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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Camille Dumont on October 4, 2003, at 22:32:48
I have this annoying habbit ... when I get nervous, I start to pick at the skin under my feet and its very very hard to stop ... usually I stop when it bleeds but it means I have painfull feet for a week.
I try to stop myself but I just can't ... seem to control it, its as though my hands have a life of their own ...
I just can't bring myself to tell my therapist or doctor ... has anybody else dealt with similar problems?
Posted by HannahW on October 5, 2003, at 0:58:29
In reply to self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 4, 2003, at 22:32:48
That sounds like compulsive behavior. Although it's very hard to admit to things that we're embarrassed about, therapists hear stuff like that all the time, and much, much worse. But I understand your reluctance. You probably think it will be humiliating, but afterward, I bet you'll find it wasn't so bad after all.
Posted by underthecs on October 5, 2003, at 7:54:05
In reply to self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 4, 2003, at 22:32:48
hi. actually, i do the same thing. and i didn't realize it could be a self-harm thing until i just read your post!
since i do cut though, i understand the compulsion. it's very addicting. and i also felt humiliated. so, instead of telling my therapist in person, i did it in writing (email).
it was a HUGE burden lifted to not have that "secret" anymore... then it is always open for discussion if i want it to be... but more importantly, i can start to ask the question, "why?"
good luck.
Posted by Camille Dumont on October 5, 2003, at 10:30:47
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by underthecs on October 5, 2003, at 7:54:05
Well, as Hannah said, it might be more of a compulsion thing. Now that I think of it, I don't do it to feel the pain, to hurt or to punish myself.
Its like a stress-relief thing ... like when you bite your nails ... except this goes a bit too far. When I do it, its almost a trance-like feeling. Its absorbing, fascinating ... in a very twisted way. So much so that even the pain I have to endure afterwards doesn't seem enough to deter me from doing it. I've tried wearing gloves, closed shoes, taped socks ... nothing seems to work.
I've never told anobody except here and my s.o. who found out about it. He's the one pressuring me to do it ... to tell my therapist but its so humiliating.
I also doubt that there is something that she could do about it ... and I certainly don't want to have to take more pills because of it.
Posted by underthecs on October 5, 2003, at 13:57:49
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 5, 2003, at 10:30:47
>it might be more of a compulsion thing. Now >that I think of it, I don't do it to feel the >pain, to hurt or to punish myself.
SI is also a compulsion. and not everyone SI's to feel the pain or to hurt/punish themselves.
> Its like a stress-relief thing ... like when >you bite your nails ... except this goes a bit >too far. When I do it, its almost a trance-like >feeling.actually, this a big reason I SI... the stress relief... the trance-like feeling. the endorphin kick to relieve emotional pain.
>to tell my therapist but its so humiliating.i know it feels that way. but i want you to know that after i did tell my therapist, it was not as humiliating anymore. in fact, it was a huge relief. i think that carrying it around as a shameful secret gives it more power and keeps you feeling humiliated.
> I also doubt that there is something that she >could do about it ... and I certainly don't >want to have to take more pills because of it.that is exactly what i was thinking when i didn't want to tell. but honestly, there isn't anything anyone can "do" about it... besides you. sometimes it just helps to talk about it, and if it is somthing that bothers you, perhaps you and your therapist can come up with some alternatives... something that won't leave you feeling humiliated.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 5, 2003, at 22:48:19
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 5, 2003, at 10:30:47
Hi.
I too do the same thing. I'll pick until my feet bleed, and keep on going. At times I can feel the pain, and at times I can't. I can't drive right now, so I spend alot of time on my feet... walking, etc. I have certainly ruined a number of pairs of socks.
When I do feel pain, while walking, it goes away very quickly. Sometimes in the winter, I'll walk through all of the puddles that I can find. Just another way to hurt my feet.... myself.
I have tried to stop hurting my feet, but then I'll cut, or pick at my hands. I have been hurting myself since I was a pre-teen, and stopping isn't the easiest thing to do. I have alot of other things to work on, so that is taking a back seat.
Anyway, you aren't alone. Perhaps we do it for slightly different reasons, or maybe the same. We are still doing the same thing.
Having been recently diagnosed with DID, maybe I'll be able to find out who wants to be hurt, or learn why I'm doing it. Maybe that will help.
I wish you, and everyone who has this problem good luck in trying to solve it. If someone finds something that helps without hurting another part of the body, please let us know.
Dee.
Posted by HannahW on October 5, 2003, at 23:30:55
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 5, 2003, at 10:30:47
Depending on what you're taking the other drugs for, there might be a drug you could switch to that would treat your main issue and the compulsion at the same time. A lot of drugs are used for more than one thing.
I encourage you to bring it up. I promise, it won't be half as bad as you think.
Posted by Sabina on October 8, 2003, at 0:35:20
In reply to self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Camille Dumont on October 4, 2003, at 22:32:48
i did this for many years, to a greater or lesser extent, with my fingers (and sometimes my feet). last year, my husband told me that it was disgusting. i stopped immediately, and haven't done it since. what confuses me is that i've taken up nothing to replace it. i often wonder where and how in the world a decades long unconscious habit could disappear to? part of me is afraid that i've internalized the shame i felt from his rebuke and it's still in there somewhere, contributing to my general level of self hatred. he has also told me that he would be more attracted to me if i weighed less. i'm not even that overweight, but it's nearly killed my sense of self worth. i hate i gave him that power over me. hopefully, i will be able to deal with this in therapy.
Posted by Noni on March 28, 2004, at 6:04:18
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Sabina on October 8, 2003, at 0:35:20
Sabina, that's awful. Have you told your husband how hurt you are by his comments? Perhaps he doesn't realise. My former therapist rebuked me for self-harming, and that upset me, until I asked myself what on earth she was doing taking my money for therapy if she couldn't deal with my issues. So I dumped the therapist and got a new one. Point being: I think that far from accepting shame from your husband, it is really he who should be ashamed for not being able to deal supportively with his wife's problems.
I have a friend who used to self harm and then stopped because she 'felt better'. As far as I know, she doesn't do it anymore. I self harm, but there was a gap of a few years when I didn't and actually found it inconceivable that I could ever have done it. So, I think it may be possible to just stop. I do think, though, that you need to address your lack of self-worth in positive, reaffirming ways. I'm not sure how you do this (I have the same problem), but I think the higher your sense of self-worth, then the less likely you are to start self-harming again. Is there anything you can do for yourself that would make you think more of yourself? Starting a course or some kind of study or activity that you've always wanted to do, achieving some kind of goal, challenging others' putdowns? I think the last is the hardest, but perhaps the most important. I'm still working on it.
I'm not sure if any of this helps. I just hope that you don't convince yourself that starting self-harming again is inevitable. It's not.
Noni
> i did this for many years, to a greater or lesser extent, with my fingers (and sometimes my feet). last year, my husband told me that it was disgusting. i stopped immediately, and haven't done it since. what confuses me is that i've taken up nothing to replace it. i often wonder where and how in the world a decades long unconscious habit could disappear to? part of me is afraid that i've internalized the shame i felt from his rebuke and it's still in there somewhere, contributing to my general level of self hatred. he has also told me that he would be more attracted to me if i weighed less. i'm not even that overweight, but it's nearly killed my sense of self worth. i hate i gave him that power over me. hopefully, i will be able to deal with this in therapy.
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