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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 16:07:39
Oh, and the day just gets better (/sarcasm). My t called. I was very much looking forward to talking with her. It went okay until near the end of the conversation. I was talking about all the isolation I feel right now and I forget her exact words, but it was something about making friends in the area. It felt like such a judgment on her part. I KNOW she didn't mean it that way, but it was hurtful just the same. I just didn't even want to talk to her anymore. She asked me if she could call me tomorrow. I told her "no" and hung up. I didn't hang up on her, I said bye and all that stuff. I'm just so angry with her right now. And I know it's all me, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't help but wonder what provokes such strong reactions in me to these things. Maybe I am going crazy.
Posted by mair on April 6, 2005, at 19:42:24
In reply to nice day..., posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 16:07:39
I think a comment like that would really set me off too. I think anything that you can take as an implied criticism is particularly hurtful if it comes from a T. I'm sure what she meant was that you will feel isolated when you've acquired some friends, in the natural scheme of things.
Sometimes I find that the things that sting the most are the ones that I'm defensive about to begin with. Is your lack of friends an issue that you have or haven't discussed with her. Do you have a hard time making friends. I do. I have lots of acquaintances whom I'm very friendly with, but very few true friends. I feel that I do very little to nurture my friendships and tend to disappear when I get depressed.
Whatever your own situation is, you need to discuss your reaction with her. It's all grist for the proverbial mill.
mair
Posted by shrinking violet on April 6, 2005, at 19:54:18
In reply to nice day..., posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 16:07:39
Oh, I've been through this same thing, many times.
I've learned a couple of things from these interactions with my T: 1) that I'm extremely sensitive, and I tend to take things personally and negatively, regardless of how innocently they were intended, 2) my first reaction to almost anything is anger, especially when I feel hurt, and I need to try not to react on the anger first (i.e. quitting, cancelling, etc) without giving myself time to calm down and 3) to ASK ASK ASK my T what she really meant, b/c 99.99999% of the time (ok maybe even 100%) I take what she says in totally the wrong way, and end up upset for nothing.
My T has said the similar things to your T in regards to isolation and lonliness, etc. I felt badly too, b/c I felt like my T was trying to push me off on other people, etc, and I took it too personally. I forget that, Once Upon A Time, I had many good close friends. I've just forgotten what that's like.
I urge you to talk to your T about this. Tell her how it made you feel, and ask her what she meant. I think you'll be surprised, and relieved, and learn a lot in the process. Don't let what was probably an innocent comment get in the way of your relationship with her, and your work together. Heaven knows I've done it more times than I'd like to remember.
Good luck.
SV
Posted by littleone on April 6, 2005, at 21:24:11
In reply to nice day..., posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 16:07:39
> I was talking about all the isolation I feel right now and I forget her exact words, but it was something about making friends in the area.
Oh dear, that one would definately set me off. I'd be thinking "If it was that easy, I'd be doing it already. And it's alright for him to say that, he's probably got tons of friends." I'd get very resentful towards him for saying that. Geez, I'm even getting worked up just thinking about him saying that.
But I think part of that is because it triggers me by re-enacting the way my parents minimised my social problems.
Do you talk to your T much on the phone? Is she normally better at it than that?
Posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 22:30:02
In reply to Re: nice day... » thewrite1, posted by mair on April 6, 2005, at 19:42:24
I did tell her I had a negative reaction to the comment and she explained what she meant. It's like I had to blow off some steam before I could let it go. I imagine we'll probably talk more about it on Sat.
Posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 22:33:18
In reply to Re: nice day... » thewrite1, posted by shrinking violet on April 6, 2005, at 19:54:18
As I mentioned in another post, she did explain herself to me. It didn't take the pain away, not immediately. I still just wanted to hang up. I KNOW she doesn't mean to hurt me that way, but I can't stop myself from being hurt by things that she says like that. Then later after I'm over it, I feel even worse for how I was with her. I called and left a voicemail apologizing for being a j*ck*ss. She's gotten many of those from me.
Posted by thewrite1 on April 6, 2005, at 22:36:29
In reply to Re: nice day... » thewrite1, posted by littleone on April 6, 2005, at 21:24:11
It's complicated for me. I'm a new mom, living in a new area. I've tried to meet people, but it's hard and it just felt like a judgment.
We've had our phone problems in the past, but being that I'm dependent on it right now, I worked past it. I don't think it's so much her as me not being able to see her. We've been phone problem free for awhile now, so maybe it's coming back. I hate not being able to go there, but there's nothing I can do about that just now either. *sigh*
This is the end of the thread.
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