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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rabidreader on July 23, 2005, at 11:58:57
I had an affair with my academic mentor (who was married) when I was in my early 20s. He always said his greatest gift was not his academics but his "gift" for listening and being therapuetic.
Now that my T is leaving and I'm saddled with all these intense transference feelings, and feelings of loss, I'm making a connection between my old mentor and this T. They are wildly different, but maybe because I had the affair with the mentor I held out hope that I could have an affair with my T?
Does anyone else think it's wrong for a teacher to set himself up as a T-figure?
Posted by Shortelise on July 23, 2005, at 14:04:08
In reply to Affair with mentor, trigger for T, posted by rabidreader on July 23, 2005, at 11:58:57
RR, in the name of getting, um, sexual satisfaction, people do the wildly inappropriate things! Some profs find it hard to resist the adoration of students. Your prof therapized you? Add that to his list of sins, if you like, but my view is that we have to take those experiences for what they were worth. The bad with the good, y'know?
In blaming, finding fault with what someone else has done, I find that I am trying not to take responsibilty for my part. Dammit.
Of course this brings up the same sort of feelings when it comes to your T!! But it doesn't mean you were hoping to have an affair with him, does it? I mean, maybe you were, but could it be that it's intimacy the two realtionships have in common? I find therapy is very intimate, more intimate in fact than some sexual relationships I have had. I am certainly better known to my T, more understood.
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:10:23
In reply to Affair with mentor, trigger for T, posted by rabidreader on July 23, 2005, at 11:58:57
It is possible that both of them have some root cause elsewhere.. I am one, who gets attracted to authority figures all the time. And I thought, they were separate incidents with no connection to one another, but then my current T helped me see, how they are all about my relationship with my dad. I had some form of csa and intense relationship with my dad, and that is why I have been getting attracted to people who are authoritative over me all my life.
Maybe you should explore this with your new T - you might discover soemthing important about yourself.
Posted by rabidreader on July 24, 2005, at 19:57:47
In reply to Re: Affair with mentor, trigger for T » rabidreader, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:10:23
You know, pinkeye, I had not even made the obvious connection that both the teacher and my current T are authority figures. Hello, am I awake?? There is definitely a connection there. My father was completely absent from my life, and I have always found comfort, and many times attraction to authority figures. There is something so childlike in having someone who knows us so well yet is still accepting of us. There is a deep intimacy in the mentor-student relationship, at least there is in the arts, which was my major in college. My mentor knew all my "stuff"--he encouraged me to get it out, possibly as a way to get to my artistic expression.
I have always longed for a father in life, a father to the little girl who desperately needs holding, rocking, affirmation. I had a fantasy of my current T holding me in just such a way.
Shortelise, I think that no, I really didn't hope for the affair. It was just a guess at what I was thinking at the time, which was, "I wish the situation was different. I wish he was my lover or brother or friend or father or whatever. The affair with my mentor tore me apart so badly I thought I would never some together again. I would never want that in my life again.
This is the end of the thread.
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