![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
The therapist that I have been in love with and wrote about here just told me he's leaving. He's going back to school to get his doctorate. I am devastated in every way. He's going to be gone in two weeks and I don't know how I am going to get through just this one night, let alone all the rest, knowing he won't be there anymore.
PLEASE help. My email is sweetstring@hotmail.com. Use "My T leaving agency" as subject line. I am desperate.
Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 18:48:49
In reply to My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
There is no way you are going to recover from this in any sort of sensible manner.. He should have let you know well in advance. The only way to recover from this would be to go to another male T. Even a woman T wouldn't help.
Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 18:56:43
In reply to My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
If it is of any help - what your T did is awful and despicable.. He knew he was going to leave - he should have warned you well in advance. Not just throw it out on you like this. He is not fit to be a T, much less go for a doctorate. He doesn't understand emotions, and is so totally not fit to be a therapist. I wonder how many more patients have to suffer like this before they consider revising the rules for Ts and termination..
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 18:59:49
In reply to My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
Oh, I'm so sorry!!!
I don't know that there is anything I can say that will help. Loss s*cks.
I am soooo angry for you!!! What an awful thing to do to clients. :(
Posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 19:06:52
In reply to Re: My T leaving agency *trigger* » rabidreader, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 18:59:49
Is it awful that he told me? He gave me two weeks' notice. It is just through Community Mental Health here. It's not a private agency or anything. I'm not sure what to think...
I just know I'm devastated because of my feelings for him, which I did NOT tell him, as of yet. I'm thinking of teeling him, though, because I really need to process this before he leaves forever.
Thank you for posting so quickly. I only get an hour on-line here at the library and was grateful that you all helped so swiftly.
Posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 19:09:42
In reply to Get another male T immediately » rabidreader, posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 18:48:49
The person they assigned me to take his place at Community Mental Health is female. What if I tell my T before he leaves that I have feelings for him, and they won't give me another male? Should I confront that?
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 19:13:07
In reply to Re: My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 19:06:52
It's awful that he gave you so little notice. :(
I don't know what they think. Maybe that knowing they're leaving will keep us from progressing or something.
But I wish they would realize that therapists are not like washing machines. You just can't move to a new one because the old one is out of order. There is a personal element to the relationship.
Sheesh.
Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 19:18:37
In reply to Re: Get another male T immediately, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 19:09:42
> The person they assigned me to take his place at Community Mental Health is female. What if I tell my T before he leaves that I have feelings for him, and they won't give me another male? Should I confront that?
I don't know too much about your T.. From the fact that he told you just 2 weeks before him leaving, doesn't speak highly of him. IT is incredibly hard to lose a T to whom you are attached, and if he is not sensitive to this, he shouldn't have been a T in the first place.I am not sure what will transpire if you tell him about your feelings, and how he would react etc. I don't know if he is going to allow post termiantion contact - most likely no.
Just be prepared for a very rough ride for the next several months. It is incredibly difficult to handle abrupt terminations like this. I have been there, and coupel of others here like Shrinking Violet and Susan etc have been there. It is so awfully hard.
You should atleast try to convince him to write to you maybe once in a month for the next few months. That would really help. If you have a choice, ask to see a male T with good amount of experience, and who can handle transference well and who will have little more sensitivity than leaving in 2 weeks notice.
Posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 19:47:51
In reply to My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
Your T is a complete jerk. You should tell him that.
Posted by pinkeye on July 21, 2005, at 15:42:59
In reply to Re: Get another male T immediately » rabidreader, posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 19:18:37
I think you shouldn't go to a male T - since you have a potential to have crushes on male Ts, it would be helpful to you to analyze it with a female T instead of going to a male T again and developing it and worrying again and hurting again.
Posted by rabidreader on July 21, 2005, at 19:28:50
In reply to Re: My T leaving agency *trigger* » rabidreader, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 19:13:07
Dinah,
I really liked your analogy that therapists are not easily replacable like washing machines or other appliances. Maybe I will use that when I'm talking to him.
Posted by Dinah on July 21, 2005, at 19:32:11
In reply to Re: My T leaving agency *trigger* Dinah, posted by rabidreader on July 21, 2005, at 19:28:50
My therapist and I worked on it together over a long period of major argument. :)
Now we both use it.
Posted by rabidreader on July 21, 2005, at 19:32:17
In reply to Re: Get another male T immediately » rabidreader, posted by pinkeye on July 20, 2005, at 19:18:37
Pinkeye,
I have thought of the fact that he may not allow any more contact with me after my session telling him my feelings. It may be abrupt and I'm scared about that. Maybe I shouldn't tell him. I just don't know. I don't know how I will even get through a session without telling him. It may not work for me.
I was hoping to get from him a kind, and thoughtful, response. If I were a T, I would be really gentle with a person experiencing these feelings.
The agency assigned me to a female. I wonder if my T knew of my transference, and this was his way of dealing with it?
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 21, 2005, at 20:48:36
In reply to My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by rabidreader on July 20, 2005, at 18:36:20
I'm sorry to hear that your T is leaving. Please post to us when you need support through this transition.
Pinkeye seems really angry on your behalf. Anger is important. But, I'm a little worried that she might have scared you about how the next few months will be. Her situation was an especially ugly one. There is another side of the coin.
You may actually deal with it better than you think you will. How long have you been seeing this T? Do you feel better than when you started? Sometimes, if you have had time to heal a little in treatment, you might be stronger(and more able to cope) than you realize.
Also, and this may be too early to think about this sort of thing, but sometimes a new T can offer a different perspective on you and your life. Then you can kind of take the best the each of them has to offer (Old T and New T).
I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty of your situation, but I guess I just want you to know that you will make it through. I want you to have a little hope.
Also, I think it would be fine to talk to your T about your feelings about him, whether you want a female T, etc. As you know from reading here, lots of people have strong feelings toward their therapist. It is normal and I wouldn't think that they would prevent you from seeing another male T if you want.
Take care of yourself.
Best,
EE
Posted by rabidreader on July 22, 2005, at 12:17:15
In reply to Re: My T leaving agency *trigger*, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 21, 2005, at 20:48:36
Thank you, Emily Elizabeth. I did get a bit of hope from your post. I definitely think Pinkeye has some good points and it's good to anticipate sometimes. But I am trying for hope and help and comfort too.
I have been seeing this T for about a year. I did get better for a while, then relapsed, then got better, and now have relapsed due to this and other monumental stressors (including unemployment and poverty-level existence).
I now have a female T through the same agency, I start with her next week Tuesday before I end with my current T. I hope she's good, because she's going to get an earful of pain and distress!
I appreciate your insight.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.