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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by emmaley on March 26, 2004, at 19:04:17
So, I just came back from therapy. I brought a letter with me today, revealing some parts of myself more in-depth. We first talked about how I couldn't decide if I wanted to share the letter with him, and if I did want to, I was wondering if I should just read it to him or have him read it.....lalalala, the usual. When you can't talk about what you want to talk about, you talk about the thoughts around not wanting to talk about it to get started. The usual. It worked. He read the letter.
Then, this is the part where I am a little*%^&*#$&*. After reading the letter and making a few comments about it, he asked me, "What do you want to tell me? What do you want to divulge?"
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
Didn't I just divulge a whole bunch of stuff?
Good lord, what does it take for him to get it? I mean, three pages of a letter, what more leads does he want? I can't believe it, and I went along with it, too, since sometimes I am not so fast, and I do tend to defer to those that I care about. So, we sat there; I was trying my hardest to come up with new things, when in fact I didn't have anything new. I wrote out everything on my mind in the letter. God damn it. What the hell? @#$*&^%#@^%*&^@#&$^*&^@*#&^$.
I left him message after I got home, since I realized what made me feel frustrated. Good God. Therapy. AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
What the hell is going on?
Does it make sense to you that I am ticked off by his question? Do you think it's reasonable?
WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (Defeated. I am going to go make ice tea.)
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2004, at 21:23:38
In reply to Frustrated!, posted by emmaley on March 26, 2004, at 19:04:17
Argh. Well, he might have meant he wanted you to tell him about what you wrote. My therapist really doesn't like to read stuff himself. He likes to see me cry.
Posted by pegasus on March 27, 2004, at 17:18:09
In reply to Frustrated!, posted by emmaley on March 26, 2004, at 19:04:17
Sounds super frustrating! I was really glad to hear that you called him to tell him why you were frustrated. I bet you'll have a much better session next week. I think sometimes they're just off in the way they say things. Or maybe he was just altogether off yesterday. Anyway, I hope you can get some of that icky feeling out of your system. Maybe try throwing things around, or singing along to an angry song or something.
I had a similar one yesterday. Went in feeling all great, and at some point started talking about a sad thing in my life, and my T says, "I'm confused about what we're doing here. Is this an important thing for us to be talking about?" So...well...that shut me up. Totally discombobulated me for the rest of the day. I was confused about why she was confused! It felt like she thought I was doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. And it had been a *good* day.
I'm with you. Bleeeeaaagggghhh on therapy.
- p
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2004, at 20:27:00
In reply to Re: Frustrated!, posted by pegasus on March 27, 2004, at 17:18:09
What??!!!
I can't see how that would ever be a particularly helpful intervention. :(
Sorry, Pegasus.
Posted by pegasus on March 28, 2004, at 1:28:42
In reply to Re: Frustrated! » pegasus, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2004, at 20:27:00
Thanks, Dinah. I think it'll be ok. I'm planning to ask her what the hell she was up to, and tell her how that intervention made me feel when I see her next. I guess that's probably always the best way to handle these horrible sessions.
My guess is that all therapists say stupid things - or well meant things in awkward ways - every now and then. It sucks on our end, but in my experience, that's part of the deal when working with another human being. I just hope this isn't a sign of things to come, for me or for emmaley.
- p
Posted by Dinah on March 28, 2004, at 9:50:40
In reply to Re: Frustrated! » Dinah, posted by pegasus on March 28, 2004, at 1:28:42
I'm certain that's the case. It's proved to be true with my therapist. Even the best of them make totally stupid remarks sometimes.
If the overall relationship is good, the occasional empathetic failure can be tolerated, or even made into a learning experience.
Posted by Joslynn on March 28, 2004, at 10:35:58
In reply to Frustrated!, posted by emmaley on March 26, 2004, at 19:04:17
I wonder if he meant that he wanted you to tell him things, not write them? Maybe he doesn't need to hear more, but wants to hear you say it in the moment.
When I started therapy, I would bring in journal entires, lists, charts of relationships, etc., and read them out loud to therp. That was my way of feeling safe in the beginning. Sometimes I am more comfortable writing than telling, because I write so much for my job. She listened to me read the things I wrote, but I could see in her eyes that she was much more interested when I actually relayed an emotion I was having first hand, in person.
However, if one needs writing as a transition, why can't they just accept that? It's all going in the right direction.
Hmm, well, this is probably not very helpful.
Posted by emmaley on March 28, 2004, at 20:48:39
In reply to Re: Frustrated! » emmaley, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2004, at 21:23:38
Actually, I think that was what he meant. I think it was a good question actually, a legitimate one. I just think that he missed a step--checking in me with about how I felt having letting him read the letter. Now that I think about it; the same things have happened before, too, (and I did tell him several times and he did apologize.) I think he tends to become more cognitive whenever things get more intense, which I find irritating. I need to feel more attended to regarding my affect before tracking my thought patterns.
I am not sure if he likes to see me cry. I think he gets a little nervous because he always asks qusetions instead of waiting for me to stop crying. Kinda kills the flow of tears, and I told him that, too. He does get better after I tell him.
Men. (I know; I know, silly generalization that definitely doesn't apply across the board.)
:)
Posted by emmaley on March 28, 2004, at 20:59:02
In reply to Re: Frustrated!, posted by pegasus on March 27, 2004, at 17:18:09
Thanks for the support! I got over the irritated feelings fairly quickly.....leaving him a message helped. I usually try to contain things for while to see how I feel once some time passes....but this time I didn't feel like waiting, and it helped! (I also told him not to call me back, because I don't want to reopen this with him until our next session where there will be more time and space to process more fully.)
I really think it's good to check things out directly with your T when you realize that something bothers you about the session. At the very least, you get say it and the two of you get to talk about it. At the very best, it might offer as an opportunity to look at our relational patterns and if it's old stuff being triggered at therapy or that the therapist indeed messed up--then they get to apologize and you get to forgive. I tend to think the therapists respond okay when the client is not overtly angry or hateful.....not that they don't when the client is indeed hateful or angry, but it does get more challenging.
I don't think I was hateful or anrgy....not that angry.....but irritated.
(Okay, you can tell my thoughts are drifting all over the place. What am I talking about now?)
But, THANK YOU! I really feel supported.
> Sounds super frustrating! I was really glad to hear that you called him to tell him why you were frustrated. I bet you'll have a much better session next week. I think sometimes they're just off in the way they say things. Or maybe he was just altogether off yesterday. Anyway, I hope you can get some of that icky feeling out of your system. Maybe try throwing things around, or singing along to an angry song or something.
>
> I had a similar one yesterday. Went in feeling all great, and at some point started talking about a sad thing in my life, and my T says, "I'm confused about what we're doing here. Is this an important thing for us to be talking about?" So...well...that shut me up. Totally discombobulated me for the rest of the day. I was confused about why she was confused! It felt like she thought I was doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. And it had been a *good* day.
>
> I'm with you. Bleeeeaaagggghhh on therapy.
>
> - p
>
>
Posted by emmaley on March 28, 2004, at 21:10:59
In reply to Re: Frustrated! » emmaley, posted by Joslynn on March 28, 2004, at 10:35:58
No! It's helpful! :) :) :)
What you said triggered a thought: maybe that was indeed what he wanted: for me to emote and show the feelings underneath the words.
Problem is, I don't want to do what he wants. I want to do what I want. Hmm, interesting. I wanted reflection and feedback at that moment, and I didn't want to be probed for my thoughts. I had just done that--pouring myself onto three pages of a letter. If he was confused, I wanted him to ask me questions in reference to the letter rather than asking an broad question because we were talking about something very, very, very difficult for me and my mind tends go blank when we go near that issue. I wanted to know what he felt like he had witnessed through reading the letter and we go from there. It's like, I show a bit of myself, and you mirror back to me what you see. If I feel like we are on the same page, then I feel like I have the security I need to show another part of myself. If we are not on the same page, then we can start to get on the same page. How else am I going to know that you are capable of seeing me or if you are seeing me right? Better yet, you can tell me what you are seeing that I am not but once you say it I feel like I can finally connect the dots!
True, I could reveal myself regardless of what the therapist reflects, but I don't particularly want to do that. To me, I don't know what I am paying for then.
WOW! I didn't realize I felt this way! Thanks for your feedback!
Posted by pegasus on March 28, 2004, at 23:24:33
In reply to Re: Frustrated! » Joslynn, posted by emmaley on March 28, 2004, at 21:10:59
Hey, Emmaley, your last post sounds exactly like something your T could benefit from hearing. Can you print it out and take it in? Or do you think reading that will just make him ask what you're trying to tell him again? :D Vicious cycle? Maybe you can just tell him exactly what you told us? It just seems like stuff that could lead to a really productive session.
And I'm gonna try that myself, with my own stuff, next week.
- p
Posted by emmaley on March 28, 2004, at 23:56:20
In reply to Re: Frustrated!, posted by pegasus on March 28, 2004, at 23:24:33
Yeah, I think so. It's not make or break anyways. I do trust my therapist to be kind and myself to do the same. :)
I just want to feel more relaxed and fulfilled after sessions rather than feeling like all this work for naught, although I am extremely unsure as to how that might happen, if at all.
Oh well.
Keep me updated about how therapy goes for you if you want to.... Good luck!! :) :) :)
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