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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:10:45
I don't think it can possibly go well. I feel like I'm going to freeze up and not be able to talk. Or I'll talk but I'll be like a robot.
Posted by shadows721 on April 26, 2004, at 23:29:53
In reply to I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow, posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:10:45
Does it help you to make a list of what you want to say?
Posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:34:35
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow, posted by shadows721 on April 26, 2004, at 23:29:53
> Does it help you to make a list of what you want to say?
I often do that, actually, and sometimes it does help. Tomorrow, though, we have a very specific agenda (I'm supposed to tell her specifically what I've been longing for in relation to her), so that's not the problem, knowing what the topic should be. It's being able to talk, and being able to be real. I'm afraid I won't be.
Posted by shadows721 on April 26, 2004, at 23:47:30
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow » shadows721, posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:34:35
This is going to sound really silly, but this helps me prepare to talk to someone. I actually rehearse what I will say with my pets or a stuffed animal. It works for me like a trick. I know it sounds weird.
Posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:51:06
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow, posted by shadows721 on April 26, 2004, at 23:47:30
That's kind of funny. I'm afraid rehearsing would be especially bad for me right now because I'm worried about being relaxed and genuine. Rehearsing may make me even stiffer. You know what I mean?
Posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2004, at 0:34:07
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow » shadows721, posted by crushedout on April 26, 2004, at 23:51:06
Crushed,
I know this will seem so hard. And wanting to be relaxed and genuine is great, although I suspect you will be quite nervous. I admire you so much for continuing in your process. I know this is a really big deal for you.Will it help to think about what are the best and the worst outcomes possible? Sometimes the worst outcomes don't have as much power if you have already considered them and how you will cope with it. And then the best possible outcome can be a pleasant surprise. Either way or something in between, I wish you strength and peace tomorrow.
Take care!
gg
Posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 1:11:51
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow, posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2004, at 0:34:07
crushed,
Be as honest as you can. Ask her to ask you questions if you get stuck. I know it is hard. Hang in there. Getting it out in the open will help.
I'll be thinking of you.
D
Posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 8:20:24
In reply to Re: I'm stressed about therapy tomorrow, posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 1:11:51
for the support and ideas. As always, they were helpful. I'm off for therapy very soon.I'll let you know how it goes. (I like the idea of thinking of the worst thing that can happen, and then trying to prepare myself for that. Thanks, gg.)
Posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 19:16:33
In reply to Thanks...., posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 8:20:24
I didn't dissociate that much. She was very pleased with the session. I didn't feel devastated afterwards. I was able to open up to her in some new ways, although not perfectly. I guess I should feel proud of myself, but it's hard.I admitted to her that I still harbored a tiny hope that she would break the therapeutic boundaries and be sexual with me. And that I desperately needed that hope and didn't want her to wrest it from me.
Posted by fallsfall on April 27, 2004, at 20:27:14
In reply to It went ok, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 19:16:33
Good for you, Crushed. You are doing really hard work.
Posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 20:44:30
In reply to Re: It went ok » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 27, 2004, at 20:27:14
> Good for you, Crushed. You are doing really hard work.
Thanks, falls. But why don't I feel like that's true? I just feel like a loser. :(
Posted by gardenergirl on April 27, 2004, at 21:30:11
In reply to Re: It went ok » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 20:44:30
I'm glad it went okay. I'm sure it was really difficult. You're so brave for working directly with her on this. I hope it continues to go okay as you work through.
Take care!
gg
Posted by fallsfall on April 27, 2004, at 22:01:19
In reply to Re: It went ok » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 20:44:30
Crushed,
I think you had some dreams, and those dreams may be looking less attainable now. Losing dreams is a loss, and you will grieve. But you are not a loser. You are a very gutsy person. Be proud of facing these issues - it is very hard to do.
Falls.
Posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 22:05:14
In reply to Re: It went ok » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 27, 2004, at 22:01:19
I can't lose them or I'll lose my will to live, falls. Please don't make me give them up.
> Crushed,
>
> I think you had some dreams, and those dreams may be looking less attainable now. Losing dreams is a loss, and you will grieve. But you are not a loser. You are a very gutsy person. Be proud of facing these issues - it is very hard to do.
>
> Falls.
Posted by Dinah on April 27, 2004, at 22:36:14
In reply to Re: It went ok » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 22:05:14
I'm sorry, Crushed. I know it hurts a lot right now. I think it's great you were able to be open with her. I'm sure the two of you can get through this.
Posted by DaisyM on April 28, 2004, at 0:12:34
In reply to Re: It went ok » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 22:05:14
I'm worried about you Crushed. You sound so sad and devastated. You will get through this and come out on the otherside. If you lose your faith, borrow mine. Sometimes when I don't feel strong enough, I borrow hope and strength from my Therapist. I bet yours will lend you hers too.
Gary Zukav says, "Everything--even things that are painful--happens for a reason. That reason is to help you grow spiritually. When you see that, you hit pay dirt. Until you find it, you will always be disappointed when you don't get what you want, and happy only when you do. When you find the gold, everything in your life becomes a gift that is designed especially for you. Everything in everyone else's life is a gift that is designed especially for them. Once you find inner richness, no one can take it from you. It is yours forever."
I have faith that you will find your inner richness very soon.
Posted by fallsfall on April 28, 2004, at 0:35:06
In reply to Re: It went ok » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 27, 2004, at 22:05:14
(((((Crushed)))))
*I* won't make you give them up.
I understand too well how important a therapist can be. Mine was important to me in a different way than yours is important to you, but I do think that the intensity was similar.
I believed, in my soul, for many years that without her I would die. I was frantic to keep her, to defend her, to honor her. She was my hope.
As things deteriorated, though, it became too clear that *with* her I would die. I couldn't tolerate the pain any longer.
It came down to a *belief* that without her I would die and a *certainty* that with her I would die. There was a possibility that I could live without her, and I needed to search for that possibility. The decision to look into life without her was excruciating, and so terrifying. But I did live through it. And I grew.
It is still hard for me to recognize that she was *hurting* me. I still won't believe that she wanted to hurt me. But the fact is that she *was* hurting me. And I needed to leave to protect myself.
Only you can decide what you need to do. But, as someone who has successfully passed through a similar and terrifying decision, I want you to know that I *do* have life on this other side. And while my current life isn't all roses (I am livid at my therapist at this moment), it is a life that is moving forward. So I know that I made the right decision for me.
I feel your terror and your sadness, and remember my own too well. The unknown can be very scary, but it can also be the way to move forward.
(((((Crushed)))))
Falls.
This is the end of the thread.
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