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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 23:29:27
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » crushedout, posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2004, at 23:10:28
Posted by fallsfall on November 30, 2004, at 7:31:27
In reply to OK, this time I really did it., posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:59:55
Wow. I'm so proud of you (and a little jealous that she called you... 8^) ).
If you have to communicate with her again (which hopefully you won't - I think your email was crystal clear), you could tell her that she doesn't need to worry about you because you are seeing another therapist - so *your* needs are taken care of. (Well, maybe don't say the last part...)
Good for you! Stay strong!
How was your vacation?
Posted by rubenstein on November 30, 2004, at 8:38:58
In reply to The next segment of my saga (very long), posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:36:45
Wow, you are so brave. I really think that you did the right thing, and even though I don't know you I am so proud of you. It made me smile after a really tough morning. I hope bravery is contagious,
rubenstein
Posted by Rigby on November 30, 2004, at 10:45:19
In reply to OK, this time I really did it., posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:59:55
Hi Crushed,
It sounds like you did the right thing.
Re the phone call, maybe part of it was that your therapist doesn't want quitting to become another trauma on top of the trauma you've already had (a valid concern about not ending with some peace and closure) but this relationship was not working for you and it may not be possible for you to end it any other way than what you're doing now.
Seems like you needed to save yourself. After how many *years* of feeling like a mess because of your relationship with her it's time to move on. I think you gave it a lot of time and effort but given that you were still in pain you did the right thing--you've changed up strategies to try and help yourself--this is healthy and good.
I hope she doesn't respond to you. And although part of you wants her to, I still hope she lets you be. This isn't a romantic relationship or a cat-and-mouse game--it's your therapy, your life, your money. So, again, I hope she respects your space and lets it go. If she doesn't, it's further confirmation that she's not the professional you need right now.
Keep us posted, keep writing.
> I emailed her the following (unequivocal, no?) email:
>
> "[Ellen],
>
> "Please don't hold any more sessions for me. I will call if I decide it would be helpful for me to come in again.
>
> "Even though you don't understand my reasons yet, I hope you can try to respect my decision to do this in my own way, even if it might not be the way you think it should be done. Please trust that I'm doing what's best for me right now, and know that I'm sorry if it hurts you in any way.
>
> "Best wishes always,
>
> "[crushedout]"
>
> I guess maybe it's *really* over now. Although with her I can't be absolutely sure. I won't be surprised if I at least get a response to my email. And if I don't? Oh sh*t, I'm sure I'll be devastated. That's when I'll really feel the loss. Right now it's surreal.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 11:24:47
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on November 30, 2004, at 7:31:27
Thanks, falls. My vacation was ok. I got food poisoning, had back problems, and lost money, but I had fun anyway. :) And the really amazing thing is I didn't use drugs (tomorrow will be one year!) or smoke cigarettes, even though I really wanted to.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 11:25:45
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long), posted by rubenstein on November 30, 2004, at 8:38:58
That is really sweet. I'm so glad to have made you smile.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 11:28:33
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » crushedout, posted by Rigby on November 30, 2004, at 10:45:19
Hey Rigby,I think you're probably giving my T too much credit. Like gg said (was it gg?), it seems to me like she's acting out of her own interests here. She has a shifty way of trying to make things seem therapeutic when they're really about her. (She's actually not that good at it, now that I think about it, but I get sucked in easily because of my feelings about her. I used to, anyway. I think I'm almost free now. :) )
Posted by BigFish on November 30, 2004, at 14:02:18
In reply to The next segment of my saga (very long), posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:36:45
Dear crushed,
You are an inspiration! I too am stuck in a not-so-good situation with my T [I think I posted to you a while back] and am getting up my courage to dump him. Thank you for sharing your story here. I'm hoping I can be as strong as you are when the time comes for me to hit the eject button.
Sending supportive vibes your way,
BigFish
Posted by Poet on November 30, 2004, at 16:09:11
In reply to OK, this time I really did it., posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:59:55
Hi Crushedout,
You're in a tough situation, I would have done the email *goodbye* too. It's simple, clear and says that you know what's best and if you decide you need to start seeing her again you will let her know.
I hope if your former T does respond, and her message is simple and blame free. I think a response would bring closure and acknowledgment that you have chosen to move on.
Poet
Posted by Fallen4MyT on November 30, 2004, at 17:50:02
In reply to OK, this time I really did it., posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:59:55
((( CRUSHED))) Hi I haven't been around in a long while. I think your letter is just fine and man you two have been going in circles. I give you a lot of credit for seeing a new T knowing how you use? to feel and all....You did good IMO and why does she keep calling and writing have you told her totally stop? I am months behind ya know.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 17:50:16
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it., posted by Poet on November 30, 2004, at 16:09:11
I agree that an appropriate response would be helpful. I have a feeling she's going to find some passive-aggressive way to patronize me or otherwise make me feel bad, though. But that'll be ok, also, I hope. It will at least help to see that I made the right choice.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 17:54:31
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » crushedout, posted by Fallen4MyT on November 30, 2004, at 17:50:02
hey fallen, nice to see you.she did once email me when i asked her not to (a couple weeks ago) which was really messed up but otherwise i haven't really been that firm about boundaries. it's ok. i like it on some level, of course. i assume it will stop very soon.
Posted by fallsfall on November 30, 2004, at 20:39:31
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 11:24:47
Good job!!! You can be proud of that year!
I'm glad you had fun.
Posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 21:05:59
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long), posted by BigFish on November 30, 2004, at 14:02:18
Thanks, Bigfish. I feel pretty good about what I did. I'm realizing that I gave her so much power, and in one fell swoop, I basically just snatched it all back. I mean, she still has power over me but I've taken away all (or almost all) of her opportunities to exercise it. So, she's effectively rendered powerless over me. And therefore, I've taken the power back. It's pretty exciting sometimes when I can realize this on a gut level.There's also obviously some reason I *liked* giving her that power so there will be something that I will miss about not having that anymore, I bet.
But it is empowering. And it's good to do the right thing for yourself. I recommend it. And I'm honored to be an inspiration to anyone. Thanks for the vibes. (I actually don't think I could have done any of this without you guys and your vibes.)
:)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on November 30, 2004, at 22:09:35
In reply to Re: OK, this time I really did it. » Fallen4MyT, posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 17:54:31
I can understand that LEVEL :) as you very well know. You're doing great keep it up
> hey fallen, nice to see you.
>
> she did once email me when i asked her not to (a couple weeks ago) which was really messed up but otherwise i haven't really been that firm about boundaries. it's ok. i like it on some level, of course. i assume it will stop very soon.
Posted by fallsfall on December 1, 2004, at 7:42:32
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long) » BigFish, posted by crushedout on November 30, 2004, at 21:05:59
This post put a big smile on my face, crushed.
You have done something that was incredibly difficult - but what a wonderful reward!
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 9:42:25
In reply to The next segment of my saga (very long), posted by crushedout on November 29, 2004, at 21:36:45
Posted by crushedout on December 1, 2004, at 10:48:35
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long) » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on December 1, 2004, at 7:42:32
I'm sure I will have my ups and downs about it.
Posted by lookdownfish on December 1, 2004, at 15:30:39
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long) » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on December 1, 2004, at 10:48:35
Hi crushed. Just catching up after several weeks away from the board. Just want to say well done, you are really brave and I think you've done the right thing.
Posted by crushedout on December 1, 2004, at 19:47:47
In reply to Re: The next segment of my saga (very long) » crushedout, posted by lookdownfish on December 1, 2004, at 15:30:39
it's really good to hear.
Posted by Tabitha on December 2, 2004, at 1:46:48
In reply to thanks, ldf, posted by crushedout on December 1, 2004, at 19:47:47
Hey there, just wanted to add more words of encouragement. I'm glad to hear that you're taking action. I always feel the worst when I just stay stuck in a painful situation.
Posted by crushedout on December 2, 2004, at 11:40:52
In reply to Re: way to go, crushed » crushedout, posted by Tabitha on December 2, 2004, at 1:46:48
Posted by crushedout on December 2, 2004, at 11:43:05
In reply to thanks, tabitha :) (nm), posted by crushedout on December 2, 2004, at 11:40:52
I got an email from her this morning. It's fine, but it's clear she has no idea what's going on, why I'm leaving. I can't decide whether to post her response on Babble. I'm not sure whether to respond. I think probably I should just let it rest now. Maybe write a letter to her someday when I've got more distance. I dunno.I'm feeling ok about the whole thing. Maybe a little sad for her.
Posted by fallsfall on December 2, 2004, at 13:13:04
In reply to she responded, posted by crushedout on December 2, 2004, at 11:43:05
I'm glad that things are settled with her.
You don't *have* to explain it to her.
I never went back to explain things to my therapist. And I will say that I've learned things in the last 1 1/2 years that I certainly didn't know then. When I look at that period with what I know now, it is clear that what I saw then wasn't the whole picture. If I had explained "it" to her then, I would be a bit embarassed now. It is OK to just leave things.
I don't know if I will ever explain things to her - I still think about it.
Posted by Dinah on December 2, 2004, at 14:18:25
In reply to she responded, posted by crushedout on December 2, 2004, at 11:43:05
I'm glad you're feeling ok about the whole thing. You've been working on this for a long time, and it could just be that the time is right. That's what happens with me and connections. One day they just disappear.
When the relationship wasn't a healthy one, I think that's a terrific thing.
This is the end of the thread.
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