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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shortelise on August 27, 2004, at 17:52:35
As some of you may remember, I am in the end phase of therapy, after 6 years with a very kind, caring therapist.
I have been seeing him once every two weeks instead of weekly for the past couple of months, about. We'll go to once a month as soon as I am able (in another 20 years or so, right?) and then ... I can't think about that right now.
I am so sad. I feel abandoned and rejected and though I understand that I need to go through this phase to feel the feelings I felt the first time around (mommy stuff), and to see that it's not the same, that he is not deserting me, but will still be there for me, that I *am* cared for, it feels like caca.
I understand one thing and feel something else.
It's just painful. I stay in the feeling, and feel it, cry, and try to be present in it.
But OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!!
What is going on? Can someone explain this to me? What is this from-the-bottoms-of-my-feet grief? Is there any other way?
Thanks very much
ShortE
Posted by DaisyM on August 27, 2004, at 19:44:33
In reply to mourning in therapy, posted by shortelise on August 27, 2004, at 17:52:35
Gee...ShortE...what a picture. "bottoms of the feet grief" I can feel it with you. I guess the best advice is take it slow. We all need to feel connected to someone and it is wonderful that you found that. But it is profound to give it up such a meaningful relationship. You are having separation anxiety, just like a toddler. And it is painful and you will need to keep checking back. Don't be too hard on yourself or push too fast.
Posted by shrinking violet on August 27, 2004, at 20:08:42
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy, posted by DaisyM on August 27, 2004, at 19:44:33
((((ShortE))))
I'm sorry this is so hard, and that you have to go through this. My T and I are very connected and we have a special relationship, yet next year I'll lose her when I graduate (and a small possibility it may be later this year, if she is unable to keep seeing me due to policy), and it already hurts and upsets me whenever I think about it. My T kind of brushes it off, says she doesn't want me to be "a mess" and she doesn't want to sit there thinking I'm in anguish or jumping off a bridge because of it. I'm noticing she tends to turn my issues around on herself. Anyway, I've learned to not bring it up again, until the time comes. I guess my point is that even though what you're going through majorly sucks, at least you have a T who undertstands it and is working with you in a way that will ultimately help you deal with the ending of therapy in a healthy and therapeutic way. Imagine if he didn't deal with it, just let you end without any regard to how it would affect you? Eeks...I fear that's what may happen with me.
My blessings. Try to take care.
-SV
Posted by shortelise on August 28, 2004, at 0:30:51
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy, posted by shrinking violet on August 27, 2004, at 20:08:42
thanks for the kind words.
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:19:16
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy, posted by shrinking violet on August 27, 2004, at 20:08:42
Gosh. She needs to do something about that. Have you ever mentioned that tendency to her? Maybe she's not aware of it. It could be a growth moment to her as a therapist if she could learn to take herself out of your issues. And you deserve a therapist who isn't so affected by your emotions that she's unable to properly process termination.
My therapist always says he's grown as a therapist in the nine years he's known me, and I've been a big part of that growth. ;)
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:26:08
In reply to mourning in therapy, posted by shortelise on August 27, 2004, at 17:52:35
Well, my way is to not leave. I'm just not going. I might reduce frequency, but I'm not leaving. Period.
But that's not the right answer for everyone. :)
I think grief and mourning are perfectly appropriate. How is the gradual reduction feeling to you? Are you getting by ok on once every two weeks? Is the present schedule bothering you, or are you worried about the future?
I know that everyone says that it's a natural progression. That as you need him less it won't hurt as much not to see him. But I'm not totally convinced. I think I'm at the point where I think dropping to once a week therapy would be fine. Yet even admitting that is terrifying to me. Nearly as terrifying as following through with it. And I can't quite figure out why that is. If I don't need to see him twice a week, it shouldn't be scary to admit that, should it?
I'm not sure I can figure out these complex human emotions. :(
Posted by shortelise on August 28, 2004, at 20:09:07
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:26:08
I have done some howling weeping in the past day because of seeing him less. I discovered it would be a month between appointments because of holidays.
I am fine, I feel better, my life is fairly balanced, but then I am attached to my psychiatrist as though he were the only thing holding me to this earthy realm. And he is not. I have friends, family, colleagues, etc. A good life.
But my gut just doesn't get it. I'd like to sit on his lap and view the world from there, always.
I went from every week to every two weeks because I felt like a complete idiot if I didn't. I was afraid he'd drop the hammer, tell me, ok, you can't come to see me next week, and that would have devastated me. I didn't realize how big a part of lessening my appointments that was until just now. I think I'd like to tell him about it.
He sits and listens to me, watches me cry, once said that pure emotion is beautiful - then he jumped as he seemed to think from my reaction that I thought he'd said I was beautiful - which I am not, and I looked at him as I did when he said this beacuse I was astonished that anyone could imagine crying a beautiful thing. But then, to see emotion as a thing of beauty would be a sensible thing for a shrink to do.
What someone wrote above about checking back with him - it makes sense. Watch an emotionaly healthy two or three year old - he runs off, but keeps an eye on Mommy, comes back from time to time, just to make sure. That's what I'm supposed to do, right?
I am rambling. GOod luck at reducing your sessions.
ShortE
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2004, at 22:29:42
In reply to emotion as a thing of beauty » Dinah, posted by shortelise on August 28, 2004, at 20:09:07
> I have done some howling weeping in the past day because of seeing him less. I discovered it would be a month between appointments because of holidays.
>
> I am fine, I feel better, my life is fairly balanced, but then I am attached to my psychiatrist as though he were the only thing holding me to this earthy realm. And he is not. I have friends, family, colleagues, etc. A good life.Oh shortelise this is exactly how I feel. I had to fight the whole thing off though and I tortured myself very much. I just loved that man like I couldn't believe, he became my life This is a therapist I saw maybe once or twice a month, the most I think three times in one month. For about a year or 18 months? I don't remember anymore because my entire life is a blur now. I'm the person who forgot she took clothes to the laundromat, and never picked them up.
Thanks shorte for sharing your feelings.
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 1, 2004, at 19:50:34
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy » shrinking violet, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:19:16
That seems about the nicest thing a therapist could ever say to a long-term client. I think if my analyst ever said such a wonderful thing to me (unlikely), I would hold it in my heart forever, and bring it out at least twice a day to feel the realness and warmth of it!
PS I'm never going to leave either, but I'm really lucky there, as all his patients can come to see him when they need to even after the principal work is done.
Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2004, at 22:25:14
In reply to Re: mourning in therapy » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 1, 2004, at 19:50:34
Chuckle. I wish I thought he meant it entirely positively. (twinkly smile)
But overall, he was in good humor when he said it, so I know he didn't mean it entirely negatively either.
I'm pretty sure I've given him more feedback than any other client he's ever had. :) I think most just leave if they are unhappy. While I left and came back and left and came back and left and came back. Then settled down to work on whatever came up. It worked out nicely, my fixer upper therapist and his handyman's special client. lol.
You're right. It was a nice thing to say, and I will always treasure it.
This is the end of the thread.
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