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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 15:56:56
Tamar are you out there? Are you doing okay? I have been thinking about you and wondering.
fw
Posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
In reply to Tamar?, posted by fairywings on September 11, 2005, at 15:56:56
> Tamar are you out there? Are you doing okay? I have been thinking about you and wondering.
> fw
Hi fairywings,Thanks for asking... I've been a bit sad and depressed. I always seem to withdraw when I get like this. Sorry.
A couple of days ago it was the anniversary of the date I started therapy. Somehow this kind of thing seems guaranteed to throw me back into sadness. And then next week it’ll be exactly six months since I stopped. I think it’s time to throw away my calendar!
Tamar
Posted by Annierose on September 12, 2005, at 16:38:42
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
Tamar -
I remember you talking about this a few weeks ago in the thread about the missing phone message. Did you mention then, I apologize in advance if this is repeating information, why you just don't call him and ask for another appointment? It isn't failure. You have such great emotional insight, I can see why you would want to explore more. Maybe there are some unanswered questions.
I once quit therapy before I was truly ready. It's an uneasy feeling. I'm so happy I went back.
Posted by Annierose on September 12, 2005, at 16:41:53
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
Sorry you feel so bad right now. I think anniversarys are special, so remembering them can bring a mix bag of emotions ... happy to have worked with your T, sad that you no longer do.
I'll bring over some ice cream with toppings ... even crumbled up oreos or snickers ... yum.
Posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 17:11:14
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
>
> Thanks for asking... I've been a bit sad and depressed. I always seem to withdraw when I get like this. Sorry.gosh Tamar, don't apologize, i missed you and was wondering where you went. i'm sorry that you're feeling bad and that you're going through a rough time. yeah, reminders sometimes don't help, but sometimes we remember that kind of stuff on our own even w/o calendars.
if there's anything i can do........
(((hugs)))
fw
Posted by Damos on September 12, 2005, at 17:24:54
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
Hey Tamar,
Sorry you've been feeling a little down lately. We miss you when you're not around. You've always been so nice and kind to me I wish there was something I could say or do that'd help.
(((((Tamar)))))
Posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 18:05:07
In reply to Re: One more thing .. » Tamar, posted by Annierose on September 12, 2005, at 16:41:53
Thanks Annierose.
I think you’re right. I think I wasn’t entirely ready to finish. There were lots of good reasons to finish at that point (I wasn’t depressed any more; I’d just had a baby…). But I’ve been having quite a few depressive episodes recently and maybe I should go back. I know that one of my difficulties is coming to terms with therapy being over; I think I’d feel silly going back and saying, “I found it so hard to say goodbye that I’ve returned.” And eventually I’d just have to say goodbye again… I’ve been trying to make up my mind the last couple of weeks whether to go back. And I’m finding it hard to make a decision. But I think I’m going to do some marriage therapy with my husband, so I’ll probably try to do that first and see how I’m feeling after that (I definitely can’t afford to do both at once!).> I'll bring over some ice cream with toppings ... even crumbled up oreos or snickers ... yum.
Oh yum! That sounds wonderful!
Thanks again.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 18:07:17
In reply to Re: Tamar? » Tamar, posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 17:11:14
Thanks fairywings.
> sometimes we remember that kind of stuff on our own even w/o calendars.
Ain’t that the truth!
> if there's anything i can do........
> (((hugs)))Thanks for the hugs. It definitely helps!
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 18:09:04
In reply to Re: Tamar? » Tamar, posted by Damos on September 12, 2005, at 17:24:54
Thanks Damos, and thanks for the hugs.
> I wish there was something I could say or do that'd help.
You just did!
Tamar
Posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 19:08:30
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 18:07:17
I hope the marriage counseling helps, but if you still have depressive episodes, maybe there's more to it than just having trouble saying good-bye? having a baby is so wonderful, but the hormonal changes alone, not to mention lifestyle changes, can wreak havoc on your system.
fw
Posted by orchid on September 12, 2005, at 21:35:12
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
I hope you are feeling better soon.
But it might be worthwhile to try a female therapist instead of a male therapist this time.
From my experience, female Ts somewhat have a better grasp of female emotions. From what you have said in the past, your Ex T didn't seem to be extremely understanding about transference. So I am thinking a female T who is very qualified in understanding and helping out transference issues might be better than going to your old T back again and trying to work through another round of intense transference. It might take quite a while - even a few years, and you might have to quit in the middle again due to it being expensive as you did in the past. Female Ts are equally efficient, much less painful for us emotionally, and they have a better grasp of our emotions.
Take Care and Hi !!!
Posted by Dinah on September 12, 2005, at 22:19:15
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 12, 2005, at 15:46:34
Those are difficult dates. I think it's quite normal to feel depressed around times of loss.
How do you feel about continuing to feel this way six months after your last session. Do you think something needs to be resolved? Is it at all possible to think of seeing someone, either him or someone else?
I'm sorry you're feeling sad, Tamar. I wish I could help somehow.
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:16:30
In reply to Re: Tamar? » Tamar, posted by orchid on September 12, 2005, at 21:35:12
Hi Orchid! It's good to hear from you. Are you still around, or were you just online briefly?
> I hope you are feeling better soon.
>
> But it might be worthwhile to try a female therapist instead of a male therapist this time.You may be right about seeing a female therapist. But oddly enough, there are many things I find it easier to discuss with men than women (face to face, anyway). I'll think about it!
> From my experience, female Ts somewhat have a better grasp of female emotions. From what you have said in the past, your Ex T didn't seem to be extremely understanding about transference.
Well, to be fair to him, I never told him about the transference. I hinted at it a few times, but I was in short term therapy and I think there's a different theoretical perspective in which transference isn't really talked about. Mind you, it might have saved me some anguish if we'd talked about it. But I was too afraid...
> So I am thinking a female T who is very qualified in understanding and helping out transference issues might be better than going to your old T back again and trying to work through another round of intense transference. It might take quite a while - even a few years, and you might have to quit in the middle again due to it being expensive as you did in the past. Female Ts are equally efficient, much less painful for us emotionally, and they have a better grasp of our emotions.
I will definitely think about it. I think I might do some marriage counselling first and then see how things are going.
I hope things are going well for you. Let us know how you're getting on!
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:20:50
In reply to Re: Tamar? » Tamar, posted by fairywings on September 12, 2005, at 19:08:30
> I hope the marriage counseling helps, but if you still have depressive episodes, maybe there's more to it than just having trouble saying good-bye?
Yeah, that could be so. I'm feeling a bit obsessed at the moment. I have been thinking about him constantly for three days. This is almost worse than when I was in therapy. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he'd just let me have my wicked way with him and then it would be out of my system...
> having a baby is so wonderful, but the hormonal changes alone, not to mention lifestyle changes, can wreak havoc on your system.
Ain't that the truth!
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:31:04
In reply to Re: Tamar? » Tamar, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2005, at 22:19:15
> Those are difficult dates. I think it's quite normal to feel depressed around times of loss.
>
> How do you feel about continuing to feel this way six months after your last session. Do you think something needs to be resolved?That's a very good question! I suppose the obvious thing is that the transference is still somewhat unresolved. I've found the transference useful over the last few months, and despite the agony I've been able to be quite analytical about it.
It's changed several times and every time it changes I go through some kind of obsession like this, so maybe there's more in there. But I do recognise that there are limits to my abilities to analyse it on my own.
When I was still in therapy I was able to figure out what the basic issues were and then discuss those without having to confess all my most secret feelings. But at least I had him to talk to about things. And now I've spent six months trying to continue with the same kind of analysis, only without the man who helped.
> Is it at all possible to think of seeing someone, either him or someone else?
I think it's obvious that I need to. I haven't done any work for a week. I've just been having imaginary conversations with someone who probably barely remembers me. But whether it's possible to think of seeing either him or someone else... that's harder. I'm resisting it so strongly that I sense I really need to deal with it.
> I'm sorry you're feeling sad, Tamar. I wish I could help somehow.
You do help. You help a lot. Thank you so much!
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 19:45:26
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:20:50
Sometimes I think it would be easier if he'd just let me have my wicked way with him and then it would be out of my system...
>
Hi Tamar!
I think you are right! If my T would let me have my way.... well MAYBE if would be out of my system! LOL Athough I am over my obsessesd feelings from him, I am still attracted to him and will probably always be.
Posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 19:51:13
In reply to Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE!, posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 19:45:26
In fact I remember once my T said a way to overcome a thought, is to flood your mind with it A LOT! LOL So I wonder if I did it with my T over and over in my mind or IRL, would it cure the thought? LOL I am only kidding, I am in a weird mood this week.
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 20:19:01
In reply to Re: Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE!, posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 19:51:13
> In fact I remember once my T said a way to overcome a thought, is to flood your mind with it A LOT! LOL So I wonder if I did it with my T over and over in my mind or IRL, would it cure the thought? LOL I am only kidding, I am in a weird mood this week.
Tee hee. Yeah, maybe it would cure the thought. Or maybe he'd be just so skilled, attentive, and utterly fantastic that you'd get nothing else done for a few weeks...
Posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 20:22:19
In reply to Re: Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE!, posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 20:19:01
>
> Tee hee. Yeah, maybe it would cure the thought. Or maybe he'd be just so skilled, attentive, and utterly fantastic that you'd get nothing else done for a few weeks...
>
Thats what I think! LOL Don't you think a T must be pretty good in bed? SHOW me where you need me to solve your problems. They have to release that stress somehow! Boy do I need to get my mind out of the gutter lately. Tell me to stop it okay!
Posted by fairywings on September 14, 2005, at 21:51:51
In reply to Re: Tamar? » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 17:20:50
>>>I have been thinking about him constantly for three days. This is almost worse than when I was in therapy. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he'd just let me have my wicked way with him and then it would be out of my system...
Well then ; ) I suggest you go back, and just tell him exactly how you feel! ; ) Maybe working through that is neccessary and worthwhile.
fw
Posted by Susan47 on September 19, 2005, at 21:01:11
In reply to Re: Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE!, posted by happyflower on September 14, 2005, at 20:22:19
Why, now why on earth would any of us ever tell you to stop it, when this is obviously so totally natural, feeling this way about your therapist must be such a common experience and we need to get it out of the closet about ourselves, we have to stop listening to all the friends who laugh and say, haha that's so Typical, that's the Oldest Story On Earth, yadayada bla bla bla Falling In Love With Your Therapist, there must be a manual for patients SOMEWHERE, telling them about the Dangers, the real emotional traps this sets us up into, this type of relationship. A Guidebook for the Transferentially (is that a word? if so, what does it mean???) Uninitiated.
Talk it out, sweetie.
Let out your lust, get the courage to tell him face to face. Hah! Wanna see a therapist Run? Run, Rabbit, Run! There was a movie by that name once, wasn't there, with Dustin Hoffman?
I think I'm losing my mind.
Yes, 'cause I was uninitiated too, and I didn't know I had so much to gain, so much to lose.You can stop reading now, I'm wandering here and just typing for the fun of it, partly maybe ...
And I totally was not prepared for the lust, for the passion, the growing desire for a man I previously hadn't laid eyes on, didn't honestly know from Adam.. a handsomely appealing, guileless-seeming, caring individual with a Ton of Sex Appeal ... how many women have been goners for this therapist? How many boners has he had with them in mind ... and how many opportunities exist for someone like that, not that he's taking advantage of anything, I think I was lucky or unattractive to him or maybe a bit of both, I made myself reprehensible, actually, and I believe now I did it subconsciously on purpose. Even, perhaps not so subconsciously.
I always knew something was up with those calls. Something more, something intensely important, but I don't know what.
WE NEED A GUIDEBOOK! WHERE IS IT? WHO'S WRITING IT? I saw that somewhere here, I'm sure of it.
Posted by happyflower on September 19, 2005, at 21:12:11
In reply to Re: Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE! » happyflower, posted by Susan47 on September 19, 2005, at 21:01:11
Thanks Susan,
I forgot all about this post, now you reminded me of all of this! LOL I almost went a week without thinking about my T in that way, now , oh boy, back to sqaure one again!
Posted by Susan47 on September 20, 2005, at 19:39:57
In reply to Re: Let me have my way with him! GOOD CURE! » Susan47, posted by happyflower on September 19, 2005, at 21:12:11
Oops, sorry hon'. I didn't mean nothin' by it, at-all at-all dahlin'. You just get that li'l ol' vibrator out and a-hummin' and let Santa take care of it sweetie-pie.
Wouldn't it be nice if there really was a Santa???? Ho Ho Ho. I know what my Wish List would consist of .. over and over and over again!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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