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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket on June 22, 2005, at 11:38:25
that I want to switch from once a week therapy to every other week?
I know that many of you find that once a week is not even enough but here's what I see as pros and cons.
PROs
#1 I can pay him more per session (closer to his real fee) and still not go completely in debt. This is important to me. I am ashamed about how little I am able to pay.
#2 I would have a week to recover from some of the intense work we're doing. Right now I have a couple of days of fog after a session and a couple of days of anxiety before a session, leaving me very little time to just forget about the whole d*** thing for a few days.
#3 This one is secret from some parts of me. But I think it's also my way to say to my T "Nyah, nyah, I don't need you at all. In fact, I want to see you less."
CONs
#1 I have very little connection between sessions, don't remember much of what was said. If the time between sessions is twice as long, maybe there would be such little connection that it wouldn't be worth going at all. I might even forget to go.
#2 If I miss a week, my anxiety level about going back gets higher. I imagine this would level out after a while but right now it's a lot harder to go back after two weeks rather than after one.
#3 This one is a secret from some other parts of me. I would miss him. I need to see him every week.
I know that I need to think this one out carefully because if I do ask for it he will agree. He has always let me make my own decisions about when and how often I go with little or no discussion. I am almost certain that he would never say "Oh no, I think you need to stay coming once a week." So I can't have any hope of that.
Posted by PM80 on June 22, 2005, at 11:53:42
In reply to Should I tell my T....., posted by cricket on June 22, 2005, at 11:38:25
Tough choice. It sounds like you are really trying to be honest with yourself and see this from multiple angles. That is definitely a good thing. I had two thoughts after reading this.
1. If you do decide to go once every two weeks, maybe you could think more about what went on and make a point to remember what was said since you would have more breathing room. You would not have to have an answer or a response so quickly. You can take your time and get beyond the feeling threatened part of the response. I find that when I go two weeks between sessions ('cuz of holiday or vacations), I have a better perspective. I get past the hurt a little better.
2. what if you took this pros and cons list into your session? It could definitely be something to discuss. Your T may be able to help you find the right answer for YOU.
Posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 12:04:50
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T....., posted by PM80 on June 22, 2005, at 11:53:42
How about going every 10 days instead. A comprimise! lol Or I guess you could try every 2 weeks as a trial basis to see how you feel. I am sure nothing is written in stone and you can change back to weekly if you want. Good luck making your mind up! :)
Posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2005, at 21:19:17
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T....., posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 12:04:50
I've been seeing my T. for over 8 years now and I've found myself in your shoes several times! With all the choices you have too. Money has been the biggest issue for me. Sometimes when I have to fork out the whole amount I feel I should be spending the money on other things for my family, like food!!
I can relate to having a hard time for a few days after a session and then having anxiety a few days before my appointment again. And I can relate to having so much time inbetween appointments you forgot where you left off and most the session is spent trying to catch up. I wish there was a perfect solution for both of us. I am only going every other week right now and to be honest....I like going every week instead! Too much happens to me in 2 weeks and so a lot of our time is spent catching up instead of doing our work! Money is one issue for me right now, and my schedule has been crazy and made it hard to try to schedule an appointment!!! In typing this, I can see that if I had more money I'd for sure go every week. I do better work that way. I've gone through times when I've gone 3 times a week, or even 2 times a week. That's what I needed at the time. Right now once a week would be nice. I'm sure your T. will agree with whatever you tell him you want to do. Doesn't it make you wish they would say, "oh, I want to see you every week, not every other week". It would help me feel more like they want to see me as well....
My T. would tell me, "Let's try this and see if it works and if it doesn't we will go back to what we know was working. Nothing is set in stone about our decisions we make in therapy and when we want to see each outher". That's a good thing for me to remember.
You can try every other week and if it doesn't work out you can go back to once a week.
Good luck with your decision.LadyBug
Posted by daisym on June 23, 2005, at 0:30:11
In reply to Should I tell my T....., posted by cricket on June 22, 2005, at 11:38:25
I agree you should take in your post and discuss this with your therapist. When I was in a rational place, I had a discussion with my therapist about not letting me pull away when things were hard. I wasn't asking him to make the decision for me, I just wanted him to argue with me a little bit to be sure that I was making a good decision and not hiding from the hurt. I still hate it when he asks, "is that what you really want?" because I usually don't know what I want.
If I can be so bold, I'd say stay at once a week, if you can. If your therapist has reduced his fee, he obviously thinks it is important for you to come once per week. From what I've read in your posts, you are doing a lot of good, hard work right now. I think you should try to hang in there.
Posted by cricket on June 24, 2005, at 13:03:09
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T....., posted by LadyBug on June 22, 2005, at 21:19:17
Thanks Ladybug. Hey, we're both bugs :)
Yes, I hate the money issues. I think once a week is better, but then it would be so nice to pay the full fee. I have such a problem with self esteem and to feel like a charity case hurts so much.
Posted by cricket on June 24, 2005, at 13:06:58
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T....., posted by daisym on June 23, 2005, at 0:30:11
Thanks Daisy.
Please do be bold anytime. This time I think that you are right.
The last couple of days when I thought about reducing my sessions, I just felt so sad. It's strange to me (not the saddness but the saddness over therapy) and I don't like it but sad is definitely what I feel.
So maybe I don't for now. Just try to get a little stronger first.
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 19:22:56
In reply to Should I tell my T....., posted by cricket on June 22, 2005, at 11:38:25
I think it would be hard for me to keep up the momentum to do any serious work if I didn't see him at least every week. I might not be able to at once a week. My mind is so adept at blocking things out, and I still have problems with object constancy.
When he goes away, usually not longer than a week at a time, I find that it takes me a few sessions to get back in stride.
I think you share some of my issues with dissociative skills that get a bit out of control at times. I think that if you're anything like me, those dissociative skills might make it unwise to make therapy too infrequent.
But I might be projecting. :)
Posted by cricket on June 27, 2005, at 8:35:50
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T..... » cricket, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 19:22:56
Yes, I also think that it would be hard for me to make a bridge between sessions. I can't really remember what happens from one session to the next as it is.
But the feeling this weekend of fleeing completely was so strong that I kept thinking that every other week might be a compromise.
Finally, after praying for guidance on this for days, I had a dream last night where I got a nice raise at my job. My first thought in the dream was "Oh good now I can pay more for therapy."
It is unlikely that I will get any kind of raise this year but I think the dream was sign enough not to cut down on sessions, much less quit altogether.
So I guess I will go tomorrow and not say anything about this, but that leaves me with absolutely nothing to say. I already spent last week saying nothing. :(
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 9:49:22
In reply to Re: Should I tell my T..... » Dinah, posted by cricket on June 27, 2005, at 8:35:50
Why not tell him of your struggles, and your desire to flee and how it manifested itself with a very logical plan to cut down to every other week. And how you realized that that would make you very sad, because it isn't really what you wnated?
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