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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by EmmyS on March 4, 2004, at 20:20:13
In reply to Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 18:18:16
Yes, definately share. That's the best way to start.
I don't know anyone except Jai. We got to know each other because our mom's have a lot in common. Long story....
I just read a lot and post occasionally. About 65% of the time I post, I kick myself later for some stupid thing I said. I'm working on getting that % to decrease over time. I really wish there was a "Woopsie" button here.
Just read and post. People will get to know you and you'll get to know them. Some people here who are bestest pals have only known each other a month or two, so don't worry. You'll get to know people too. You did exactly the right thing by posting that question!
Emmy
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 4, 2004, at 22:04:31
In reply to Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 18:18:16
KindGirl we joined near the same time and I dont know anyone really I kinda know some of what you said on not being mothered well right? And some of Terrics posts...and a gal that is on the addiction boards more I post to her a lot but all in all..I dont know anyone and a lotta people seem not to post back to me I guess cause I am new :(
Posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:11:52
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? » KindGirl, posted by EmmyS on March 4, 2004, at 20:20:13
Elle you have a good memory...thank you Emmy for the encouragement!
Yes I see a Christian therapist and it is very bizarre how I found her. Found her website, read her writings and knew there was something special about this person...did not know she was a therapist in my state, commuting distance from me. On a whim, I called her office and she called me back and said she had an opening for me....which is another miracle because there is a waiting list I guess (another client told me this)...she has written a lot...books and Bible studies and whatnot and I think that I needed those "credentials" because the stuff she was going to tell me would rock my world.
I think completely different about everything now, God, love, acceptance, grace.....and if I didn't know she was so well known I would think she was a quack. Heck I still do think she is a quack sometimes!!!! My whole world has turned upside down.
I will try to post more in bits and pieces. I wish I could tell you my story clearly, but I am realizing that I have been frozen and numb most of my life and have shoved the "real" story way way down. I am in the beginning stages of seeing what really happened to me. My mom is a raging, mean, narcissistic alcoholic and probably one of the meanest people on the universe. My husband concurs. :( She has been mean and cruel to me since I was a baby. That is about all I can write right now...don't want to overload you or me tonight.
Thanks for making me feel welcome. I really enjoy meeting everyone too.
P.S. And I am the one who is held every week by my T. and I believe she is doing this because she asked me what I really needed deep inside, to listen to that baby inside who was left alone for hours, and I said that baby needs to be held. So I know that is why she got me the blanket and the little pillow. And no I don't think she is overstepping her boundaries. I think I might be feeling what it is like to be loved for the first time in my life. And you guessed it, it scares the CR*P out of me!!!
Posted by Speaker on March 4, 2004, at 22:22:52
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:11:52
Would you share some of the books your T has written. I am a christian and also see a christian T. and would like to read from a T that is likeminded. I have only been here a few months myself and have been gone for a few weeks. I look forward to learning more about you :).
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 4, 2004, at 22:29:39
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:11:52
personally,
i would love to "know each other".
i post when i think i could help...
but i "use" these boards for my own gain lately..
it is hard when there are many that change sn ..
and sometimes its hard when some of us try to hide from past postings....
i use to be so hurt when i didnt get a response to a post...but i realize now that i am one of many..
i dont read other posts that are addressed to others...
kindgirl thanks for this post because it reminds us all that this is a safe place to post...
only post what you want ,,not what you think we need to hear.....
im listening
jyl
Posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:54:29
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by justyourlaugh on March 4, 2004, at 22:29:39
Speaker...hmm...you bring up an interesting dilemma...if I tell you the name of my T. then you might know who I am...that is ludicrous I know but I accidentally met someone online in a forum like this who turned out to be a client of my T!!!!! What are the odds of that? And to Justyourlaugh...oh my gosh I posted some REALLY revealing things and was mortified when this person figured out who I was and who my T. was.
Sooooooooooooooooo....Speaker....if you want, give me your email address and maybe I will feel better if I know what state you are in!!!! I am on the west coast.....hee hee...can you tell I was hurt pretty badly by this last person? (USA). I think some of you are not in the US. ???
Where IS everyone from? If you want to share....
I wish there wasn't so much shame in all of this where we feel we have to hide or change our screen names...but I know that is part of the learning and sharing. I haven't changed my name and I really hope I don't feel I have to!!!! We don't have a lot of people in our corner and we need each other. At least I know that I need you guys!!!! ((((((((((((babblefamily)))))))
Posted by tinydancer on March 5, 2004, at 1:40:47
In reply to Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 18:18:16
I've been reading the boards here for several months, posting here for about half that amount of time. What originally drew me in was that I noticed there was a lot of discussion about dependency and transference. Not to mention that the intellect here is of a high caliber and you folks are very proactive in finding out about what ails you-that is the kind of attitude that I like and seldom find.
Otherwise, I posted my email address awhile back and only a few people responded, so I don't know if I'm in the "inner circle" yet. Haha.....
Just a brief summary of me-27 years old, DID diagnosis, married with a seven year old (from another relationship).
About the issues of identification, I think the only concern I have is for some individuals who have stalked me in the past, and I do not want them to obtain any information whatsoever about me. Not to mention the guy I'm married to. Other than that, I don't really care. My attitude (barring the stalkers) is that I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed about and living life out in the open is giving yourself freedom TO live. Huzzah!
Posted by Elle2021 on March 5, 2004, at 2:24:31
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by tinydancer on March 5, 2004, at 1:40:47
> Otherwise, I posted my email address awhile back and only a few people responded, so I don't know if I'm in the "inner circle" yet. Haha.....
I think you are in the inner circle! I personally choose not to correspond by email. I'm big on my privacy. I just wanted to clarify that I'm not purposely trying to hurt your feelings by not emailing you, I just don't feel comfortable with email in general. It's a quirk I have. I love reading your posts, I think you bring up some interesting topics!
Elle
Posted by tinydancer on March 5, 2004, at 3:35:24
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? » tinydancer, posted by Elle2021 on March 5, 2004, at 2:24:31
Elle, it was nice of you to clarify that. I'm glad you feel some of my posts are interesting -I think the group here is fantastic and really am enjoying getting to know everyone, whether it be here or more personally through email.
Posted by rainyday on March 5, 2004, at 6:58:21
In reply to Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 18:18:16
> I am relatively new here and just wondering how everyone got to, or didn't get to, know one another. Is it important to share "our stories" or how do we get to know each other? I hear bits and pieces and I share bits and pieces...don't want to get a note from Dr Bob or do it wrong!!!!!
Welcome from another newcomer. I find this group so supportive and caring. They are collectively the mum we all deserve.
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 5, 2004, at 7:49:24
In reply to Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 18:18:16
I often feel like I'm butting in a bit and as though everybody knows one another better than I do. But then I've often felt like that in other situations too, and it's turned out I was wrong, so I just try to ignore that feeling.
I sometimes wince at what I posted.
Anyway people are always very kind here. It would be safe for me to be braver.
Posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 10:44:48
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? » KindGirl, posted by Crooked Heart on March 5, 2004, at 7:49:24
well i have been here for a few months and i really dont feeel to know anyone ... everyone here is kind and so sweet .. but i do feel you have to be certian ppl to get respones ...
i have gotten some good respones and i can really tell that people take this borad so seroisly... adn sometimes i wonder who is really having problems and who aint maybe i am just a lil freaked out that ppl are so open .. but i came here and i do feel very comfortable here and i would like to get to know ppl alot better because they have so much insight on problem and help me in alot of ways
Posted by gardenergirl on March 5, 2004, at 11:22:55
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 10:44:48
I think some are more open than others. I know I censor sometimes, because I would not want to be discovered by someone at school, or God forbid, one of my clients. I also would not want to discover one of my clients here. I know it could happen and it would be survivable, but it certainly would be awkward.
I am not always able to respond to every post that interests me. I am actively working to not spend so much time here while I am working on my dissertation. So, if I don't respond to a thread or post, it may be that my time is up, so to speak, not that other posts or threads were more interesting or were from certain people.
I love all the newcomers. I was one myself just a couple of months ago.
Regarding email. I am not one to give mine out much or to use it much beyond here. Just in a couple of rare cases. Right now I am focusing on the boards.
Take care! Thanks for expressing your feelings about this. I think we all have felt it at one time or another.
gg
Posted by Speaker on March 5, 2004, at 12:25:36
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by KindGirl on March 4, 2004, at 22:54:29
Wow, it would be really hurtful if someone found out and made you feel uncomfortable...I'm sorry that happened to you. I am in the midwest and don't know anyone. I don't have a e-mail account that I can put online but if you have a private one I will e-mail you. Remember that the person who found out who you are also goes to a T and has just as many problems as the rest of us!!! Take care and know you are safe here :).
Posted by fallsfall on March 5, 2004, at 12:52:19
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by Speaker on March 5, 2004, at 12:25:36
With few exceptions, none of us knew any of the rest of us before we started posting here. (I did bring 2 of my local friends here to Babble - but I believe that I'm the exception...). I think that by reading and responding and posting your own issues and questions that you get to know other people. And depending on the people, you can get to know and feel close to people either in a short time or a long time. I find that there are particular posters who seem to "fit" with me more than others - they might have similar attitudes or similar issues - and I have established some offboard relationships with these people. But I love to see new people, and hear from "old" people who I don't have as strong an attachment to. I find that these people can be very helpful to me both by responding to my pleas for help, and by bringing up subjects that help me to think and understand the world.
I've been here almost 11 months! Maybe I'll figure out a way to celebrate my anniversary when it comes!
Welcome - and we'll get to know each other.
P.S. In my opinion, it is NEVER "butting" in to respond on a thread. These threads are posted on a public board - that means that everyone who wants to participate is welcomed. If two posters want to have a private conversation, they can exchange email instead of posting. So - I encourage everyone to "butt in" as often as you would like!
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 13:15:05
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other?, posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 10:44:48
Yeah me too not many respond to me and I have just started to not post to people who take the time to thank others for their replies and comments but overlook me as if I didnt take the time to address their problem or question I now had a 3 strikes and youre not gonna hear from me rule. Sad but true
Posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 13:35:51
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? » KindGirl, posted by EmmyS on March 4, 2004, at 20:20:13
Hi, KindGirl!
I didn't know anyone before I started posting around December. It does take a little time to get to know everyone. I try to keep in mind that everyone has their ups and downs. When I'm feeling okay, I try to offer as much support as I can, but this also means that when I need support, there are some I'm used to hearing from that just might not be up to it at the moment. So, I expect to see responses from different people and I welcome the variety.
I've also noticed that the boards, in general, seem to have mood swings. There are times when the new threads are, for the most part, full of positive and inquisitive thoughts and ponderings. On the flip side, there are the times when you must look to the responses for all of the positive support being given because there happen to be a lot of posters feeling down or going through difficult times.
Just my thoughts. I'm glad you're here!
Take care,
All Done
Posted by shortelise on March 5, 2004, at 13:48:47
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? - KindGirl, posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 13:35:51
Thanks very much for this thread - I too feel that no one responds to what I write, that others merit long responses and I for some reason do not. It feels like it's because what I write is nothing, or trite, or somehow the wrong thing to write. Hm... why is that so familiar?
Could it be that it's about ME, not about you guys? Imagine that... :-)
ShortE
Posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 14:32:24
In reply to Re: Does everyone here know each other? - KindGirl, posted by All Done on March 5, 2004, at 13:35:51
Not that I've been around forever or anything, but if you're feeling hurt because people don't reply to your posts the way you've seen them reply to others that they "know", keep in mind that the goal of this site is to be suppportive. Now, this might seem like quite a contradiction. How could no response be categorized as supportive? Well, it could be the potential respondent's fear of sounding unsupportive. For example, I know I like to respond to each Babbler in a personalized sort of way if I can. Two Babblers could post the exact same question and I would fashion two different responses for the simple fact that I know a little of their history, their style of posting, and their sensitivity level. I would never want to post something that might offend someone and without having read maybe more than a few posts from someone, I might hesitate to respond for fear of unintentionally hurting that person.
My advice is the same as a lot of the advice we've seen here already. Keep posting and responding. It just takes time and we'll get to know you all, too!
I'm big on hugs, so here you go!
(((((New Babblers)))))
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 14:55:30
In reply to outsider, posted by shortelise on March 5, 2004, at 13:48:47
Me too and I do not start threads I did once. Mostly I post support and comments on other people's threads. They will post back to every response but mine you know, thank you so and so and some people have posted after me just repeating what I SAID...This has happened a few times and that is not in my mind. So like I said I give up on those people cause its not that they need to know me better to say something back when they seem to take the time to do it to everyone else. Its ok but too bad and kind of makes me sad that someone else takes EXACTLY what I said in support to them...adds a few words and gets a GEE THANK YOU AND SO ON....AND I am ignored. In one case I think I was the first to reply and got zip..then EVERYIONE who replied after me...got a thanks and reply from the poster. Three strikes is my new style. IF I see they only said something to say 3 out of 10 posters no problems but I have two people who repeatedly overlook me...so I give up...back to the housewife grind for now :)
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 5, 2004, at 15:13:31
In reply to Re: outsider » shortelise, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 14:55:30
wow,
thats not how i look at it at all...
if i failed to respond to anyone directly it is certainly not because i didnt appreciate the post..
sometimes i go for days not reading or posting because i dont feel well, or my line is tied up.
i dont read all threads either because sometimes i cant be helpful and view a post from me will be just some drunk'n drool...
i want to help..
j
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 16:49:09
In reply to Re: outsider » Fallen4myT, posted by justyourlaugh on March 5, 2004, at 15:13:31
But my point is, and its not you ok....I have posted and say the person started thread...replied to EVERYONE .....BUT ME...that is just not something I care to deal with. Thats all I am saying. If they have time to thank 3 out of 4 replies or comment seems that 4th reply should receive the same courtesy. I dont always post either or even to all threads NOR as I said do I expect a reply all the time but I DO when a reply is extended to everyone BUT me .
Posted by gardenergirl on March 5, 2004, at 19:09:02
In reply to Re: outsider » justyourlaugh, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 16:49:09
You know, I've had the same thing happen to me before. And I have to admit, it hurt. But I'm sure I have also done it inadvertently. I think it's really hard to keep up sometimes, the threads can get long in what seems like just a moment.
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 19:11:35
In reply to Re: outsider » shortelise, posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 14:55:30
Oh my! That sounds terribly unpleasant. If I am a guilty party, I apologize profusely and assure you that it is totally inadvertant. I don't believe there is a single person on the board who I would deliberately ignore or refuse to respond to a reply.
Mind you, there are threads where I feel I can't really add anything useful, or where the answers already given sum up anything I might say. But a particular poster? Certainly not.
If you don't mind, might I share some unasked for advice?
It's great to meet people here who you instantly click with and have a lot in common with. But my richest and most eye opening experiences have come from getting to know people I might not otherwise get to know. People that initially I might not have connected with on board, or that I even had friction with. But as I watched them, I grew to see really fine qualities.
I understand wanting to protect yourself with your three strikes rule, but I can also see that you might be robbing yourself of some truly rewarding experiences by adhering rigidly to it. There are all sorts of reasons people might not reply that have nothing to do with whether or not you'd like to get to know them.
I think that the best advice is to just keep posting. When I first got here, I was positive that all my posts effectively ended a thread. That the threads I started were single post threads. And that I'd never fit in. But one day I said something that resonated with someone and they started conversing with me, and that drew me into other conversations, and eventually I didn't feel like the new kid. One day I'd like to learn to do that offline. :)
Dinah
P.S. Why don't you start threads? I always think threads are about topics, not people. Well, maybe the ones that ask for support are about people. But the ones that muse on a topic, I'm not even sure I always notice who started the thread. I just get interested in the topic and the different replies. So if you're musing about a topic, or if you want some support, why *not* start a thread? Some might capture more attention than others, but that's ok. Threads have their own lives and the twist and turn as they go along.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 5, 2004, at 19:24:08
In reply to Re: outsider » Fallen4myT, posted by Dinah on March 5, 2004, at 19:11:35
Oh God no Dinah, you aren't one of them really. No it's a different case where those who I post to help or comment on their threads never take the moment to post to me BUT DO to "ALL" others. I just dont need it ya know :) I haven't started a topic because so far I don't have any ideas. Also I think it was on your thread but not sure it was yours where someone asked if youre afraid to talk on certain things about you? Well as I posted I am because the things I would say would maybe be SO obvious that it IS ME..as in ME in real life that I cannot post on the things that are on my mind :( But thanks :)
Oh and me too I NEVER do ALL threads some stuff I dont know anything about like children and things like that.
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