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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
my husband keeps telling me to "get a life"..
he wont even concider to go to my t,with or without me..
i confronted him last night and told him i think about ending it everyday...but wont..
he would rather have me stop all meds and stop seeing my t..
i want to please him but think what i am doing is holding me together..
could i be wrong? i read alot last night how pmedication could be causing this "illness"..and brain damage..
it is true i cant see any "real" change in a year or so...
i still have overwhelming desire to si...drink myself blind...among other things..
i feel so alone..
j
Posted by Dinah on January 8, 2004, at 9:22:28
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
I am so sorry, JYL. That must be horrible to have to deal with, on top of the illness.
You're trying so hard, I know with meds and therapy. I've seen amazing things happen when the right mix is found. Keep holding out for that. And try to tell your husband your mental health isn't an acceptable topic of conversation. I tend to do that with mine a lot too, though for different reasons. You don't need fear and negativity on top of everything else.
There are a lot of anti-med sites out there that will scare you senseless. You might want to run the names of the sites on the meds board and see which ones are based on real science and which on pseudo-science. I like my pdoc's approach. He says there are side effects associated with any medications, and there are side effects associated with taking no medication, and it's my choice which side effects are more tolerable.
Posted by Susan J on January 8, 2004, at 9:32:23
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
Hi, JYL,
> my husband keeps telling me to "get a life"..
> i want to please him but think what i am doing is holding me together..
> could i be wrong?
<<I don't know your history or situation. My family has kind of ganged up on me lately to stop meds as well because I'm still not *normal.* But I, like you, think meds are the only thing helping me. I *am* however, going to a pdoc (instead of my regular internist) to talk about meds to see if there is a better combo, different drug, etc. for me. Can you do that, or have you already tried a lot of different drugs?I know what it's like to please a significant other and keep harmony in the household, but you do have to look out for yourself and put yourself first. Nurture yourself, explore different therapies, both meds and talking, to see what works best for you. Both your husband and you want you to be better. He apparently just thinks there's a different way to get there than you do. I say trust your gut.
Hang in there, I'm thinking of you.
Susan
Posted by Penny on January 8, 2004, at 9:36:42
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
I know how you feel, JYL, about not knowing if this illness is 'real' or not - I sometimes question whether things were really bad enough for me to start taking meds and going to therapy in the first place. Then I look at old journals and think back to before meds and realize that I was in a bad place, and that it wasn't caused by meds.
People who've never really 'been there' can't possibly understand, JYL. There are a lot of people out there who have never been there who would like for you to believe that you can get through this or 'over' this on your own. But I think that most of us who have been there know how real it is. My meds work awhile, then lose effect. I've played with them sometimes, when I've doubted their effectiveness, and have learned quickly how even a low dose of the 'right' med can be so helpful! Right now my meds are working, and I can tell a huge difference. I know it's not all in my head.
As for therapy and your husband - some people will never be comfortable with opening up to a 'professional', and your hubby may be one of them. But if it's working for you, and it seems that it is - that you are making major headway! - then keep doing what you need to do for YOU. I have learned, as Dinah said, to make certain topics off limits to certain people. My grandmother sent me a letter not too long ago saying she thought I was over-medicated. But she was speaking from ignorance. She loves me, but she doesn't understand, and she can never fully understand. But I've had to accept that it's okay. I have a doc I trust and a T I trust, so I let them take care of me, and if others don't agree with my approach to mental health, that's their problem.
For many people, improvement takes a while. Sometimes a LONG while. And it's frustrating. And all I can say, JYL, is that we are here for you. We DO understand. You are NOT alone, even though you may feel that way. Try to keep taking care of yourself.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. Sending you good thoughts.
P
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:49:33
In reply to Re: get a life! » justyourlaugh, posted by Penny on January 8, 2004, at 9:36:42
i really want to thankyou all for responding...
when i came back to my computer and saw the "fallow-ups" i was so overwhelmed with graditute..
your kindness will be my highlight of the day..
i feel better..
i always thought the internet was so impersonal and detatched but today i was truly touched by you all..
thankyou dinah penny and susan
j
Posted by Poet on January 8, 2004, at 11:23:47
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
Hi JYL,
Babble is the best support I've ever had, everyone seems to understand my issues and pain and never condemns me for it. That includes you.
My husband never tells me to get a life, he tells me to snap out of it. That just makes me snap at him, you'd think he'd catch on. Babble is far more supportive, but you don't have to live with me. Ha, ha.
Have faith in yourself, keep trying, you deserve to feel good.
Poet
Posted by Penny on January 8, 2004, at 11:26:53
In reply to Re: get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:49:33
Glad we could help at least a little!
We do care about you, JYL. A great deal.
P
Posted by Kalamatianos on January 8, 2004, at 14:16:24
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
You told me to not post, so I don't...
...and now I feel responsible for leaving you alone, within your lonliness.
I can't win.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 18:14:35
In reply to Re: get a life! ...I want to help » justyourlaugh, posted by Kalamatianos on January 8, 2004, at 14:16:24
what were you thinking when you posted to me after i asked you not to?
you cant "win" because i asked you not to play..
so please dont post to me!!!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 20:55:19
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
Hello jyl.. my boyfriend is the same way. And the only thing that I can tell you is to have faith. I tell myself that by helping myself, the relationship I have with my boyfriend will improve. And even if his problems don't, I'll be better prepared to handle them once I'm not as anxious, nervous, neurotic, (______) fill in the blank with the adjective that fits you best, these are my personal *quirks.* (WINK*)
If what you are doing is holding you together, then by all means continue girl! Do what you know in your heart is best for you. People who aren't in therapy and who aren't seeing the benefits of medications don't understand what it is like. Those of us on this board do. So, the next time he tells you to "Get a life" turn on your heels, log on line, type in dr bob's website, and vent (but, be careful of your language of course :)... We understand and we'll listen, ALWAYS!!! Do what you know is working, though we sometimes wonder, and know that you'll get through. We know you will!
Posted by Joslynn on January 8, 2004, at 21:25:12
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
JYL,
Hmm, I have noticed that some people get very intimidated when they hear that other people are taking meds and/or in therapy. Have you ever asked your husband why? I wonder if he feels threatened in some way?
My Dad has a real problem with the fact that I am in therapy and taking a low dosage of anti-deps. I don't live with him or anything, so it's not a day-to-day issue, but it has come up in phone conversations.
He's in AA, and I think no-meds is an "old-school" AA thing.
Of course you have a life. Rember the socks warming on the radiator? That was your post, right? I remember I thought that image was so simple and poetic, it stayed in my memory.
Posted by Joslynn on January 8, 2004, at 21:28:24
In reply to Re: get a life! » justyourlaugh, posted by Joslynn on January 8, 2004, at 21:25:12
Posted by lookdownfish on January 9, 2004, at 4:25:08
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
you have to do what you need to be safe and hold it together. You are not alone. My husband is the same, thinks therapy is a self-indulgent waste of time. He also refuses to see anyone for our relationship problems.
I very much doubt medication is causing your illness, or brain damage. At worst, it might be not working effectively after your brain has got used to it after a while.
Posted by kara lynne on January 10, 2004, at 23:51:37
In reply to get a life!, posted by justyourlaugh on January 8, 2004, at 9:13:44
Hi jyl,
Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I've been having a lot of conflict about taking meds too.I know what it's like to have someone I (trust?) point the finger, when I couldn't feel more ashamed inside to begin with. My ex worked carefully at pushing the buttons which would hurt the most--and they did. I wish your husband could be more supportive--not that it makes you feel better, but sometimes it is no more than a projection on their part. So many people tell me it's better to be in no relationship than a bad one. On this beautiful night with all the lights glistening, having only gone out for 3 minutes the entire day to get a newspaper, I'm not sure. I am more isolated than ever. And as we both know, this illness is isolating enough.
I hope you feel some comfort today.
This is the end of the thread.
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