Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 577798

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Re: i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger* » ghost

Posted by allisonross on November 11, 2005, at 18:29:02

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

> Hi, sweetie:

i partly stopped posting because i was certain my exgf was stalking me. i made a new acct to post as, but i can't bring myself to use it. some of you know me here. i feel like i'd be deceiving you all. it doesn't matter. this isn't want this post is about. and if my exgf is reading this, then she'll get quite an eyeful.
>
> reading b2c's post (and the subsequent replies) about SA made me cry. i only cry when no one's around, and i never, EVER cry at the T's office. i don't want to be in therapy,

This is a courageous step, and the best thing you could do. It is hard work, but well worth your effort, if you are ever going to being to heal. Little baby steps, a little at a time.

i want her to think i'm getting better, and i want to stop going, so i never, ever cry.

I know. But crying is part of the healing process.

Unless you bring it out, you can never heal. That's the kind of thing that is like a cancer, it must be (operated on) taken out.

It will eat you alive. As painful as it is to talk about, that's the only way to begin to heal. Little baby steps a little at a time.
>
> but whenever i hear about sexual abuse or assaults, i have to stop.
>
> because (and here goes) i was raped. twice.

That is horrible.

by people i know. i've never really "dealt with" it. i just kind of pushed it into the back of my mind and it only dares to peek out if i'm reading about someone else's suffering. (and part of me says "holy hell, i can't complain, because someone else was molested for YEARS... this is two isolated incidents...")

Two isolated incidents, is 2 too many. Whether it happened two times or over a period of a lifetime, it is a trauma which needs to be dealt with.

You cannot ignore it, because sooner or later it will cause major problems as I am sure you know.
>
> but the fact is that it f*cked me up. quite a bit. what was taken from me can never be replaced. i feel like i'm damaged now, somehow. damaged goods.

You had a crime committed against you. It was not your fault.

no one wants damaged goods. i can never say out loud "yes, i am a victim of rape." because saying it out loud is like admitting it happened. it's like a sign of weakness or something to me.

It is a sign of STRENGTH. You probably feel shame, etc., the the shame belongs to the rapists. That is the horror of abuse. The victim (never liked that word) is left with all of the anguish and shame, and the perpetrator, goes on about their lives, like nothing ever happened. No remorse. No conscience.

>
> the T touched briefly on it during our first session, because it was a question on her intake survey i had to fill out. but i changed the subject and she's never brought it up since. i don't really want to talk about it, but i don't really want to tear up every time i'm reminded of what happened, either. i'm afraid that one day i won't be able to keep it inside and i'll wind up in an ambulance to a psych ward. over something that's seemingly small, comparitively speaking.

That is why you need to discuss it with your therapist. It is hard, scary work, but necessary if you are ever going to start to heal (I don't say get over it, there are some things you never get over, but live with.

Your therapist has heard it all. She needs to know this so she can help you. If it is too difficult to verbalize, then write it down, and give it to her.
>
> b2c, i admire your courage to come out and say what you've been through. i can only imagine the guts that took.
>
> if anyone read this far, thanks. i don't really expect any replies, but maybe by finally admitting it here... well... i don't know what i expect to happen by admitting it here. maybe this is the first step. who knows.


This is a courageous step. You can continue to be authentic and courageous, by telling your therapist. I hope you will, although I know it is so scary.

Hugs and Love, Ally

 

Re: i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*

Posted by daisym on November 12, 2005, at 0:35:08

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

If I hold up a really big mirror, will you see BRAVE all over yourself? Because you are. You can see it in others, so please see it in yourself.

My therapist asked me today if crying in therapy feels all bad. I had to think about it because it does feel out of control, it gives me a headache and I feel a lot of anxiety later. But the truth is, letting go of those tears, grieving with someone is exhausting in a really good way. I hope you find enough safety to eventually just let go.

And post when you can. We miss you.

 

Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*)

Posted by ghost on November 13, 2005, at 20:54:41

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

thank you for responding. i didn't expect such a nice response. i suppose you are all right, but it's a lot to swallow in one gulp, you know?

i have a t appt tomorrow. i don't know if i'll be able to bring it up, but i'll give it a shot.

ive spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about "my past." i feel like i've confessed some sort of sin even though a) i don't believe in sins and b) i've never been to confession. i suppose there should be a c) i didn't do anything wrong, either. this deep dark secret is out in the open now (as open as open can be on the internet) and i feel ripped apart.

the weird but slightly unrelated part is that i have feelings. i have a lot of feelings. but when i walk into that t's office, i'm stone cold. i deal with everything matter-of-factly, i don't have "feelings," and i just kind of deal with everything as if it doesn't really matter. sometimes she'll ask me "how does that make you feel" and i'll know how i'm supposed to respond-- i'm supposed to be sad, or angry, or whatever. but i don't really feel it at the time.

could the time of the appt have something to do with it? i go right after work, i'm still in my work clothes, and in work mode. i feel like i'm at work, doing a job, going to therapy. i know on days ive had off, or when i've left early from work and had time to go home and change into my regular clothes it's been a better session. maybe i should see if i can meet later in the evening so i have time to go home and change. i suppose i already know the answer to that.

how does it make me feel that i was used and mistreated? it pisses me off. of course it does. but what can be done about it now? and the lines between consent and non-consent are so fine i doubt i'd even have a case. if i even wanted to admit to the public that this happened. to my parents. it's just stupid i think, sometimes. nothing can be done about it, so why does it bother me? or why must it bother me?

i don't want to be the victim. i'm tired of being the damaged one. i'm tired of hiding it, too, though. i've always pushed it deep down so that i was the strong one in relationships. i never talked about it or "dealt with" it. it was a skeleton in my closet.

a friend recently told me (who doesn't know about "my past") that i needed to find a nice "normal" significant other so that i can be the damaged one for once. i guess he meant that so that i can finally deal with everything i've been through (even beyond the past he doesn't know about), so i can have someone there to support me through it. i don't know if i'd know what to do with a solid, reliable support system. so different from what i'm used to.

i know i should try to tell the T all this. but words just don't come out. i could print this out and give it to her, but i know that i'd have to sit there, uncomfortably in her office, while she read and judged me. i know she's not supposed to judge me, but i always think people judge me when they read my writing.

i seem to have mental diarrhea this evening. words are finally coming out. i guess that's a start.

i still feel kind of disconnected from my past. like it wasn't really me. like i was able to turn me off for awhile while these things happened to me. it had to be me. because i remember it. but it doesn't feel like me.

i just feel damaged. not just from those two events from my past. but everything. decisions i've made. things i've done. just damaged.

 

Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*) » ghost

Posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 22:13:33

In reply to Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*), posted by ghost on November 13, 2005, at 20:54:41

(((Ghost))) You are whole and wonderful.

Maybe you can bring your posts and read some of it to her. My therapist likes me to read it outloud if I must bring written things - that way he can hear my emotions while I'm reading it, and I can put the emphasis where it belongs. Maybe reading some of the post (which was written when you DID have feelings) will bring those feelings into the room.

I sense that you want more from your therapy than you are getting right now. It may be that you need to take some risks to get that.

I'll be thinking of you.
Falls.

 

Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*) » ghost

Posted by zenhussy on November 13, 2005, at 23:31:20

In reply to Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*), posted by ghost on November 13, 2005, at 20:54:41

please print out this thread and bring with to the appt. you could print two copies so that your T is reading along with you.....or you could ask T to make comments along the way to break the work up into manageable chunks.

you've got lotsa options ghost. you are not damaged. wounded perhaps but wounds get cleaned out.....ideally when fresh but usually after years of scar tissue has built up.

>>i don't know if i'd know what to do with a solid, reliable support system. so different from what i'm used to.

it can be amazing what solid reliable support can do for someone. try it!! seriously. working towards drawing more stable people into your life is a good thing.

it took many different approaches to therapy to get to the point of being able to discuss trauma with the emotion attached, iow not totally dissociated from the telling. you'll get to that point when you're ready.

for now be proud of this breakthrough. wrap yourself in the support offered here. treat yourself with extra gentleness for the next while after letting this skeleton get so much light.

falls is correct with eat ice cream. best rx ever. ;)

 

Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*) » ghost

Posted by muffled on November 13, 2005, at 23:50:41

In reply to Re: thank you. (oh, and possible *trigger*), posted by ghost on November 13, 2005, at 20:54:41

Ghost, I have a terrible time communicating with my T also. I do take in my writings. She reads them and hums here and there.
I can't read them yet but I'm almost ready too. I told her to push me a bit, cuz that makes me trust her more strangely enough.
I sometimes am in rational mode, and like you, my T will ask feelings, and I haven't any.
More times I'm on 'inside' mode and I'm so anxious I can barely speak or look at her.
Seems so ridiculous, but there you have it!!
Thats the way it is for me.
Do you feel we are judging your writings? Cuz I'm not for sure. I think you are very brave, but let yourself be weak too. I'm not good at weak in front of people.
The older I get, the more I realize we all damaged one way or another. I see alot of hurting faces around, I can see they have pain. So I guess we just goto try and deal with our damagedness the best way we need to for our own individual personalities. Not right or wrong. Just the way it is. Pretty much everybody wants to feel safe, and loved, and reasonably happy and peaceful.

Hope all goes well with you Ghost.
Take care, Muffled.

 

Re: i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trig » ghost

Posted by B2chica on November 14, 2005, at 10:03:11

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

((((((((((((((((((((((((ghost))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i had no idea. i'm so sorry you went through that. but i am SOOOO happy that you took this giant step and said it here.
i've spent over a year trying to say that. and i still don't like or agree with what i all said. just like you said, it's like admitting it and crying makes you weak and 'I' won't allow me to be weak...(i have no time for that). but i realize i'm fighting myself with more energy that i could be using on other aspects of my life.
the funny thing is my T also works with substance abuse individuals and he says there's a saying, 1 drink is too much and 1000 is not enough. i applied that to saying i was hurt by others. saying it once was impossible and too much, but now that it's out it's like i can't get it out enough. weird huh.
i think this is a definate healing start for you.
i understand about it happening twice, only mine was the same guy about a week apart and the second is only considered sexual assault cuz force O.sex is not considered rape.
anyway, having hit happen twice makes me feel even more the fool. like i have this big sign that says come get me, i'm vulnerable. so i've spent the rest of my life acting like NOTHING could get to me...well, all those years finally caught up with me and it spewed out uncontrollably. luckily i have a great T and he's been helping me now sort through all this.
sometimes i'll write down what i have to say and have him read it cuz i can't or i'll tell him i have something to say but i'm not ready to talk about it, i'll say it and then he or i will change the subject.
i'm SOOOO glad to see you here, and to hell with your ex (that's right you ex person you, you leave my ghost ALONE!)

please take care of yourself and keep posting!
b2c.

 

therapy.

Posted by ghost on November 14, 2005, at 22:48:36

In reply to Re: i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trig » ghost, posted by B2chica on November 14, 2005, at 10:03:11

i went to therapy today. we talked a little about it. i was pretty numb. she used the word dissociated with regards to the acts themselves. i never really realised it before. i thought dissociation was something other people did. that i was one of those fake crazies.

if that makes sense. i mean no offense by it, either.

i think some of the problems i'm having weren't just triggered by b2c's posts (but b2c is an easy scapegoat and i love you for it, b2c) but also because there's someone new in my life and i'm totally afraid of trusting them or opening up about things. i think he'd be understanding, but i'm afraid anyway. plus just plain afraid of getting hurt again.

i suppose the emotional closeness i'm afraid of is because i was betrayed by people i thought cared about me.

i think that last sentence is key, as awkward as the sentence itself is.

*sigh*

and i have mono. so i'm feeling extra crappy. hopefully i can sleep tonight. i sure couldn't last night.

 

Re: therapy. » ghost

Posted by fallsfall on November 15, 2005, at 6:48:51

In reply to therapy., posted by ghost on November 14, 2005, at 22:48:36

(((Ghost)))

I'm so glad you talked about this in therapy. That must have been really hard. Good for you.

If I'm understanding, you now feel more like you have a "reason" to have issues. I remember feeling validated when I figured out that there were reasons for things, rather than I was just weak or overreacting or whatever.

OOOoooh, someone new?? I bet it is scary. But I hope it is fun, too.

Mono is no fun. I had it when I was 20. Slept 22 hours/day for a week. My daughter missed 3rd quarter of her Freshman year due to Mono. I hope you have a mild case - get that new guy to take care of you! Remember to eat. Can someone bring you some groceries? Is work sympathetic?

I heard that ice cream helps Mono go away faster...

Well, not really... but it sounded good to me.

 

Re: therapy.

Posted by B2chica on November 15, 2005, at 9:33:42

In reply to therapy., posted by ghost on November 14, 2005, at 22:48:36

anytime i can be of service sweet ghost!
seriously though i'm REALLY glad you were able to talk about it in therapy, keep it up..i think that's Wonderful!
it's a big step.
sorry bout the mono, you need, lots of fluids, lots of chicken noodle soup and lots of ice cream....ya, tried to sneak that one in like fallsfall.

take care.
best
b2c.

 

Re: i never... *trigger* » ghost

Posted by B2chica on November 15, 2005, at 10:53:25

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

ghost, i just reread your post again. and i can't tell you how much courage that took of you to say it.
you know one of the things i like about this board is the way we can work around words. you know when you want to say @$$ or h#ll (you get the picture). i like doing that when i say those words, i was SA or r@ped.
since i still struggle very much with the fact that i was r@ped when i was a teenager, i really wish there was a way to say the word like we can write it. and i like typing out abbreviations like SA instead of actually saying/writing them.

i think that's part of what makes it easier for me to talk about it here. i think too that crying in my T's office is a sign of weakness (only applies to me though). and can't do it, though i have a little.

and what happened to me in highschool happened sort of twice, the second was considered SA (t's words) cuz forced O.sex is not considered r@pe.
btw, that's stupid isn't it? it's sexual, why isn't it considered.
anyway.
i babbled on,, sorry, but i just wanted to say it seems like reading and re-reading your post gives me some sort of strength to talk. and because i had some work issues yesterday i had to reschedule my T appt till today at 4:00.
i KNOW i need to talk about stuff, but i feel totally closed up. i don't know what i''ll say in session today.
take care of yourself, drink some hot coco! maybe some little marshmallows too!
b2c.

 

Re: i never... *trigger* » B2chica

Posted by ghost on November 15, 2005, at 20:34:15

In reply to Re: i never... *trigger* » ghost, posted by B2chica on November 15, 2005, at 10:53:25

i know what you mean about working around words. it's so easy to say what you need to say without flat out saying it online. but skirting around the right words when in person just makes the other person feel like they have to be a mind reader.

in therapy i said SA once and it was all i could do to get the words out. then it was just "it."

you know, in new hampshire, r@pe is considered any kind of penetration. so forced o.sex is r@pe. i thought it was like that every where. that's terrible.

i hope your T appt went okay. i can't believe that me talking about my stuff would give anyone strength to do anything. i'm really glad though.

i think we all deserve some peace.

 

Re: mixed signals » fallsfall

Posted by ghost on November 15, 2005, at 21:09:07

In reply to Re: therapy. » ghost, posted by fallsfall on November 15, 2005, at 6:48:51

i think ice cream helps a lot. i hurt all day today but this evening i feel better. but i had three big martinis so that could be why. hehe.

yeah i met someone new and it's totally scary. the T thinks that i brought up the SA stuff because i've started to have feelings for someone and it's stirred up emotions like that. plus b2c's posts and plus the fact that i'm stronger and can handle more now.

very scary. i dunno. i had a great night tonight. i had a terrible day at work today so i invited him out for drinks and dinner, my treat. we had a lot of fun, i thought. we talked in the car for awhile after and before. he said he really liked me. we chatted online when i got back home and i made some off-hand remark and he said that i knew how to kill a mood. then he went out for a smoke. when he came back he just said he was going to bed and goodnight. so now i think he hates me.

today was a rollercoaster day... bad, good, bad. foo. i'd rather it ended on a good note than a bad one. oh well.

 

pdoc

Posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 17:47:21

In reply to i never post any more, but b2c's post... *trigger*, posted by ghost on November 11, 2005, at 16:49:25

my pdoc said i'm "in a cycle." that's why i haven't been sleeping or eating. i didn't tell her about the SA and that it'd come up recently. i don't think she knows much of what goes on at teh t's (if anything at all) because she thinks i'm totally normal. that "to look at me," no one would pick me out of a crowd as having a mood disorder. i guess that's a relief. on the other hand, it makes it more difficult if you ever try to talk to someone about it, because "you look so normal!"

bleh.

anyhow. i love my pdoc to death. and she might well be right. it could just be a cycle triggered by the SA memories and the change in weather (it snowed today for the first time). she wrote me a script for a light box. i forgot to stop at the light box store on the way home though, so i'll have to try tomorrow. she said my insurance might cover it. and if they don't, she might be able to make them. she gave me ambien cr, too, to try, even though i hate taking stuff to sleep. maybe the lightbox will help with that. there's some study about how a lightbox treatment in the AM will help you think it's summer/daytime, and that way your body gets tired 12 hrs later. maybe this belongs on another board. i don't care. sorry.

 

Re: pdoc » ghost

Posted by zenhussy on November 16, 2005, at 19:20:22

In reply to pdoc, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 17:47:21

> my pdoc said i'm "in a cycle." that's why i haven't been sleeping or eating. i didn't tell her about the SA and that it'd come up recently.

maybe in time you'll feel more comfortable with your T and ask if she ever consults with client's physicians. both pdoc and therapist for our case consult regularly and feel free to contact one another about anything that comes up that affects treatment. we gladly signed the release forms after seeing how helpful having everyone on the same page was.

it doesn't work like that for everyone. in time you'll figure out what your needs are for support and which professionals you can turn to for help.

and as for looking so normal but being a wreck on the inside? that's most people with mental disease/disorder. people are good actors because society often requires no deviation from expected roles.

> anyhow. i love my pdoc to death. and she might well be right. it could just be a cycle triggered by the SA memories and the change in weather (it snowed today for the first time). she wrote me a script for a light box. i forgot to stop at the light box store on the way home though, so i'll have to try tomorrow. she said my insurance might cover it. and if they don't, she might be able to make them. she gave me ambien cr, too, to try, even though i hate taking stuff to sleep. maybe the lightbox will help with that. there's some study about how a lightbox treatment in the AM will help you think it's summer/daytime, and that way your body gets tired 12 hrs later. maybe this belongs on another board. i don't care. sorry.

that's so awesome you have a pdoc you like and who is trying to help you however she can. yeah taking sleep medication isn't most ppl's favourite thing to do but lack of sleep leads to way worse problems.

there are lots of ppl on these boards who use light therapy and could go on at length about it. we know they exist we just don't feel like searching at this moment :p

get some Ambien® assisted rest and in a few days with more sleep and the addition of the light box you might feel like a different woman!

tc ghosty.

 

i have my own thread!

Posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 22:12:58

In reply to pdoc, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 17:47:21

i'm just going to add to it.

my head's suddenly very noisy inside. lotsa cobwebs though. i can't really see straight. i'm playing music pretty loud to drown it out but it's not helping. even stuff i know the words to so i can focus on teh words and not the head noise.

the new boy logged off without saying goodnight tonight. we talked a little about depression and i mentioned one of the drugs i was on. i'm so afraid that he's going to end it because he can't handle the fact that i'm batsh!t insane, or doesn't want to, or doesn't care or doesn't like me or doesn't idontknowwhat. i'm just overly sensitive.

everyone else i usually chat with also is gone. i should go to bed but i'm not that tired. i should have taken an ambien cr awhile ago but now it's too late to take it. it probably won't work anyway.

i guess i'm lonely, on top of being crazy tonight.

i think i'll go pet my cat.

 

Lightboxes » ghost

Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:31:34

In reply to pdoc, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 17:47:21

> she wrote me a script for a light box. i forgot to stop at the light box store on the way home though, so i'll have to try tomorrow. she said my insurance might cover it. and if they don't, she might be able to make them. she gave me ambien cr, too, to try, even though i hate taking stuff to sleep. maybe the lightbox will help with that. there's some study about how a lightbox treatment in the AM will help you think it's summer/daytime, and that way your body gets tired 12 hrs later. maybe this belongs on another board. i don't care. sorry.

Hi ghost,
I use light therapy, and it definitely helps regulate my sleep. I also take ambien when I need it, because otherwise, I often frequently wake up during the night. It doesn't have any adverse effects for me, although I haven't tried CR.

I tried to get my insurance to cover my lightbox, but they didn't, even when my pdoc wrote a letter stating it was medically necessary. I suppose I might have been able to use flexible savings account funds, but with my husband's diabetes, we burn through that pretty quickly.

I'm glad you have a good relationship with your pdoc. That's so important.

Nice to see you posting again. :)

gg

 

Re: i have my own thread! » ghost

Posted by fallsfall on November 17, 2005, at 7:40:54

In reply to i have my own thread!, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 22:12:58

You do have your own thread!

I'm sorry you were lonely. Lonely with a lot of noise in your head isn't a lot of fun. Did you cat help? Cuddling with something soft and furry sometimes helps me. or ice cream...

 

Re: i have my own thread! » ghost

Posted by B2chica on November 17, 2005, at 9:14:10

In reply to i have my own thread!, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 22:12:58

you go pet your cat sweetie.
as for the boy, now's the time to find out if he's the type to stick around or to run. you are such a great person that if he doesn't want to take the time to get to know you like we have then d@mn it he's just not worth it.

besides, when my husband and i were dating he gave me such mixed signals i thought i was loosing my mind. i think guys tend to do this.
so take it slow and if it was meant to be it was meant to be.

take care ghost
b2c.

 

Re: i have my own thread! » ghost

Posted by B2chica on November 17, 2005, at 9:17:36

In reply to i have my own thread!, posted by ghost on November 16, 2005, at 22:12:58

oops, forgot to say. when i get a lot of head noise i try to find music that has TONS of harmonics, radiohead is great for that. there's so much going on that it keeps my mind busy. but i haven't had much of that problem since i've been on zyprexa...have you mentioned your head noise to the pdoc? she may be able to help with that.

(...and it's a great thread at that!!!)
hugs
b2c.

 

Re: i have my own thread!,and its a good one!!! :) (nm)

Posted by muffled on November 17, 2005, at 12:51:35

In reply to Re: i have my own thread! » ghost, posted by B2chica on November 17, 2005, at 9:17:36

 

Re: Lightboxes » gardenergirl

Posted by ghost on November 21, 2005, at 19:24:24

In reply to Lightboxes » ghost, posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:31:34

thanks for your response, and sorry for my late one.

i stopped at the lightbox store before i went on vacation (i'm at the folks' for the week), and they don't work with my insurance. they referred me to another store, so i'll look into it when i get back. hopefully something will work because i really can't afford one right now. but it'd be nice to regulate my brain.

i'm glad to hear it helps-- i believe my pdoc and all, but it's nice to know other humans use it :)

ghost

 

Re: pdoc » zenhussy

Posted by ghost on November 21, 2005, at 19:30:04

In reply to Re: pdoc » ghost, posted by zenhussy on November 16, 2005, at 19:20:22

> maybe in time you'll feel more comfortable with your T and ask if she ever consults with client's physicians.

i think i signed a release already but i'm not sure if she's had to use it. she usually just asks me what the pdoc said. it's weird though. the pdoc usually sees me looking fine (what you said about most people with mental disorders looking normal made a lot of sense), she always says "you look like a peach!" but the T sees me as moody and gloomy a lot of the time. the last few sessions have been me being uppity, but up until now i've always been pretty dark and gloomy. (not counting the recent admission about my past.) so i'm afraid that they'll think i'm not being true with them, but really i am. the pdoc sees me 4-6 wks, and the T saw me every week, and under different circumstances.

i don't know why i'm worried.

i hope i can get my insurance to pay for a lightbox. they probably won't though. insurance companies suck.you pay them for this service, and they never service you. blah. i digress.

anyhow. what you said about having everyone on the same page also makes sense. it should really only be to my benefit and i shouldnt worry.

sorry for the late response. my mind's been kind of blank lately.

ghost

 

Re: i have my own thread! » B2chica

Posted by ghost on November 21, 2005, at 19:34:21

In reply to Re: i have my own thread! » ghost, posted by B2chica on November 17, 2005, at 9:17:36

i'm on abilify for the head noise. usually it works but i think sometimes there's "breakthrough noise" that comes out. usually it's constant noise, but with the abilify it's just when i'm under a lot of stress.

i'm on vacation now though and trying to relax. tonight it hits me that i'm dreading going back to work on monday, even though that's a week away. i really need a new job.

as for the boy, well. he deserves his own post, but i'll just summarize it here. he seems to like me a lot, but his life is filled with drama. me and drama don't get along any more, so i'm afraid of what that means. i don't want drama, but i really like him.

grr. why is life so complicated?

 

kitty *and* ice cream helped :) (nm) » fallsfall

Posted by ghost on November 21, 2005, at 19:35:05

In reply to Re: i have my own thread! » ghost, posted by fallsfall on November 17, 2005, at 7:40:54


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