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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
My therapist always says my change is glacial but I do change. I rarely believe it.
But I took advantage of his being out of town this week to peruse the psych sections of the local bookstores, which is something I haven't done since I saw him the night after my psych testing while I was balancing an armload of psych testing books. I only go now when I know he's safely away.
But as I looked through the titles, I noticed how many would have appealed to me in the past and I just skipped over now.
My anxiety is so greatly reduced, and it manifests in a very different way than it used to. I don't get the urge to self injure anywhere near as much anymore.
Which made me realize how seldom I call my therapist between sessions now in comparison with then. I often get the urge to call, but then I have the conversation I know we'd have in my head, only much better because I'd make it an office session in my head instead of a phone session in my head. Then I decide it can wait till the next time I see him.
I'm not saying I'm exactly healthy. I still have meltdowns. I still use my therapist as a crutch, or at least the strongest leg on my support stool. As I reduced my dependence on other, less acceptable to my therapist, coping mechanisms I increased my dependence on dissociation. And simultaneously worked on my abilities in the area. So that my life is way more choppy and disconnected than it used to be.
But I've changed. I've definitely changed. And I definitely see therapy as being at the heart of that change.
Posted by fallsfall on April 18, 2005, at 20:25:16
In reply to My goodness, I have changed, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
Wow.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 21:39:07
In reply to My goodness, I have changed, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
Glacial it may be, but then you can look at the tremendous, lasting changes that glaciers brought about over the earth with their ever-so-slow movement.
Sounds like some profound things to realize about yourself. I say good for you :-)
Posted by daisym on April 19, 2005, at 2:32:12
In reply to Re: My goodness, I have changed » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 21:39:07
My therapist has compared my ability to change as
"turning the Titanic." I'm so envious that you've had these insights.I've really regressed into old isolating behavoirs right now. How is it that you help yourself not do that?
btw -- I picked up "Necessary Losses" ShortE's suggestions. GREAT so far. Lots of tears from me about the mom section.
Posted by Tamar on April 19, 2005, at 6:12:13
In reply to My goodness, I have changed, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
That sounds great! Good for you! It takes so much hard work and effort but it's good the see the results.
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 8:51:10
In reply to Re: My goodness, I have changed » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 21:39:07
> Glacial it may be, but then you can look at the tremendous, lasting changes that glaciers brought about over the earth with their ever-so-slow movement.
Oh, I really like that!
It came as quite a surprise to me, I can tell you. I cling rather proudly to my lack of change sometimes, and other times I get really angry about it, but it always seems a given for me.
I'll have to share this with my therapist as well as complain about the other when he comes back.
Well, maybe not the paych section of the bookstore part. That would defeat the whole positive point to his being out of town.
Posted by anastasia56 on April 19, 2005, at 11:04:20
In reply to My goodness, I have changed, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
Posted by Shortelise on April 19, 2005, at 11:12:46
In reply to My goodness, I have changed, posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31
Isn't that a wonderful feeling!
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 11:16:05
In reply to Re: My goodness, I have changed » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on April 19, 2005, at 11:12:46
I've always been afraid of changing, because I've always associated it with growing up. Which I just refuse to do.
But I think I've managed to change without growing up at all. Can you grow without growing up? Or change without growing?
Posted by damos on April 20, 2005, at 21:43:07
In reply to Re: My goodness, I have changed » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on April 18, 2005, at 21:39:07
> Glacial it may be, but then you can look at the tremendous, lasting changes that glaciers brought about over the earth with their ever-so-slow movement.
10derHeart is right on the money again. Just think about how many millions of tons of stuff move when a glacier shifts even a fraction of an inch.
If you have a sense of it deep within and can see some objective evidence of it then that is truly wonderful. I'm really pleased for you.
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 12:03:43
In reply to Re: My goodness, I have changed » 10derHeart, posted by damos on April 20, 2005, at 21:43:07
Absolutely.
And perhaps the most startling proof of change is that I'll admit to it.
This is the end of the thread.
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