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Re: Being in therapy is too much like being in love » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 18:23:18

In reply to Being in therapy is too much like being in love, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 6:50:13

Hey Dinah,

Well, for me therapy was exactly like being in love. And yes, sometimes it sucks.

I’m interested in your therapist’s replies. Of course, I don’t know what you wrote. But when he said
> "I wonder why you assume our therapy will NOT continue on some level." Then he continued on about changes in all relationships over time.
It seems to me that he is committed to the relationship, even though he acknowledges that there are going to be some changes, at least for now. Even though he sounds a bit testy, he clearly wants to continue doing therapy with you. Maybe he’s hoping you’ll understand that he’s considering you, even though he’s not able to offer you what you want at the moment.

And when he said about the Huntsville idea:
> "So if it is not working for you to have me as your therapist, then I have to respect that. But I definitely hope that is not the case."
Again, perhaps it’s not a question of his thinking you believe he’s willing to lose you as a client. I think it’s about how *he* feels. It sounds to me as if *he* doesn’t want to lose *you* as a client. The circumstances are so unusual, it’s almost inevitable that he’s letting his feelings into the situation more than he normally would.

> Sigh. Please don't say that he's trying to help me move on without terminating me. First of all, it's not at all true in the context of everything else he's said to me in the last week and the tone of the remarks (which were more defensive and testy than prodding). I really don't want to go into what those things he said were. They weren't romantic or sexual or anything to be reported over. But they were self revelatory.

I don’t think he’s trying to help you move on. On the contrary, I think he’s trying to keep hold of you. That may be partly his own feeling that he wants to continue the relationship, and partly his belief that you’re not ready to move on. Yeah, it *is* like being in love.

> I feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I’m sure you’re not doing everything wrong. I think your ‘fighting to relationship’ is a harder struggle than it ever has been.

> I'm desperate for him to write back and tell me I didn't.
>
> It's too much like being in love. :((((((

There are some good things about being in love, especially if the other person loves you too. And of course I know you’re not in love with your therapist, but he does love you and I believe he wants to find ways to continue working with you (even though they’re really not ideal for you). I’m sorry it’s so hard.

Tamar


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poster:Tamar thread:563100
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