![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
Hi everyone,
I just had one of those "I don't really have anything to talk about today" really awesome but wrenching sessions.My T has been doing more and more poking holes in my defenses lately. That must be a good thing, because now I'm noticing them (or at least the one we were dealing with yesterday) in the moment and poking a bit myself. But ugh! He's making me FEEL! And it HURTS! I've been coming to realize just how much energy I expend to avoid FEELING this. I'm tired of doing that, but I can understand why I do, because did I mention it HURTS?
And the really difficult part is that there's just no comfort for it. It doesn't go away. It's there, and it's part of me, and I have to face it or keep expending all that wasted energy to avoid it. Did I mention it HURTS? It's so scary to go there, because it feels dark and scary and lonely and small. I feel small. It's so hard to feel like a competent person and professional when you feel like a lonely, scared, little girl so much of the time. Or I defend against feeling that, and I can't feel competent if my energy is devoted to defenses.
So part of me is saying, "Damn him for being competent and skilled and present." LOL. But I also appreciate it, and I know it's progress. (Did I mention it hurts?)
So towards the end of the session, I had quoted something from one of my favorite movies--"The Princess Bride". It was relevant to what we were talking about ("Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is selling something.") And he said:
Wait for it....
INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!
with a sly grin.Damn him! :-D
gg
Posted by All Done on July 13, 2005, at 10:24:35
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
(((gg))),
It sounds like you're doing really good work. Sorry it hurts so much, though. Wait. Did you say it hurts??
I guess we have to take the good with the bad. I imagine that this process will make you more open to all kinds of feelings not just the icky ones. So, hopefully, once you get through the roughest of the feelings that hurt, you will start to have all the good feelings you may have been missing out on.
Here's a hug for your T, too, cuz he sounds sweet.
(((gg's T)))
Take care,
Laurie
Posted by Jazzed on July 13, 2005, at 15:07:22
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
Hi GG,
You are both so funny, to quote from the Princess Bride. Common ground, huh? Did you both get a good laugh? What a great movie - you have to have a good sense of humor to fully appreciate it.
Sounds like some serious work going on. Sorry it hurts so much to cut through all of the defenses and to feel so small and helpless. I can understand the hurt, but also how good it must feel to realize how much more energy you'll have not putting up those defenses.
Good luck with this,
Jazzy
Posted by alexandra_k on July 13, 2005, at 16:48:00
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him! » gardenergirl, posted by Jazzed on July 13, 2005, at 15:07:22
(((gg))))
Sorry you are hurting.
But... Glad you are making progress :-)
Don't forget to be kind to yourself
Oh, and you can come be three if you like.
(see an earlier thread)
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2005, at 17:55:29
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
Posted by annierose on July 13, 2005, at 19:33:10
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
Sometimes those "I don't have anything to talk about" sessions are the best.
Poking through those defenses is awesome (HARD)work. We finally got through to my childhood pain for 2 straight sessions. Then she went on vacation for 2 weeks! But I'm doing good, surprisingly.
Now that he got through, aren't you glad you see him more often so you don't have to sit with the feelings for so long?
It takes strength to face those defenses. Congratulations.
Annierose
Posted by fallsfall on July 13, 2005, at 19:49:05
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
Sounds like you are getting into the groove with 2/week therapy. I'm sorry it hurts, though.
Good for you!
Posted by daisym on July 13, 2005, at 23:30:24
In reply to My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14
*****And the really difficult part is that there's just no comfort for it. It doesn't go away. It's there, and it's part of me, and I have to face it or keep expending all that wasted energy to avoid it. Did I mention it HURTS? It's so scary to go there, because it feels dark and scary and lonely and small. I feel small. It's so hard to feel like a competent person and professional when you feel like a lonely, scared, little girl so much of the time. Or I defend against feeling that, and I can't feel competent if my energy is devoted to defenses.*****
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ugh. I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling so small. It is hard to shake that little girl feeling sometimes. I'm scheduling therapy later and later in the day due to this. But sometimes that back fires because work usually kicks me back to competent adult mode. It isn't good to feel young and lost and really be alone at home. Or worse, have to engage in "adult" activities when you feel so open and vulnerable. So take care of yourself around this.I'm glad for your progress. Who said "no pain, no gain?" We should shoot them!
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by spalding on July 14, 2005, at 19:17:53
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by daisym on July 13, 2005, at 23:30:24
That's so funny! My husband and I often just look at each other and yell, "INCONCEIVABLE"! I would have rolled on the floor if that had been my T.
What a nice moment in a tough session. Good for you, gg.
spalding
Posted by happyflower on July 14, 2005, at 20:05:53
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by spalding on July 14, 2005, at 19:17:53
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:37:41
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him! » gardenergirl, posted by All Done on July 13, 2005, at 10:24:35
Awww, I'll mentally pass on the hug today in my session.
Thanks, sweetie. Hugs back to you.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:39:17
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him! » gardenergirl, posted by Jazzed on July 13, 2005, at 15:07:22
Thanks Jazzy,
Yes, we got a small chuckle out of it at the time. It still makes me smile and feel all warm inside to think of it. Isn't it amazing how one little thing said or done can be so so signficant?gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:40:54
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by alexandra_k on July 13, 2005, at 16:48:00
Hi alex,
I'll have to check that thread out when I get back in town. I would love to be three. Daisy and I were messengering recently, and we came up with the Island of Lost Girls. I think that would be a cool place for three year olds to hang out and visit.I'll try to remember the fun things about being three. Those are good to go back to, too.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:42:26
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by annierose on July 13, 2005, at 19:33:10
Oh gosh, yes, I'm glad I don't have to wait a week with these feelings. I am afraid they would go back behind the walls, and we'd have to make up a bit of lost ground each time.
Glad you are doing well with your T on vacation. Mine is going soon. I'm waiting for that shoe to drop. :(
See ya! :-D
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:42:58
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him! » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on July 13, 2005, at 19:49:05
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:45:11
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by daisym on July 13, 2005, at 23:30:24
>
>
> Yes! Yes! Yes! Ugh. I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling so small. It is hard to shake that little girl feeling sometimes. I'm scheduling therapy later and later in the day due to this.We tried later a few times due to scheduling issues. But I find him less attentive in the afternoon. I like morning better, but it does force me to batten down the hatches. Sometimes all I have is duct tape.
> I'm glad for your progress. Who said "no pain, no gain?" We should shoot them!
"Life is pain, Highness...." :-D
> Hugs from me,
> Daisyand back to you, sweets
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on July 15, 2005, at 7:45:57
In reply to Re: My T...darn him!...Love him!, posted by spalding on July 14, 2005, at 19:17:53
Sounds like you and your hubby are my kind of people!
Remember...never start a land war in Asia!
Take care,
gg
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.