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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 17:29:44
I have difficulty feeling emotionally attached to my husband. He is actually quite a normal person, except the fact that I don't see him as an authority figure.
My therapist keeps saying that I am trying to look for a father figure in the persons I get attracted to. And also since I look for a father figure, I also look for people who are romantically unavailable to me. She says I keep getting attracted to people who are essentially not available for me, and if one is available then I don't get attracted to them. She says just because my husband is available to me and is younger to me, I don't see him as attractive.
She says I keep longing for a romantic relationship with an authority figure, but also at the same time that this authority figure should be unavailable to me to satisfy the criteria of being attractive and she says I keep repeating the same pattern.
I think it is a Freud kind of stuff.. Does it make sense to any of you? I don't like Freud views too much. But I think lot of psychologists highly regard him. I don't know how to make sense of it all.
Posted by Dinah on March 10, 2005, at 18:26:24
In reply to Freud stuff in therapy?, posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 17:29:44
Are there other reasons as well? I've gotten the impression from you that he isn't emotionally responsive or available himself.
Posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 18:34:29
In reply to Re: Freud stuff in therapy? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 10, 2005, at 18:26:24
> Are there other reasons as well? I've gotten the impression from you that he isn't emotionally responsive or available himself.
Yeah, he was heavily into a religious cult himself and is just now trying to get out of it. And he doesn't talk to me all that much himself. Usually tries to tease me or play with me, but never heart to heart sincere talk. And my therapist says that is only a point that proves the theory further. That I chose to marry him because he was in a way not available to me.
She just says that I cannot like anyone who is available - emotionally and romantically and who is not an authority figure.
Posted by Dinah on March 10, 2005, at 18:38:31
In reply to Re: Freud stuff in therapy? » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 18:34:29
That may well be true.
But she can't also say that that's why you're not attracted to him. If unavailable men drive you wild, you'd be all over him.
Posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 18:51:09
In reply to Re: Freud stuff in therapy? » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on March 10, 2005, at 18:38:31
:-)
I don't know. But she says that he is emotionally unavailble, but romantically available, and that since my husband is romantically available I find it hard to be emotionally connected.It is all very complicated.. and I don't know whether to believe all this. But I have had patterns of being attracted to men who are not available to me for romance and it is making me think what she says might be true.
I think I do like my husband though, jsut that I don't see him very emotionally fulfilling. It is like if a person is emotionally fulfilling for me, then I can't/don't like to have a romantic relationship. And if a person is romantically available, then I make sure that the person is emotionally unavailable.
She says this is part of the conflict I had with my father. My father didn't like my mother very much, and he grew me up in such a way to kind of support him and be available for him emotionally. So I ended up kind of being an emotional support and companion for my father. And my therapist says that got me all confused about the role of a father and husband. My father never abused me sexually though.. and he loves me a lot and would like to do what is best for me. I think he was little confused himself, and thought he was bringing me up in the right way.
And my dad used to hug me a lot, kiss me on the cheeks, and many days me, my mother and father all used to sleep in the same bed even till I became 16 - 17. And my therapist believes all this caused a lot of confusion. I could never bring myself to tell my old T some of this.. he knew my father very well. But with the new T, I am able to be little more frank about some of this stuff.
This is the end of the thread.
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