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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 21:28:37
I know he's busy Sunday, and it's late tonight. I've just got to hang on tight to something and ride this out.
And contact the blasted dietician to tell her what's going on. Talk about backfiring.
I can't believe i nosedived this quickly.
I can't call him this late. I just can't. I can ride it out. I have before.
But it hurts. I hate it when I'm so sad it hurts.
Maybe eating something would help, but it hurts too bad to eat.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:43:38
In reply to I see therapist Monday morning 8 am, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 21:28:37
Aw hon. Whats up????
Posted by daisym on February 19, 2005, at 22:43:42
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 21:43:38
I'm on...do you want to talk about it?
Posted by tryingtobewise on February 20, 2005, at 0:30:04
In reply to I see therapist Monday morning 8 am, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 21:28:37
Hi Dinah,
I'm sorry...I know this is a shallow response...but can you go for distraction? Movies, books, magazines, surfing the web? Can you fix yourself a tiny plate of food...like you would fix a toddler & try to get it down? Crossword puzzles?
Can you tide yourself over with self-help literature? The serenity prayer? The Rosary -- even if you are not Catholic it is a wonderful way of calming the mind, other types of meditation.
Can you (pre) spring clean your house?
I'm sorry I don't have anything more to offer. I am thinking about you though and hope Monday comes quickly.
Hugs,
Kim
> I know he's busy Sunday, and it's late tonight. I've just got to hang on tight to something and ride this out.
>
> And contact the blasted dietician to tell her what's going on. Talk about backfiring.
>
> I can't believe i nosedived this quickly.
>
> I can't call him this late. I just can't. I can ride it out. I have before.
>
> But it hurts. I hate it when I'm so sad it hurts.
>
> Maybe eating something would help, but it hurts too bad to eat.
>
Posted by Dinah on February 20, 2005, at 5:07:27
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am » Dinah, posted by tryingtobewise on February 20, 2005, at 0:30:04
I tried taking my blood sugar, and found the dogs had broken my monitor. I have no idea how that happened since it was in a closed case. But they had yanked it off my nightstand and were playing with it and now a part is missing.
So I sucked on some hard candies, and felt a bit better. Then my old standby of sleep.
I should have foreseen this as my mood has steadily declined all week. And by today, all foods tasted way too strong so that I prepared and threw away several items, and I was close to crying at stupid commercials. Still, it surprised me last night, and all I wanted to do was call my therapist. Stupid since my husband kept stopping me to ask me if I was ok, and all it did was annoy me. Maybe it's because my therapist doesn't touch me.
I'll go to my standard intense phase of depression diet tomorrow, chocolate, rice and tapioca pudding, chocolate milk maybe. Which should also help if the diet is to blame, which I think it may be.
And hang on tight and distract myself so that I won't call my therapist.
But why is it that I want my therapist when I feel like this? Even though I know my husband is right by?
Oh right. My senses are too sharp, and being touched hurts. And husbands mind when you tell them not to touch you, while you never even have to mention it to therapists. That must be it.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:05:43
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am, posted by Dinah on February 20, 2005, at 5:07:27
Dinah,
It sounds icky right now. Hang in there. Lordy, the body is such a complicated thing, and its effect on mood is amazing.Try to soothe yourself as best you can. It sounds like you have a good plan for that.
No hugs, but I'm thinking of you.
gg
Posted by Aphrodite on February 20, 2005, at 8:03:38
In reply to I see therapist Monday morning 8 am, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 21:28:37
Oh Dinah, that is the worst feeling, I know. I hate being in a situation where I am overwhelmed with pain that I feel like I cannot tolerate alone. I remember that he encourages and *wants* me to call him, and then I look at the clock and realize, "I just saw him yesterday," or, "I'll seem him tomorrow or the next day," and my pain gets diminished by the prospect of him seeing me as so needy. Then I start to worry about what I would be interrupting -- dinner? driving? sleeping? SEX?!?! At that point, I've gone from despair to despair plus neuroticism and heightened anxiety. My internal critic then starts berating me for me weaknesses and faults.
That's when I don't call. But when I do . . . it only takes 5 minutes of hearing his gentle voice and my inner child getting the comfort of realizing he's still there, and then I'm OK again and can hold onto it for awhile so I can function.
But I rarely do that. Like you, I ride it out the majority of the time. I need to hear this for myself as much as reminding you that the toll those repeated times of bearing it alone takes on us is so hard and our T's have to work that much harder to get us where we need to be. Better for them if we had just reached out before the damage was done.
I hope that you can call to make your day more peaceful.
Posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 9:11:29
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am, posted by Dinah on February 20, 2005, at 5:07:27
Please get a new monitor. You need to know accurately what your blood sugar is.
One thing that sometimes works for me is to let myself *need* him, while not allowing myself to *call* him. Telling myself that I can't need him makes me need him more. This would be when I would take out his picture and stick it in my pocket so I could carry it with my rabbit's foot. The other day I pasted the copy of his picture into a Word document 16 times and printed it out (now I have a whole page of him!). If you don't have a digital picture, can you scan the picture you have? Or make a picture frame for the picture you have. Or scan in his picture, blow it up, print it out, paste it on cardboard, and cut it up into a jigsaw puzzle. Then you can put it together, and - voila - there is your therapist! Or my old favorite of getting his picture printed on a big comfy T shirt and wearing it for PJs (but that could freak out the hubby...). What is a book that he likes a lot (or even that you have just seen in his office?) - find a copy and read it. Make a list of the special things he has done or said (go through the archives of Babble for examples). Figure out how many hours and minutes 'till you see him, and then in a little while figure it out again (but don't just subtract from the number you got before, do the whole complicated process - it takes more time to do). Say his name over and over in your mind. Put his name in a song and sing it (My favorite is "Julie, Julie, Julie do you love me? Julie, Julie, Julie do you care? Julie, Julie are you thinking of me? Julie, Julie will you still be there?" But, I used to put my first therapist's name in (current therapist has either a 1 or 3 syllable name, it doesn't fit as well, though in a pinch I have *made* it fit the song). Go online to make sure that you have the lyrics of the song right (is it Julie or Judy?). Paste the entire lyrics into a post on Babble:
"Julie, Do Ya Love Me"
(As recorded by Bobby Sherman)
TOM BAHLERBeing alone at night makes me sad girl
Yeah it brings me down all right
Tossin' and turnin', and freezin' and burnin'
And cryin' all through the night, yeah yeahJulie, Julie, Julie do ya love me?
Julie, Julie, Julie do ya care?
Julie, Julie are you thinking of me?
Julie, Julie will you will you still be there?We had so much fun together
And I was sure that you were mine
But leaving you baby is drivin' me crazy
It's got me wondering all the time, yeah yeahJulie, Julie, Julie do ya love me?
Julie, Julie, Julie do ya care?
Julie, Julie are you thinking of me?
Julie, Julie will you will you still be there?Honey you cried the day I left you
Even thouh we both knew I couldn't stay
But baby remember I'll be back September
But til then I'll write you every day, yeah yeahJulie, Julie, Julie do ya love me?
Julie, Julie, Julie do ya care?
Julie, Julie are you thinking of me?
Julie, Julie will you will you still be there?(c) Copyright 1970 by Lucon Music Publishing Co.
and Sequel Music Co.- SONG HITS, Summer 1974.
Bobby Sherman! Oh, my! Haven't thought about him in a long, long time. Make a drawing taking the letters in his name, putting them on at random, overlapping etc. Use stencil-like versions of the letters so you can color them in with crayons. Write a post about all the different ways you can "think" about your therapist. Know that you aren't alone.
P.S. I would love to hear your ideas...
Posted by Aphrodite on February 20, 2005, at 10:27:29
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 9:11:29
My T has made me several meditation and relaxtion tapes that say my name, repeat the affirmations I need to hear, and remind me that he will be there for me and that everything is going to be OK. When things are hard and I won't call, I curl up and listen to the tapes. It really helps.
Posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:04:00
In reply to Re: I see therapist Monday morning 8 am » fallsfall, posted by Aphrodite on February 20, 2005, at 10:27:29
I know this was all for Dinah, but I'm having such a hard day this thread has helped a ton.
I still need him though...
I hope you are doing better today Dinah.
Posted by B2chica on February 20, 2005, at 18:39:45
In reply to Thanks Guys, posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:04:00
is there something in the air this weekend?
i hit rock bottom yesterday. dropped like a bomb. i think partly cuz pdoc took me off Ritalin, but may S. ideation is ramped, slept most all yesterday and today-bawled like a baby. finally hubby forced me out of bed, so i went out to get gas in my car and come here.
it's taking everything i have not to call pdoc. i said i'd call him tomorrow if i didn't get any better.sorry Dinah, didn't mean to make this about me :(
b2c.
> I know this was all for Dinah, but I'm having such a hard day this thread has helped a ton.
> I still need him though...
> I hope you are doing better today Dinah.
Posted by Dinah on February 20, 2005, at 20:34:23
In reply to Re: Thanks Guys » daisym, posted by B2chica on February 20, 2005, at 18:39:45
My mood isn't quite as low today. As planned I went on diet that seems to be most soothing to me when I'm feeling rotten - pudding. And I even managed some bread.
I think that low carb diet was to blame. I can't think of any other immediate triggers - except perhaps for the fact that the low carb diet was my last best chance for being a decent employee again. I guess I need to mourn my former brain.
Aphrodite, I had forgotten that my therapist had made me a tape! Plus I copied some answering machine messages. Funny how the mind can't remember such simple soothing things when they're needed. Maybe I should stick a note in the pudding mix box.
And Falls, your ideas sound great. I especially like the puzzle idea. Putting my therapist together at will.
I have to be a bit careful because of my husband. I can't put my therapist in a locket or anything. But he's on the photos that circle through my screen saver, as is his office (the old one).
I'm sorry to be so long getting back to this thread. I had a migraine all day that responded only partially to medication, and work that absolutely has to be done for tomorrow. So I only ventured onto the computer monitor long enough to get what I needed for work.
I really hate being a screw up at work. I never used to be.
Posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 22:34:53
In reply to Thanks guys from me too, posted by Dinah on February 20, 2005, at 20:34:23
I took the printout I did of 16 copies of my therapist's picture and glued it onto a shoebox. Then I cut it into 54 pieces and made a puzzle. It was *so* wonderful to put it together. The pieces don't interlock, so it is challenging to keep it together, but it was incredibly satisfying. Out of chaos comes not one, but 16 blank slates - warms my soul!!
Posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 22:37:21
In reply to Re: Thanks guys from me too » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 22:34:53
Do I have to tell him? Can I just say that I needed him this weekend? And hope that he doesn't ask me to elaborate? There are so many other things we need to talk about...
Sigh, when I don't want to tell him something that is when I know I should... But do I have to tell him?
Posted by mair on February 21, 2005, at 14:51:10
In reply to Re: Thanks guys from me too, posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2005, at 22:37:21
Posted by Dinah on February 21, 2005, at 18:26:40
In reply to How Did Things Go Dinah? (nm), posted by mair on February 21, 2005, at 14:51:10
My therapist didn't buy my passing it all off to the diet. He thought that might be contributing. He also thought I couldn't cure my work problems with the diet, and very circular session ensued.
"Why aren't you getting the work done." "I must be bad because I'm not doing it." "You're not bad there's a reason you're not doing the work." "But you said it didn't matter what the reason was, that I had to accept that I needed to do the work and do it, so why should I try to figure out why." "Well you aren't doing it, so we need to figure out why." "No, I just need to do it whatever the reasons are, and I'm not so I'm being bad."
Oh, and some complaints about how I'm not as smart as I used to be and never will be again. I gave him full permission to blast me for self pity, but he didn't want to.
I finally apologized to him and told him that while he must be getting frustrated, I was too. Then he made me laugh by saying he wasn't frustrated, that he only got frustrated when I wasn't frustrated. I'm not sure that's true, but I got his point.
The dietician contacted me to ask for a sample of what I'm eating in a day so we can figure the problem out. It's pretty much what she told me to eat, so...
And my doctor's nurse said the doctor would want me to talk to the dietician. So that went nowhere.
Another day of spun wheels and little work.
I hate myself.
I used to be smart and productive.
Posted by Dinah on February 21, 2005, at 19:16:54
In reply to Not much to report, posted by Dinah on February 21, 2005, at 18:26:40
My therapist and I had scheduled one work related session a week. We created a list of strategies to try to improve my productivity.
I had some interest in trying to discover why I was working so hard to self sabotage. But my therapist said it didn't really matter. That the important part was that since I felt tied to my job by golden handcuffs, I needed to accept that this *was* my job and I was going to stay here. And since I was going to stay here, I needed to get my work done no matter what the underlying feelings were. I needed to accept my life and make the best of it.
That made good sense to me. So armed with the list of recommendations about how to improve my productivity, I decided to do away with the work related sessions while I tried the recommendations and focussed myself on doing my work no matter what.
Posted by Speaker on February 22, 2005, at 19:48:41
In reply to Hmmm.. A bit of background, posted by Dinah on February 21, 2005, at 19:16:54
Dinah,
I can hear your frustration in your post and I can understand why. It's hard when we feel trapped or like we have no choices even when we do. You are very smart and I can't imagine Babble without your input. Please try to focus on your great atributes and less on where you feel like you have shortcomings! We all appreciate you!!!!
Marie
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2005, at 20:08:46
In reply to (((Dinah))) Work is hard!, posted by Speaker on February 22, 2005, at 19:48:41
Thanks Marie.
My self disgust over my work is starting to overwhelm me. And I just don't know what to do.
Posted by mair on February 22, 2005, at 22:06:02
In reply to Re: (((Dinah))) Work is hard! » Speaker, posted by Dinah on February 22, 2005, at 20:08:46
Let me know if any of the recommendations for increasing your production work. I could sure use them.
I feel like I work in slow motion these days. Everything I do takes tons longer than it should, which means that there are lots of things that I just don't get to. Part of me is panicked about the fallout that will surely come. But I'm also sort of paralyzed - I sure wish I could mobilize myself somehow.
Dinah, wouldn't it be great if you and I could find a way not to define ourselves by our work deficiencies?
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
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