Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 563100

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 36. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Being in therapy is too much like being in love

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

Waiting by the phone (or computer) for that call or email. Obsessing.

My real therapist asked me to send him an unsolicited email at his new address so that he'll have my email address. And I simultaneously brought him up to date on the many events that had happened since I last saw him.

I think he took it all the wrong way, because his reply was a bit testy.

He wrote:

"I wonder why you assume our therapy will NOT continue on some level." Then he continued on about changes in all relationships over time.

Doesn't he realize that the "on some level" is what scares me sh*tl*ss? "On some level" appears to me at this point to be him living three hours away, switching his work content to mostly travelling, and seeing me occasionally when he has the chance, and when it's convenient to him, not when I need him. Yes, I want to see him whenever I can. I don't want to lose touch, no matter what. I'm so pathetic, I'll take whenever is convenient to him.

Then he talked about my visiting Huntsville and wrote:

"So if it is not working for you to have me as your therapist, then I have to respect that. But I definitely hope that is not the case."

I *know* he cares about me, and I *know* that he doesn't want to lose me as a client. And I'm not sure why he thinks that's how I feel. I thought I had made it abundantly obvious that I was willing to take whatever he could give and have no intention of terminating with him. I thought I'd made it obvious that I was thinking of moving to Huntsville only if I lost him, and got a new therapist only because I needed support and he just wasn't there.

Sigh. Please don't say that he's trying to help me move on without terminating me. First of all, it's not at all true in the context of everything else he's said to me in the last week and the tone of the remarks (which were more defensive and testy than prodding). I really don't want to go into what those things he said were. They weren't romantic or sexual or anything to be reported over. But they were self revelatory.

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I'm desperate for him to write back and tell me I didn't.

It's too much like being in love. :((((((

On a positive note, the assisted living place is apparently gorgeous and well run and my husband is very pleased which I suppose means his family is as well.

It's funny in a sad sort of way. When the idea was presented to them a while back, my father in law said with obvious enthusiasm "There's two separate apartments?!!!" and his mother in law said in obvious concern and fear "There's two separate apartments?!!!"

I guess he has reason to realize that it's hard to live with inlaws. I did manage to convey a lot of love yesterday morning before they left, without breaking my husband's wishes of telling him what was wrong, I think. And he appeared to understand that.

I really need to refill my Risperdal.

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on October 5, 2005, at 7:16:30

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

It is like being in love. And it can be very painful.

I hope that you can view this as your therapist is willing to be available as much as is practical under the new logistics. It is sort of like the difference between "may I ..." and "can I ..." - but this is "he wants to ..." and "he can ...".

He does (and always will) care about you. Just like you do (and always will) care about him.

It is sad that "things" have happened to change your world and his. But is isn't just Katrina that happened. Things were changing before Katrina, too. She just accelerated the changes.

In my opinion, you are not "doing everything wrong". In my opinion, you are doing an outstanding job of dealing with this situation. The situation sucks - how you are handling it doesn't suck at all.

Wouldn't it be great if we could go through changes without them being painful??? I'm sorry that this hurts so much for you. I'm here to give you comfort whenever you need it.

Love,
Falls.

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 7:21:14

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

What do you mean "I feel like I'm doing everything wrong." What are you referring to? I'm not sure.

I hear conflict. Wanting things to be as they were before and wishing things were different now (that he didn't up and leave his practice without a moments pause). I do think T2 can help you process (and I do hate that word, but for lack of a better one - maybe digest) your new reality. That you are able to see your main T whenever he is available, but for on-going support, you will see her.

I do think he wants to continue to be your therapist, but he should of thought of that before committing to move 3 hours away!

Yes, I do agree that on some level that feelings evoked in a theraputic relationship are similar to being in love. I guess that's a good thing. I think it allows us to trust the relationship enought to test it.

I'm glad your busband and father-in-law are happy with the assisted living facility. One less worry. I'm sure he knows you love him. Who wouldn't be stressed in your current situaion?

(((((((((((DINAH)))))))))))))))))))))

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Annierose

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 7:40:35

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 7:21:14

I guess I mean my initial email to him, which I considered to be just friendly and chatty sort of, not deep. But he read all sorts of things into it. I must have phrased it badly and missed my goal.

And I guess I mean my behavior on his telling me he was going away for a month, with the possibility of doing it three months a year. I told him that I once told him that I cared about him enough to want what's best for him, as long as it didn't mean leaving me. But that I was wrong, and I really cared about him enough to want what was best for him even if it meant leaving me.

But then later I was a bit b*tchy.

Yeah, I'm looking at the whole thing the same way you suggested. That I'll see him when I can, but that it's obviously best under the circumstances to make arrangements to protect myself and provide for my needs. I hope he can see it the same way. :(

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 8:55:05

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 7:40:35

I guess since it's like a love relationship, you do consider the other person's feelings ... BUT ... you do need to look out for yours first. He has been supportive of seeing the female T, right? On the other hand, maybe he feels protective of you, and those feelings of "someone else is now helping Dinah" come into play.

Yes, I agree. T's sometimes read too much into our written words. Tone and inflection is lost in the written word, so your intended meaning may be different than what he read. However, you are the queen bee of the written word.

I also think you have a right to be as b*tchy as you need to be! Did you try to make another appointment with T2?

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:10:23

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 5, 2005, at 7:16:30

I hate Katrina!!!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!

I hate every fr*ck*n thing about it. I hate the fact that my son's friends are scattered, that his school is temporarily closed, that I am scared to be living where we could just as easily have had eight foot of water in our house instead of none, depending on where the storm hit or where the storm walls breached. I hate the mess that is the back yard at my mother's house that used to be my refuge and my favoritest place on the earth but that is now a major source of concern and stress. I never really had to think about those things in the forty years I've lived here, but now that I have they're overwhelming to consider.

And I hate that therapy feels too much like being in love. Being in love hurts, and I like just plain loving ever so much better.

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:14:50

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Dinah, posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 8:55:05

> I guess since it's like a love relationship, you do consider the other person's feelings ... BUT ... you do need to look out for yours first. He has been supportive of seeing the female T, right? On the other hand, maybe he feels protective of you, and those feelings of "someone else is now helping Dinah" come into play.

Yeah, he says I need to do what I need to do. But he's never been too fond of the two therapist thing. I'm hoping he's not so opposed to it that he'll refuse to continue seeing me when he can.
>
> Yes, I agree. T's sometimes read too much into our written words. Tone and inflection is lost in the written word, so your intended meaning may be different than what he read. However, you are the queen bee of the written word.

Big grin. (blush and thanks)

> I also think you have a right to be as b*tchy as you need to be! Did you try to make another appointment with T2?

Yeah, I see her Thursday. Since I am avoiding bringing up my feelings about my therapist with her, I'm thinking of telling her that I'd like to work on some of the issues that were hard to work on with a male therapist.

 

Oops. First post for Falls, second for AnnieRose (nm)

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:15:25

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:14:50

 

Re: Oops again. I know that's Annierose. (nm)

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:16:23

In reply to Oops. First post for Falls, second for AnnieRose (nm), posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:15:25

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by Shortelise on October 5, 2005, at 10:58:59

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

I have had the same thought many times - it's like being in love without getting lai... er, without sex.

Dinah, oh, Dinah, you know the drill - ya gotta tell him, tell him you're feeling confused, getting mixed messages, write to him if you can't talk with him.

I don't think he's giving you messages, I think he's having a hard time. He's just not in his stride. Try to cut him some slack, I think.

You see, Dinah, you know what you know, right? You know he cares about you, wants to continue to be your T, wants the very best for you. You know he'll be honest with you always. You know those things. You can count on those things. Try not to let the sneaky doubting voice in. Trust in the relationship you have developed over the years, trust the T you know so well. And trust that, as you have done before, the two of you will work it through.

((Dinah))

ShortE

 

link to article » Dinah

Posted by Shortelise on October 5, 2005, at 11:17:37

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

THis is about the psych aspect of Katrina from Medscape psychiatry

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/513039?src=mp

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by JenStar on October 5, 2005, at 15:18:40

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

hi Dinah,
I'm glad to hear that your T doesn't want to lose you. Maybe he only reacted testily b/c he thought YOU wanted to completely "move on"?

I really do think he MUST be bonded to you in a strong fashion, whether you call it love or respect or familiarity...but after so many years, he MUST have a bond with you, and it hurts him to break it as well. I know that the typical therapist/patient relationship is not supposed to resemble friendship. But I can't imagine interacting with ANYONE for so many years and NOT coming to genuinely like them, not only as a client but as a person. This must be difficult for him, too. Probably more difficult for you!!!! of course!!!

I know it's awful not to have a set schedule of when you can see him...you're reliant on his various schedule, and it will be hard. But it's so heartening to know that he WANTS to fit you into his life, even if it means going out of his way.

Take care!
JenStar

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love

Posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 16:15:02

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah, posted by JenStar on October 5, 2005, at 15:18:40

Hi Dinah,
I'm sorry you came away from your latest communication with your T as if you did something wrong. I noted that you wrote that HE "read into" your words. That's HIS issues comming out. It sounds like he's not entirely clear about his own feelings, personal and professional, about what Katrina has done to your relationship. I think he would agree that seeing someone else when he's not available is a good thing. His response, though, about maybe you not continuing with him at all sounded petulant, at least from reading it via your words. I suspect he's conflicted about wanting things to return to "normal" as much as possible and realizing that things will never be just like that again. You know, from the very first, he mentioned he wanted to keep seeing you in order to have some sense of normalcy. I can understand that, but that's not the reason a T should keep seeing a client.

I'm not saying don't see him at all. And I'm not trying to disparage him. I just hear a lot of his own stuff coming out in your communications together. That's probably due to the depth and history of your relationship. I doubt he'd let his boundaries drop so much with his other clients. But it puts more burden on you, when he should be helping you clarify what's best for you in making therapy plans.

sigh

I hope that wasn't too rambling.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Dinah

Posted by Annierose on October 5, 2005, at 16:49:15

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:14:50

Okay, here's the $64,000 question ....

Why do you want to avoid talking about your feelings in regards to T1 to T2?

I can see your logic in talking about stuff with a female T that you are otherwise uncomfortable with, but it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

My situation no way compares with yours, but when I quit therapy mid-session, and my husband left me a month afterwards, I did seek professional help with a new T. And I do think I spent more time grieving the loss of my T (self-inflicted mind you) than the loss of my marriage (only 17 months of a marriage vs. relationship with T was 5 years). I did find it helpful. And I don't think she made me feel silly.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. And I'm glad you will see her tomorrow.

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 17:23:31

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

I'm sorry this feels so bad Dinah. I agree with ShortE, I think it would be good to tell him, maybe send him your post, you said it all so well. It does sound like he's having trouble with his own feelings, and that's coming through. I wouldn't want to give up after all these years, that's understandable, but what a burden on you physically - the drive, and emotionally - all the pain.
(((hugs)))
fw

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 18:23:18

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

Hey Dinah,

Well, for me therapy was exactly like being in love. And yes, sometimes it sucks.

I’m interested in your therapist’s replies. Of course, I don’t know what you wrote. But when he said
> "I wonder why you assume our therapy will NOT continue on some level." Then he continued on about changes in all relationships over time.
It seems to me that he is committed to the relationship, even though he acknowledges that there are going to be some changes, at least for now. Even though he sounds a bit testy, he clearly wants to continue doing therapy with you. Maybe he’s hoping you’ll understand that he’s considering you, even though he’s not able to offer you what you want at the moment.

And when he said about the Huntsville idea:
> "So if it is not working for you to have me as your therapist, then I have to respect that. But I definitely hope that is not the case."
Again, perhaps it’s not a question of his thinking you believe he’s willing to lose you as a client. I think it’s about how *he* feels. It sounds to me as if *he* doesn’t want to lose *you* as a client. The circumstances are so unusual, it’s almost inevitable that he’s letting his feelings into the situation more than he normally would.

> Sigh. Please don't say that he's trying to help me move on without terminating me. First of all, it's not at all true in the context of everything else he's said to me in the last week and the tone of the remarks (which were more defensive and testy than prodding). I really don't want to go into what those things he said were. They weren't romantic or sexual or anything to be reported over. But they were self revelatory.

I don’t think he’s trying to help you move on. On the contrary, I think he’s trying to keep hold of you. That may be partly his own feeling that he wants to continue the relationship, and partly his belief that you’re not ready to move on. Yeah, it *is* like being in love.

> I feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I’m sure you’re not doing everything wrong. I think your ‘fighting to relationship’ is a harder struggle than it ever has been.

> I'm desperate for him to write back and tell me I didn't.
>
> It's too much like being in love. :((((((

There are some good things about being in love, especially if the other person loves you too. And of course I know you’re not in love with your therapist, but he does love you and I believe he wants to find ways to continue working with you (even though they’re really not ideal for you). I’m sorry it’s so hard.

Tamar

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 19:10:12

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

Hi Dinah
I really don't have much to add to what others have already said.

I know it is extremely tough to let go of a person after 10 years. IT is EXTREMELY hard. But I think your T is aware of this, and is trying to be there for you as long as you need him to be. I don't think he wants you to move on. It only seems like he acknowledges the limitation of doing distant therapy, and is being open about it with you, but at the same time, wants you to know that he will be there for you. At the same time, he needs to respect his professional boundaries, and has to give you the right to move on if you want it.

But I do think he will definitely keep in touch with you quite frequently. And though it may not be as much as you want, it will definitely be a good amount of contact.

I hope you feel a little better soon.

 

Re: therapy is like being in love » Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 20:36:08

In reply to Re: Oops again. I know that's Annierose. (nm), posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:16:23

oh yes indeed it is...

i agree with gg.
katrina has been hard all round...
and it did sound
it did sound a bit to me
like his boundaries came down a bit
with the stress of it all
(which is understandable because he is a person too
but really very hard from a therapy pov)
like how you said before that you thought you were coping with the situation better than he was
and so...
maybe he hasn't really been in the best place to put you first
because he has his own stuff going on now...

and it sucks
it really sucks very badly
that things change
(sometimes)

but i really do think
that you need to look out to you
and i was a bit (okay a lot) confused
about what you were saying before about him NOT wanting you to start seeing someone else...
and i was thinking that his reasons for that sound more like they are about HIM than YOU.
and i guess its hard...
because it must be so very flattering indeed to have someone so very wonderful as yourself be so very devoted to him
and despite his protestations about dependent women...
there is a security, feelings of security in the face of such devotion
and when times turn to sh*t
when something like katrina hits
then security becomes a very significant thing indeed
and it sounds like he is ambivalent...
and maybe he is trying to test your devotion or something...
and i don't know...

but we did talk...
a while ago now...
a fair while ago...
about how you were wondering about whether you might be better off working with someone else
about how YOU had more insights about yourself than HE did (or YOU figured things out more for yourself than HE ever helped facilitate)
about what things would be like if you started working with someone else

but what always came up
what always got in the way
what always prevented that from being a viable option
was your sense of devotion to him

and your concern that if you stopped seeing him then you would lose that sense of connection
and it is those connections that make life worth living
and they are very hard to come by indeed...
and therapists are not like washing machines.

but i think...
i really do think...
that yes those connections are very hard to come by
and that yes those connections are what makes life worth living
and that yes therapists are not interchangeable like washing machines.

but i also think...
that it is like there are so very many people in the world
and some of them are worlds apart
and even if circumstances threw you together there wouldn't be the possibility of such a connection
but there is a sub-set of that group where such a connection is possible.
circumstances permitting...
circumstances permitting...

and about those circumstances...
time is a factor
because we do feel more attached in time

like i have said before about puppies
if we imagine that you are getting a puppy
and you go to have a look at the litter...
and you see them and they are all so cute
and then one strikes you and you say you want that one.

and right there, at that point if they say that that one has been promised to someone
then it isn't so very soul destroying that you can't have that one
that you have to pick another.
but lets say that they don't tell you that and you take it home
and then two years later they say there was some kind of a mix up and you have to return that puppy.
then that would hurt much much more because the connection, the bond strengthens so much over time.
and imagine if you had to give it back after 10 years.

and i know that we can't form strong bonds with everyone
people are not interchangeable like that
some people just rub us up the wrong way
aren't sensitive enough
whatever

but there is the possibility of those connections...
and i think that the space of possible people
who you could feel such devotion for
may well be bigger than you think
may well be bigger than you think

and i know that is is early days yet
so very early
but that might just happen with your new t
that might just happen
and some of the issues that you were worried about with your old t (about progress etc)
might not come up in the same way.

i don't know...
i hope i'm not hurting...

 

Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on October 5, 2005, at 22:25:39

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in lov, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 9:10:23

Your anger at Katrina is so reasonable. You express it so well. Katrina took the things that made your world stable and safe and blew them all apart.

How unfair.

But your anger is justified and reasonable.

(((((Dinah)))))

 

Re: therapy is like being in love » alexandra_k

Posted by JenStar on October 6, 2005, at 0:19:22

In reply to Re: therapy is like being in love » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 20:36:08

Alex,
I know this post was for Dinah, but I found it very powerful and insightful for ME too, just thinking about life and friendship and relationships. Thanks for writing this. It makes me think about the nature of friends and how proximity is almost more important, sometimes, than other things in common. It made me think about how time DOES have the power to strengthen bonds, and it was interesting to think about the puppy analogy and relate it to friendships...

JenStar

JenStar

 

Re: therapy is like being in love » JenStar

Posted by alexandra_k on October 6, 2005, at 1:01:13

In reply to Re: therapy is like being in love » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on October 6, 2005, at 0:19:22

Thanks :-)
Yeah, proximity and time...
Those things play a significant role.
I hope this doesn't muddy things
(Because I know some people have some deeply held beliefs about romantic love and soul mates)
But I think ALL relationships are like that too...

And there are so very many people in the world
And within that set there is a sub-set of the people who you could potentially have an intimate relationship with
And within that set there is a sub-set of the people who you could potentially have happy and fulfilling and lasting intimate relationships with
And proximity and circumstances and time
Play the most significant role.

I don't believe that each person has one and only one soul mate out there...
There are lots of possible people
Who things could work out really well with
Circumstances permitting.

And I guess thats why I don't think that one should be prepared to sacrifice everything for love
Because circumstances can conspire against you sometimes
Like, for example, when people think their t is their soul mate or something like that.
Maybe... In a different context.
But given the situation is what it is it is inappropriate
(And circumstances conspire against you)
But it is not the end of the world
Because there are other people
Other possibilities
Where circumstances are not against you
And proximity and time is all that is needed.

But if you don't like this please ignore it...

 

There seems to be a consensus

Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2005, at 7:10:31

In reply to Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2005, at 16:15:02

And it's unfortunately one that I share. And information I was trying very hard not to convey. I think like so many twisted structures I pass everyday, Katrina also affected the therapeutic frame. I hope not beyond repair.

We've been through so much in the way of fighting to relationship that I hope this is just one more step on the journey. The biggest step maybe. But... as I told him even before this latest job prospect came up, I think I've lost faith that the therapeutic relationship can weather this particular storm. And faith is so essential to therapy.

And yet I can't bear to think in those terms. I know most people here remember my plan. I'm trying to survive by seeing this other therapist, but that isn't really paying off yet. I know, give it time. And I'm trying to distract myself by hurling myself into the idea of moving. And there is a lot to recommend itself in that. This area will take years to regain any semblance of normality. Yet I think it may just be a diversion, a distraction, the way I often obsess about something when I'm depressed. One day it will lift as if it were never even there.

For better or worse (and it will be worse if I lose my therapist) this is my home. I have roots here, and I've always liked roots. There's a book written about my father's grandfather and his son and the woman he is to marry. All set here. My son's school is here, and I can't imagine a better one for him.

For those of you who expressed that my therapist is trying his best to attend to my needs while doing what he needs to do, I do know that. That's one of the things that makes me feel cared for. I swing between being appreciative of that, and being angry. And I probably post more when I'm angry. And see, that's why the slipping of my therapist's usual iron clad boundaries seems somewhat therapeutic right now, in spite of the extra burden it places on me. I do have lots of burdens right now, but it's even more vital to me that I feel cared for at this moment than that I have no extra ones.

I don't know. This just s*cks. I'm not sleeping very well, which probably doesn't help.

I want my therapist/mommy.

I'm still planning to go to Huntsville this weekend. I hope I'm not wasting anyone's time. Perhaps I'll regain my enthusiasm when I see it again.

 

Re: therapy is like being in love » alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2005, at 7:30:13

In reply to Re: therapy is like being in love » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2005, at 20:36:08

Alexandra, I know what you are saying is wise. And that it probably applies to most people.

But I am not most people.

I've had maybe four or five close friends in my entire life. And I intensely miss every one of them who is not currently in my life, not excepting my third grade best friend. I married my high school sweetheart. I have had the same job since 1980. So has my husband. I've always lived within seven miles of where I lived since I was 4 1/2, and those seven miles consisted of only three houses - a rental house while my parents built their house, and my marital home. I have been in love with five dogs (B, P, J, B, H - yes, five) over the literally dozens I have owned in my life. And all but one of them were love at first sight. And each of those I loved in very very different ways. And as delightful as the others were I can't fall in love with them. I can enjoy them, but I can't fall in love. Not even after two years, or fifteen.

I am more like Phoebe's lobster (a Friends reference) than like the person you envision. Maybe if I saw a dozen or so therapists for long periods of time, there would be one who I attached to. But that's hardly feasible.

That's just who I am. I suppose I could work on it in therapy, but I like who I am in that regard, and don't wish to change it, even if it causes me pain.

 

Re: There seems to be a consensus » Dinah

Posted by ClearSkies on October 6, 2005, at 11:45:14

In reply to There seems to be a consensus, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2005, at 7:10:31

Dinah - just want you to know I'm thinking of you. Worrying about you too (you mean you can't feel it from there?). I have envied your close relationship with your therapist - your real one as you refer to him. It must be heart wrenching to have this threatened along with everything else you are dealing with every day. I have been ejected from where I lived (when I was unexpectedly deported from England after 7 years living there). It was such a painful time, and I know that I just kind of did one thing after another, trying not to anticipate where I was going to end up eventually. That helped me at the time. Not being able to project all the "what ifs" forced me to live moment to moment and I think it saved me from being hurt even more.

My words read empty. Just trying to make a connection, let you know that having to abandon a life and a place can lead to better things. It has for me.
ClearSkies

 

He's your lobster! » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on October 6, 2005, at 16:37:38

In reply to Re: therapy is like being in love » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2005, at 7:30:13

Funny how a reference or a turn of phrase can make such clear connections. You're so good at that! I can see Phoebe's hands doing the lobster claws...

So he's your therapist/lobster. And the cool thing about the lobsters is that it's mutual. I guess you're a therapee/lobster to him as well.

I know it's causing you extra stress. But I'm so glad you're seeing the other woman therapist for the time being because being apart from him sucks so much.


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