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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 18:22:13
In reply to I do it all the time » muffled, posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 17:40:24
<grin>
Me, too. Probably not all the time, either. But enough, still.
Used to *always* use the "hide ID" option on my cell so his system wouldn't identify who the heck was calling and leaving no messages at all hours of the day and night.
But recently (after our email debacle), I don't even care if he knows any more.
After all, I told him weeks ago that I do it. Just like I later told him (though I can hardly choke this out without a total meltdown) that just seeing his name in my email Inbox - without ever even opening/reading the actual message - used to calm me down and make me feel soooo good. He responded to both by saying it was "almost scary" to be that important to anyone, but that he was honored and took his responsibility for those strong emotions very seriously.
Now that he knows, at least I get to complain and tease him when he changes the outgoing message to something that I don't like the sound of, or is just too short.
My T. definitely has to take a lot of guff from me.
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2005, at 18:27:52
In reply to Re: I do it all the time » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 18:22:13
lol.
Mine too.
Funny you should mention that moment. Today I almost told my therapist about your therapist saying it was "almost scary". Although admittedly my therapist seems to have gotten over the fear completely with time. rofl. Exposure therapy!
Posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:14:24
In reply to Empowerment, posted by Voce on December 8, 2005, at 16:44:11
I hope she calls you back soon. It does sound like she was glad to hear from you. That in itself should take away some of your angst. But I do understand that "but I shouldn't need this" stuff. I'm glad you allowed yourself to call.
The whole idea of being interdependent is a tough one because I think for those of us who were trained to believe that being completely independent was the goal, any kind of dependency needs feels bad. And yet, what would we say to anyone else having a bad day, or needing some TLC? It actually shows a tremendous amount of strength that you reached out for what you needed. That is truly very hard. Good for you!
Hang in there. Let us know what happens.
Posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 10:31:51
In reply to Re: Empowerment » Voce, posted by daisym on December 9, 2005, at 10:14:24
Yeah, I think interdependence is a goal for in therapy, to be an authentic independent individual, but one who can also get her needs met.
There's nothing wrong with that.
PS, I hope you are feeling better.
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:33:55
In reply to Re: Empowerment » daisym, posted by one woman cine on December 9, 2005, at 10:31:51
Posted by Voce on December 9, 2005, at 13:00:05
In reply to DId your T call you back yet? ( Voce) (nm), posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 11:33:55
Not yet, she said perhaps during lunch today. But if I have lunch with my fiance, that won't really work. She has been really good in the past about leaving her number and what times would be good to call HER back. If she calls me back, chances are I would have the courage to call her back if she doesn't catch me today.
Posted by muffled on December 9, 2005, at 14:20:15
In reply to Re: DId your T call you back yet? » happyflower, posted by Voce on December 9, 2005, at 13:00:05
I phoned my T macine today and she ANSWERED!!!GACK!!!I hung up.
Oh Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 14:27:07
In reply to Good luck Voce!!!, posted by muffled on December 9, 2005, at 14:20:15
> I phoned my T macine today and she ANSWERED!!!GACK!!!I hung up.
> Oh Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
>Oh Muffy!!!!!
I wonder what T's think when all of us clients hang up on them! LOL It is kinda of funny, does she have caller ID? I wonder what she says under her breath, that Muffy, what is she up to now! LOL
Posted by Voce on December 11, 2005, at 21:19:45
In reply to Re: Good luck Voce!!! » muffled, posted by happyflower on December 9, 2005, at 14:27:07
But then again I did really downplay my need to talk to her. I told her to just call me whenever it was convenient for her. So she may do so next week.
I just really want to go TALK to her in person. I have 2 issues that are bothering me, both about my upcoming marriage. One sexual, one familial (is that the right word?) She is the only one I could ever dream of talking to about the sexual issue. I am going to ask if I can stop by and see her perhaps...just to talk a little...and I will offer to pay her.
But I think making that connection on Thursday night was just what I needed to make it through the weekend, even if we didn't talk a whole lot.
I'm also agonizing over whether or not to send ex male T a Christmas card. I bought one, but I bought a cheap one so that if I don't send it, it's no big loss!!!
Posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 17:58:28
In reply to She hasn't called, posted by Voce on December 11, 2005, at 21:19:45
> But then again I did really downplay my need to talk to her. I told her to just call me whenever it was convenient for her. So she may do so next week.
Can you call her again? I think it would be OK, from what you said about her response to your last call.
> I just really want to go TALK to her in person. I have 2 issues that are bothering me, both about my upcoming marriage. One sexual, one familial (is that the right word?) She is the only one I could ever dream of talking to about the sexual issue. I am going to ask if I can stop by and see her perhaps...just to talk a little...and I will offer to pay her.
I think if you have issues you need to talk about, it’s a good idea to see her if you can. I have to say (having been married nearly 10 years, and with a troubled sex life the whole time) that dealing with sexual issues sooner rather than later is essential. Marriage is really hard work, and sex is one of the things that can make it all worthwhile. But it’s not easy for everyone.
> But I think making that connection on Thursday night was just what I needed to make it through the weekend, even if we didn't talk a whole lot.
>
> I'm also agonizing over whether or not to send ex male T a Christmas card. I bought one, but I bought a cheap one so that if I don't send it, it's no big loss!!!I’m in the same place. I think I’ve almost decided to send one. I’ve decided the purpose is to offer him some indication that the work we did together was useful to me and is still helping. I suspect that therapists really love hearing from former clients and are secretly disappointed that they can’t respond to us more fully!
Posted by Voce on December 14, 2005, at 18:48:56
In reply to Can you call her? » Voce, posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 17:58:28
Thanks for asking, Tamar.
I haven't heard anything, and I haven't called either. I'm kind of at a stalemate with the whole thing. I have come to a conclusion on the familial issue (it has to do with my wedding, and I decided to talk to my clergyman, who is trustworthy). But then there's the sexual issue...and being that my fiance and I aren't sleeping together, I don't know if it would be productive to talk about it now, or just super embarrassing. So maybe I should wait on that and see how everything goes in that department.
Or perhaps I'm just rationalizing away the fact that I want to talk to her. Hmm.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2005, at 18:52:40
In reply to Re: Can you call her? » Tamar, posted by Voce on December 14, 2005, at 18:48:56
I thought you had wanted to set up therapy with her once she had her own practice? Or am I confusing you with someone else.
Don't expect that the sexual problems will go away, or at least that's not my experience. It's not too early to discuss it.
Posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 19:26:41
In reply to Re: Can you call her? » Tamar, posted by Voce on December 14, 2005, at 18:48:56
> Thanks for asking, Tamar.
>
> I haven't heard anything, and I haven't called either. I'm kind of at a stalemate with the whole thing. I have come to a conclusion on the familial issue (it has to do with my wedding, and I decided to talk to my clergyman, who is trustworthy).I’m glad you found someone to talk to about that issue.
> But then there's the sexual issue...and being that my fiance and I aren't sleeping together, I don't know if it would be productive to talk about it now, or just super embarrassing. So maybe I should wait on that and see how everything goes in that department.
I always reckon it’s best to get into these things as soon as possible. It often feels a bit embarrassing when things aren’t going well sexually, even if you’re not actually having sex. But if there are difficulties, it will be easier on you if you can begin to deal with them as soon as possible.
I don’t know anything about your circumstances. But if you and your fiance aren’t sleeping together, I can’t imagine you’re a little nervous about beginning to sleep together. I’m guessing you’re waiting until you’re married… and one thing I’d mention is that wedding night sex is often rather disappointing and sometimes downright awful. If you’ve never gone beyond first base, I’d recommend taking it very slowly indeed for a few weeks after the wedding. Sexuality is for enjoying, not for rushing (IMHO).
One other thing… and of course you don’t have to respond to this (or indeed anything I say)… but if you don’t have a solo sex life yet, I’d recommend getting in touch with that part of yourself now. Finding pleasure in your own body is (I believe) the best way to begin to explore your sexuality.
Take a look at http://www.the-clitoris.com/ for further information. Actually, take a look at it whatever your circumstances, because there’s a lot of good information there. (Disclaimer: I don’t agree with everything there; I have serious ideological differences with some of the stuff about sexual abuse, for instance. But I think much of the site is worth reading.)
> Or perhaps I'm just rationalizing away the fact that I want to talk to her. Hmm.
Possibly… But if you want to talk to her, you can pick up the phone!
Good luck.
Tamar
Posted by Voce on December 15, 2005, at 0:44:01
In reply to Re: Can you call her? » Voce, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2005, at 18:52:40
<I thought you had wanted to set up therapy with her once she had her own practice? Or am I confusing you with someone else.>
No, that was me. Even when I talked to her last week she said again that she wants to set up her own practice. It's feeling to me like this is something she wants to do "someday". Not as immediately as she first made it out to be. So until then, I'm in a strange place. But she seems much more fluid with boundaries, so maybe she wouldn't mind if I stopped by her office sometime just to chat. I need to find out, in any case.
Posted by Voce on December 15, 2005, at 0:45:49
In reply to Re: Can you call her? » Voce, posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 19:26:41
Thank you Tamar, I appreciate your frankness.
I think I will probably send you a babblemail, as some of that I don't feel comfortable discussing on an open forum. I really appreciate your insight...I'll be in touch.
Voce
Posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 12:14:37
In reply to She hasn't called, posted by Voce on December 11, 2005, at 21:19:45
Still no call? I hope you'll try to call and set something up. It's so painful to be waiting and hoping, waiting and wondering. If you call and set something up a huge burden might be lifted.
fw
Posted by Voce on December 16, 2005, at 12:26:14
In reply to Re: She hasn't called » Voce, posted by fairywings on December 15, 2005, at 12:14:37
Apparently she lost my phone number and wants it so she can call me.
I e-mailed her my number and told her when my lunch hour is. I also told her that I would actually prefer to see her in person, that I would be able to stop by her office next week after work, and that I would be willing to pay for the cost of a session.
I also said that if she thought that it wasn't a good idea for me to see her in person, that she should tell me.
Voce (waiting with fear and trembling)
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2005, at 13:41:13
In reply to She e-mailed me, posted by Voce on December 16, 2005, at 12:26:14
Posted by Voce on December 17, 2005, at 0:48:24
In reply to Can you call her? » Voce, posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 17:58:28
She e-mailed and told me that Monday after work would be a great time to see her. She gave me detailed directions to her office and told me that she is looking forward to seeing me. She didn't say if she would ask the cost of a session.
Now I am suddenly terrified and considering backing out. I won't, but this is going to worry me all weekend. I don't even know why I'm so nervous.
Posted by annierose on December 17, 2005, at 12:29:12
In reply to I am seeing her Monday, posted by Voce on December 17, 2005, at 0:48:24
I am so glad you made an appointment to see her. I definitely would not cancel. I am now seeing a T that I saw once before. Although it hasn't been that long since you have seen her, it is still exciting. I remember how counting down the hours until I could see her. You'll be happy to "catch up". I remember your story and that she was "fired". Good Luck.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 17, 2005, at 17:49:07
In reply to I am seeing her Monday, posted by Voce on December 17, 2005, at 0:48:24
That's great voce. I think it's only understandable you'd be nervous. I'm glad you will be able to get together with her.
I'll be thinking of you!
gg
Posted by Voce on December 19, 2005, at 21:33:37
In reply to Re: I am seeing her Monday » Voce, posted by gardenergirl on December 17, 2005, at 17:49:07
It was nice, not earth shaking. No "therapy" occured. It was the first time I had seen her since February, when she had to suddenly leave her position.
She is running the Psychology program at another college now and loves it. She shares an office separated by barriers with 6 other faculty, but we were all alone there tonight.
My relationship to her has changed; I'm not exactly a client anymore, but we had things to discuss about my family and how I'm coping with the loss of ex male T.
She actually saw him 2 Saturdays ago. She is trying to hire him as adjunct faculty for her department. Hearing his name just made my heart ache. She asked me if I still thought of him a lot, and I said, "yes, every day." I think of him every day." She seemed to understand that.
Just confirming her existence, and the existence of my former male T, makes me feel a bit more grounded. She seemed happy to see me and gave me a big hug at the end, which I never would have initiated, but glad she did. So much for the theory that I'm bothering her.
:-)
But there is bittersweetness there too, because it makes me feel closer to my former male T, yet still so far away. In miles, about 55. And a lifetime, if you want to count it another way.
Posted by annierose on December 19, 2005, at 21:49:20
In reply to I saw her, posted by Voce on December 19, 2005, at 21:33:37
It does sound bittersweet. She was very happy to see you again and reconnect too. I can imagine hearing the name of your former T would do to one's heart. Mine would be pounding so hard, I'd be convinced everyone else could hear it. I'm glad she understands that loving feeling. I wish you were able to work through that feeling with someone.
So is she strictly in a teaching position now? No more therapy? How long did you talk for? Was it awkward to say good-bye? Do you think you'll be able to see her again? Sorry for all the questions. And one more ... did your mom's hearing ever return? (I think that was your mom, wasn't it).
Posted by Voce on December 20, 2005, at 0:46:04
In reply to Re: I saw her » Voce, posted by annierose on December 19, 2005, at 21:49:20
She is teaching classes right now and while she has the freedom to establish a private practice, she hasn't done so yet. I think I will be able to stop by and visit her again because she will be helping me get my records from the previous treatment center. I will be retaining a copy of them because if I were ever to go into treatment again, they will be of the utmost importance.
We talked for about an hour; we got kind of kicked out of the bldg because it closes at 6pm. So our goodbye was sudden, but I was glad that the decision to end was made for us. Saying goodbye wasn't too awkward. She did give me a big hug.
Umm, my mom never lost her hearing. ;-) Maybe you are confusing me with someone else?
Posted by littleone on December 20, 2005, at 14:56:00
In reply to Re: I saw her » Voce, posted by annierose on December 19, 2005, at 21:49:20
> And one more ... did your mom's hearing ever return? (I think that was your mom, wasn't it).
I could be wrong, but I had a feeling that Skittles' mum (who might have been a T) lost her hearing and Skittles had to tell the clients.
She wasn't here for long, but I miss Skittles.
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