![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:27:52
I have been lurking among you for a couple of months now. I am in my early 30s, and I started therapy a few months ago for what I believed to be general anxiety and depression but what I found to be deep and chronic trauma. Unlike some I know who took every psychology class possible and read every self-help book to understand themselves, I avoided the subject like the plague. I felt kind of like a person deep in debt who doesn't want to look at the bills. So, this process and the therapeutic relationship is completely new for me and extremely unsettling.
So, I thought I would be completely remiss to not post and let you know how much your posts have helped me understand what is going on and to feel not quite so alone in the process. I feel sure that if I hadn't indirectly felt the support, I would have terminated therapy as I have been tempted to so much in the last few months. I was particularly strenghthened by Daisy M.'s posts about the split of being competent in one area of life and a mess in therapy. I also relate to Daisy's struggle of being a burden. I could have written those posts myself.
Additionally, it is my goal to some how have this figured out to be as wise as Dinah. Dinah, you have been a much needed invisible friend to me.
Thanks for reading. I just wanted to speak up and express my gratitude.
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 9:32:04
In reply to New here -- gratitude (longish), posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:27:52
Why hi, Aphrodite. :) Don't be afraid to stick around and pipe up wherever you feel the desire. It's wonderful to find I have an invisible friend, but visible ones are great too.
P.S. One day I hope I'm as wise as Dinah appears to be, too. (wry grin)
Posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:50:14
In reply to Re: New here -- gratitude (longish) » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 9:32:04
Thank you, Dinah. And, of course, as soon as I hit submit on my very first post, I panicked at the thought that I had you and "invisible" in the same sentence, and this just after you had been posting about appearance issues. Yikes! Of course, you must know that was not a reference to that but to the fact that I had not posted yet. Still, I apologize anyway.
Did I fail to mention in my introduction that I am totally and completely neurotic?
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 12:39:53
In reply to Re: New here -- gratitude (longish), posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:50:14
Yes, of course I did. Any other alternative didn't even occur to me. :)
Did I mention that I find totally and completely neurotic to be a charming quality? I too am totally and completely neurotic. Neurotic people are interesting and quirky. And people really want to get to know us. :) (See, I'm incorporating my affirmation into my daily life.)
Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 15:59:48
In reply to New here -- gratitude (longish), posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:27:52
Nice to meet you. I was really struck by your comment about feeling like you were deep in debt and didn't want to look at the bills. First, I have been in debt like that before and know that numb and yet quietly desperate feeling.
But I also get what you are saying about therapy. I did not start therapy until age 37, and I too found there was much more under the surface depression. Wow! You really described how I felt avoiding it for so long. I always knew that I needed help but was unwilling to face it until this year. I'm so glad I finally did.
I hope your therapy continues to be helpful for you. I too found it to be unsettling at first. It stirred so much up and I was thinking about it all the time. That has settled down some. I've been in therapy now for, I'm guessing about 8 months or so. Now I am finding myself somewhat dependent on my T, but in a good way. It was really freeing to admit this to him the first time. And I am feeling much stronger and better--to the point that I could terminate, I think, if I wanted to, but I am enjoying getting to understand myself better. I'll probably continue as long as I am eligible (as long as I am a student).
Glad to hear from you! Take care and jump in whenever.
gg
Posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 17:52:02
In reply to Re: New here -- gratitude (longish) » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 15:59:48
Thanks for the warm welcome!
I'm curious to know how things changed once you admitted dependence. I refuse to do that, stubborn thing that I am:) I tell him that I want his help, would like his help, but need???? That makes me feel like such a burden. But I know deep down that I do.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 22:43:47
In reply to Re: New here -- gratitude (longish) » gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 17:52:02
First, I should say that my T is very psychodynamic if not analytic. He really doesn't offer advice or specific help. We work on expressing and understanding my emotions in the context of my childhood and current patterns. So I am dependent on him for helping me to feel better about myself, but not for any specific actions or advice.
Well, I admitted to him that I had wanted to call him with some good news once. Something I would normally do with family and friends. Except my family (parents, mainly) would not have validated my happiness. They just don't get it. Wanting to call him made me realize I had developed a transference. Also, when I went on vacation over Christmas break, I found myself getting more depressed. I went 3-4 weeks without a session, and I think that was a big part of it.
Admitting this to him was really difficult for me. In fact, I had to take off my glasses because I was crying, but also that way I couldn't really see his face. That made it easier. He responded so beautifully! He said he was glad to see I was breaking through my defenses in admitting that I needed him. This was a sign that I was on my way to becoming my authentic true self. Since then, it really feels okay to lean on him for awhile. And to admit things I would otherwise be ashamed of or scared to talk about.
As time progresses, I find, though, that even though I have an urge to call him at times, (when I am especially frazzled or feeling really good), I can wait until my session. I am learning, I think, to contain things myself rather than have him help me contain them.
Hope this makes sense...
gg
Posted by noa on April 26, 2004, at 18:54:08
In reply to New here -- gratitude (longish), posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:27:52
Hi, Welcome! I hope you'll continue to post more!
Posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 0:23:44
In reply to New here -- gratitude (longish), posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 9:27:52
I'm trying to catch up on some of these threads, I've been overwhelmed with work and family stuff.
I'm glad you've found my posts helpful. Gives me another reason to continue to write about the struggle, though looking for sympathy and support are often my main motivators. :)So jump in and add your thoughts where ever. It is a really nice group!
Daisy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.