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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on October 7, 2005, at 19:21:17
I have been developing too much of aversion to therapy these days.
I don't like it.
I know..
I know..I have benefited so very much from it.
But. It was too painful. The transference and termination and getting deep into oneself.
Was it worth it? Yes.. But still, I hate it now. I even have developed an aversion towards therapists (not GG and EE). I hate therapists for the way they do therapy. For the way they induce so much of attachment in patients (though it is no fault of their own). I hate the way they designed therapy in modern medicine. It is way too wrong.
Anybody can understand?
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on October 8, 2005, at 0:42:34
In reply to Developing an aversion to therapy, posted by orchid on October 7, 2005, at 19:21:17
Posted by Annierose on October 8, 2005, at 6:15:41
In reply to Developing an aversion to therapy, posted by orchid on October 7, 2005, at 19:21:17
I'm sorry you felt your experience brought you too much pain, and not enough resolution. I think you needed more time to be able to work through those transference feelings and/or have a therapist that does that kind of work. It's extremely fullfilling and rewarding work, but painful at times.
Time. A lot of time. Patience. Work.
I do understand what you are saying. You have developed the transference, but now what? Unfortunately your first therapist wasn't trained to help you work through the transference, and you moved during your treatment with your second T.
Posted by rabidreader on October 9, 2005, at 14:59:46
In reply to Re: Developing an aversion to therapy » orchid, posted by Annierose on October 8, 2005, at 6:15:41
Orchid,
I can so strongly relate to your post, I got tears in my eyes when I read it. I, too, am developing an aversion, or maybe a resistance, or maybe just a lot of anger about the whole therapy relationship. Falling in love with my therapist has been no picnic, and watching him leave the state to get his doctorate this past August has left me in shambles.
I guess what I am doing is taking a step back from therapy itself for a while. This makes sense after the hurt I've been experiencing. Maybe it makes sense for you to take a little step back and observe your thoughts and feelings for a while. See what dynamics led to the transference in the first place.
I feel for you...hope you can figure things out.
(((((((orchid)))))))))))))))
Posted by Tamar on October 10, 2005, at 6:10:06
In reply to Developing an aversion to therapy, posted by orchid on October 7, 2005, at 19:21:17
> I have been developing too much of aversion to therapy these days.
>
> I don't like it.
>
> I know..
> I know..
>
> I have benefited so very much from it.
>
> But. It was too painful. The transference and termination and getting deep into oneself.Yeah, I’ve felt that way sometimes. In fact, every time I feel depressed and wonder if I should go back to my T, my first thought is: “I can’t do it. It’s too painful.”
> Was it worth it? Yes.. But still, I hate it now. I even have developed an aversion towards therapists (not GG and EE). I hate therapists for the way they do therapy. For the way they induce so much of attachment in patients (though it is no fault of their own). I hate the way they designed therapy in modern medicine. It is way too wrong.
>
> Anybody can understand?
>
I think I do understand. But also perhaps it’s worth considering that your feelings might have a lot to do with the way therapy ended in both cases. Your first therapist terminated you in a very painful way, and even with your second therapist you finished therapy because you were moving away and not because you had come to a point where you felt you had finished. So perhaps some things are still unfinished for you. And perhaps you know the pain is still there but it’s hard to imagine going back to therapy because it *is* hard work.I suspect the attachment thing is OK when the client gets to work through it completely and come to her own conclusion that she doesn’t need her therapist any more. But I think it’s harder if therapy finishes before the client feels ready to leave the therapist.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 14:32:22
In reply to Re: Developing an aversion to therapy » orchid, posted by Tamar on October 10, 2005, at 6:10:06
Thanks for your replies.
I think it perhaps might be possible that I feel particularly this way because of the way therapy ended both times.
I feel now, even my first T was really not responsible. In fact he did his best. It was mostly circumstances which were beyond the control. And I had to move away from my second T, and for the most part, I was just too goddamn afraid to develop any attachment to her. So maybe I still haven't really worked out my feelings effectively.
But seeing how other patients feel towards their therapist, makes me believe that going to a male therapist for a female patient will especially be extremely painful. It takes several years to work through the feelings, and I really wonder if it is worth that much pain and suffering to ultimately come to a good conclusion after years.
Posted by rabidreader on October 10, 2005, at 18:26:20
In reply to Thanks all.., posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 14:32:22
Orchid,
Going to a male therapist was the worst thing I did. I fell in love with my T. But I know that other women who would rather go to a male. If you've fallen in love with teachers or other males in authority in the past, I strongly advise against going to a male. That's just from my own very, very painful experience.
Posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 18:37:28
In reply to Re: Thanks all.., posted by rabidreader on October 10, 2005, at 18:26:20
I agree. It isn't worth the problems.
I ended up feeling so very embarrassed and ashamed of my dependancy on my T, and feeling guilty in my marriage and not being able to be loyal to my husband and not knowing how to help it either. The projection was so very intense, and I honestly didn't know what to make out of it or how to get myself out of it.
It did help me a lot in the beginning to understand things and grow, but soon after it became so very painful.
And I understand it was just not in my case, many of the posters here who suffer the most with dependancy are those who go to male Ts. Inevitably I see so much of suffering when people go to male Ts irrespective of how good or bad the T is. Anyway, as always people might disagree, but it is my opinion.
Posted by rabidreader on October 10, 2005, at 18:47:52
In reply to Re: Thanks all.. » rabidreader, posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 18:37:28
I know what you mean when you say it helped you, at first, to grow. For me, I used my deep attraction to my T as a motivator in therapy. I wanted him to be proud of me and to notice me. That actually worked all the way up until the time he told me he would have to be leaving.
I was a coward--I didn't tell my T of my feelings until he told me he was leaving. Even then, I didn't tell him how obsessed, how in love, I had become. I just didn't have the balls. Did you ever tell your T about your feelings? I believe from your messages that you are no longer with this T. Are you now with a female?
Another, extra, hug for you, because I know how hard this whole ordeal can be! We can help keep each other strong here on this board!
(((((orchid)))))
Posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 19:23:27
In reply to Re: Thanks all.. » orchid, posted by rabidreader on October 10, 2005, at 18:47:52
Thanks Rabid.
I have become actually quite fine now. Sometimes I wonder why I got so dependant and it doesn't seem to make any sense to get attached to someone who you are just seeing professionally and knowing quite well that that person doens't really bother too much about you. And I move quite a lot wihtr many guys everyday at work - very qualified and smart and good guys - and I didn't develop any attachment to them. I suppose it was all just projection.The whole thing was extremely weird. And I still can't make sense of it. And I had always been a very independant person - never needing anyone too much. And it was so strange to be completely out of my character.
Posted by 10derHeart on October 10, 2005, at 20:02:36
In reply to Re: Thanks all.. » rabidreader, posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 19:23:27
I think....it might be hard to see or imagine here on Babble, that it's very possible for women to become deeply attached, in love with even, filled with painful longings for, miserable missing and obsessing over all the time, etc.....a female T. Because I can't recall any posters ever posting about that scenario here. ???
And I do mean women of any orientation, specificall, that straight women are the ones I've read about most in places other than Babble, who sometimes suffer just as greatly, including with erotic tranference (even tougher for them to sort out and understand) when seeing a female T. they become close to over time.
I think Lott's book definitely outlines some of those painful relationships well, if I recall - haven't opened it for a while.
Point being, there would be NO guarantee in the future you - or anyone - wouldn't have a similar thing happen with a women. But, if you're just trying to reduce the likelihood, based on past experience and plain old common sense - I do get that. I really do.
Just my random thoughts.
And one request, Orchid...
>>too goddamn afraid <<
...if you could not use the G.D. expression, I'd appreciate it. It bothers me. Guess it's not considered a "bad" word by the filter at this time, but it is one to me. No hard feelings, just a request from me to you :-)
You sound so well, and sort of "steady," BTW, hope it remains. That's a good place to be.
Posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 20:12:04
In reply to Comment and a request » orchid, posted by 10derHeart on October 10, 2005, at 20:02:36
Thanks Tender. Sorry about the GD !!. I usually avoid expressions, but it slipped this time !.
I am aware of the fact that such intense feelings can arise towards women T also and that if it develops it might be even more confusing (especially for straight women).
But just from personal experience, and seeing it on this board, the likelihood of it happening seems to be much lesser.
Thanks for noticing that I seem to be better. I am. Atleast for the most part.
Posted by Annierose on October 10, 2005, at 21:54:04
In reply to Comment and a request » orchid, posted by 10derHeart on October 10, 2005, at 20:02:36
Hi 10der -
Yes, I agree. I am one of the few babblers that does see a female T and I still experience all those longing and attached feelings. I wouldn't say my transference is erotic, but intensely maternal. And probably just as difficult to sort through. My T recently referred to it as "a great love affair".
I wish it was easy to sort through. I'm glad I have these feelings for a woman. I think with men, I'd be more likely to try and flirt (not that it would get me anywhere). With her, it's more honest. I love you, I miss you ... now what?
Posted by 10derHeart on October 10, 2005, at 23:06:19
In reply to Re: Comment and a request » 10derHeart, posted by orchid on October 10, 2005, at 20:12:04
This is the end of the thread.
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