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My T...darn him!...Love him!

Posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 9:18:14

Hi everyone,
I just had one of those "I don't really have anything to talk about today" really awesome but wrenching sessions.

My T has been doing more and more poking holes in my defenses lately. That must be a good thing, because now I'm noticing them (or at least the one we were dealing with yesterday) in the moment and poking a bit myself. But ugh! He's making me FEEL! And it HURTS! I've been coming to realize just how much energy I expend to avoid FEELING this. I'm tired of doing that, but I can understand why I do, because did I mention it HURTS?

And the really difficult part is that there's just no comfort for it. It doesn't go away. It's there, and it's part of me, and I have to face it or keep expending all that wasted energy to avoid it. Did I mention it HURTS? It's so scary to go there, because it feels dark and scary and lonely and small. I feel small. It's so hard to feel like a competent person and professional when you feel like a lonely, scared, little girl so much of the time. Or I defend against feeling that, and I can't feel competent if my energy is devoted to defenses.

So part of me is saying, "Damn him for being competent and skilled and present." LOL. But I also appreciate it, and I know it's progress. (Did I mention it hurts?)

So towards the end of the session, I had quoted something from one of my favorite movies--"The Princess Bride". It was relevant to what we were talking about ("Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is selling something.") And he said:


Wait for it....


INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!


with a sly grin.

Damn him! :-D

gg

 

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poster:gardenergirl thread:527075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/527075.html