted by muffled on February 2, 2006, at 9:22:31
no, i can't see anyone else. decided to try stopping meds. and see if it helps get rid of the anxiety. except for sleep.
fw
Posted by muffled on February 2, 2006, at 9:45:12
In reply to Re: I want out of this! » muffled, posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 9:37:57
> no, i can't see anyone else. decided to try stopping meds. and see if it helps get rid of the anxiety. except for sleep.
> fw**FW what are you on? and how long? PLEASE be careful about your meds! Stopping cold turkey can be bad too.
Oh man, I sound like a MOTHER or something. Its just that I care.
Muffled
Posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 13:27:38
In reply to Re: I want out of this!, posted by muffled on February 2, 2006, at 9:45:12
> Oh man, I sound like a MOTHER or something. Its just that I care.
> Muffledthat's okay muffy, at least you acknowledged me. it sucks to feel this way, and i feel like you usually do f*ck it all! i appreciate that you care.
fw
Posted by Damos on February 2, 2006, at 19:57:04
In reply to I want out of this!, posted by fairywings on February 1, 2006, at 20:35:10
Aw Fairyings I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Sounds like you might be having a double whammy thing going on. Don't quite know how to explain it but for me it's like I start to slide because I don't feel x or y, say loved and cared about for example. But then when someone says or does something that feels like they might love or care for me, that voice tells me that I don't deserve to feel those things and well you know the kinds of self talk that goes on. I get into this circle of around and down. And because I don't deserve it I act all weird in response and then beat myself up for being such an idiot. It sucks. I think it starts from a deep belief that nothing about us is important enough to bother anyone else with or something. Just know that you do deserve to feel loved and cared about and that the more you can be open to receiving it without judgement or attachment the better it will be. It's hard to change the habits of a lifetime, but you can quieten that negative self talk.
Sorry FW I've probably just been talking out my *ss again. Sending you lots of love, hugs and good energy.
Posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 20:26:35
In reply to Re: I want out of this! » fairywings, posted by Damos on February 2, 2006, at 19:57:04
thanks hf
and thanks damos - that's just how the negative stuff goes - not worthy. thanks for your nice thoughts.fw
Posted by happyflower on February 3, 2006, at 2:38:09
In reply to Re: I want out of this!, posted by fairywings on February 2, 2006, at 20:26:35
Where are all the Babblers? FW needs some support!!!!!!!!! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Posted by fairywings on February 3, 2006, at 9:42:43
In reply to COME ON!!!!!, Give FW some hugs! (((((FW))))), posted by happyflower on February 3, 2006, at 2:38:09
thanks hf, i'll be okay. you're awesome.
fw
Posted by muffled on February 3, 2006, at 9:49:34
In reply to Re: COME ON!!!!!, Give FW some hugs! (((((FW))))) » happyflower, posted by fairywings on February 3, 2006, at 9:42:43
This is the end of the thread.
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