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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by tinydancer on March 22, 2004, at 3:31:32
In reply to How old are you? (nm) » obSession, posted by Racer on March 21, 2004, at 20:37:36
Posted by obSession on March 22, 2004, at 12:36:42
In reply to Hahaha (nm) » Racer, posted by tinydancer on March 22, 2004, at 3:31:32
just wondering...as it intrigues me as to how many people view their T's as sexy ...... maybe its the role of the T in itself that can be viewes as "sexy" didnt mean it as a little 12 yr old sorta
"hes hot thread" if thats the message that i portrayed.
Posted by Racer on March 22, 2004, at 19:20:57
In reply to Re: Hahaha, posted by obSession on March 22, 2004, at 12:36:42
I was just curious. See, I'm older, and while my pdoc is hotter than a tamale, I don't really see him as a sexual being because of the nature and structure of the relationship. Because you seem to be actively attracted to your therapist, I'm wondering if it's an age thing. I know that I would now change therapists if I felt attracted to one, but twenty years ago I probably wouldn't have.
My question was just curiousity. I'm sorry if you took it any other way.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 16:44:19
In reply to I think you misunderstood my motivation » obSession, posted by Racer on March 22, 2004, at 19:20:57
I am always curious about that when I'm reading, too. When someone says something to which I relate, I usually imagine her being similar to me (e.g., around the same age). It's kind of funny to read about someone having a crush/transference on her therapist and thinking she is a college kid like me, and then finding out she is really a married mother in her 40s!
If anyone else cares to disclose this information (even if you don't want to say your EXACT age), I am interested in knowing...
I am 22/F.
Posted by obSession on March 23, 2004, at 16:50:50
In reply to People's Ages, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 16:44:19
lonely girl .....im more or less your age , we are less than 2 years different in age.
To reply to what was said on thread I am not attracted to my T funny enough , although I'm sure it sounds like it.
Its definately not an age thing at all with regard to attracted to T's in my opinion no one is too old to experience erotic transferance.
Freud found that many of his patients would "FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM" even if the patients were much older women.
intresting fact for u!Some people who are attracted to theire T's will speak about it , with the T and work through and it can be a useful part of the therapy , think it all relative and different to each individual.
Hope this answers your question :P
Posted by Karen_kay on March 23, 2004, at 17:03:32
In reply to People's Ages, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 16:44:19
Hello, my name is Karen and I'm 24. I do not find my therapist sexy anymore. Come to think of it, I'm kicking myself in the pants for ever being attracted to him. And the things I said to him. What was I thinking? (Sorry, this felt like confession of sorts...)
I don't think that age has much to do with being attracted to your therapist. But, I do think that age has a lot to do with your ability in some cases to handle the attraction well. In my case, it worked out because I wanted the attraction to stop. However, I think that some younger people find the attraction to be fun and invigorating, therefore finding it harder to cope with moving past transference. Also, an older therapy client may be more apt to pass on an attractive therapist because he/she knows that the attraction may get in the way of therapy. This attraction (if from the start, which would be a different issue from transference) would most likely hinder therapy, rather than be conducive to the therapuetic process. But, transference is a different matter all together and I'd say is as common in younger clients as those of a (trying to be PC here, so no offense intended) more mature age.
Now, after careful consideration, I realize that I typically found men in positions of authority over me to be attractive. It's a bit different now for me. And that's strange in a way. I just don't see Bubba the same. I'm still attracted to older men (Ha Bubba! Blew your "father Figure theory" out of the water, or did I? I'll let you all know in a few years..) but not always men in authority.
So, without trying to talk in circles once again, I think that women who are a bit older are more apt to pass on someone they find attractive, whereas younger clients are more apt to sign up with an attractive therapist. Just my personal observation. And of course, I could and frequently am wrong!
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 24, 2004, at 11:16:26
In reply to Re: People's Ages » lonelygirl, posted by Karen_kay on March 23, 2004, at 17:03:32
My T is not a foxmeister but man I want him and it is NOT transference even T said so..He is what I have always sought in a man and I was assigned to him so I didnt choose him, I am older than all 3 of you :-)
Posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 16:06:48
In reply to Re: People's Ages, posted by Fallen4myT on March 24, 2004, at 11:16:26
It's not my T, it's my pdoc: again, he was assigned to me, and he's absolutely everything that makes me get weak around men. Does it have anything to do with the structure of the relationship? That he's in a position of benign authority over me? Probably. But it has a whole lot to do with that whole Young Jimmy Stewart thing he's got going on. (Just my luck: he's probably gay. The universe, if I haven't mentioned it, hates me. Worse yet, he might be straight -- as if that would do me any good.) Would I take him wrapped in a bright green ribbon for my birthday? In a heartbeat. (Let me think about that for a minute: in a nanosecond.)
It does interfere with my ability to communicate with him, although I think I might be getting better about that. (Of course, I got so freaked out recently that I cancelled my appointment with him. I do have another, though, so maybe I'll see if it's easier...)
And I, too, am older than the posters above -- almost as old as both combined. I don't know what effect that has on this, though.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 24, 2004, at 17:14:25
In reply to resonating like a gong! » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 16:06:48
Lmao Racer, loved your post, I am oddly lucky because the love bug I have towards my T makes it easier for me to talk to him. O.K nix the talk on sex with him and how DEEPLY I feel for him but minus that I chat away on anything. WEAK in the knees (i THINK OF A PRETTY COUNTRY SOUND WHEN I HEAR THAT..AND I AM A CREED KINDA GAL) you say, man I know that feeling . The age deal comes in handy..ie, being older than 29 because my guess is many of us have more experience with break ups and dumping men, being dumped than we did when we were 24 say. Just my 2 cents and I HAVE A SPECIAL SEAL OF APPROVAL SO I HAVE/HAD SOMETHING VALID TO SAY :)
> It's not my T, it's my pdoc: again, he was assigned to me, and he's absolutely everything that makes me get weak around men. Does it have anything to do with the structure of the relationship? That he's in a position of benign authority over me? Probably. But it has a whole lot to do with that whole Young Jimmy Stewart thing he's got going on. (Just my luck: he's probably gay. The universe, if I haven't mentioned it, hates me. Worse yet, he might be straight -- as if that would do me any good.) Would I take him wrapped in a bright green ribbon for my birthday? In a heartbeat. (Let me think about that for a minute: in a nanosecond.)
>
> It does interfere with my ability to communicate with him, although I think I might be getting better about that. (Of course, I got so freaked out recently that I cancelled my appointment with him. I do have another, though, so maybe I'll see if it's easier...)
>
> And I, too, am older than the posters above -- almost as old as both combined. I don't know what effect that has on this, though.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 17:40:42
In reply to resonating like a gong! » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 16:06:48
Mine was also assigned to me (sort of) -- I didn't pick him out.
The reason I ask about age is that I sort of consider myself young and foolish. It's not entirely about age, but also about social maturity, where my equivalent age is approximately 12. I feel like it is a silly school-girl crush, which is why I tend to imagine others who feel that way about their therapists as being on the younger side as well. I can't really imagine my mother, for example, having a crush on her doctor. I sort of assumed that this kind of thing subsides with age and maturity, but I have been wrong!
Also, I have the same kind of attraction to older and unavailable guys a lot (I think it is a lot deeper with my psychologist because I actually have A relationship with him -- not just one of admiration from a distance). When I take a class, for example, if there is a young-ish (under 40) professor or TA who is reasonably likable, I will usually end up with a crush on him within a few weeks. Even if there is a good-looking guy my age sitting right next to me. I always thought that this was because I have never been able to get a real boyfriend, and I figured that if I DO get a real boyfriend (one who is age-appropriate and not married), that I will stop getting crushes on these unavailable guys. I still have yet to test this hypothesis, though.
I also think it is interesting how married people get feelings for their therapists. I think that I have a way of "looking" for guys to like -- a half-conscious habit of scanning the guys I meet for "crushability" (for lack of a better word). I imaging -- though again, I have never had the opportunity to test this hypothesis -- that if I had a real relationship, I would not go "looking" for other guys to like, and in fact, I would probably intentionally try not to like other guys. This is not to accuse married people of intentionally falling in love with their therapists, because of course even if you don't do it on purpose, it can still "happen."
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 24, 2004, at 17:50:35
In reply to Re: resonating like a gong! » Racer, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 17:40:42
Lonelygirl...I am not quite your moms age but trust me,,,she no doubt has had a crush, infatuation, the hots you name it on someone or another,,coworker etc. I have been in GOOD relationhips and still been attracted to others...so have they...you may be married or going steady and semi old but we are not dead lol...
Posted by obSession on March 24, 2004, at 18:56:22
In reply to Re: resonating like a gong! » Racer, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 17:40:42
Cool , to see my thread is going so well!
I have empathy for people who are in love with their T .........
im obsessed with mine not in a pysical context yet I cant deal with the obsession , if I were in love with my T i would go mad, even though i already am.one questin i want to know is , has anyone here who has had feelings for there T , actually have had a fantasy played out at all even in the smallest context and do u care to share.
wat i reckon is that the idea about the "idealised object" so to speak is better in fantasy in reality , would love to be proven wrong though.
can the fantasy match up to the reality?
or does the fantasy always win and make the reality disappointing.....i have been able to actual get older men much older so ive been fortunate enough to have had a few good experiences like that ......
i think with my T its sooooooooo good mentally that makes me not in love with him because it is sooooooooooooo much better than any crush or erotic transferance or watever else could EVER BE!
mental orgasmsssssssssssssssssss :Pwould love to hear what u guys have to say .....
Posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 18:58:38
In reply to Re: resonating like a gong! » Racer, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 17:40:42
Laughing my @$$ off over that -- no, honeychile, you won't get over crushes by getting older nor by being in a relationship -- trust me on that one! Let's see, in college I had a major crush on the head of my department. He'd bring sex into every lecture, and usually end up red in the face with sweat on his brow. How, exactly, you ask, does one bring SEX into a lecture on Jane Austen? He managed quite well, thank you. I'd go weak in the knees over him.
And despite a history of stable, long term relationships with men, I have continued to have crushes ever since -- including a crush on my pdoc. One difference is that crushes these days are less overwhelming for me. There's not the same drive to herd the poor fellow into bed, for one thing. (Of course, since my husband has zero interest in sex with me, I do have the urge to herd SOMEONE into my bed. That's different, though.) Another factor is that, with experience, I can predict with a certain amount of accuracy what a man might be like in bed. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the fantasies I have about other men, just that the idea of actually following through is a lot less compelling.
Crushes are not bad, my dear. They really aren't, as long as they don't interfere with your ability to navigate your life. If you engage in stalking behavior, for example, that's taking time away from more useful things you could be doing. (Notice I didn't say that stalking was bad in and of itself -- within reasonable bounds, it's probably harmless most of the time, but no matter how limited the behavior, it still takes time away from Real Life.) Having a healthy fantasy life is usually pretty good for you, as long as you recognize the differences between fantasies and what you want in your Real Life.
So, relax, get medicated, and have a life. You sound so much like me at your age, that my heart goes out to you, as if helping you recover can somehow improve my past. That may sound strange to you now, but get back to me in 20 years. I'll bet by then it'll make more sense. You have so much going for you, and it only takes finding a way -- not to bring it out, but to ALLOW it out. It's not about working to force your good qualities to the surface, it's about reducing your emotional walls so that what's naturally there can be seen from outside. You show us good things here, despite your pain, so it's really a question of finding out why you hide so much of yourself in your outside life. I sincerely hope you find a way to do that.
Good luck,
Posted by pegasus on March 24, 2004, at 22:43:26
In reply to LOL! If only that were true! » lonelygirl, posted by Racer on March 24, 2004, at 18:58:38
OK, Racer, that was the best rational that I've heard so far for not using stalking behaviors on your T or anyone else. You are right that, though it might be harmless, and might come from the understandable power differential and confusion of therapy, it isn't really living my own life. As of now, I'm going to turn over a new leaf.
Besides, I've already googled the heck out of my new T, and there isn't a public sentence out there about her. ;-)
- p
Posted by obSession on March 25, 2004, at 15:27:27
In reply to Re: LOL! If only that were true! » Racer, posted by pegasus on March 24, 2004, at 22:43:26
wow who ever said they can predict accurately what a man would be like in bed ..........i wish i had that ability , i mean i can to some degree but i think you can a mil times better than me thats soooooooooo cool!
as for the stalking one ..........did u actually stalk u t...and wat do u constitute as stalking?
im addicted to stalkings takes u to new adrenalin levels which really seem to distract you from the real world.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 16:51:09
In reply to Re: LOL! If only that were true!, posted by obSession on March 25, 2004, at 15:27:27
I think some of knowing what a man is like in bed has to do both with a lot of experience with men and I have had a few toooo many and also on age cause of the experience one picks up from reading people over the years. I have PTSD and have been told thats one of the reasons I can read people fast like almost intuitive...I can read a man and how he is in bed like with the acuruacy of a Tomahawk Cruise Missle :) no pun intended
Posted by terrics on March 25, 2004, at 17:34:01
In reply to People's Ages, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 16:44:19
Did anyone notice that the young ones gave their ages and the older ones did not? Note; I did not give mine. I think I am older than all of you. terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 17:53:36
In reply to Re: People's Ages, posted by terrics on March 25, 2004, at 17:34:01
HAHAHHAHA Terrics I noticed but chose not to notice hehehehehe....maybe we are all the same age :P
Posted by Racer on March 25, 2004, at 19:25:49
In reply to Re: LOL! If only that were true!, posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 16:51:09
LOL! Had to tell this one on myself:
The night before one of the big presidential campaign debates in 1992, my best friend's daughter ran away from home -- and had the good sense to come straight to me. Now, she was not a kid, she was grown up, married, etc. So, she needed an ear, and I had two to offer. She showed up with a bottle of Jaegermeister, and we guzzled that sucker down. Next day, I was hung over like a big dog, and MISERABLE. Not only that, she was so sick I had to drive her to her mother's in her car, leaving me with no way home until someone could drive me. That was OK, though, since I was too sick to care, and wanted to see the debate. (I didn't have a TV.)
Semi-comatose -- meaning, I really wished I was comatose so that I wouldn't feel so bad -- I opened my eyes to see what was happening, and flashed on what each of the three debaters would be like in bed! For giggles, here's the assessment:
Ross Perot: He's on top, arms straight, holding his body above me, while lecturing me on his economic plans! I don't think so, buster.
George H. W. Bush: looking for purple spray paint, swinging from the chandelier, totally weird and wild -- so that he could have a good story for the guys at the club later on. Nope, sorry charlie.
Bill Clinton: Exuberant, animalistic, just plain enjoying himself. Yeah, you'll do 'til one comes along.
So, that's my semi-funny story for you. Silly me, huh?
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 19:42:54
In reply to Funny story for Grown Women » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 25, 2004, at 19:25:49
MEGA ROTFFLMAO....RACER OMG, I almost wet myself over this lol I recall Perot now that you mention him hahhaha..I can see the arms and the lecture. He would also be one on conserving his energy and time :) Maybe he would have those charts hahhahahaha!!!! Cinton, well we know his bag...and hahahaha OMG *BUSH* I'll let you THINK on that :P
Maybe we could do ratings on some posts like the motion picture association..haha and shame on you...why you drank? Me I never did drugs or drank :D HAHAHAHAHAHA UMMM HMMMM....and Clinton didn't inhale
Posted by terrics on March 25, 2004, at 21:04:05
In reply to Re: People's Ages » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 17:53:36
Maybe we are all the same age. LOL terrics
Posted by Racer on March 25, 2004, at 22:12:02
In reply to Re: Funny story for Grown Women » Racer, posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 19:42:54
For anyone my age, that remark just made us wonder: after all, if he didn't have enough on the ball to inhale -- the essential feature of pot smoking -- why should we expect him to do anything else right?
(And I figured Perot for having an internal metronome...)
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 22:47:05
In reply to Re: People's Ages » Fallen4myT, posted by terrics on March 25, 2004, at 21:04:05
LMFAO THAT WOULD BE TOO FUNNY...BUT WE SHALL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I AM NOT SAYING LOLOLOLOL
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 22:52:47
In reply to Clinton didn't inhale... » Fallen4myT, posted by Racer on March 25, 2004, at 22:12:02
LMAO WHEN IN DOUBT I ALWAYS SAY LIGHT WHATEVER YOU HAVE AND SNORT IT PAPER AND ALL..We DO know what Clinton DID manage to inhale later :D hahahah oh man...you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish
MEGA LOLING ON PEROTS METRONOME.....well its phallic :D
Posted by terrics on March 26, 2004, at 15:19:13
In reply to Re: People's Ages » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on March 25, 2004, at 22:47:05
I'm not sayin either. terrics
This is the end of the thread.
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