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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 19:23:34
Perhaps there isn't a therapist on earth who would. Perhaps every therapist in the world would think my goals were unwise.
I'm as strong willed as anyone, and I do mean anyone (except my mother). But I hope I know when something can't be changed. To try will just dent my head and accomplish nothing.
Hmmm... reminds me of something. But what. ;)
I considered the option of lying to him, or neglecting to tell him the truth, and probably being forced to lie or mislead any therapist I contacted, but I rejected that option. No, that's not nobility or anything.
So I try to do it on my own, or I give up. I've been trying on my own with little success. I guess I can keep trying with little success.
Sigh.
Posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 21:16:58
In reply to He's not going to help me with my therapy goals., posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 19:22:07
Please explicate. I'm too dense.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 21:37:49
In reply to Re: He's not going to help me with my therapy goals. » Dinah, posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 21:16:58
It's the same old, same old. He won't help me get back my daydreams, or find Happy Dinah. He says it's my time to do the things that I liked about Happy Dinah. Which isn't going to happen for several reasons. But I don't suppose I'd find a therapist who'd be willing to help me locate a lost ego state.
So I give up, surrender, throw in the towel. It's not going to happen. He can prevaricate about it or be honest about it, but whichever he does, he's not going to help me.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 13, 2005, at 7:31:16
In reply to Re: He's not going to help me with my therapy goals. » mair, posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 21:37:49
So rather than helping you reach an old ego state, your therapist is encouraging you to integrate elements of it into your present state, is that it? And you would prefer to have Happy Dinah as a separate place to go to and be happy, keeping it isolated from the rest of you?
sorry, lots of ???
Posted by mair on January 13, 2005, at 19:58:53
In reply to Re: He's not going to help me with my therapy goals. » mair, posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 21:37:49
" But I don't suppose I'd find a therapist who'd be willing to help me locate a lost ego state."
Are you sure you're not overthinking this a little or over-idealizing Happy Dinah, or forgetting that Happy Dinah was maybe just Dinah when she felt a certain way. I'm pretty sure any T would want to know what you liked so much about Happy Dinah, declare that all of those traits were still there for the unearthing, and try to help you recapture those feelings - but not some separate and distinct ego state.
And why is is just never going to happen that you'd do some of the things Happy Dinah did? (Bearing in mind that last month I had a conversation with a colleague which I had only just told my therapist "was never going to happen.")
Mair
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 21:09:07
In reply to Re: He's not going to help me with my therapy goals. » Dinah, posted by mair on January 13, 2005, at 19:58:53
I need to think about how to explain without weirding everyone out.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2005, at 22:02:21
In reply to PC and Mair, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 21:09:07
Be advised, you are risking tofuemmy calling you a gooberhead...(although I actually think of that as praise)
;)
gg
Posted by TofuEmmy on January 13, 2005, at 22:02:31
In reply to PC and Mair, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 21:09:07
Hey Dinah...no worries. We are already wierd. That's why were are here. We can handle it.
Hugs. emsky
Posted by partlycloudy on January 14, 2005, at 4:31:14
In reply to PC and Mair, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 21:09:07
I don't think I could be weirded out by you, Dinah. But I would like to understand.
Posted by mair on January 14, 2005, at 6:38:09
In reply to Re: PC and Mair » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on January 14, 2005, at 4:31:14
You're much too grounded 98% of the time to be actually able to weird us out, and like PC, I would like to understand.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 4:38:55
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah, posted by mair on January 14, 2005, at 6:38:09
I guess it all seems unbelievable. I don't know what to think of it sometimes. As Judy said, perhaps it's was two prolonged hypomanic episodes. I always said I was taken over by space aliens. And I always called it "Happy Dinah", even back when it first happened.
I've been hypomanic, and I do it differently. Just as a single example, I do get hypersexual when I'm hypomanic, but my sexuality is my normal sexuality. Those two years were the only years my sexuality was geared externally as opposed to my normal solosexuality. Although even those two years, I had "phobias" about kissing that were totally foreign to me then, and had nothing to do with my desires at that point. So I don't know.
It was just an entirely different way of looking at the world, at people, at ideas. Far more extreme and alien to me than the difference between rational me and emotional me. Although to tell the truth, with rational me hurling cabinet drawers and cursing and quitting, perhaps I ought to rename that.
The truth is that I don't want to be Happy Dinah. I wouldn't want to do the things Happy Dinah did, or be the way Happy Dinah was. It's contrary to my introverted nature. If my therapist is waiting for me to do those things, he'll have a very long wait. Even if I *could* I wouldn't want to. But I can enjoy it vicariously.
I don't know. It may just be a matter of semantics. To make others feel more comfortable, I sometimes refer to emotional me as a deeper level of consciousness without the "shoulds" and the filters. The raw me. I suppose it's possible to concieve of the whole thing that way. In which case Happy Dinah may be some sort of hypomanic phenomenon brought on by a limited range of conditions, rather than a split of my life force and creativity as I currently think of it. My therapist only met her once.
I guess to make others feel more comfortable, I should refer to it as two prolonged hypomanic episodes. Although in my own mind, and in therapy, it's more useful to refer to it as a separate ego state. It solved a lot of problems when I did that with emotional me and rational me.
But it really isn't accepted, really does make others feel uncomfortable. So I think it's probably something I should keep between my therapist and I.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:35:16
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 4:38:55
Dinah, it makes sense to me, and it makes sense that you wouldn't want to be that Happy Dinah again. It sounds like it was very foreign to your "true" nature. I appreciate your explanation and I don't doubt that you can be happy without being Happy Dinah.
Posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 10:26:47
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 4:38:55
You don't make me uncomfortable. And even if you did, that isn't a good enough reason to bury something that you think is important. The beauty of Babble is that we can reach a wide range of people - *SOMEONE* might understand. So, to edit yourself here because "the masses" don't understand seems counterproductive.
That said, there are things that I don't talk about on Babble because they are met by resounding silence, or by comments that make it clear to me that I wasn't even close to getting my point across. These things I might talk about individually with people, but I do find that after I understand them a little better, I do try to put some of the information on the board - and in doing so I occasionally find one or two people who seem to *get* what I'm talking about - and that is awesome.
I guess that when noone understands me, I figure that it is either because I haven't been able to explain it well (in which case I try to understand it better so I can explain it better), or that I haven't connected yet with the right people (those who have had a similar enough experience to "get it"). It continues to be worth pursuing, though, because in talking about it with other people I can understand these things better myself.
So don't deprive us of your insights, just because *WE* haven't figured out how to understand them yet!
P.S. You used to feel this same way about rational/emotional you... See? Over time we are beginning to understand - give us a chance!
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 19:37:26
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 10:26:47
I think it's just better to save those things for my therapist. Not that he doesn't think I'm weird, but because it's his job. :)
I really don't like to make others uncomfortable.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 19:39:16
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on January 16, 2005, at 7:35:16
Is the new therapist still working out very well?
I'm very impressed at how well you were able to transition. It was five years before I trusted my therapist enough to do any meaningful work. Unless of course you consider learning to trust to be a meaningful way to spend five years.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 17, 2005, at 10:54:49
In reply to Re: Weird Away Dinah » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2005, at 19:39:16
I see her again this evening. I find her much harder to read than my other T, and I wish I could have handed her a tape of my brain, saying "here's what I've tried already". She is concerned about my abysmal self esteem - whereas I'm thinking, where can I go but up?? - but I am hungry for learning new habits to help me feel better. This old record I play is all used up.
She wanted me to look into "Rational Recovery" for my alcoholism. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I already bought the book and threw it away in disgust, months ago. (Its basis is that there are no addictive personalities and we choose to behave like one. I simply do not accept this premise, or else I would have been able to cease drinking years ago. Just making up your mind is not enough, at least for me. I'm an analog person, not a digital one.)
She just seems to think I'm so smart and nice and articulate, and I just *don't* think so. The only time I feel remotely like that is when I'm manic. I'm pretty down on myself today, more than usual. In a foul mood, and it envelopes myself and the world I see.
This is the end of the thread.
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