![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
...i guess even "no words" are words. If we could use blank space as a topic, then that's what i would have chosen.
i ended with my T this morning (well, i guess my "ex" T, now).
The session itself was terrible....It would have been better for me if i hadn't gone (i seriously considered it, but i never make the right decisions when faced with choices, it seems). i was removed and distant and defensive and i couldn't say to her what i would have wanted to, or at least reacted in a way that would have shown her what i needed to. i couldn't even cry with her this time, but i was sobbing and begging on the inside. She was....i don't know, she reacted in "her" way, but i guess i wish it had been different.
It feels too open-ended, somehow. So many things still unresolved, unsaid, misunderstood. Maybe that's b/c my whole existence feels that way right now, but i think it was the session, too. For me, at least. I'm sure it was just any other session to my T, no biggie.
....i think i could use every word in the English language right now to try to explain everything that's churning inside me, but it still wouldn't be enough.
At the same time, I don't think any words exist that could convey all that's going on.
And i need to be careful anyway....to many eyes on this board who know me irl, now.
if anyone has any spare hugs, i *really* (really really really) need and would appreciate them.
....I'm going to sleep now...Hopefully all weekend, at least.this is too too too hard.....
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{my mj}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
:-(
Posted by Shortelise on May 13, 2005, at 13:25:15
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
((violet))
I am right there with you, sweet Violet. That's my hand on your back, soothing. Smoothing your hair. I'm so sorry.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on May 13, 2005, at 13:34:39
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
I'm so sorry you're hurting.
And I'm sorry your last session didn't go the way you wanted it to.
Sometimes there just aren't words to say what we want to say. But I'm sending you lots of hugs.
Tamar
Posted by LadyBug on May 13, 2005, at 13:40:15
In reply to Re: {no words} » shrinking violet, posted by Shortelise on May 13, 2005, at 13:25:15
Here's the biggest cyber hug I can send your way....
((((((((((((((((SHRINKINGVIOLET))))))))))))))))))))))I can only imagine what you are going theough. I have never had to leave my T. I've been seeing her for over 8 years. My heart breaks for you. The only thing I can think of to tell you to do is to journal all your feelings out. Either here on Babble or somewhere. You need to release the feelings you have inside. I'm sure you have many. I'm sure they are mixed all up and all over the place too.
I think sleeping is a good way to escape. Not the answer all the time, I know but I do it. Sometimes when I wake up, I do feel a little different.
Do we ever receive closure? Or are we left to figure that one out by ourselves? Can it ever feel GOOD to leave our T.? I will miss mine like crazy when that day comes. I'm so glad to know that I can choose when that day is. My T. has told me she never pushes that on anyone unless things are not working out.
I hope you can find some kind of comfort in the coming days. Your in my thoughts!LadyBug
Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 13:59:34
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
I am sorry it feels so bad now. I have been there too..
I hope you find another T and will continue to work on your issues. It is wrong for a person to hurt like this. Lot of us did it - but atleast you don't do it. Find a new T, move on fast. Use this board. and seek help from ohter people. That helped me immensely.
Posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 17:21:20
In reply to Re: {no words} » shrinking violet, posted by Shortelise on May 13, 2005, at 13:25:15
imagine this post in the tiniest font possible, because i can't bear to take up space right now
thank youall for your responses. i do aprecate then and i'msorry for all of you who had to go through losing a T. but theres a lot more going on. so much more. toomuch.
.....i don't....i can't....i wish.....i'm
there are no words.
i know all of you saythis will pass, but it wont. it just wont. for a lot of reasons. and if it were 'just' this then maybe....but......why did this have to happen NOW? and why....oh, it's useless.....
what am i going to do.
my eyes are already sore and my skin hurts from the constant tears. i havent eaten today. i'm groggy but i canteven sleep. ironic isnt it, i couldnt even cry with her today.
aaaaaahhhhh
i cant bear this.
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 17:49:52
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
I'm sorry. I really am. I understand.
You've talked a few times about the other things going on in your life. Do you feel free to tell us anything about them?
Losing your therapist is difficult enough as a stressor without having others as well.
Posted by annierose on May 13, 2005, at 18:09:50
In reply to ((((((Shrinking Violet))))))), posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 17:49:52
SV-
I know how hard this loss is. I cut myself off from my T, storming out mid-session, terminating myself, in a sense.
Tell us what happened. What were you able to say? What did she tell you? Were there kind words? Did you tell her how immportant this relationship was to you?
I'm thinking of you and hoping you'll remember that you can make it through this loss.
Annierose
Posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 19:22:22
In reply to ????, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 17:21:20
...she gave me a book. a sweet gesture and i'll always treasure it b/c it came from her, and i hate to say this b/c i dont wnt to sound ungratefulor anything, but....it's a book on "taming" inner anger. i guess that's all i am to her, all she'll remember me for, that's the only word anyone will ever use to describe me. no matter what i do...talk, dont talk, cry, fidget, take meds,dont take them...it's always interpreted as anger by her, and my other treatment team members too. i'mangry, or trying to make them think i'm angry, or trying to make them angry at me.....
is that all i am? all this time together, eerythng we've been throughand struggled with and said and....that's the one word/concept she uses to sum all of that up?
i dont want that.
i guess she does see how horrible i am after all.i'm so sorry mj. sosorry. you'll never know....
ohhh that other weekend i posted was so much better than this....i didnt think it could have felt worse than that......and it hasnt even been 12 hours since i left her yet. feels like an eternity. and i keep thinking and remembering and wishing and regretting....
...i want the phone to ring so badly and it be her. but that'll never happen anymore (again, the irony, when i actually have stuff to express).
i'll never ever let anyone in again. how she manged to mean this much to me is beyond evenme. but i'm done with people. i'm finished with it all. i cant shoulder anymore, i really can't, but....maybe it's my punishment too. life is my punishment, maybe?
and why am i even bothering writing here. for someone who has "no words" i sure can't keep quiet. i should shut this thing down, along with my thoughts.
i'm sorry. i should put a trigger warning for this post.....can't even do that right.sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.......
Posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 19:23:31
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 19:39:19
In reply to _______, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 19:22:22
I am really sorry you are hurting so much. Termination is very very hard. But you know what, one person is not the end of the world.
I am sure she cared very much for you .. and she doesn't put one word to describe you. I think she probably thought, that may be one key thing you need to work on. But I am sure she thought of you as several differnt things other than anger.
And giving a book is a nice gesture on her part. Many of us don't get that much.
Don't you remember that she even gave your cat a toy? She does care about you.
But she is a T. And this is her job. She needs to let go of people constantly - otherwise she is hurting herself and hurting her patients in the long run. And I know it hurts immensely, but I am sure you can call her a few times more. And maybe you can drop in once after 3 months or something. This is not the end of everything.
I so wish you will not hurt so much.
I know it is incredibly hard, and it will probably hurt you for quite some time. But I do know that it will get better. It did for me. And I know it will get better for you as well. I used to think he was the only one who understood me, and who I could bond with. But now I realize that it doesn't have to be that way. I can bond with so many other people - little bit here, little bit there, and if I make an effort to reach out to people, people will reach out to me.
You can see a practical evidence on my posts from 3 months back and this last week. How many people reached out to me 3 months back, and how many people reached out to me now? Significantly lot more. That is because I reached out. You can do the same.. There are lot of wonderful people here, who will care very deeply about you. And nobody will ever terminate you here, and people who once comes to this board, stick here pretty much forever. So you can get close to people in this board. It has been of immense immense help (I cannot stress how helpful it had been to me - how Dinah, and Susan, and JenStar, and Sunny and Tamar and you and 10derHeart and so many others have taken care of me so very much). I feel now I lost one T, but gained 20 other people in my life. That doesn't mean I don't have a special place for my T. I will always have that. But that relationship had to come to an end, and there was nothing else I could do about it. Life is like that. But I almost feel like saying "The king is dead. Long Live the king". I had to lose one person, but I found many others. And I am sure if I continue to work on myself, and keep myself well, one day - maybe months from now I can still write to my T, and he might acknowledge it alteast, even if I don't keep in regular contact. I am sure your T will give you that to you as well.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 1:06:57
In reply to _______, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 19:22:22
(((sv)))
I'm sorry you are hurting.
Really.
Your posts get me remembering the last sessions I had with a couple of t's...The book...
The book was sweet.
Try not to think of it as 'this is all she ever saw me as'.
Try to think of it as her giving you something
That will help you.
Right now you are feeling sad
And you miss her
But soon enough the anger will come...
And in a way she is there to help you though the anger too
I guess she gave it to you because she liked it
And she is there to help you
(in a sense)
Even though she's gone.
Does that make sense?I wanted to give one of my t's a paper I had written in the last session we had together.
I put it in an envelope and went to give it to him.
He visibly jumped and recoiled.
I could tell he didn't want to take anything from me.
I assured him it wasn't my life story or anything like that.
He told me that he wouldn't take it with him.
I told him he could shred it.I was really hurt and angry about that.
It was intended as a nice gesture.
He looked at me like I was trying to give him rabies.I wished I hadn't gone.
But...
Apparantly he did take it with him.I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Posted by tryingtobewise on May 14, 2005, at 2:26:28
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
I'm so sorry you are hurting. Everyone above me has said wonderful things...please try to believe them. Sleep, have some soup, walk around the block... Please take care of your physical self. Your emotional self will heal bit by bit.
Warmly,
Kim
Posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 2:34:13
In reply to Re: _______ » shrinking violet, posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 1:06:57
I came on to try to officially end this thread, but I first read your response and felt the need to reply....
> The book was sweet.....I guess she gave it to you
>because she liked it And she is there to help you
> Even though she's gone. Does that make sense?--yes thank you, that's a touching way of thinking of it. i just wish i knew for sure. i didnt mean to sound bratty or ungrateful or anything, because i'm nott, not at all. right now though i cant even look at it, it's too painful.
> I wanted to give one of my t's a paper I had written in the last session we had together....
> I could tell he didn't want to take anything from me....
> I was really hurt and angry about that.
> It was intended as a nice gesture.
--- aw (((((alexandra)))))) I'm so sorry, I can imagine how that must have hurt. Actually today i gave my T some gifts. Now I feel like I overdid it, and the one I spent the most time on, hand-making, didnt go over as well as I had hoped and seems like a silly idea now. At first, when I asked her if I could give her her gifts, she said no, she didnt want anything else from me (not in a mean way); I had painted her a picture and given her a mug....two things in the (almost) two years i've seen her, so I havent given her alot of stuff, although maybe it seems like more to her, I dont know. Maybe my face showed disappointment, hurt, etc, b/c she said she didnt mean it like that, and she would accept whatever i had to give her. it sort of ruined the moment though and before she changed her mind, i'm sure i felt at least some of what you did. I'm sorry for that.Thank you for your response.
Take care,
sv
Posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 3:08:11
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
{first, please forgive in advance any typos or ramblings or anything along those lines. It's 3:30 am here, and i'm awake... despite doing what i could to send myself into dreamland at least for a little whle (it's so nice there, isnt it?)....and i'm a tad woozy, my eys are sore, as well as being emotionally and mentally depleted and exhausted}.
Maybe what i'm about to write will end up being nothing more than something i'll regret tomorrow, but i feel strongly enough about it now to take my chances.
Since we arent able to delete posts, i wanted to ask that everyone please let this thread go, pretend it never existed, and refrain from responding. I thought starting this thread would......what?......"help" seems too strong a word....but I thought it would do *something*.....but it hasn't, other than repeatedly bringing it all up just when i begin to (temporarily, of course) get a handle on a small semblance of cmposure.
there's alot of reasons wy this feels badly.....and maybe most of all because the last session raised more confusion and questions than answers. and maybe b/c it didn't go as well as i would have wanted. but, that was my fault too.
i gess i should be happy for my T right now, that she doesn't have to deal with me anymore. i know working iwth me has been hard on her too, more than maybe i can even guess. i wish i could fix it so that she never met me. or at least try to undo all the bad stuff that i've given her. things i've said, things i havent said, done and haven't done. i've tried to make up for things in my way...to try to show her that i'm not on the inside what i show on the outside, especially the way i feel twoard her as at T and as a person. the painting, letters, e-cards, gifts, stories, an audio cd for cripes sakes.....but for some reason she seemed to always believe and cling to the bad stuff more than the other things, instead of the other way around. i wish i had asked her why. especially today, after she asked if i meant what the card said. if she only knew how long it took me to find just the "right" one.....and even that one wasn't perfect, but it was close enough.
i think too, i was too much for her in another way. i tink i took the whole "relationship/closeness" thing too far. i've tried to be respectful of the boundaries of the T/client thing, and i dont think i've ever said anything to her that she hasnt said to me first. but maybe i took it more literally/personally than she meant them, and when they came from me maybe she interepreted them in another way. i dont know. maybe i overwhelm and smother people. so many misunderstandings that'll never be resolved now.
but anyway, i'm going to try to be glad for her. that she can go back to things as if i were never there. i guess maybe that was the best gift i could hve given her all along.
as for me.....i have some options. i wrote them out. four that i could come up with. none of them good ones. i'm leaning toward one more than the others right now. because i think it's the easier one, with the greatest pay-off. i just wish i had someone there to help me figure it out. before i met my T, it was a given that i'd have to figure things out on my own, like i always had, and even though it wsnt pleasant and still had my doubts nad fears about it, it was also just a given and i had never known anything else. but that changed when i started this whole thing with my t, but now she's gone and i'm alone in the forest again. but now it's different b/c the one thing i had was taken away. i got too used to having someone there to turn to, to help with these kinds of things. now there's no one there, and......i'm lost. i have no idea what to do. and i'm more panicked and despairing and desperately afraid than i could ever express.anyway, that was a long-way of saying thank you all to your responses, but please forget about this thread. it's too painful and raw, to read/write about these things. forget about me too, maybe.
{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}
sv
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 6:00:02
In reply to No more responses....please......., posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 3:08:11
I tried.
But I just can't forget about you.
:-)
Besides which you can't say stuff and then say 'no responses please'. I have a right of response... Don't I???
<that was intended as gentle teasing>But I think I do get what you mean.
Sometimes I post stuff...
And then sometimes I just need to drop it.
In order to carry on.
In order to keep up the semblance of coping
I need to put it away for a while.
But people keep responding
(Which generally is a terrific thing)
But sometimes I just don't have the energy
strength
something...
To be able to respond as I feel I should do for having started the whole thing in the first place.So.
Here I am responding...
But...
To take the pressure off you
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESPOND TO MY POST.
Really.
I won't feel upset or neglected or anything.
Cause you wanted to drop the thread
So you don't have to reply
Though you can if you want to.I hope the way of seeing the book helped.
Really.Maybe...
Maybe she was a bit embarrassed about the gifts.
One of my t's gave me something.
Maybe this is odd but it just never occured to me to get her anything for our last session.
I was really really embarrased.
I must have looked it at the time.
But in hindsight... I think of it as really sweet.I think...
That maybe she will too.I get what you mean about the book.
Right now you just feel sad.
And alone.
I get that.
Really I do.
My p-doc recently terminated me...But...
Don't forget that we are here.
I guess that this place is my therapy.
Sometimes I worry a bit that that isn't fair on the posters here.
But. Well. Thats just the way it is.
So.
We are here.
I know its not the same.
Really.
But it is infinitely better than nothing.
And the value of it shouldn't be underestimated.
It is even better than therapy in a way.
Because the therapist is one
One opinion
One thought or whatever.
But here there are many.
And that is good.
I guess the attachment isn't there
Or if it is it is different.
But I can't decide whether that is a good thing or not.
Hard to know.Yeah.
So it is different.
But it still helps.Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
And we know...
I know
How much time and thought you put in to what to get her
And just how sweet that was.
And it is b*llshit that she is better off without you.
It is.And we are here
For when you feel sad
and alone
and mad
and anything at all.
Take care.
Posted by Poet on May 14, 2005, at 13:56:20
In reply to No more responses....please......., posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 3:08:11
Posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2005, at 13:58:26
In reply to Re: Can't do that... sorry » shrinking violet, posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 6:00:02
I can't not respond either, since I haven't had a chance til now.
I just wanted to say that even though it feels like you are alone in the forest, you are not. We are there, too. We're climbing trees, hiding in the brush, skipping down the path, walking silently among the leaves, kicking fallen logs out of the way, gathering tiny flowers and leaves, throwing rocks against the tree, digging up mushrooms, sitting and talking about anything, and many other things. We're there, but you may not be able to see us or hear us right now. But please try to feel us. We're there, all doing our own things, but we're there with you.
And there is no way that your T can go on as if you never had a relationship with her. Everyone of us is forever changed by our experiences with others. She is changed. You are changed. We are changed in reading about you and posting to you.
So this means something to her, too. She just may not be able to express it to you, because of professional boundaries. It appears she has pulled those boundaries in more now than earlier, if I remember correctly.
You don't have to talk or write if you don't want to. Just know that we are in the forest with you, behind every tree and down every path.
I look forward to seeing you again, round the bend.
gg
Posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 16:08:19
In reply to Re: Can't do that... sorry, posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2005, at 13:58:26
Posted by Tamar on May 14, 2005, at 16:15:18
In reply to No more responses....please......., posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 3:08:11
I wanted to respond too, despite your request, because you said:
> but anyway, i'm going to try to be glad for her. that she can go back to things as if i were never there. i guess maybe that was the best gift i could hve given her all along.
I think the best gift you can give her is to look after yourself. I’m certain that what Ts want more than anything is for us to begin to feel better and to look after ourselves.
The pain of termination is awful, but it does pass eventually. It usually helps to talk about it, though – to friends IRL or by posting here.
I’m thinking of you, and definitely won’t forget about you.
Tamar
Posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 16:27:15
In reply to {no words}, posted by shrinking violet on May 13, 2005, at 12:47:38
Maybe it's the delirium of grief and lack of sleep and food, but, i'm actually considering an option that, just a few days ago, I would have balked at.
My T, and my sister, suggested a residential eating disorder place for me for the summer. I blew it off, the fear of it being too much to comprehend and since I already decided on my "plan" (and a date set), I didn't need or want to consider anything else.
But today.....I don't know. Today I emailed the center and asked them if they would accept my health insurance (the place is "wildly expensive" according to my T, and I can only imagine...It's a gorgeous facility, though). Not much maybe, but, for me it's a lot. I figure if my insurance won't cover it at all then, hey, I tried and can fall back on my original plans. But, if it does.....then maybe that means something. After I left my T yesterday I was so distraught I went to a nurse who has always been very kind to me (she calls me her friend...I'm not sure why, I think she's just being sweet), and she actually sat with me for an hour, and I actually said stuff to her I should have said to my T (ironic, how I feel more able to talk to my nutritionist, the nurse, and even my psych, a bit more now than I ever was with my T.....maybe b/c she is a T that closes me off from her? Or maybe b/c i think and feel differently towards her and won't let myself burden her with anything? I dont know....), and she held me while I sobbed rather loudly. But she said something, she said sometimes you have to just "throw" stuff out into the universe and see what you get back. So maybe that's what my email to the center was, to see what I get back.
.....But I 'm worried it might just be something I'm using to possibly work with my T again. To fix things with her. To give her what I couldn't before. If I do go to this treatment center over the summer, I'll have to postpone classes and comps (and hence, graduation) until the fall. And in that case, maybe I could work with my T again, if only for another semester. And it might be better.....maybe the intensity of the program would help. The food and the meds and the program, maybe it would open me up more, change me, allow myself to actually be the person/client I had always wished I could be but was never able to.
But the big question would be if she would or could want to help me after everything that's happened? I want to ask her to PLEASE HELP ME.....something I dont think I ever directly asked in all the time I was actually working with her.......Am I doing this as a last-ditch effort to possibly have some extra time with her and do things differently? Or is this loss of my team and being thrown, alone, into the lion's den, making me realize that I've finally hit bottom, physically and mentally and emotionally, and it's either fight the lions, or let them devour me?
I think it might be both.
I don't know.......
I miss my T so much, i've never hurt this much over one person, ever.
And I'm so so so remorseful for everything. I feel like other people get to comfort her, while all I ever did was cause her the pain in the first place.I'm so very scared and confused and utterly lost....
I wish I knew what to do.
Posted by pinkeye on May 14, 2005, at 16:50:17
In reply to i must be delirious....., posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 16:27:15
I want to say - Go Easy on yourself.
But I know it is extremely extremely hard to do.
Something that helps me when I am hurting too much, is to completely switch off feelings. And operate from my brain. I just decide sometime that I will feel later, and I completely take control of the situation from my brain. Not sure if it is a right thing to do, but that has been one of the major survival mechanism for me. When you are so immensely hurting, sometimes it might help to not just look into the feelings anymore.
I don't know how others cope up with lot of stress - in India, people just talk about it non stop to everyone they know, and there are lot of people around, so usually they get better after talking the same thing over and over again to atleast 20 - 30 people. That might work here on this board. Try to write again and again.
Posted by Poet on May 15, 2005, at 23:53:39
In reply to i must be delirious....., posted by shrinking violet on May 14, 2005, at 16:27:15
Hi SV,
Let us know what you hear from the ED program. I think asking for information about it and just considering it, in the first place, shows how strong you are. Some part of you knows that this might be a good thing, even if it means waiting to finish school. It's a part of you that seems to want to be heard.
If I were your T, I'd welcome you back with open arms.
((((SV)))))
Poet
Posted by shrinking violet on May 16, 2005, at 8:29:49
In reply to Re: i must be delirious..... » shrinking violet, posted by Poet on May 15, 2005, at 23:53:39
Hi Poet, thank you.
>> Let us know what you hear from the ED program. I think asking for information about it and just considering it, in the first place, shows how strong you are. Some part of you knows that this might be a good thing, even if it means waiting to finish school. It's a part of you that seems to want to be heard.
--It's funny, sort of....I almost never come online and/or check email this early in the morning, especially before work, but this morning I did, and the program emailed me back (first thing Monday mornin') and said that they usually do take my insurance, and to give them a call. Of course, I have the student version, so it might be different. But, it's just weird.....And (this might sound stupid) I finally found the toy my T made for my cat; I had realized sometime last week, before my last session with her, that it was missing. I forgot to look for it, and after the last session and how badly it went, I took losing that toy when I did as a bad omen. I searched and searched and searched all weekend for that darn toy, a frantic NEED to find it coming over me. Finally, last night, I found it...I hope it's a good sign.
I'm not sure I can call the program though.... It was hard enough, emailing them, a sort of "what if" scenario and sort of half hoping they would respond with "no, sorry, we don't take that insurance." I want to take as many steps as possible before I ask my T for any help I may need from her in getting in (*ex* T, I mean *sigh* It's hard remembering to write that "ex" part in). And I want to examine my motives a little more.....But, I've been thinking about it a lot over the weekend especially, and I need to do this for her. I can't do it for me yet. Either way, I can't let this be the end of the story with her, it wouldn't be fair to either of us, and to our time together.
>> If I were your T, I'd welcome you back with open arms.That's sweet, thank you. I don't know if she would agree (or even could, given the restraints of her working for the University...or maybe she'd just use that as an excuse. I wouldn't blame her if she did).....But regardless, I have to try to do what I can to make things right with her, to fix this feeling like I failed her. She might feel it to; I just hope she doesn't think it's her who failed. And I never told her all that she's given me.....I think this little flicker of a flame, that's overriding the "death plan" and persuing this other course instead, almost overnight....I think my T gave it to me, I think she lit it, and she's been nurturing it and fanning it for a while now. I think she still is. Maybe more now than ever.
I need to get going....Thank you again.
{{{{{{Poet}}}}}}Take care of yourself.
sv
Posted by gardenergirl on May 16, 2005, at 8:50:48
In reply to Re: i must be delirious..... » Poet, posted by shrinking violet on May 16, 2005, at 8:29:49
So glad they emailed you back with a positive response.
It's nice to hear you sounding a bit better. Keep posting. We're always open. :)
gg
This is the end of the thread.
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