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My goodness, I have changed

Posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 18:06:31

My therapist always says my change is glacial but I do change. I rarely believe it.

But I took advantage of his being out of town this week to peruse the psych sections of the local bookstores, which is something I haven't done since I saw him the night after my psych testing while I was balancing an armload of psych testing books. I only go now when I know he's safely away.

But as I looked through the titles, I noticed how many would have appealed to me in the past and I just skipped over now.

My anxiety is so greatly reduced, and it manifests in a very different way than it used to. I don't get the urge to self injure anywhere near as much anymore.

Which made me realize how seldom I call my therapist between sessions now in comparison with then. I often get the urge to call, but then I have the conversation I know we'd have in my head, only much better because I'd make it an office session in my head instead of a phone session in my head. Then I decide it can wait till the next time I see him.

I'm not saying I'm exactly healthy. I still have meltdowns. I still use my therapist as a crutch, or at least the strongest leg on my support stool. As I reduced my dependence on other, less acceptable to my therapist, coping mechanisms I increased my dependence on dissociation. And simultaneously worked on my abilities in the area. So that my life is way more choppy and disconnected than it used to be.

But I've changed. I've definitely changed. And I definitely see therapy as being at the heart of that change.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Dinah thread:486131
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/486131.html